Author OWoman Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 After that post I wonder.........are uOW the only OW that you consider worthy of your support? Not at all. I respond to each post individually, dealing with each poster's issues as presented, whether they are BS, WS or OW/OM. The juxtaposition of two extremes, as presented by my "friend" (yes, she is a real person, and yes, she is an OW) was not intended to divide every single OW into one of two camps - at least, that would not be consistent with the views I know her to espouse. I don't have a hotline into her head to know exactly what she meant! - rather, it was in a context of trying to make sense of why SOME BSs find SOME OWs so threatening, to the point of being unable to regard them with anything but hostility. THOSE SAME BSs seemed quite enamoured with the "CLOW", as my friend described it, for the reason she speculated - that those "CLOW"s elicit pity because of how sad their lives seem, while the uOWs are so busy getting on and living their lives to the fullest, that "pity" is not a response that leaps readily to mind. FTR, I pity ANYONE who puts their life into storage while wringing their hands obsessively about a failed or stillborn R - whether they are a BS, an AP or a dumped teenager. Allowing ANYONE such access to your consciousness that sees your every waking thought consumed with another is not healthy, IMO - it erodes one's own centre and puts the other person there instead. It also opens up the possibility of the person - BS, AP or anyone else - falling apart should that R fail for whatever reason, because the "centre" of their lives is suddenly no longer there. That has nothing to do with being a subcategory of OW (the "CLOW") and everything to do with being a subcategory of person-in-a-R - the person who makes another the centre of their universe. And if that makes me some kind of evil-made-manifest, I'll gladly wear the mantle Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 An unapologetic person might pose a threat to my enjoyment and learning experience on this forum but that's about it. I'm sure we are learning something, but it's more about posters than about the issues LS is meant to address. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OWoman Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 I'm sure we are learning something, but it's more about posters than about the issues LS is meant to address. Since LS is an "interpersonal relationship" site, wouldn't learning about people be part of "the issues LS is meant to address"? Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I'd say LS is a wonderful learning experience - acronyms and all!! - especially witnessing various responses (in this thread, for example) to a situation that threatens a (hypothetical) poster's perceived control over their own world and the people in it. (What is it exactly that you own?) Remarkable study of human nature and people's belief systems and attitudes toward other human beings. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 If the reader were to follow the “do unto others” rule with you … In a response post … they would have to start off with a Condescending Sugarcoated lie. Since this thread, IMO, is merely a veiled insult to anyone who isn't self centered enough to not care who gets hurt in the wake of their antics, I think her post was giving back what the initial post put out there. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Personally I see nothing wrong with OWoman, OpenBook, and 2themoon&back calling themselves UOW if they want and if they prefer, I'm happy to call them that. However, the trend some of them are trying to start of inventing new acronyms for another group, BS and BW, is really deplorable and makes them look petty. Perhaps you, WWIU, are reacting to this bad behavior. There is a huge difference between someone self-identifying with a label and someone sticking labels on others which they don't want and find derogatory. The ROW is tossed around the same way, as I have yet to see a post where any OW self-identifies as an ROW. I'm not even exactly clear what it means. And this other trend of insinuating that people are fearful of them? Puhleeez! Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 In general, based on some of the responses, I'd say in accordinance with the title that the uOW is a threat.Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but "threat" isn't the word I'd use to describe my feeling about the whole thing. I'd say more like contempt mixed with pity. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 And this other trend of insinuating that people are fearful of them? Puhleeez! I say, let those who wish to be threatening, take comfort in their fearful threatiness. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I say, let those who wish to be threatening, take comfort in their fearful threatiness.There has to be some sort of comfort, I suppose. After all, very rarely does a MM/MW leave their spouse for their AP. I guess it probably makes 'em feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 But you will see the BBWs' fears surface over and over again.They fear unapologetic OW most of all. I think it is because they see us as the type of women most likely to "get the MM" in the end. It seems to me that we who are unapologetic tend to be more self-centered, self-assured, self-confident. I think that as a "species" uOW tend to be more self-sufficient, intellectual, humourous, commited. Because of that, uOW are feared above all because we are the type of women men DO "fall in love" with. We are the type of women whose company is desired by men. They know that with women like that men usually are not in it just for the sex, though they also know that bcause we are all those things we also tend to be great lovers. (A confident lover always is much more fun than an insecure lover.) They do not really fear women who stay at home all day cleaning the litter-box while waiting for the MM to call. She is no real threat to them. OWoman, It seems you have copied and pasted this word-for-word as opposed to recalling a conversation. I wasn't able to find this quote anywhere on LS (though I will admit to not looking very hard). I was wondering if you could site your source or provide other ones to support your theory. After reading through this entire thread, the cited source does not appear to be that reliable. