Unapologetic OWs - a threat?

[Owl]

Hey...just PM me any good juicy remarks made about me over there...I'm egocentric...I LOVE to hear good insults thrown my way!

 

And now back to our regularly scheduled program...

 

I'm curious...it's been mentioned many times on this thread that the term "threatening" isn't really how many BS's view UOW...but instead are repulsed by the self-centered attitude that the concept represents instead...but I've not seen anyone try to address or respond to that.

 

I don't view UOW (or UOM) as a threat...but I find the concept of someone focusing solely on their own wants to the devestation of someone else's emotional well being very disturbing.

[jthorne]

Hey...just PM me any good juicy remarks made about me over there...I'm egocentric...I LOVE to hear good insults thrown my way!

 

And now back to our regularly scheduled program...

 

I'm curious...it's been mentioned many times on this thread that the term "threatening" isn't really how many BS's view UOW...but instead are repulsed by the self-centered attitude that the concept represents instead...but I've not seen anyone try to address or respond to that.

 

I don't view UOW (or UOM) as a threat...but I find the concept of someone focusing solely on their own wants to the devestation of someone else's emotional well being very disturbing.

I don't recall you being a member of the Bitter B*tch Club!

 

Here's what I'm curious about... If you really love the person, you want what is best for them, right? So why obsession with being a threat? All this talk about people not being possessions, they sure are being treated as such. Someone you truly love is not someone to be "won" from someone else.

[donnamaybe]

Yes, quite funny to see posts such as:

 

"Those people are so stupid there. I like to piss them off"

 

Perhaps a thread about the OW being threatened by the BS would be good. After all, they really are saying how much they hate certain posters on here.

 

No doubt this post will be reported in order to get this hidden from regular posters. But having read some of their posts, I can now fully understand where the poison has been coming from on this board.

Oh, yeah. That, and all the protestations by some as to how they were NOT really back on LS under a new name. Um, yeah. Okay. Sounds good.

[desertIslandCactus]

I don't recall you being a member of the Bitter B*tch Club!

 

Here's what I'm curious about... If you really love the person, you want what is best for them, right? So why obsession with being a threat? All this talk about people not being possessions, they sure are being treated as such. Someone you truly love is not someone to be "won" from someone else.

 

The only love in this, is that of self indulgence.

 

Everyone is affected incl the children, their thoughts, future lifestyles, etc.

[donnamaybe]

I'm curious...it's been mentioned many times on this thread that the term "threatening" isn't really how many BS's view UOW...but instead are repulsed by the self-centered attitude that the concept represents instead...but I've not seen anyone try to address or respond to that.

 

I don't view UOW (or UOM) as a threat...but I find the concept of someone focusing solely on their own wants to the devestation of someone else's emotional well being very disturbing.

I'm one of those repulsed, as would be my sweety. He finds the whole concept of cheating quite sick, actually. It involves complete and total deception of the person who you claim is able to trust you above all others. If that isn't an absolute train wreck of a person, I don't know what is. And it has nothing to do with someone's appetite for sexual variety. That's not it. It's the lying and the deceipt. The complete absence of integrity that would allow for someone to be able to view the whole thing in any kind of positive light.

[jthorne]

Well, I for one wish them lots of luck. I hope they get out of it exactly what they wanted.

[donnamaybe]

Well, I for one wish them lots of luck. I hope they get out of it exactly what they wanted.

I hope they get out of it exactly what they deserve.

[desertIslandCactus]

Oh, yeah. That, and all the protestations by some as to how they were NOT really back on LS under a new name. Um, yeah. Okay. Sounds good.

 

Yes, as someone said: It must be slow over there.

[donnamaybe]

Yes, as someone said: It must be slow over there.

Well, if someone chooses a lifestyle that is bound to be filled with drama (affairs), wouldn't it stand to reason that they crave it? Why else would someone stay in a situation like that for years? Therefore, they will most likely get bored over there. No one to fight with.

