How do I cope with a man's possessiveness and jealousy?

[LikkleMissConfused]

I'm Asian and one of the many traits I find similar in Asian men is possessiveness and jealousy.

 

How do i cope with the chap I am seeing. He is overly possessive and its is suffocating me. I have tried to talk to him many times and he makes out he understands but i think the bottom line is he doesn't I am relaxed and chilled but he is very very insecure. I try to make him feel better but really he has to do it for himself that’s my opinion.

 

Please help how do I deal with his outburst of possessiveness and his continual questioning.

 

I feel like slapping him sometimes its real bad but i guess i'm frustrated.

 

Any ideas.

[jenny]

ok, first of all, make the problem personal and not cultural.

 

my advice would be to tell him striaght forwardly that you will not agree to live within a relationship of hyper distrust, and you are willing to dump him if he does not begin to calm down.

 

i like my men to be a little jealous, personally. but i understand how problematic that can be - you need to lay down your needs, and be prepared to walk away if his needs are simply different.

[LikkleMissConfused]

Thank you Jenny,

 

What I meant by the cultural thing is that this is a trait in many Indian families. My parents suffered the same problem. My dad was very possessive of my mum and when she decided to go to weight watchers he flipped and caused a very big argument, which was huge.

 

I don't mean to offend and say one culture is better than the other but many cultures have their traits. That is all I was saying. His parents are very clingy, as his mother will not go anywhere without his dad I mean she won't even go to the corner shop.

 

Please don't misinterpret what I am saying. Thank you for your advice though.

[jenny]

o my goodness no! no offense taken by me, i just meant it might help you solve your problem if you don't think about his behaviour as excused by his culture!! if you don't like it, and cannot tolerate it, that is all that matters!

 

cheers, sweetie, best of luck!!!

[LikkleMissConfused]

 

I'm glad thats sorted! And thanks for calling me sweetie its real nice.

 

Thanks

[Tony T]

I will never understand why women think they can change men. It's the wildest concept on the planet. You can write on Internet message boards all your life, you can talk to this guy until the fog drys up in the UK, but it could take years of industrial strength psychotherapy to change this guy and keep him from being jealous and possessive. That's what he is up until now and he's not going to change overnight...no matter how much you talk to him.

 

I'm really sorry to tell you this. There are some minor things men...and women....can change to accomodate other people but they can't change that which is engrained in their personality until drastic measures are taken to do it. Only with divine intervention...and I'm talking from ALLl the Gods...will this guy turn around over night so don't even expect that. If you love him, just accept it...let him know it doesn't make you happy...and in time you'll grow tired of it and the relationship will be over.

 

Meanwhile, you might consider in the future getting to know men and dating the ones who don't have traits you dislike or want to change. Oh, perhaps the little things can be a challenge for you to change but leave the major personality disorders to the professionals.

 

As far as coping with the way he is, just try to overlook it if you can. Accept it as reality. Know that one day he will grow up and mature, maybe, perhaps...just wanting to give you some hope. The coping part is simply a decision you have to make...but you really can't change yourself into liking something you detest.

 

I know you like being called sweetie but I don't know you well enough yet...so I'll call you sweetheart!

[LikkleMissConfused]

Tony you make me laugh and I know everything you said I have thought of already.

[Arabess]

This is why people date. They are checking to see if Person A and Person B have characteristics and personalities which make a Love Match. If he is not fitting into what you are looking for in a man, then be honest and tell him his perception of a relationship doesn't jive with yours.

 

There may be a woman down the road who likes a man who is more possessive. Free him up to find her.

 

Trying to change him or learning to live with it...isn't a good foundation for a future. It will only continue to the point of you being miserable enough to leave him anyway. Sometimes it's easier to cut your losses early on.

 

And in the spirit of LS......Good Luck my Shacker Sweetie! LOL!