sumdude Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 Ok I'm in a situation where I play in a band and have become good friends with a woman I dated for a few months a couple of years ago. She was the one who ended things back then. It's occasionally a bit of a struggle for me because I still am attracted to her and we're still very close but not physical. I've accepted it and move on. One night we we're hanging out talking about life and people, lovers etc. I mentioned that I remember that she was a great kisser. The next day she tells me that talking about our past relationship makes her uncomfortable. Well I guess I'll respect that and not bring it up. But you know on the other hand that comment made me feel as if I was just supposed to forget it ever happened. Good god I wasn't awful by any means and it wasn't a bad breakup or anything. Arrrgh... it kinda pi**es me off in a way. Link to post Share on other sites
spackle Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 she could be uncomfortable because she has some feelings/attraction towards you OR the exact opposite, she wants to act like it didnt happen so it doesnt interfere with how your friendship is now. lol sorry it's hard to tell. Only thing to do is ask her what she meant by that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 she could be uncomfortable because she has some feelings/attraction towards you OR the exact opposite, she wants to act like it didnt happen so it doesnt interfere with how your friendship is now. lol sorry it's hard to tell. Only thing to do is ask her what she meant by that?[/U] LOL but then I'd be talking about it then wouldn't i? lol.. ahh women.. Link to post Share on other sites
spackle Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 ah men, you don't listen You're asking her to clarify what she meant after you were talking about her kissing skills! How else are you going to do it? Mind reading:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Miko Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 You're trying to be friends with a woman because you're attracted to her, not because you want to be friends. Cut it out, even IF you're best friends and it DOESN'T torture you the whole time, think about later on when you're both married or whatever. One or both of your S.O.'s is not going to be cool with you being friends anymore. That's just how it works, M/F friendships rarely last forever bc of that reason alone so what's the point? If you're into her you're just torturing yourself by trying to be friends and that's not what you want. "talking it out" doesn't work with women if you're in love with them but not the other way around, once you spill your guts w a woman that's not in love with you you just left your man card at the door and that sure does nothing for her attraction for you. You can't talk her into wanting to be w you. Maybe if you disappear for a while and pop up later you may have a chance but you had better run some serious "game" now, or then. I don't mean to be so cynical but to men, women are not simple and sometimes we have to play games. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 Well it's a bit more complicated. We're in the band together.. lol. As far as 'spilling my guts'. That hasn't happened. I play my cards close to my chest. In fact if it wasn't for the music we wouldn't be hanging out at all most likely. It's just one of those frustrating situations. We seem to get along great. We almost always have a good time hanging out and can talk for hours. I just need to do a little more letting go I guess. She just looked so good last night while we were working on a tune.. I just wanted her right then. Tough when you've already been there. Such is life I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil1 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 I think that what really complicates things is the fact that you are in the same band. She may not want any uncomfortable feelings between the two of you to affect the band. Besides, making a comment like "I remember how great a kisser you are" is definitely a come-on and it probably made her uncomfortable because she is over the relationship and only sees you as a friend now. The question you have to ask yourself is are you able to just be a friend to her? Or is your lust for her too strong to be a true friend. If you are always going to want more than just friendship then maybe you should look for a new band and pursue her outside of that environment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 (edited) Well, Lil1.. I think ya pretty much got it down. Seems like such a damn shame. It's rare to really connect with someone in life and if they don't see it the same way.. what can you do? Just deal with reality and hope someone else comes along some day I guess. I'm just not getting any younger here and in the couple years since she and I were an item no one has really lit my candle. Edited February 2, 2011 by sumdude Link to post Share on other sites
Sw3etdev1L Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 it's not important!!!... she knows you guys have a past... but she wants to be in the now... and its ok too, she is like that... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 I think she's a little confused sometimes too. It's only natural. Her body language sometimes leaks out that she still feels that way about me a little. Just the way she touches my arm sometimes. LOL I'll manage this somehow. For now I'm just letting things be. Link to post Share on other sites
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