Is it normal that I'm hurt over my bf lying and watching porn?

[Evo01]

Today I was on my computer looking for a movie to watch while my fiance was in the shower, I went into the player and it said play current playlist so I said yes I thought it was the movie....

It was a girl giving guy head! I have never watched porn before! I was horrified!

 

When my partner came out of the shower I asked him how it got there he lied and said it must have been there for years... That was impossible all the data was erased from the computer and re formatted.

 

So I stated that to him he denied it again.

 

Why would he lie? When I thought about it more I thought it must be wrong for him to lie about it.

 

I never thought I was ugly until now! When I go out I always get told I'm beautiful. I have reasonable sized breasts C. I have thought about getting breast implants for him but I like my boobs! I also take pride in hair and beauty. I don't Know how to feel! I feel disgusted when he touches me I feel like I'm going to vomit!

 

I don't want to feel this way but I can't help it! What can I do to make him think I am beautiful!

 

I have sex when ever he wants it and for the " time of the month " he taught me how to give oral. When we have sex I try new positions and we always orgasm at the same time.

 

I have never had sex with anyone else is that why? Please help!

[LucreziaBorgia]

It is normal for you to feel hurt and slighted - both by what he is watching and by his lying about it.

 

It is also a fairly common reaction for a guy to lie about something like that when the truth will get him in far worse trouble.

 

You and he are going to have to find a way to communicate about this better - he is not going to be straight and honest with you if you are taking his spank bank material as a personal affront. He is going to lie and evade in order to keep whatever peace he possibly can. Instead of assuming that he is looking at it because of you, have you thought of asking him why he does without any assumptions or intent to turn it into something he is 'doing TO you'?

 

You may find that his honesty comes a little easier with your empathy than it does with your pain and outrage. It is like a parent approaching a child about something he/she has done: is the kid going to be honest when the parent is promising an angry arse whooping and taking it personally, or is the kid going to be honest if the parent is calm, collected, not taking the 'crime' personally and asks the kid to simply be truthful without promise of punishment and guilt tripping?

 

I'm not saying 'embrace porn' - simply saying that if you want better results, you have to find better ways of approaching a problem.

[utterer of lies]

I never thought I was ugly until now! When I go out I always get told I'm beautiful. I have reasonable sized breasts C. I have thought about getting breast implants for him but I like my boobs! I also take pride in hair and beauty. I don't Know how to feel! I feel disgusted when he touches me I feel like I'm going to vomit!

 

I don't want to feel this way but I can't help it! What can I do to make him think I am beautiful!

 

I have sex when ever he wants it and for the " time of the month " he taught me how to give oral. When we have sex I try new positions and we always orgasm at the same time.

 

I have never had sex with anyone else is that why? Please help!

 

 

Calm down. Him watching porn has NOTHING to do with you not being beautiful enough, or not good enough in bed. It has nothing to do with you. It's just something that men do.

 

 

So stop making such a big thing out of it and stop giving it an importance it does not have...

[heartbeats4u]

Well, it's one of two things:

 

1. He isn't satisfied with her

 

OR (and most likely)

 

2. It's a habit for him. Some men can't control it.

[Lucky_One]

I have to call BS on him not being satisfied with her.

 

Guys like to masturbate, and they seem to prefer masturbating to pics or videos. They are visual, while women tend to be more verbal (although many many women are very turned on by porn, too, but verbal tendencies are what drive the romance novel market)

 

There is a thread (I think it's under Sexuality) about how often men might masturbate, even men who are in relationships and have sex often. Reading that might help you to see that his liking to bring himself to orgasm isn't about YOU, but is about what feels good to him.

 

He isn't doing anything wrong (assuming that he isn't watching children, animals, or nuns), and he is going to deny it as long as you make him feel ashamed and nasty for doing it. Lucrezia explained that perfectly.

 

(T/J Please, if you like your breasts, then do NOT have implants "for him" or for any man. If a man who loves you doesn't adore your breasts as they are right now, then he won't love you any more or less for implants.)