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 In general, based on some of the responses, I'd say in accordinance with the title that the uOW is a threat.Are you trying to say that because this thread has a lot of views and replies that makes it true? To me, your statement as I understand it, is akin to a date rapist saying that the girl said no, but since she wore a short skirt she means yes. Or an active thread over on the Rants Board about jerks and players. Since the thread has a lot of action, the premise of the thread is true? Sorry, I don't follow that line of thinking, but I will admit to being more of a practical/common sense thinker than an emotional/validation-seeking one. SOOOOOO... Since it appears that validation is being sought here, so I will give some. UOW's ARE A THREAT! They are a threat to my patience and kindness. I get so freaking tired of the back-and-forth between the two "Clubs" that at the end of the day, it is hard to separate the sociopaths from the OW's here that are actually seeking help with a painful situation- or frankly, to care about them. So while a uOW may think they are fighting for affairs and the right to have them or whatever, they are actually doing a great disservice to other OW who actually need support. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 So while a uOW may think they are fighting for affairs and the right to have them or whatever, they are actually doing a great disservice to other OW who actually need support.This is the most spot on post I've seen on LS in awhile. But remember, JT, those other OW, apparently in some people's opinions, don't deserve support since, after all, they're just crazy cat ladies. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 (edited) ------------------------- Edited February 4, 2011 by Mme. Chaucer Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 So while a uOW may think they are fighting for affairs and the right to have them or whatever, they are actually doing a great disservice to other OW who actually need support. I'm actually curious - how are they doing them a disservice? I would assume that people who read their threads offer them support/advice based on the story being told, and not based on the opinions of random UOW? I'm honestly just curious. As for me, I honestly don't know what kind of "ow" I was. I wasn't waiting at home for him to call, I dated others (in attempts to keep my options open since he did have a long term gf), I felt guilt about what was being done, but I am confident, smart, funny, pretty, and sexy - oh but I do have 1 cat .... hmmmmmm, I'm quite the contradiction I don't know what category of OW I was, and I honestly don't care. I never thought I'd be an "OW" in the first place... Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I'm actually curious - how are they doing them a disservice?Well, first of all, any OW who quits their A and posts against the trouble an A can bring is promptly labeled, in a derogatory manner, a reformed OW and gets put down for their new found attitude. Second, if any OW who isn't "unapologetic" is apprently a "crazy cat lady," are they going to want to have any discussion on this forum? If any of them reads a post like that, they'll be afraid to tell their own very personal story lest they be regarded as some sort of pathetic lunatic. Third, if someone really is in a go nowhere A and wants out(we ALL know the type), and all they get is cheerleading for A's, how is that going to help them? Sorry, JT. Please give your explanation. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Well, first of all, any OW who quits their A and posts against the trouble an A can bring is promptly labeled, in a derogatory manner, a reformed OW and gets put down for their new found attitude. Second, if any OW who isn't "unapologetic" is apprently a "crazy cat lady," are they going to want to have any discussion on this forum? If any of them reads a post like that, they'll be afraid to tell their own very personal story lest they be regarded as some sort of pathetic lunatic. Third, if someone really is in a go nowhere A and wants out(we ALL know the type), and all they get is cheerleading for A's, how is that going to help them? Sorry, JT. Please give your explanation. You got it! Link to post Share on other sites