[jthorne]

Yes, quite funny to see posts such as:

 

"Those people are so stupid there. I like to piss them off"

 

Perhaps a thread about the OW being threatened by the BS would be good. After all, they really are saying how much they hate certain posters on here.

I didn't see it, but have heard plenty. So you are saying that one of them basically admitted that they are/were not here for support or discussion, they are/were here to "piss people off"? Maybe then, that's what this thread is about too??

 

Oh, yeah. That, and all the protestations by some as to how they were NOT really back on LS under a new name. Um, yeah. Okay. Sounds good.

Well, if a person lies to themselves, doesn't it make sense that they might lie to others?

 

I'm one of those repulsed, as would be my sweety. He finds the whole concept of cheating quite sick, actually. It involves complete and total deception of the person who you claim is able to trust you above all others. If that isn't an absolute train wreck of a person, I don't know what is. And it has nothing to do with someone's appetite for sexual variety. That's not it. It's the lying and the deceipt. The complete absence of integrity that would allow for someone to be able to view the whole thing in any kind of positive light.

Totally agree. That's the one thing I think I have struggled with most on this board. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's a threat to me though, ya know?

[MrWondering]

I'm curious...it's been mentioned many times on this thread that the term "threatening" isn't really how many BS's view UOW...but instead are repulsed by the self-centered attitude that the concept represents instead...but I've not seen anyone try to address or respond to that.

 

I don't view UOW (or UOM) as a threat...but I find the concept of someone focusing solely on their own wants to the devestation of someone else's emotional well being very disturbing.

 

 

Owl,

 

I don't read LS often but came across this thread and was so shocked I couldn't stop reading. It's so odd to see the honor among horrors argument diving to the point where the worst of the worst somehow want to place themselves on the top of the [garbage] heap. It's utterly shocking. It's like hearing an unapologetic crackhead still using - still coking everyday - claiming superiority over the apologetic recovering crackhead. The unapologetic crackhead saying "Those other crackheads are weak pathetic quitters that weren't good enough to smoke crack the right way to begin with". Or maybe better yet...they are arguing the difference between a weekend crackhead that has a job and a house being better than the homeless crackhead down on the corner. So yes, Owl, it's repulsive and not "threatening" in the least. It's sad and pathetic too to see otherwise intelligent woman lose the ability to reason and logic, saying things like "I'll never apologize for falling in love".

 

In the end...they are all crackheads...until they ain't. Self-deluded and self-medicated by their own CHOSEN addiction.

 

There is no honor in being an uOW. There is no integrity in being an uOW. I've little sympathy for these ladies for this destructive [in so many ways] lifestyle THEY HAVE CHOSEN. But there is a line of people ready to help you CHOOSE to get out and regain your honor and integrity [your soul and life too]

 

Unbelievable.

 

Mr. W

 

p.s. - shouldn't recovering OW's be offended by the OP's original concept. Is the fact there is not offense being taken a testament that perhaps too many of them see themselves as the special, smart, uniquely self-confident and powerful uOW versus the typical OW that the OP puts down as the weak wallflower. Is it kinda like reading at tow wherein 99% believe that THEY are going to be a 3%er ...until they inevitably end up on Endings?

[OWoman]

I don't view UOW (or UOM) as a threat...but I find the concept of someone focusing solely on their own wants to the devestation of someone else's emotional well being very disturbing.

 

So, Owl, if a promotion was available in your office, and you very desperately wanted it... but knew that another colleague had also set their heart on it - would you apply? Or would you not want to focus solely on your own wants (the promotion) to the devastation of someone else's emotional (and possibly financial) wellbeing?

[phillyfan]

So, a friend said:

 

 

 

It made a lot of sense to me and helped explain why some noobs here, as well as some "older" posters, tend to draw most of the fire. It's probably easier to respond to someone with compassion when you don't view them as representative of a threat, while those who get what they want - which might include someone else's H - are too terrible to contemplate, and must be silenced and neutralised at all costs.

 

So, I'm putting this out there for OWs and OMs of all stripes - do you feel our degree of "unapologeticness" or otherwise contributed to the degree, and kind, of support you received - from other APs, from BSs past and present and from anyone else?

 

And for non-APs - does the degree to which an AP is "unapologetic" influence the degree to which you feel yourself able to provide support (of the kind sought by the OP, not what you might assume the OP might need)?

 

Dude it is pretty simple, u go afta married men and u r proud of it, course ppl are gonna hate on u for that, its just not a nice thing to b proud of.

[MrWondering]

Interestingly, a friend of mine just sent me this:

 

But you will see the BWs' righteous anger surface over and over again. They despise the unapologetic OW most of all. I think it is because they see them as the type of women most likely to give their husband an STD in the end. It seems to me that they who are unapologetic tend to be more self-centered, self-debased, and self-loathing. I think that as a "sub-species" uOW tend to ACT more self-sufficient, intellectual, humorous, commited. Because of that, uOW are despised above all because they are the type of pathetic women weak self-centered, self-debased and self-loathing men DO temporarily "fall in lust" with. They are the type of women whose company is desired by such men much like prostitutes particularly because they capable of such self-delusion that they can convince themselves that such men are not in it just for the sex. They also know that because they are all those things they also tend to be very, um, enthusiastic and experienced, cough, lovers. (A slutty experienced bendy lover that likes being used and debased is much less expensive than a prostitute and BRIEFLY/TEMPORARILY only seemingly more fun than a devoted spouse until it starts itching that is)

[donnamaybe]

Interestingly, a friend of mine just sent me this:

"...until it starts itching that is." LMFAOROTF!

[Mimolicious]

I wanted to quote the entire thought. Donna- BS's do this all of the time, on this particular board as a matter of fact, to the point of becoming controlling and irrate, using terminology that is completely uncalled for. I can understand this on the Infidelity board, but on this one it makes no sense. I think the underlying issue IS extreme fear and a feeling of being threatened.

 

Tiger, I believe there are many reasons. For some it challenges their current situations. Possibly by bullying on an online forum they can release and feel that they have done the world a service, most being abusive and condemning in their tactic, not to mention constant bullying, but this is acceptable.

 

There was a comment made concerning OWoman and her identifying with the OW when being M. Why is there a problem with that? I see many BS's whose D-Days were many moons ago. This is the OM/OW forum, until the mods determine that the "former" are not allowed here, then she should be able to tell her "former" and "current" story.

 

It wasn't a comment, it was a question... yet, some people get flag happy. Hilarious! I made it. What's so inappropriate about it? You are basically illustrating a very similar point.

 

Day in, day out people (mainly towards BS's) here are told "Why are you still posting here if you are now the xBS or a reconciled one". There was a poster that was shredded apart because she is happily reconciled, SHE was questioned of her presence and what she calls herself. Yet, certain people can't be asked the same. How convenient.

 

It's actually a shame that people behave like this. Like I said before, they are more sensitive of what is said on an internet board than their actions in RL.

 

Also, gets really boring reading one track minds...

 

See ya later homies.

[Snowflower]

I've been away a few days. Does someone want to PM me and fill me in, please?!

[pureinheart]

So, a friend said:

 

 

 

It made a lot of sense to me and helped explain why some noobs here, as well as some "older" posters, tend to draw most of the fire. It's probably easier to respond to someone with compassion when you don't view them as representative of a threat, while those who get what they want - which might include someone else's H - are too terrible to contemplate, and must be silenced and neutralised at all costs.

 

So, I'm putting this out there for OWs and OMs of all stripes - do you feel our degree of "unapologeticness" or otherwise contributed to the degree, and kind, of support you received - from other APs, from BSs past and present and from anyone else?

 

And for non-APs - does the degree to which an AP is "unapologetic" influence the degree to which you feel yourself able to provide support (of the kind sought by the OP, not what you might assume the OP might need)?

 

 

Well OWoman, I am thinking this question for non-AP's was answered in full. Most are unable to give objective support, meeting the individual where THEY are at.