[purplepanda]

It has NOTHING to do with you- it's just the way some guys are. And he lied about it cause he knows you (obviously cause otherwise you wouldn't be engaged?), so he'd know you'd freak out and think it has something to do with you and your appearance.

 

Everything is perfectly normal... except now, you know about it. XD

[Linda9999]

Well, it's one of two things:

 

1. He isn't satisfied with her

 

OR (and most likely)

 

2. It's a habit for him. Some men can't control it.

 

This is a ridiculous assertion. Guys watch porn because they LIKE it, and for most that's it. It has NOTHING to do with her and it isn't a 'habit', just because he watches porn.

 

Hell, I like porn. I watch it and sometimes I masturbate to it. It feels good. I don't do it because there's anything wrong with my partner. It's the same way that I like beer AND I also like rum. I don't drink beer because I don't like rum- I like them both. Sometimes I just feel like a beer.

[Woman In Blue]

OMG - what are you, like 18 years old? What's with all this DRAMA? Most guys look at porn. Yes, it's true. Lots of women do, too. You're awfully naive if you think that you're the only woman he's EVER going to look at for the rest of his life, or the only one he'll EVER fantasize about, or the only one he'll ever find sexually attractive. You're setting yourself up for a long fall from grace if you don't tone down all the drama and nonsense about wanting to "throw up" at the thought of him touching you. Jesus.

[chrissylee]

OMG - what are you, like 18 years old? What's with all this DRAMA? Most guys look at porn. Yes, it's true. Lots of women do, too. You're awfully naive if you think that you're the only woman he's EVER going to look at for the rest of his life, or the only one he'll EVER fantasize about, or the only one he'll ever find sexually attractive. You're setting yourself up for a long fall from grace if you don't tone down all the drama and nonsense about wanting to "throw up" at the thought of him touching you. Jesus.

 

 

There is nothing wrong with how she feels. I can understand exactly what she is saying. Whenever I think about my boyfriend looking at porn it makes me feel horrible since I know alot of it has to do with the fact that I have very small boobs and since men like big boobs I know I will never be enough for him. However, I also know I can either accept the fact that I am not attractive enough for him or be alone forever since 99% of men look at porn.

[StalledGirl]

I hate the way I look but i've never had a problem with men looking at porn. I guess i'm in the minority as LoveShack is always full of women having heart attacks after catching their bloke watching it.

He shouldn't have lied but if you really can't deal with him watching porn I think it's best to move on because I doubt he'll stop.

[JackJack]

Watch you some porn movies of a bunch of men. If your b/f says something or he doesn't like it, tell him to shut his mouth.

[TLCbear]

Is it normal that I'm hurt over my bf lying and watching porn?

 

I agree with LucreziaBorgia, it is normal to feel hurt over this...but the reality is, most men enjoy watching porn and it has nothing to do with their SO...it's the "how often" and the "lies" that usually make it a problem or big issue. Maybe it's best if you can find why he watches it and why he lied to you about it.

[Ella whispers]

For me the problem would be the lying, not the watching.

I watch more porn than my BF does, he doesn't like it much but he doesn't tell me to stop either. We compromise, I only masturbate with him on the phone, I can make myself happy and he doesn't feel slighted.

The feelings of inadequacy are yours.

Find middle ground and communicate if you want to save the relationship.

[starryeyed12]

Yeah, it's normal. Kind of makes you feel like you're just a host body for your partner to feed of off sometimes.

 

But, alas, there is too much out there, too easily accessible. It's also conveniently not seen as cheating since all the lusting goes on in your head and you can't really touch them. You just get to watch in vivid detail like you are there...but in fact you're not. Yet, to some people it just doesn't seem right or fair if one partner is into it and the other is not. That's because it's not fair. But as someone mentioned it's not going away and our cuture today is consumed by sex, so what can you do?

 

He loves you and wants to be with you. He's going to continue watching porn. All you can do is try to accept that and maybe explore your own sexuality further, or theres always the old "ignorance is bliss." Let that be his thing and as long as things stay good for you, just ignore.

 

Makes you wonder how men even survived a week years and years ago when they couldn't just click a button and yank one off. Are we happier people now? Healthier? No. Just more sex obsessed. What can you do?