Importance of Romantic Love

[donnamaybe]

The reverse holds true too - my home country is full of US expats seeking to escape to somewhere they prefer! That's the beauty of migration - people can go where they choose.

Well, sure, and there are men right here on LS who prefer to shop for a mate from a country of subservient women. Gee - wonder why.

 

I wonder, also, how many of those "escaping" to a country such as that are men.

[silktricks]

This doesn't mean that in Europe we approve A. Concerning infidelity the mores are pretty much the same than in US. I would say the BIG difference with US is that in US people get married very easily and divorce easily. For you either you are married or not, living with someone is not really a frequent option. In Europe, IMO people are more hesitating before marring someone. A lot prefer unofficial unions, they actually settle together but don't want to get married.

 

Huh???? On what, pray tell, do you base the above bolded statement? Most people I know live with the spouse for some period of time prior to marriage. Many never marry at all, preferring to be unmarried, but still together in a committed relationship.

[silktricks]

Well, sure, and there are men right here on LS who prefer to shop for a mate from a country of subservient women. Gee - wonder why.

 

I wonder, also, how many of those "escaping" to a country such as that are men.

 

Just to let you know, those countries you refer to with "subservient women" where US men "shop"... often in those countries the woman RULES inside the home, the "subservience" is only an outward display of respect when mingling with others.

 

And knowing some families quite well where the husband is US anglo and the wife is from another land, the man didn't "shop" because he wanted a subservient wife. He went to another country not looking for subservience, but for compassion.

 

somewhat back to the OP...

 

of the men I personally know who went to other countries for wives (I know 5 or 6), some of those men were specifically looking for romantic love, but admittedly not all of them. One person I know quite well is totally up front about the fact that he was not looking for romantic love, he was looking for compatibility. He found the compatibility, she found security, and down the road, together they found love (fortunately, with each other ).

[OWoman]

Well, sure, and there are men right here on LS who prefer to shop for a mate from a country of subservient women. Gee - wonder why.

 

I wonder, also, how many of those "escaping" to a country such as that are men.

 

Men and women, often families with young children choosing a climate they consider less toxic in which to raise their kids.

 

But among the "shopping for a mate" age group - large numbers of US girls come over to study (fewer men) to sample the local wares... I think the men would have a hard time if they considered the women to be subservient - these are pretty strong, feisty independent women, used to doing it all without a man! Few foreign men can deal with that...

[donnamaybe]

Men and women, often families with young children choosing a climate they consider less toxic in which to raise their kids.

 

But among the "shopping for a mate" age group - large numbers of US girls come over to study (fewer men) to sample the local wares... I think the men would have a hard time if they considered the women to be subservient - these are pretty strong, feisty independent women, used to doing it all without a man! Few foreign men can deal with that...

Hell, few US men can deal with that!

 

Yeah, I can certainly understand the "less toxic climate" thing. The stuff that goes on with so many young people in this country. Un-f'ing-believable! Just watch "Jersey Shore" or "Bridalplasty" or whatever that show is of spoiled, bitchy girls playing at being women all tossed in an apartment together and encouraged to do horrible things to each other.

 

Yuck!

[donnamaybe]

Just to let you know, those countries you refer to with "subservient women" where US men "shop"... often in those countries the woman RULES inside the home, the "subservience" is only an outward display of respect when mingling with others.

 

And knowing some families quite well where the husband is US anglo and the wife is from another land, the man didn't "shop" because he wanted a subservient wife. He went to another country not looking for subservience, but for compassion.

 

somewhat back to the OP...

 

of the men I personally know who went to other countries for wives (I know 5 or 6), some of those men were specifically looking for romantic love, but admittedly not all of them. One person I know quite well is totally up front about the fact that he was not looking for romantic love, he was looking for compatibility. He found the compatibility, she found security, and down the road, together they found love (fortunately, with each other ).

In terms of such a country where women MUST allow their spouses to f around on them because "it's just the way it is - at least I don't make sure you know all the details," I can't imagine any woman ruling anything in that situation.

[jlola]

Outsiders to a culture often don't "get" why insiders accept things or behave the way they do, but for insiders, it makes all the sense in the world. There are many things about American culture or British culture or Australian culture I don't get; and many things I take for granted that outsiders to my culture don't get.

 

It doesn't make one right and the other wrong. It makes them different.

 

 

I am from a latin culture and even though many think it is acceptable to women it is still HURTFUL. Unless the woman truly hates her husband, just because he is not flaunting it does not mean she is not in pain.

