Middle aged men and young women.

[greengoddess]

Another post brought this rant on.

 

My skin just crawls thinking of all the beautiful 20 somethings graduating college and going to work for some bored middle aged man who is going to start grooming them to become their extra curricular entertainment. It is so easy to do in a close work environment.

 

I want to warn all these young women. I want to scream it from the rooftops. I think colleges need a lifeskills class that spends one class on this subject.

 

Is there any other women out there that feel this is what happened to them?

 

My heart goes out to you and I am so sorry for what you had to endure at the hands of some mid life crises boss.

[Spark1111]

Oh, you betcha!

 

Classic casting couch crap!

 

He needed a commitment from me to help further my career.

 

He wanted to meet in swanky hotel restaurants to discuss "my career."

 

He added he liked Scotch because he found it "didn't impair his performance."

 

He bad-mouthed his wife.

 

He had done this before and had even tried to keep in touch with his young conquests after they had left the company.

 

I became close friends with an older and wiser employee who martialled together the big bosses and told them everything I had confided to him.

 

The manager was transferred to podunk pretty quickly. He'd been up to this for quite awhile.

 

A couple of college profs, too, come to think of it. All under the guise of helping and mentoring.

 

PIGS!

[Spark1111]

Another thought:

 

Whenever I and my friends see a chubby, balding, middle-aged man with a beautiful younger woman, we all smile and agree, "Wow...He must be doing, really, really well.....":)

 

Because given a choice of a well-heeled man her own age, or one 25 years older, she would most often pick the guy her age. Unless she has daddy issues.

 

Or, inversely, HOW MANY poor, unemployed middle-aged men do you see with a beautiful, younger babe on their arms?

 

Uh, none, nada, zippo!:bunny:

[greengoddess]

Ugh I get the chills just thinking of the slimey man that groomed you like that.

 

I am so sorry you had to go through that.

[utterer of lies]

Unless she has daddy issues.

 

Lots of women have daddy issues...

[greengoddess]

Lots of women have daddy issues...

 

:laugh:care to elaborate?

[moloko]

Another post brought this rant on.

 

My skin just crawls thinking of all the beautiful 20 somethings graduating college and going to work for some bored middle aged man who is going to start grooming them to become their extra curricular entertainment. It is so easy to do in a close work environment.

 

I want to warn all these young women. I want to scream it from the rooftops. I think colleges need a lifeskills class that spends one class on this subject.

 

Is there any other women out there that feel this is what happened to them?

 

My heart goes out to you and I am so sorry for what you had to endure at the hands of some mid life crises boss.

 

on the other side of the coing, and being a man in my early 40's myself, I want to scream at men who date women so much younger than themselves.

 

what the hell are they thinking? A man in his 40's, and a "girl" in her 20's. He is going to start looking like grandpa when she is a hot 40 year old. sure, right now a guy in his 40's can still look damn good, but age is creeping up.

 

I want someone I can grow old with, not someone I have to worry about better dealing me when I start to look much older than her.

[Quiet Storm]

I was lucky enough to have a dad that warned me about men, the lengths they will go to and the words they will say.

 

He told me "girls get their hearts broke a lot because they let their feelings override their smarts."

 

I was raised in reality, not on Disney romances.

 

I think many parents fail to teach their kids about negative character traits. Many kids are raised with the assumption that most people are trustworthy, genuine and fair.

 

They leave home and are thrust into a world full of "people with issues". These people don't look mean and scary, so they are assumed to be trustworthy, genuine and fair.

 

The sad reality is that there are a lot of people out there operating in their own brew of dysfunction. Some knowlingly take advantage of the young and naive. Others don't have bad intentions, but live a chaotic life and can easily drag you down with them.

 

We need to give our kids the tools to recognize manipulation and bad coping skills.

[silktricks]

Please don't forget - there are many cultures in this world - and not all of them reflect what is predominate in the USA.

 

Though I personally do not understand either the man or the woman who have relationships with huge age gaps, I have some very good friends who have 20-30 year gaps between the husband and wife. My grandmother and grandfather had an 18 year gap. They were happy - very happy - and would have found your distaste laughable.

 

Just because you would not choose it does not necessarily make it bad for those who have May-December marriages.

[Spark1111]

Please don't forget - there are many cultures in this world - and not all of them reflect what is predominate in the USA.

