Unapologetic OWs - a threat?

[woinlove]

BBW, BBS, UOW, HOW, SOW, NOW, GOW, whatever.... Is name callling and putting labels helping LS overall? This person says this, that person says that.. blah. This just keeping people apart and making LS worse.

 

Maybe since it's chinese new year, start off with a new fresh start? Is it possible?

 

Let's try not to use BBS, UOW, other labels. it pisses most off and it's getting so tiresome to read. Or is it just me?

 

Sorry if I'm coming off lecturish, don't mean to, it's just ANY discussion always turns nasty and mean, it would be really cool, one day, hopefully soon to have a nice discussion without all the overreaction and emotion, keep it more on the subject itself rather than it getting personal and low blow shots are happening.

 

Personally I see nothing wrong with OWoman, OpenBook, and 2themoon&back calling themselves UOW if they want and if they prefer, I'm happy to call them that. However, the trend some of them are trying to start of inventing new acronyms for another group, BS and BW, is really deplorable and makes them look petty. Perhaps you, WWIU, are reacting to this bad behavior.

 

There is a huge difference between someone self-identifying with a label and someone sticking labels on others which they don't want and find derogatory. The ROW is tossed around the same way, as I have yet to see a post where any OW self-identifies as an ROW. I'm not even exactly clear what it means.

[jlola]

[quote name=2

FYI-Condescending---showing or implying condescension by stooping to the level of one’s inferiors, esp in a patronizing way.[/quote]

 

What level am I stooping to if I tell someone I hope they get back the same behavior they dish out. Apparently she feels she is doing nothing wrong, so getting back what she gives should not effect her at all.

 

I do not have a cape of justice on.But it seems these days noone can point out someone's negative behavior without hearing how they have no right to judge or being accused of thinking they are a Saint.

 

You know if I had a child that went around stealing,cheating on exams and beating on other kids I guess I cannot correct the behavior. How dare I judge that child. I am just being condescending and looking down on him. BAD PARENT. wHO DO i THINK i AM? a sAINT?

 

I guess we are not to call children on their behavior. As they become adults society better not do it also. after all, who are they to judge.

 

People who cheat hurt others. It may not be done with a fist, a knife or a gun but they hurt others deeply.

 

If you look at my post my father has always cheated. My half sister was born in an affair he had with a MW 3 doors away. No one found out she was my father's till years later because she looked exactly like him and people in our town began to gossip.

 

Growing up I was always humiliated trying to explain to friends why my half sister was younger than my oldest sisters. But older than me.I am the youngest of 4 girls.

 

My half sister too had an affair on her husband. My nephew was her OM's son. Can you say history repeated itself? Her husband did not find out it was not his son till he was 4. It broke the grandparents heart. They loved my nephew to bits.

 

My sister's husband was devastated. He died in a car accident 8 months later. I always wondered if he had that on his mind when the accident happened and was not focused on the road. Since everyone said he went through a deep depression when he found out his son was not his.

 

No, people don't need knives,guns or fist to hurt others.

[OpenBook]

Why do you want to assign labels to groups of people who post here when they do not agree with those labels? As you know, we already have one self-identified uOW, as well as a unnamed friend of hers doing this. Why not treat people with more respect and identify them the way the like to identify themselves? The BW's who post here have identified themselves as BW's. It would be unfortunate if a group of OWs started the trend of posters calling other groups of posters by names they found to be derogatory and would not use for themselves.

 

I don't care if you say the B is for best, beautiful, bitch, bitter, or whatever - you know that acronym has only been used to refer to groups of BS and/or BW in negative ways here and the OP which we are discussing is just a further example of this - assigning fear and insecurity to one group while trying to assign only positive traits to the group throwing out the unsubstantiated charges.

 

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? I must have missed something. Can you please point me to these posts?

[bentnotbroken]

Personally I see nothing wrong with OWoman, OpenBook, and 2themoon&back calling themselves UOW if they want and if they prefer, I'm happy to call them that. However, the trend some of them are trying to start of inventing new acronyms for another group, BS and BW, is really deplorable and makes them look petty. Perhaps you, WWIU, are reacting to this bad behavior.