 

Most of what I have seen in this thread from non-AP's is moral judgement, of which if they were to check out their "own" moral activities, we would all find them definitely NOT above reproach. No one is.

[BB07]

Well OWoman, I am thinking this question for non-AP's was answered in full. Most are unable to give objective support, meeting the individual where THEY are at.

 

Most of what I have seen in this thread from non-AP's is moral judgement, of which if they were to check out their "own" moral activities, we would all find them definitely NOT above reproach. No one is.

 

I wonder why you find it to be a big surprise that people would speak to it from a moral standpoint? I don't recall anyone claiming to lead a life not above reproach either regardless of what past experiences are. And where is it written in loveshacks TOS that this forum is only here to support affairs? Last time I checked, it says nothing about rules as to who can post or that their opinions have to be slanted one way or the other. It's OPEN for anyone to post and any view that is not breaking the TOS.

[pureinheart]

Is that your judgment?

 

I was trying to be helpful under the presumption that all OW (whether apologetic or not) need to stop being OW/OM if they ever want to be truly happy for the rest of their lives. Stories of current happiness by OW's are just fairy tales (devoid of reality). Surely nobody wants help and support staying an OW/OM.

 

Surely, at some point, even here on the ow/om sub-forum, "supporting" self-described unapologetic adulterers has to reach the "vulgar" and "indecent" point in the website's terms of service.

 

I'm newish on this part of the forum so not yet sure if and where that point exists. My apologies to the mods if I appear disrespectful. I just can't believe what I'm reading.

 

Mr. W

 

No judgment is needed, it's obvious. I would really hate to see what your closet looks like:sick:

[pureinheart]

I wonder why you find it to be a big surprise that people would speak to it from a moral standpoint? I don't recall anyone claiming to lead a life not above reproach either regardless of what past experiences are. And where is it written in loveshacks TOS that this forum is only here to support affairs? Last time I checked, it says nothing about rules as to who can post or that their opinions have to be slanted one way or the other. It's OPEN for anyone to post and any view that is not breaking the TOS.

 

It's the way it's spoken from the moral standpoint...the mind games are ever present:sick:

[pureinheart]

What "support" was needed for this thread? I'm having a hard time discerning where any "support" was solicited.

 

Nice try at the spin job!

 

Some folks are SO full of themselves there's just no point in any kind of "support."

 

And some are very threatened, to the degree, that they will twist normal wording into a mind game pretzel..not working anymore.

 

To add, I find it interesting that if the views and opinions of the OM/OW forum cause your moral compas to spin...why participate here?

 

Maybe it's me, although I see a lot of people that find A's to be horrible, personally I avoid the distateful things (such as the negativity and hatred in the Infidelity crowd)...so my question is who will you all have to fight with as that seems to be the agenda.

[pureinheart]

She is in the minds of many and knows all they are thinking. Cool parlor trick.

 

I wondered where you were....lol, have fun!!!!!!

[bentnotbroken]

I wondered where you were....lol, have fun!!!!!!

 

 

I didn't wonder about you, since you are usually here. I usually do.

[whichwayisup]

Well OWoman, I am thinking this question for non-AP's was answered in full. Most are unable to give objective support, meeting the individual where THEY are at.

 

Most of what I have seen in this thread from non-AP's is moral judgement, of which if they were to check out their "own" moral activities, we would all find them definitely NOT above reproach. No one is.

 

I say this respectfully. If one looks at it and writes their opinion from their own angle, it's not objective by ANYONE. Each of us has our own ideas, experiences and thoughts that affects how we post. Good, bad or indifferent. There really no right or wrong way how to respond in a "discussion topic thread" as it's open for discussion. Isn't that the whole point of this particular thread?

 

although I see a lot of people that find A's to be horrible

 

Ironic, I see many people in affairs who feel horrible most of the time. With the exception of uOW or a happy OW, but most that I tend to reach out to are the ones who are troubled and need guidence.