 

The pain I have seen the women in my family going through because of infidelity is very deep and very real. Sure they are told all men do it and they nered to suck it up. But does that make it ok? Everyone wants to feel special to the person they love.

 

It shows me the culture is geared to pleasing men and a woman's emotional needs and psychological health, nor her children's have any value. The only thing that matters is the man having all of his needs met and as long as he financially takes care of the wife she should be damned happy.So what if little of her emotional needs are being met.

 

Deep down all these men know it is wrong. My father as chauvenistic as he is made sure we all realized the importance of an education so we would be able to support ourselves if a man disrespected us.

 

I know many latin men who are that way. What they do to their wives and mistresses,they would not allow a man to do to their daughters. hypocricy.

 

Yes, I have had uncles flaunt their mistresses and bring them to family members homes. I have had uncles and cousins who have kids on the outside with mistress. I know it still humiliating to the wife and children. How can it not be. We are all human.

 

One aunt I do respect kicked her brother out of her house when he thought it was ok to bring his mistress over. He actually thought she was out of line for doing that. But it is her home.

 

I wish in my culture more women get educated and up and leave when they are being disrespected like that. Let him have the mistress. I wish more family members would kick the sleazing cheater and his mistress out of their home when he thinks it is ok to bring her around his family .

 

I have only seen one man marry the mistress. The family was not nice to her and do not accept her as the wife ,everyone knew the history. Usually it is not acceoptable to marry the mistress and most children will not accept that because latins are very protective of mother.

 

OW's husbands ex-wife must have been the most horrible woman in town because not only are his family happy he has left her for OW. But also her kids. That is such a rare occurance . One in a million perhaps?

 

This behavior breeds mistrust of women towards each other.

Edited February 2, 2011 by jlola

[woinlove]

I am from a latin culture and even though many think it is acceptable to women it is still HURTFUL. Unless the woman truly hates her husband, just because he is not flaunting it does not mean she is not in pain.

 

The pain I have seen the women in my family going through because of infidelity is very deep and very real. Sure they are told all men do it and they nered to suck it up. But does that make it ok? Everyone wants to feel special to the person they love.

 

It shows me the culture is geared to pleasing men and a woman's emotional needs and psychological health, nor her children's have any value. The only thing that matters is the man having all of his needs met and as long as he financially takes care of the wife she should be damned happy.So what if little of her emotional needs are being met.

 

Deep down all these men know it is wrong. My father as chauvenistic as he is made sure we all realized the importance of an education so we would be able to support ourselves if a man disrespected us.

 

I know many latin men who are that way. What they do to their wives and mistresses,they would not allow a man to do to their daughters. hypocricy.

 

Yes, I have had uncles flaunt their mistresses and bring them to family members homes. I have had uncles and cousins who have kids on the outside with mistress. I know it still humiliating to the wife and children. How can it not be. We are all human.

 

One aunt I do respect kicked her brother out of her house when he thought it was ok to bring his mistress over. He actually thought she was out of line for doing that. But it is her home.

 

I wish in my culture more women get educated and up and leave when they are being disrespected like that. Let him have the mistress. I wish more family members would kick the sleazing cheater and his mistress out of their home when he thinks it is ok to bring her around his family .

 

I have only seen one man marry the mistress. The family was not nice to her and do not accept her as the wife ,everyone knew the history. Usually it is not acceoptable to marry the mistress and most children will not accept that because latins are very protective of mother.

 

OW's husbands ex-wife must have been the most horrible woman in town because not only are his family happy he has left her for OW. But also her kids. That is such a rare occurance . One in a million perhaps?

 

This behavior breeds mistrust of women towards each other.

 

You write of a different culture in a way which is easy to understand because it connects to human values and feelings we all share. I share your wish for more education and respect for women so they don't feel like they have to accept local norms which cause them pain - something that is all too common around the world.

[silktricks]

In terms of such a country where women MUST allow their spouses to f around on them because "it's just the way it is - at least I don't make sure you know all the details," I can't imagine any woman ruling anything in that situation.

 

There are many ways of showing "subservience" and I wasn't speaking of supposedly approving infidelity. I doubt that many men go to other countries looking for a wife who approves of infidelity. I was only addressing the thought of making a choice of marrying a woman from a different country for "subservient" qualities.

[donnamaybe]

There are many ways of showing "subservience" and I wasn't speaking of supposedly approving infidelity. I doubt that many men go to other countries looking for a wife who approves of infidelity. I was only addressing the thought of making a choice of marrying a woman from a different country for "subservient" qualities.

