Friends & Lovers - How to I get a "friend" over the hurdle and into romance?

[LakesideLady]

How can I get him over the Hump?

From my bestfriend/confidant to my admiring lover??

[Kat]

Me and my partner started off as friends. We then ended up sharing a 'moment' and agreed that we were not in a relationship, but we were just having fun.

 

Nearly three years later we are living together.

 

As strange as it sounds, if when we had the 'what are we' speech and we said 'lets start dating' I doubt we would be where we are today.

 

relax

[LakesideLady]

I've known this guy, I'll call Keith, for a year now,he is 40 and I'm 45. He has declared that I'm a helluva catch BUT, he is overwhelmed with legal/financial/health problems right now and is in "Men-a-Pause". He can't find his reset button! We are very close as far as relying on each other for favors and advice and I've let him know that I see past all the problems and what a great guy he is. I've been patient but am growing tired of the wait. He says it's not me, it's him and that he can't see past tomorrow right now. He does so much for me and my kids, fixes all the breakdowns, and is always doing little things for us. I'm aware of all of the problems but feel we are just going through the hard times first and if we can get through this, we can make it through just about anything. Am I kidding myself and wasting my time? Or will time take care of a lot of things??

[moimeme]

There aren't that many truly terrific men out there. If you think you've found one, I'd think twice about tossing him aside. Is there any rush? To me, the worst waste of all would be to drop a truly wonderful fellow only to find you never again found his like. Some people are worth waiting for.

[LakesideLady]

I'm new at this and just posted something in the wrong area.

I've had my share of men in my life, both romantic/sexual and "just friend"

but what do they truly mean when they say, "your a helluva catch, your a wonderful woman, and my friends/family all say I'm crazy for not grabbing you you. BUT, I've got so many problems right now that I don't want a relationship, I'm having a hard enough time just dealing with life. I always thought sometimes it's good to have that special someone in the rough times because they are a cushion to the sharp edges. This man knows I care deeply for him and how I would love to have him reciprocate. He doesn't give me any false hope, nor does he encourage me to meet others. He is my Mr. Fix-it, true confidant and so good looking! He respects me and admires me and says "they broke the mold" when they made me. He avoids physical contact and I've even wondered it his meds may have caused an impotency problem??? (Neck surgery from a work related fall) He is dealing with serious financial strife and doesn't have any extra money for any enjoyment in life right now. That doesn't bother me in the least, as I've told him, I'm happy just sitting around watching him work on something and talking, keeping him company.

The comfort level is awesome.

[moimeme]

I can't speak for him or even for 'most people', but I know there have been times in my life when I absolutely was not in any shape to sustain a relationship and so I didn't seek one. Relationships take work and can be hard on the emotions. If he's feeling the same way I've felt, it could be that he's protecting himself from any further drain on his energy. After all, there's always a chance that a relationship will crash and burn, and one needs to be fairly sturdy to withstand a breakup. It sounds as though he realizes he's at the upper limit of his stress tolerance and, wisely, is not taking on any more potential stressors.

 

If he's happy to have you as friend and you enjoy his company, why rock the boat? Soak up however much of his company you do get and enjoy what you have. With luck, your support will enable him to get through his current difficulties and be in good shape to embark upon a relationship.

[Tony T]

"How can I get him over the Hump?"

 

Aren't you really wanting to get him over to the point of humping?

[Arabess]

TONY!!! Now if I'd wrote that you would DELETE it! HAHAHAHA!

 

LSL,

I don't think you can ever 'make' something happen. All you can really do is wait and 'see' what happens. You've told him how you feel. At this time, and for the reasons you listed, he has chosen not to respond with the same words. It doesn't mean he isn't feeling the same thing.

 

Be a good friend, be supportive and give him time to come around.

[kittykat]

Hi there,

 

I am new to this site but I think that from what I have read you are allready half way into getting into that relationship. Some guys are wierd that way and it's possible that he's afraid of ruining the friendship you guys have. I would say that if he's not pushing you elsewhere then he obviously doesn't want you to be anywhere else but with him. Give him time and support through his difficulty. and you will be very surprised how much stronger he feels about you. If you truely love him then you have to do these things and your gift in return could be the love of your life. I started out as best friends with my guy and things have been so much better.

 

I know what you are going through and I understand how you feel but do you hug him when you see him? And do you guys laugh all the time together? I ask this because if you two seem to have the perfect friendship then yes it's possible to get over that hump and if he truely cares for you or loves you then he shouldn't be worried about you adding stress to the stress he's allready dealing with.

 

Be lovind, supportive, and patient and I promise you,,,,,,,you will reach your goal and maybe have a lifelong friend and partner.

 

Good luck and take care.................from kittykat