 

There is a huge difference between someone self-identifying with a label and someone sticking labels on others which they don't want and find derogatory. The ROW is tossed around the same way, as I have yet to see a post where any OW self-identifies as an ROW. I'm not even exactly clear what it means.

 

 

I agree with whatever they want to be called. And I have decided if it makes them happy to label me with whatever floats their boats...it's all good. It has no effect on my life or the people I know. What they believe is just that....what they are entitled to believe. As I am entitled to believe and espouse those beleifs. Love me, hate me, indifference to me are all good. I have opinions and like them, I intend to express them the way I see fit, when I see fit. If those views are a voliation, Tony will let me know.

[whichwayisup]

Personally I see nothing wrong with OWoman, OpenBook, and 2themoon&back calling themselves UOW if they want and if they prefer, I'm happy to call them that. However, the trend some of them are trying to start of inventing new acronyms for another group, BS and BW, is really deplorable and makes them look petty. Perhaps you, WWIU, are reacting to this bad behavior.

 

There is a huge difference between someone self-identifying with a label and someone sticking labels on others which they don't want and find derogatory. The ROW is tossed around the same way, as I have yet to see a post where any OW self-identifies as an ROW. I'm not even exactly clear what it means.

 

oh that's fine, call yourself (general you) whatever you want, just don't name others, it pits people against eachother.

 

ROW-reformed other woman.

 

How do you mean I'm reacting to it? Sorry, a case of PMS, and newly formed ovarian cyst combo, I cant compute what you're saying!

[seren]

So OpenBook, what did you mean by BBS? I notice you used it in a recent post and as many have said, it means different things to different people. Who knows, if I agree with the label I might use it myself. It doesn't really matter how others label us really in the long term, especially on the internet. I just wonder how and why the acronym started and why it has seen an increase in usage of late. I think I must have missed something, as I asked earlier, I got replies from mainly BS but not from someone who uses it.

 

I agree that name calling is tedious, but I rather think if it helps someone (general someone) to feel better by belittling others, then it says more about the labeller than the labelled. What a vitrolic place this has become of late.

[woinlove]

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? I must have missed something. Can you please point me to these posts?

 

Read the Agenda thread, there's multiple posts about these over a couple days, and read the OP here. You are the 3rd person in the last few weeks using the BBS and/or BBW label. It first appeared a few days after there was so much discussion by some OW of supposedly bitter BS, with one thread with a title along those lines.

 

Why, are you thinking maybe the three of you just starting to have a slip on the keyboard multiple times. :rolleyes:

[woinlove]

oh that's fine, call yourself (general you) whatever you want, just don't name others, it pits people against eachother.

 

ROW-reformed other woman.

 

How do you mean I'm reacting to it? Sorry, a case of PMS, and newly formed ovarian cyst combo, I cant compute what you're saying!

 

No, sorry, I didn't word that very well about reacting. I was thinking you were justifiably reacting to the awful use of BBS and BBW. But part of that reaction was saying that all these new labels should end, while I was guessing you wouldn't object to people self-identifying as UOW.

 

As to reformed OW, what I don't understand is what reformed means in this context. Is this meant to describe any OW who doesn't want to be an OW anymore or something different from that? I've only seen self-identified UOW use it in a negative way to describe other OW. Although, I see from this thread that some UOW appear to have a low opinion of OW more generally who are not UOW. Yecchhh. Just writing about this stuff is awful.

[OpenBook]

So OpenBook, what did you mean by BBS? I notice you used it in a recent post and as many have said, it means different things to different people. Who knows, if I agree with the label I might use it myself. It doesn't really matter how others label us really in the long term, especially on the internet. I just wonder how and why the acronym started and why it has seen an increase in usage of late. I think I must have missed something, as I asked earlier, I got replies from mainly BS but not from someone who uses it.

 

To tell you the truth I don't know what the h*ll it means!! I saw it used somewhere else (I THOUGHT by a BS???) and just assumed it was the new standard. Sheesh c'mon people what did I just step into here??!?