The infidelity aspect was what led to the entire discussion. It was stated that in some cultures, it's just understood that men cheat. They are supposedly "honoring" their wives by not rubbing their noses in it.

[woinlove]

There are many ways of showing "subservience" and I wasn't speaking of supposedly approving infidelity. I doubt that many men go to other countries looking for a wife who approves of infidelity. I was only addressing the thought of making a choice of marrying a woman from a different country for "subservient" qualities.

 

I'm glad this exchange between you two was clarified, because when I thought you two were talking about the same thing, I was puzzled how women ruling in the home was compatible with this okay-but-no-flaunting custom. Like her H didn't f his mistress in the home because she ruled it. lol.

[BB07]

Nah. He likes it when I'm on top.

 

Although he has said, "Could you let me wear the balls?" lol I tell him, "Just wear the damn things!" Not to worry. I make sure he knows and is secure that he is THE man in all aspects of our relationship.

 

My "spunk," as you so decorously put it, has helped me in many, many ways over the years. I don't get taken advantage of by unscrupulous used car salesmen or a jerk disguised as a customer service rep. When I feel something is unjust, I take charge and deal with it.

 

You should've seen me in action during my divorce with the self centered ex.

 

Oh.........donna I like you! You crack me up!

[OWoman]

I was puzzled how women ruling in the home was compatible with this okay-but-no-flaunting custom. Like her H didn't f his mistress in the home because she ruled it. lol.

 

It's perfectly compatible. The home belongs to the W and her kids. Each W (and her kids) has a separate home. They rule their homes. The H is a visitor in the W's home and abides by her say-so while there. When he is elsewhere, of course, he may behave differently - but in her home, in her presence, her word is law.

[seren]

Wow!! the H sounds more like a prize ram going from house to house!! is this a Matriachal society OW? sounds like the women expect there to be other women, other than 'the wife' role. if so, then they are living to their own societal norms, with rules, boundaries, so I wouldn't necessarily classify the extra marital relationship as an A. So the marriage and the wife role gives status, are all children acknowledged as equal in terms of inheritance etc. It doesn't sound as though the women are subserviant, infact, if it is their norm, then, as long as they accept that as OK, then that's their boat to float

 

While I have been married 3 times, I can honestly say that if it wasn't that we 'had to' because of housing and recognition of rights (H is in Military), then I wouldn't have got married. Yes, said vows to each other, made our own promises etc, but as I am neither a traditionalist nor agree with most of accepted Christian doctrine, I felt it was slightly hypocritical to get married using traditional vows as my yardstick.

 

This is why I don't think of A's as a sin, more a breaking of MY trust and our vows. I have always been of the mind that without romantic love I wouldn't stay, I need to feel the sparkle and fireworks. I simply cannot imagine just being comfortable. I liken it to being slippers or stilletoes, slippers are comfy, familar, but not really va va voom!! now stilletoes are dammed hard work, hurt sometimes, but the joy of wearing them is worth the hard work and they are pretty dammed sexy too!! I prefer va va voom.

[OWoman]

Wow!! the H sounds more like a prize ram going from house to house!! is this a Matriachal society OW? sounds like the women expect there to be other women, other than 'the wife' role.

 

It's accepted - like the fact that there will be floods and drought as well as good weather. It's not something they would necessarily want or choose - which is why there is a whole spectrum from the more traditional (who are very happy with, and actively choose, the roles ascribed to them by cultural tradition) to the more "westernised", where romantic love is seen as important, and where there may be expectations of fidelity (often giving rise to huge misunderstandings because one expects on thing, the other another, as there is seldom explicit communication between the sexes on such matters because of societal taboos).

 

This is why I don't think of A's as a sin, more a breaking of MY trust and our vows. I have always been of the mind that without romantic love I wouldn't stay, I need to feel the sparkle and fireworks. I simply cannot imagine just being comfortable. I liken it to being slippers or stilletoes, slippers are comfy, familar, but not really va va voom!! now stilletoes are dammed hard work, hurt sometimes, but the joy of wearing them is worth the hard work and they are pretty dammed sexy too!! I prefer va va voom.

 

This I agree with, completely - I don't even own slippers! I'm a barefeet or stillettos kind of girl (mostly - walking down to the village across frozen muddy fields doesn't lend itself well to either!!) I do natural, I do sexy - but "comfortable" reminds me too much of women with moustaches in those elastic-waisted slacks that Women Of A Certain Age favour.... :eek: