donnamaybe Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 This is not a “win or fails” subject, but you seem to like to play games with it. I am trying to find out "if the work place is where most A's start" no laughing matter IMO. So if you know anything about that please add something to my thread that is on the topic rather than whom you share your man with…I personally do not care who he is with, you or anyone else for that matter. Maybe you should start a thread about it and then you get this point out of your system and stop trying to TJ every other thread and stop trying to “win” with that line, because every BS here thought that way at one time or another and has been hurt. There is no contest going on here so stop trying to win one, check with the fair if you need to WIN that badly, they may have a pie eating contest or something. I am trying to work on RL issues that is my agenda and my puzzle, and in infidelity everyone loses. A HA HA HA HAAAAA!!!!!! YOU based this ENTIRE thread on a false statment you want to try to attribute to me, then when I give the REAL facts and out the entire twisting agenda, you come back with how I want to win? Oh, THAT is rich! BTW, I had already contributed to the spirit of the thread before you came out with your "AHA - I'VE GOT YOU NOW" speech. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 A HA HA HA HAAAAA!!!!!! YOU based this ENTIRE thread on a false statment you want to try to attribute to me, then when I give the REAL facts and out the entire twisting agenda, you come back with how I want to win? Oh, THAT is rich! BTW, I had already contributed to the spirit of the thread before you came out with your "AHA - I'VE GOT YOU NOW" speech. :laugh: I think you may have been called fat too since she implied that you should enter a pie eating contest you could win. But I could be reaching there. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 :laugh: I think you may have been called fat too since she implied that you should enter a pie eating contest you could win. But I could be reaching there. Meh - whatever makes her feel better. I can already tell, by the attempt at putting words in my mouth, that something is wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2themoon&back Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 Are you actually trying to make donnamaybe believe that her man is a cheater because he goes to work everyday? Seriously? What is wrong with this picture? OMG do people have so little respect for men that they just assume if he works away from home he is a cheater? What does that say about the women involved with these men then? No, the thread is not about Donna's man or what she believes about her R and I hope you don't make it about him or her; he is irrelevant in this thread as well as what she thinks about her man, weather he is a “cheater” or not is not what the topic is, nor could I say. And men are not the only ones who have an A at work—women do as well. I questioned that way of thinking, and that is why I used her quote, and wondered if most A’s start at work? Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 No, the thread is not about Donna's man or what she believes about her R and I hope you don't make it about him or her; he is irrelevant in this thread as well as what she thinks about her man, weather he is a “cheater” or not is not what the topic is, nor could I say. And men are not the only ones who have an A at work—women do as well. I questioned that way of thinking, and that is why I used her quote, and wondered if most A’s start at work? Well, first someone has to actually THINK that way. You would like to believe I think that way and twisted a post I made in another thread to try to fit the idea. When I came into this thread and said that type of thinking would be ignorant, you couldn't WAIT to push those posts in my face and accuse me of being ignorant. Be careful - your agenda is showing. Link to post Share on other sites
Fight4Me Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 I have learned how commonplace work affairs have become since reading up on As in general. I'm quite surprised that so many companies look the other way, but I guess it depends on the industry and maybe size of the corporation. My fWH works for a global corporation with many sales people, and many have been fired for their inappropriate conduct. Those who work internally (like my dh) in a non-sales capacity don't seem to have the propensity for that sort of thing. However, it recently came to light that someone in management moved in with the secretary, both leaving their spouses and kids for one another. While some may be able to carry on with the same level of productivity, it has proven quite the opposite in this situation. The WH has become extremely short tempered and stressed, while the WW has become more demanding of others, using the MM's position as leverage to try to move up. I don't think either one of them see the train wreck coming, that they're both about to lose their jobs due to their poor work ethic and the effect their behavior is having on the whole office. I think if they had divorced their spouses and then began a relationship, it may have turned out differently, but it's hard to say given the tough stance at this particular company. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2themoon&back Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 And since this thread was based on a statement attributed to me that I DID NOT MAKE, it's all for naught anyway. You take way tooo much credit for MY thread.... it is soo not about YOU... it is about My xMM's wife….she said this and I have seen it repeated here a few times as well, so I questioned that way of thinking, one you and some others just happen to share with my xMM's wife. The Thread is about ME, and MY questions I have about A’s and this is never for naught IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 And since this thread was based on a statement attributed to me that I DID NOT MAKE, it's all for naught anyway. hmmm, I thought it was a legit question... can't keep track of the back & forth between y'all Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 You take way tooo much credit for MY thread.... it is soo not about YOU... it is about My xMM's wife….she said this and I have seen it repeated here a few times as well, so I questioned that way of thinking, one you and some others just happen to share with my xMM's wife. The Thread is about ME, and MY questions I have about A’s and this is never for naught IMO. That means he was really good at keeping "the affair" only at the office. She trusted him. It's really quite sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2themoon&back Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 I met my xMM at work. We DIDN'T work together, he just works in the same building. As for GG's comment about getting time with the MM at work only - that's not how it goes. Well, at least with me, that's not how it went. Sure we did lunches and coffee breaks and stuff at work, but we hung out in the evenings and on the weekends sometimes. I agree with how it may start at work. My xMM's wife never considered this could happen in the work place but it seems to start a lot in the work place if you read the stories here on LS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2themoon&back Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 That means he was really good at keeping "the affair" only at the office. She trusted him. It's really quite sad. No he was not good at keeping the affair at the office or hidden at all, we had 4 d-days. He sucked at keeping the affair just at the office. I agree this is sad the subject is very sad for all involved. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 You take way tooo much credit for MY thread.... it is soo not about YOU... it is about My xMM's wife….she said this and I have seen it repeated here a few times as well, so I questioned that way of thinking, one you and some others just happen to share with my xMM's wife. For the umpteenth time I do NOT share this "way of thinking." YOU would like to believe I do so you would have an opportunity to label me ignorant. However, the ignorant one is the one who would twist and reshape a post to fit their agenda. Get it now, or shall I explain further? Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 And then you have the bitter who have never experienced the range of possibilities within an A but choose to stick to their own caricatured view so that they can sleep better at night, without having to wonder who is causing that smile on their sleeping H's face.... Not sure what this post has to do with work place affairs, but I do see a disturbing trend from you. You have used the word bitter (and BBS) more times in the last week than I have seen from anyone else in years. Now, I can see why a BW would be bitter. I can see why an OW whose affair caused her pain would be bitter. I really don't get why you are so bitter. These days, I hear the word and I think of you because you use it so much. You are so consumed with calling others bitter, I can't help but think you are bitter yourself. I hope things get better for you, I really do. As far as the OP, yes my H's affair did start at work. Had to since that was the only place he was without me. Sad thing is, when it comes to hiring people for the position that the OW had, she is no longer a possibility. Since she worked freelance, he just took her off the list. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 hmmm, I thought it was a legit question... can't keep track of the back & forth between y'all It IS a very legit question, and then as SOON as I legitimately answered, she quoted that post as well as another in a different thread, twisted it all about, and claimed I said something I did not say in an attempt to try to make it match the question in this thread, and then called me ignorant for saying something I never said. Go back and read the sequence of events and you'll understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2themoon&back Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 I have learned how commonplace work affairs have become since reading up on As in general. I'm quite surprised that so many companies look the other way, but I guess it depends on the industry and maybe size of the corporation. My fWH works for a global corporation with many sales people, and many have been fired for their inappropriate conduct. Those who work internally (like my dh) in a non-sales capacity don't seem to have the propensity for that sort of thing. However, it recently came to light that someone in management moved in with the secretary, both leaving their spouses and kids for one another. While some may be able to carry on with the same level of productivity, it has proven quite the opposite in this situation. The WH has become extremely short tempered and stressed, while the WW has become more demanding of others, using the MM's position as leverage to try to move up. I don't think either one of them see the train wreck coming, that they're both about to lose their jobs due to their poor work ethic and the effect their behavior is having on the whole office. I think if they had divorced their spouses and then began a relationship, it may have turned out differently, but it's hard to say given the tough stance at this particular company. I agree with what you are saying. I have watched it happen for years though and never understood it until I became involved in one myself. I was wondering where else an A may start besides work, or is this the majority of where they seem to start? Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 No he was not good at keeping the affair at the office or hidden at all, we had 4 d-days. He sucked at keeping the affair just at the office. I agree this is sad the subject is very sad for all involved. Wow. 4 d days and still married? Good gawd, why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2themoon&back Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 As far as the OP, yes my H's affair did start at work. Had to since that was the only place he was without me. Sad thing is, when it comes to hiring people for the position that the OW had, she is no longer a possibility. Since she worked freelance, he just took her off the list. Thank you for sharing, I know this is a difficult topic to discuss and stay on track. Thank you again for doing so. I would ask you if post A, is there any way for you to feel safe again. No harm intended in my question, just wondering, because people have to work and when that being the place where the A happened, I would feel unsettled all the time. OR did you do the work, which spark talks about, to be more secure in all areas of your R and recover completely and this would have no real bearing on the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2themoon&back Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 Wow. 4 d days and still married? Good gawd, why? Why What? Donna I have not called you ignorant or anything else, and I am sorry you keep on harping on your own issues here. If I misunderstood your words it happens … you have cleared it up now move on to something else. I am sorry if you MIS understood me and I am sorry if you took offense to anything I have said, IMO, no one should take things that are said on a public forum to heart, I have had to learn that lesson as well, I have gotten my feelings hurt here a lot until I decided to take what I needed from LS and leave the rest. Now as far as you explaining anything else to me in my own thread, it is not wanted nor needed, we do not seem to speak the same language and I would rather avoid any further misunderstandings and I am grown I can interrupt things for myself, free will and all. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 Why What? Donna I have not called you ignorant or anything else, and I am sorry you keep on harping on your own issues here. If I misunderstood your words it happens … you have cleared it up now move on to something else. I am sorry if you MIS understood me and I am sorry if you took offense to anything I have said, IMO, no one should take things that are said on a public forum to heart, I have had to learn that lesson as well, I have gotten my feelings hurt here a lot until I decided to take what I needed from LS and leave the rest. Now as far as you explaining anything else to me in my own thread, it is not wanted nor needed, we do not seem to speak the same language and I would rather avoid any further misunderstandings and I am grown I can interrupt things for myself, free will and all. Feel better now? You quoted my question as to if there were 4 d days, why is he still married. That makes no sense. If I were his wife, I'd have dropped kicked his arse into next year. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 Here's the thing - I DID answer the question posed in the first post of this thread. Then, instead of discussing what I said, you used it as an attack on me. But NOW you want to stay on topic. Let's, then, shall we? Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 T I would ask you if post A, is there any way for you to feel safe again. No harm intended in my question, just wondering, because people have to work and when that being the place where the A happened, I would feel unsettled all the time. OR did you do the work, which spark talks about, to be more secure in all areas of your R and recover completely and this would have no real bearing on the situation. The way I see it, my H was going to have an affair and the fact that he met his OW at work just made it easy for him. I also believe that had we not had a d-day, he would have continued to have affairs. My H has an addictive personality. When d-day occurred, we separated at my insistent. He went to IC. We went to MC originally to figure out the best way to deal with the kids. Eventually he entered into a 12 step program for his addiction. This is a lifetime commitment he made for himself. I noticed many positive changes in him, and decide to do the work I needed to do on myself as well. Together we have built a marriage based on a stronger commitment. I would never want our relationship to return to the way it was. I was ready to get a divorced, but I'm glad I gave our marriage a second chance. As long as my H works the program and I keep my promise to never take our marriage for granted, I feel secure. But, it takes commitment from the both of us to make it work. Hope I answered your question. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 No he was not good at keeping the affair at the office or hidden at all, we had 4 d-days. He sucked at keeping the affair just at the office. I agree this is sad the subject is very sad for all involved. You went back to him 4 times after his wife found out? Wasn't his wife knowing his out? His chance to be with you? Why didn't he leave? You put up with 4 ddays? I'm sorry. That had to have been rough for everyone. I'm sure you will never do that again. Link to post Share on other sites
PeachyPink Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 Here's the thing - I DID answer the question posed in the first post of this thread. Then, instead of discussing what I said, you used it as an attack on me. But NOW you want to stay on topic. Let's, then, shall we? Okay, I'll bite. Some affairs start in the workplace. SO WHAT?! Some people are jackwagons and start or affairs. What difference does it make where it started? Link to post Share on other sites
PeachyPink Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 prepare for the worst and hope for the best What an awful and pessimistic way to think of someone you want to spend the rest of your life with! Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 Okay, I'll bite. Some affairs start in the workplace. SO WHAT?! Some people are jackwagons and start or affairs. What difference does it make where it started? Sure, and if work is the only place that they are without their spouse, where else will they met an affair partner? Link to post Share on other sites
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