 

I agree that name calling is tedious, but I rather think if it helps someone (general someone) to feel better by belittling others, then it says more about the labeller than the labelled. What a vitrolic place this has become of late.

 

Exactly, that was exactly the point of my post! And what I've been saying all along! The belittling labels of late for the OW (delusional, narcissistic, whore, psycho, and on and on and ON) say a LOT more about the one delivering the message than about the target of that particular vitriol! You guys, the BS (did I refer to you correctly that time? is that acceptable to all? I guess I better check each time I post!!) are virtually LIVING over here in the OM/OW forum lately, delivering these juicy little labels. WHY? To me, that's the whole point of this thread - an UOW (ooh! another label! sorry!) is trying to guess WHY?????

[whichwayisup]

No, sorry, I didn't word that very well about reacting. I was thinking you were justifiably reacting to the awful use of BBS and BBW. But part of that reaction was saying that all these new labels should end, while I was guessing you wouldn't object to people self-identifying as UOW.

 

As to reformed OW, what I don't understand is what reformed means in this context. Is this meant to describe any OW who doesn't want to be an OW anymore or something different from that? I've only seen self-identified UOW use it in a negative way to describe other OW. Although, I see from this thread that some UOW appear to have a low opinion of OW more generally who are not UOW. Yecchhh. Just writing about this stuff is awful.

 

I'm just sick of the arguing and who's right/who's wrong, picking apart posts etc.. If someone wants to label themselves, that's their right. Just don't label others outside of the standard acroynms (sp?) (OW,OM,BS,WS,CS)

 

I never heard of an UOW until recently, not sure if someone made that up or if it's a known thing across the world.

[whichwayisup]

The belittling labels of late for the OW (delusional, narcissistic, whore, psycho, and on and on and ON)

 

Hey OB.. I've not seen anyone call anybody those rude names. The labels that recently started rOW,uOW etc, and now recently catOW hasn't been started by BS's. A certain OW in the recent past started labelling afew OW who aren't OW anymore because that poster didn't like their attitude, and rOW started getting thrown about. It was directed at one particular former OW. Unless I've missed something, the discussion about being unapologetic was discussed in the sense of narcissistic traits, didn't see someone outright being called narcissist. Again, I could have missed a post or two..Or three..

[woinlove]

To tell you the truth I don't know what the h*ll it means!! I saw it used somewhere else (I THOUGHT by a BS???) and just assumed it was the new standard. Sheesh c'mon people what did I just step into here??!?

 

 

BS/BW has been used a gazillion times one this site and then you saw BBS/BBW once and you thought it was the new standard???

 

AS to what you stepped into, you've posted on this thread multiple times. Haven't you even read the OP?

[seren]

Thank you for the reply OpenBook, I don't ever recall labelling anyone, at anytime, anything derogatory, I was just curious as to what it actually meant and as you had used it, thought you might know. I, personally prefer to be labelled as Seren, but use XBS, because for the purposes of this site, that's what I am identified as for clarity, re my role in an A.

 

I 'come over' to OW/OM forum as I like a lot of the posters and can identify if and when someone is hurt, confused or in pain no matter who they are. I thought that was the whole point of LS, that we can all learn from each other, I have certainly learned a lot from some of the people on here and continue to do so. Although I must admit, it has changed of late. I don't see the need for all the backbiting, it doesn't achieve anything really, and I am not at all offended by being labelled whatever by anyone - what we label ourselves it all that really matters.

[BB07]

You guys, the BS (did I refer to you correctly that time? is that acceptable to all? I guess I better check each time I post!!) are virtually LIVING over here in the OM/OW forum lately, delivering these juicy little labels. WHY? To me, that's the whole point of this thread - an UOW (ooh! another label! sorry!) is trying to guess WHY?????

 

I think you have your info back ass-wards.......it wasn't BS's who came up with the new labels.