 

Though I personally do not understand either the man or the woman who have relationships with huge age gaps, I have some very good friends who have 20-30 year gaps between the husband and wife. My grandmother and grandfather had an 18 year gap. They were happy - very happy - and would have found your distaste laughable.

 

Just because you would not choose it does not necessarily make it bad for those who have May-December marriages.

 

Oh, I agree! And did mean to disparage those that are successful and true.

 

But many are so for status. She likes his financial success and the perks it brings her. He likes to be the envy of his peers with a younger woman on his arm.

 

And I find it somewhat laughable when the "arrangement" is oh so obvious to others.

[Spark1111]

Ugh I get the chills just thinking of the slimey man that groomed you like that.

 

I am so sorry you had to go through that.

 

Nah, it wasn't so bad for me! I grew up in a house of men (lots of brothers and uncles) and enjoyed a wonderful relationship with my dad who truly respected me.

 

For me, it was obvious because I had been well-schooled by men. For other young women, they were not so lucky, I am sure.

 

Which made me the perfectly descreet whistle-blower on a few occasions!

 

Hoped it spared the next young thing from this nonsense.

[silktricks]

Oh, I agree! And did mean to disparage those that are successful and true.

 

But many are so for status. She likes his financial success and the perks it brings her. He likes to be the envy of his peers with a younger woman on his arm.

 

And I find it somewhat laughable when the "arrangement" is oh so obvious to others.

 

Yeah, Spark, I know you weren't and wouldn't .

 

It's just that so many people seem to think that the way things are here is the way things should be everywhere and for everyone. Not always...

[Spark1111]

GG, here is something else that I believe has a lot of merit: How Daddy treats you is how you will expect all men to treat you.

 

So if he is kind and respectful and admiring, that becomes a daughter's expectation of treatment from all men as she grows up. She gets a good-picker and discards those men who try to treat her as less than.

 

If daddy is absent, distant, difficult, demanding or demeaning, well, then guess what?

 

That is how you expect all men to treat you.

[Spark1111]

Yeah, Spark, I know you weren't and wouldn't .

 

It's just that so many people seem to think that the way things are here is the way things should be everywhere and for everyone. Not always...

 

Ahhh, I understand completely.

[greengoddess]

Please don't forget - there are many cultures in this world - and not all of them reflect what is predominate in the USA.

 

Though I personally do not understand either the man or the woman who have relationships with huge age gaps, I have some very good friends who have 20-30 year gaps between the husband and wife. My grandmother and grandfather had an 18 year gap. They were happy - very happy - and would have found your distaste laughable.

 

Just because you would not choose it does not necessarily make it bad for those who have May-December marriages.

 

No I agree also.

I'm not talking about the serious inlove age gap scenario where two free to love people find love with one another. I am talking about the married boss playing with a young new employee who just entered the working world being groomed by a slime.

[greengoddess]

GG, here is something else that I believe has a lot of merit: How Daddy treats you is how you will expect all men to treat you.

 

So if he is kind and respectful and admiring, that becomes a daughter's expectation of treatment from all men as she grows up. She gets a good-picker and discards those men who try to treat her as less than.

 

If daddy is absent, distant, difficult, demanding or demeaning, well, then guess what?

 

That is how you expect all men to treat you.

 

Yes I agree with that also.

[BB07]

No I agree also.

I'm not talking about the serious inlove age gap scenario where two free to love people find love with one another. I am talking about the married boss playing with a young new employee who just entered the working world being groomed by a slime.

 

That is the one where there is a problem. I think I saw a thread yesterday with just that going on.......not in this section.

 

It's really not related but I'll tell you a funny story. A few years ago, I was dating a man who was 63 at the time, I was 45. He and I went to Vegas and I had never experienced anything like this before but I received many evil looks by the women of couples who were closer to his age. It didn't just happen a couple of times, but many. The first few times I didn't get why those women were looking at me with such contempt and it still took a few more times for me to get it. The only explanation that I could come up with as they must have thought that I had snatched him away from his wife because I was younger.

So not true........as he was a widower.

[greengoddess]

That is the one where there is a problem. I think I saw a thread yesterday with just that going on.......not in this section.