thomasb Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Are you trying to say that because this thread has a lot of views and replies that makes it true? To me, your statement as I understand it, is akin to a date rapist saying that the girl said no, but since she wore a short skirt she means yes. Or an active thread over on the Rants Board about jerks and players. Since the thread has a lot of action, the premise of the thread is true? Sorry, I don't follow that line of thinking, but I will admit to being more of a practical/common sense thinker than an emotional/validation-seeking one. SOOOOOO... Since it appears that validation is being sought here, so I will give some. UOW's ARE A THREAT! They are a threat to my patience and kindness. I get so freaking tired of the back-and-forth between the two "Clubs" that at the end of the day, it is hard to separate the sociopaths from the OW's here that are actually seeking help with a painful situation- or frankly, to care about them. So while a uOW may think they are fighting for affairs and the right to have them or whatever, they are actually doing a great disservice to other OW who actually need support. I agree with you totally. The saddest part is they are mostly a threat to themselves. They shout out in loud voices about how happy they are, not realizing that it only makes them look miserable and desperate to the people around them. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 (edited) But since you asked for examples of ENTIRE GROUPS of OWs being dissed, here are a couple from this thread alone:No one would be dissed unless they themselves felt they had a "haughty attitude." Hmmm... What kind of attitude would you call it if someone felt they were a "threat" to all married women. Edited February 4, 2011 by donnamaybe Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Well, first of all, any OW who quits their A and posts against the trouble an A can bring is promptly labeled, in a derogatory manner, a reformed OW and gets put down for their new found attitude. I don't know how accurate that is. By your definition, I'm what they call a reformed OW, and I have never been put down by anyone for the decisions I've made and for feeling guilty for my part in the A and for getting out. So...I just don't see that argument as true for me at least. Second, if any OW who isn't "unapologetic" is apprently a "crazy cat lady," are they going to want to have any discussion on this forum? If any of them reads a post like that, they'll be afraid to tell their own very personal story lest they be regarded as some sort of pathetic lunatic. I think you give people way too little credit. If someone actually went ahead with an A (which society generally frowns upon and the OW is usually pretty harshly judged for to begin with) - but they did it anyways (not caring what people think) - do you think that that person is REALLY gonna care about 1 silly comment a person made on an anonymous post? Third, if someone really is in a go nowhere A and wants out(we ALL know the type), and all they get is cheerleading for A's, how is that going to help them? Again, donna, I do think that you're giving people way too little credit here. If someone feels that the situation they are in is bad and unhealthy and they want to get out - even if others were "cheerleading the A" that doesn't mean the OW will stay in it to please those that Ra-Ra for the A. When I was trying to end it, and yes I had doubts and a lot of hurt, it wouldn't have mattered if every single poster told me "oh, yeah A's are the tops, that's the life, and who knows, you could get married at the end of the road" - it wouldn't have mattered because I KNEW the pain I felt, I KNEW I had to get out - I have more sense to know what I need to do as opposed to just get blindly influenced by people. OW may have made mistakes (or they may be happy), but they're not idiots that just make decisions about their lives based on what some posters on a forum are telling them. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I agree with you totally. The saddest part is they are mostly a threat to themselves. They shout out in loud voices about how happy they are, not realizing that it only makes them look miserable and desperate to the people around them.Speaking of shouting, I was just about to edit when I saw this... Not only that, but all of the "shouting" tends to overshadow the real OWs who are here for help instead of "discussion"/pot-stirring. THAT I think, is a great disservice. Sometimes, I have to wonder if it's intentional. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Well, then, if people posting on a message board have little to no effect on others, then why are so many people telling others when, how, and where to post. Obviously, there is some effect. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 OW may have made mistakes (or they may be happy), but they're not idiots that just make decisions about their lives based on what some posters on a forum are telling them.Of course not, but they need support for the path THEY need to take. Otherwise, they wouldn't be here. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 OW may have made mistakes (or they may be happy), but they're not idiots that just make decisions about their lives based on what some posters on a forum are telling them. Funny you should say that. There was a uOW who used to post here who liked to post threads every other week about just the opposite of what you've written here. Again, makes a person wonder who the real threat is. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Of course not, but they need support for the path THEY need to take. Otherwise, they wouldn't be here. True, they need support, but they're not going to be completely influenced by what random people say... that's my take on it at least. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 True, they need support, but they're not going to be completely influenced by what random people say... that's my take on it at least.Well, then, let's just say whatever the hell we feel like, right? Come on. You know exactly what I'm talking about. If there was NO influence, why read any posts at all? Link to post Share on other sites
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