[woinlove]

To tell you the truth I don't know what the h*ll it means!! I saw it used somewhere else (I THOUGHT by a BS???) and just assumed it was the new standard. Sheesh c'mon people what did I just step into here??!?

 

 

 

Exactly, that was exactly the point of my post! And what I've been saying all along! The belittling labels of late for the OW (delusional, narcissistic, whore, psycho, and on and on and ON) say a LOT more about the one delivering the message than about the target of that particular vitriol! You guys, the BS (did I refer to you correctly that time? is that acceptable to all? I guess I better check each time I post!!) are virtually LIVING over here in the OM/OW forum lately, delivering these juicy little labels. WHY? To me, that's the whole point of this thread - an UOW (ooh! another label! sorry!) is trying to guess WHY?????

 

The label BBS/BBW has been used on this forum in the last few days specifically to label ENTIRE GROUPS of BS/BW - perhaps even all of them. Please point out examples where this has been done to OW.

 

You claim you had no clue how BBS/BBW arose or how it was being used, and after people pointed it out to you, your reaction is to get sarcastic about the acronym BS?? I don't know your posting style well - is this your usual style of interacting with others?

 

ETA: actually there are example of derogatory labelling whole groups of OW, but it is being done by a self-identified UOW. I meant, can you find any example of a BS doing this?

Edited February 4, 2011 by woinlove

[whichwayisup]

OW (i think?) posted here when she was an OW.

It's a big pain the butt to change a username, especially once you get to know people and make friends on here. Not too many change their usernames, that is, unless they're being stalked or someone IRL finds their posts, and that does happen at times, not only in this section but all over LS.

[2themoon&back]

What level am I stooping to if I tell someone I hope they get back the same behavior they dish out. Apparently she feels she is doing nothing wrong, so getting back what she gives should not effect her at all.

 

I never said you were stooping.

 

I do not have a cape of justice on.But it seems these days noone can point out someone's negative behavior without hearing how they have no right to judge or being accused of thinking they are a Saint.

 

You sound like you could have been an OW….. we are not saint-like either, but that would sound like an excuse if an OW said it.

 

You know if I had a child that went around stealing,cheating on exams and beating on other kids I guess I cannot correct the behavior. How dare I judge that child. I am just being condescending and looking down on him. BAD PARENT. wHO DO i THINK i AM? a sAINT?

 

Your child, do as you please. The OWoman is not an unruly child though and you are not her parent.

 

I guess we are not to call children on their behavior. As they become adults society better not do it also. after all, who are they to judge.

 

This is a support site not “the witness box” where judgments are to be made without any helpful direction; we are not handing out sentences here. OR are we?

 

People who cheat hurt others. It may not be done with a fist, a knife or a gun but they hurt others deeply.

 

YES they do.

 

If you look at my post my father has always cheated. My half sister was born in an affair he had with a MW 3 doors away. No one found out she was my father's till years later because she looked exactly like him and people in our town began to gossip.

 

Growing up I was always humiliated trying to explain to friends why my half sister was younger than my oldest sisters. But older than me.I am the youngest of 4 girls.

 

My half sister too had an affair on her husband. My nephew was her OM's son. Can you say history repeated itself? Her husband did not find out it was not his son till he was 4. It broke the grandparents heart. They loved my nephew to bits.

 

My sister's husband was devastated. He died in a car accident 8 months later. I always wondered if he had that on his mind when the accident happened and was not focused on the road. Since everyone said he went through a deep depression when he found out his son was not his.

 

No, people don't need knives,guns or fist to hurt others.

 

I am truly sorry for all the hurt you have endured in your life and the humiliation that you felt for your sister being born from an A.

 

It seems to me you have taken all the hurt from others A's into yourself and now the pain belongs to you somehow and you feel the need to avenge it and this is really not possible to do outside of yourself.

 

I hope you do find some peace for yourself, because everyone that has an A is not done so to personaly offend you, but I am sorry A's have caused you so much pain in your life.