 

It's really not related but I'll tell you a funny story. A few years ago, I was dating a man who was 63 at the time, I was 45. He and I went to Vegas and I had never experienced anything like this before but I received many evil looks by the women of couples who were closer to his age. It didn't just happen a couple of times, but many. The first few times I didn't get why those women were looking at me with such contempt and it still took a few more times for me to get it. The only explanation that I could come up with as they must have thought that I had snatched him away from his wife because I was younger.

So not true........as he was a widower.

 

 

No the 45 63 year old thing does not bother me at all. By 45 you know better than to fall prey to someone. It's the young 20 something with the 45 year old that makes me crazy. I just want to give the girl a hug and smack him.

[TinaniT]

 

Because given a choice of a well-heeled man her own age, or one 25 years older, she would most often pick the guy her age. Unless she has daddy issues.

 

I find this offensive. This assumption.

 

I suppose if there was a man exactly the same with all the endearing qualities my fiance had, but was 18 years younger, I'd go with that above all the drama, but that's not whom I have met. Hell, even he wasn't that man then (before kids, etc).

It's not about daddy issues. It's not about money.

If it were money, I know plenty of well to do guys my age - maybe not as well to do, but on that track and certainly more money than a cheapskate like me would know how to spend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The idea of men regularly seeking out women in their early/mid twenties and using the years of life experience to win them over and then discard them, I can agree that's disgusting.

[whichwayisup]

No the 45 63 year old thing does not bother me at all. By 45 you know better than to fall prey to someone. It's the young 20 something with the 45 year old that makes me crazy. I just want to give the girl a hug and smack him.

 

A 20 year old is just starting out in life, doesn't have the experience and doenst' know what's around the corner..A 45 year does, and it's very easy for the older gent to take advantage of the young woman, even more so if she is inexperienced when it comes to men. She has blind faith and love/trust, very dangerous for the heart when it ends..

[OWoman]

Because given a choice of a well-heeled man her own age, or one 25 years older, she would most often pick the guy her age. Unless she has daddy issues.

 

 

Sorry - but that's a bit of a circular argument, because you could simply say that ANY younger woman who fancied older men MUST have daddy issues.

 

That's simply not true. I've always preferred older men because they are more mature, less likely to be posers, and more likely to have their lives together (at least, the older men I've been attracted to). I want a partner who is at least my equal intellectually, socially and professionally, someone who I can learn at least as much from as they will learn from me, and someone I can stand to spend any amount of time with before I get bored. That typically requires someone with greater life experience, not some wet-behind-the-ears young thing who still thinks superman is cool and is saving up for a new playstation.

 

Back on topic, though - no, I've never experienced what you've described. I've never worked in those kind of environments, and am not the naive sort that anyone has ever regarded as "prey". I don't doubt that it happens, though - I'm just not personally familiar with it.

[utterer of lies]

But many are so for status. She likes his financial success and the perks it brings her. He likes to be the envy of his peers with a younger woman on his arm.

 

 

So what? Everyone has to decide for themselves what's important to them, what makes them happy. Who are you to judge?

[utterer of lies]

No the 45 63 year old thing does not bother me at all. By 45 you know better than to fall prey to someone. It's the young 20 something with the 45 year old that makes me crazy. I just want to give the girl a hug and smack him.

 

But why? It's her choice, not yours. Why do you want to force your will onto others, make them do as you want them to?

 

Why do you see the girls as victims and the men as exploiters? Maybe the girl is just using the old guy for money, while he is a slave to his hormones?

[Rubys]

Nah, it wasn't so bad for me! I grew up in a house of men (lots of brothers and uncles) and enjoyed a wonderful relationship with my dad who truly respected me.

 

For me, it was obvious because I had been well-schooled by men. For other young women, they were not so lucky, I am sure.

 

Which made me the perfectly descreet whistle-blower on a few occasions!

 

Hoped it spared the next young thing from this nonsense.

 

Hello Spark,

 

I just want to say that I enjoy your posts and the wisdom you bring to this board. I wish I had you as an older mentor to help me understand men when I was a young thing.

 

Cheers,

 

- Ruby

[Spark1111]

Hello Spark,

 

I just want to say that I enjoy your posts and the wisdom you bring to this board. I wish I had you as an older mentor to help me understand men when I was a young thing.

 

Cheers,

 

- Ruby

 

Thanks, Ruby!