They always "affair down"?

[TruthSetsYouFree]

I have read on several other websites that in general, when people cheat they tend to "affair down". (I emphasized "in general" as, with everything else in life, there are always the outlier exceptions.) Basically, what this means is that the person someone cheats with tends not to be as attractive, interesting, engaging, etc. as the primary partner who is being cheated on. In the three cases in which I have been cheated on, I was shocked at who my now ex-es decided to cheat with. I wouldn't have thought they would have even noticed the other women twice let alone done anything with them! Has anyone else found this to be the case?

[carhill]

IME, with one datapoint, it was parallel, mainly to seek the intimacy not existing in the M. Of the MW's I've known or been friends with, they generally affaired 'up', as in more wealthy, socially more popular, better looking, etc. I don't think I could extract any meaningful generalities from those anecdotes.

[Woggle]

This tends to be true from what I see. Cheaters tend to pick the bottom of the barrel when it comes to their partners. It took me weeks to get the OM's smell out of my bedroom.

[carhill]

Oh, forgot to add that, generally, the MW's IME selected married men, which might account for some of the dynamic. As the reasons/motivations for choosing infidelity are as varied and sundry as humans, I think it's hard to form any finite generalities as to the apparent 'status' of the potential partner.

[TruthSetsYouFree]

Yes, I do agree that it is a generalization and I am not saying it's 100% the case based off of my own personal experiences. I think there are varying degrees to it, but even from people that I know who have done the cheating (and again this is based on personal experience) they often couldn't account for why they chose the people they did to cheat with. One guy even told me that he wasn't even physically attracted that much to the girl he had a one night stand with; it was more that she was available and clearly wanted him. His words, "Well, I didn't look at the mantle while poking the fire."

[hopesndreams]

The person they have the A with are also low-down, dirty, lying, snakes in the grass. Two people that get together that have no moral compass and hurt others for their own "happiness".

 

Good, decent people don't do that!

[carhill]

I don't have any anecdotes about 'cheating' per se, rather affairs, which implies long-term contact and investment. Wrt ONS, etc, it's definitely possible to ONS 'down' because it's 'there'. That makes sense, for either gender. It's situational.

[TruthSetsYouFree]

Looks like someone else addressed this issue in a prior thread, too.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t244068/

[Lucky_One]

Way back when, when I was an OW, I was younger, slimmer, fitter, better educated, and prettier. She made more money than I did. We were both equally social and outgoing.

 

xMM was equally as handsome as my XH and other BFs, he was moderately more successful, he was in a totally different field. They were all equally kind, outgoing, athletic, and educated.

 

I wouldn't consider that anyone "affaired up" or "down".

[Woman In Blue]

I've heard it said many, many times (well, I've heard it and read it in message forums) that the BW was shocked at the appearance of the OW when she finally saw or met her. The OW wasn't at all what the BW was expecting.

 

But it's been said many times it's not so much how the OW looks, as it is how she makes him feel about himself. Let's never, ever forget - affairs are usually ALL ABOUT the cheater and what THEY get from the affair. And if it's ego strokes by the dozens, then he'll eagerly lap it right up and still beg for more. Whether she looks like Bo Derrick or Bo Diddley is probably secondary.

[UpsetDad]

I have read on several other websites that in general, when people cheat they tend to "affair down". (I emphasized "in general" as, with everything else in life, there are always the outlier exceptions.) Basically, what this means is that the person someone cheats with tends not to be as attractive, interesting, engaging, etc. as the primary partner who is being cheated on. In the three cases in which I have been cheated on, I was shocked at who my now ex-es decided to cheat with. I wouldn't have thought they would have even noticed the other women twice let alone done anything with them! Has anyone else found this to be the case?

 

 

I have to agree with you as this was the case in my situation, she picked the homeliest troll geek you could imagine, I believe it is because they do not want to keep them around and it is only for a missing need and not to get into a full marriage type relationship. I don't really understand it either but I guess what do i know.

[whiterose15]

I have to agree, for I think that the OW not attractive for him at first, but as the OW makes him feel special, wanted, and attended; he will begin to

feel attracted toward that person. I guess it's about the ego...

Women who are the OW (usually) know what they are doing, if the guy needs to feel wanted, needed, etc. she will use to this to their advantage.

 

Guys (for the most part - I consider - are weaker and emotionally stupid), they get smarter with experience and learn (if decent at heart) to avoid falling again. I guess they mature and become wiser. I was told that some guys cheat still loving and desiring (couldn't understand it at the time, but talking to many it was true) their spouses.

 

Watch Out! Guys! The OW can be fake (sell you a fantasy) and trap you in their web that can become very hard to escape. So, think before you far into the trap and possibly loosing everything and everyone you love.