[Mme. Chaucer]

There's an interview with an UOMM ( ) on the infidelity forum.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t263505/

[2themoon&back]

Thank you for the reply OpenBook, I don't ever recall labelling anyone, at anytime, anything derogatory, I was just curious as to what it actually meant and as you had used it, thought you might know. I, personally prefer to be labelled as Seren, but use XBS, because for the purposes of this site, that's what I am identified as for clarity, re my role in an A.

 

I 'come over' to OW/OM forum as I like a lot of the posters and can identify if and when someone is hurt, confused or in pain no matter who they are. I thought that was the whole point of LS, that we can all learn from each other, I have certainly learned a lot from some of the people on here and continue to do so. Although I must admit, it has changed of late. I don't see the need for all the backbiting, it doesn't achieve anything really, and I am not at all offended by being labelled whatever by anyone - what we label ourselves it all that really matters.

 

seren, I agree 100% with the bolded part.

 

I am sensitive and when I have dared to go to other forums, someone always seems to point out that I'm an OW (if I don't do that 1st), so my advice or support should not be taken seriously or held of value because my morals are perceived loose. So I just try to stick to my own kind “per say”.

 

This does not mean I harbor any ill feelings towards anyone on any other forums; I just want those that need help or support to get it without getting the finger pointing at the OW, when I offer it.

 

I know I have learned a lot from some of the BS's here and relate to a lot of them. I like that part, it helps me heal and I hope I give something back every now and then.

[fooled once]

Wow... I am sorry I did not realize you had a cape on to do justice for all on LS, I would not have said anything.

 

But the justice system is just that a blind justice, with no pre judgments in it. OTOH You are being judgmental for whom you deem deserving of justice not the “whole lot”.

 

The justice system is unbiased and will dole out punishment fitting to the laws that have been broken, not on an opinion of said law, but the written law, so no the justice system is not condescending it lacks emotion and it does not addresses you "dear" , it addresses you as the "defendant".

 

You can call anybody out you want to; just respect it when it happens to you as well.

 

FYI-Condescending---showing or implying condescension by stooping to the level of one’s inferiors, esp in a patronizing way.

 

Wow --- do you not see your post as condescending? Wow.

 

BBW, BBS, UOW, HOW, SOW, NOW, GOW, whatever.... Is name callling and putting labels helping LS overall? This person says this, that person says that.. blah. This just keeping people apart and making LS worse.

 

Maybe since it's chinese new year, start off with a new fresh start? Is it possible?

 

Let's try not to use BBS, UOW, other labels. it pisses most off and it's getting so tiresome to read. Or is it just me?

 

Sorry if I'm coming off lecturish, don't mean to, it's just ANY discussion always turns nasty and mean, it would be really cool, one day, hopefully soon to have a nice discussion without all the overreaction and emotion, keep it more on the subject itself rather than it getting personal and low blow shots are happening.

 

*clap* excellent WWIU. Excellent. It seems as if 2 posters have enjoyed stirring things up lately with their condescending and obnoxious threads. It is as if they MUST continue to keep the pot stirring alive. Very sad indeed.

 

I do not find UOW at all threatening, didn't even know there were OW who were thought of as needy and crazy cat people, you live and learn. I just know it wouldn't work for me, it would not sit well with my moral compass, I don't and have never knowingly shared the person I love, not with anyone, unapologetic or not. I just wish the unapologetic would be honest with the BS, get it all out into the open, lets all have choices, lets put the MM on the spot and force a D Day. Surely in the spirit of equality and equal chances and all that the unapolgetic shouldn't fear that the MM might not choose to stay with the marriage?

 

I really do not fear an unapologetic OW, not one iota. If my H was going to cheat, again, then he knows the end result, he is out on his a***, wouldn't matter if it was someone who was unapologetic or not.

 

I am an unapologetic happily married woman, I shout my love from the rooftops, IRL, I can, I have damm all to apologise for, nor anyone to hide it from. I wish everyone to have that freedom to proclaim they are in love and are loved IRL. I would also add, that I found the comparison between UOW and OW a tadge insulting, some OW are fed as many lies as the BS, they believe they are loved too and pain is pain, I think everyone should be apologetic about enabling pain, MM especially.

 

Excellent post Seren!! Excellent! Especially the last paragraph

 

So OpenBook, what did you mean by BBS? I notice you used it in a recent post and as many have said, it means different things to different people. Who knows, if I agree with the label I might use it myself. It doesn't really matter how others label us really in the long term, especially on the internet. I just wonder how and why the acronym started and why it has seen an increase in usage of late. I think I must have missed something, as I asked earlier, I got replies from mainly BS but not from someone who uses it.

 

I agree that name calling is tedious, but I rather think if it helps someone (general someone) to feel better by belittling others, then it says more about the labeller than the labelled. What a vitrolic place this has become of late.

 

Again, great post Seren. The belittling and name calling by many of the OW has gotten old and again, it is as if they think it makes them better than others to throw labels and words around. Just like bullies act

[turnstone]

I don't find any OW threatening or a threat and looking back on the time when I was a BS (I divorced my now ex husband for multiple affairs, ONS etc. etc.), I don't think I ever did.

 

It seems to me that the affair is merely a symptom of something else, whether that be a man who is driven by his need for sex with as many different women as he can, or a man looking for an exit strategy, or (as seems to be in the majority of cases) a man who is unable to address the issues he has with commitment and intimacy.

 

Either way, the MM rarely seems to want the OW more than his wife and his marriage. And in those cases where he does, the affair stops and the man is with the OW. But whatever the case, the OW isn't a 'threat', but I can see how some women who become OW would feel good about being thought of in that way.

 

Edit: Actually, in a weird way I can see how the OW, far from being a threat, actually serves to stabilise the marriage to a degree, it means the MM doesn't have to confront the problems he may have within his marriage. Having said that, of course an affair isn't a solution!

Edited February 4, 2011 by turnstone

[pureinheart]

Hey OB.. I've not seen anyone call anybody those rude names. The labels that recently started rOW,uOW etc, and now recently catOW hasn't been started by BS's. A certain OW in the recent past started labelling afew OW who aren't OW anymore because that poster didn't like their attitude, and rOW started getting thrown about. It was directed at one particular former OW. Unless I've missed something, the discussion about being unapologetic was discussed in the sense of narcissistic traits, didn't see someone outright being called narcissist. Again, I could have missed a post or two..Or three..

 

I have many times, they usually get reported and deleted:)

 

In general, based on some of the responses, I'd say in accordinance with the title that the uOW is a threat.

Edited February 4, 2011 by pureinheart

[OWoman]

The label BBS/BBW has been used on this forum in the last few days specifically to label ENTIRE GROUPS of BS/BW - perhaps even all of them. Please point out examples where this has been done to OW.

 

I can't speak to anyone else's use of BBS, but in my case it was intended to refer to a subset of BSs, not all of them by any means. As I've been consistent in all my posts in my assertion that just as all As are different, so all BSs and all APs are different and blanket assumptions can't be made across an entire category based simply on which position they occupy, I would imagine that anyone reading my posts would interpret it in that context rather than in the context of their own projections.

 

But since you asked for examples of ENTIRE GROUPS of OWs being dissed, here are a couple from this thread alone:

 

I originally just chalked uOW's up as sociopaths. Reading this thread has shown me that they are just broken people in need of compassion.

 

You mean those with a haughty attitude?

[OWoman]

Edit: Actually, in a weird way I can see how the OW, far from being a threat, actually serves to stabilise the marriage to a degree, it means the MM doesn't have to confront the problems he may have within his marriage. Having said that, of course an affair isn't a solution!

 

Yes, I'd agree with this. I know of stable OW-MM-BW triads where the OW chooses to be a LT OW and the MM freely admits that he's able to remain in his unhappy M because of the A. It works for all parties concerned.

[OWoman]

Sorry, a case of PMS, and newly formed ovarian cyst combo, I cant compute what you're saying!

 

Forgive the t/j, but just to pass ((((hugs)))) on to WWIU. I hope it's one of those benign and troublefree ones, and nothing serious?