Feeling awful all over again

[Lauriebell82]

After waking up this morning I feel like crap all over again. I wish she would call/text/something. I wish I was one of these posters on here who complain that their ex wants to talk to them constantly so I could feel some semblance of control. Then I'd be declining to talk to her on my own ground.

 

Memories and thoughts came flooding back today and my stomach feels like a rock. I think it's going to be like this for a long time; me fighting back memories while spending the entire day attempting to make myself feel just a little bit better. I usually feel "ok" by bedtime and then the cycle starts again the next day. It's exhausting. Especially when I'm not getting enough sleep because of it.

 

Ugh, I HAVE to remember all of the awful things she did that should reflect the kind of person she is, not just the good times we shared together. If I do that I'll go crazy thinking about her doing those things with the new guy.

 

If I can wake up properly today maybe I'll go to the gym. It will be an uninspired workout, but at least I'll be getting some physical activity?

 

The memories of her will slowly begin to decrease over time. Like I said, when a good memory creeps in, replace it with a bad one. It will take practice but you will get it. It is just going to take time for her to fade from your memory. She will though.

 

I think exercising is an excellent idea, you need a distraction. Do you have any other hobbies that you enjoy doing?

[bslchump]

Hey bsl,

 

I've been there and am still there. Three weeks ago my ex decided after 6 years that he didn't know what he wanted anymore and he needed to be alone, however I found out there was someone else.

 

I don't know how far it's gotten or if they're together now but I do now there was emotional cheating at the very end of our relationship and the thought of him and her being happy together used to make me physically ill.

 

I used to die laying in bed at night thinking about what they were doing and if he was taking her to the same places as we went and even worse, if he was happier. I used to wish he'd call or text just so I knew I was still on his mind. But nothing. He just dissappeared, and that's a great feat because we still live together until next week.

 

It's still very early for me in the healing process but as weeks have gone by I've realized I'm actually better off. I think about all the years I gave him and how amazing of a gf I was and for someone to be able to do this to you and not even look back shows you their true colors. The details I used to die thinking about are now things I have no interest knowing.

 

I'm slowing coming to the conclusion that I need to move on and anything I find out or hear will only set me back. Give yourself more time...in a few weeks the urge to want them and the urge to know what they're doing will fade and you will start to see them for what they really were and it'll hurt less and less, I promise.

 

Thanks so much for posting. It's really encouraging to hear that someone in a very similar situation is getting better. Best of luck with everything and feel free to keep posting things in here to talk about

[bslchump]

The memories of her will slowly begin to decrease over time. Like I said, when a good memory creeps in, replace it with a bad one. It will take practice but you will get it. It is just going to take time for her to fade from your memory. She will though.

 

I think exercising is an excellent idea, you need a distraction. Do you have any other hobbies that you enjoy doing?

 

I've been talking to my friend a bit on the phone which has made me feel better. He wants me to play some video games with him online today, so I think I'll hit the gym, play some video games, and do some work.

 

She started texting me this morning asking how things were going and that she might be coming home a little sooner from her friends than she had initially planned. If she comes back, I'll be a rock until I can be gone. She has already asked me to reconsider leaving, but I said that I couldn't. Why does she even want me to stay?

[Lauriebell82]

I've been talking to my friend a bit on the phone which has made me feel better. He wants me to play some video games with him online today, so I think I'll hit the gym, play some video games, and do some work.

 

She started texting me this morning asking how things were going and that she might be coming home a little sooner from her friends than she had initially planned. If she comes back, I'll be a rock until I can be gone. She has already asked me to reconsider leaving, but I said that I couldn't. Why does she even want me to stay?

 

Yep, keep yourself occupied the whole day. When did she say she was coming home? Don't be there when she does. Even if you have to crash at a friend's house. And DO NOT respond to her texts. NC means NC. It doesn't mean "text back when she does." Maybe she wants you to stay because she likes toying with you? Or maybe you are the back up in case new guy doesn't work out? Maybe she feels guilty? Maybe she is just mean and vindictive and likes to see you hurt? Probably all of the above.

 

You aren't going to talk to her anymore, therefore it would be pointless to find out the reason why she wants you to stay. Who cares? You are done with her. Keep telling yourself that. Don't let her play these games with you! Ignore her.

[bslchump]

Yep, keep yourself occupied the whole day. When did she say she was coming home? Don't be there when she does. Even if you have to crash at a friend's house. And DO NOT respond to her texts. NC means NC. It doesn't mean "text back when she does." Maybe she wants you to stay because she likes toying with you? Or maybe you are the back up in case new guy doesn't work out? Maybe she feels guilty? Maybe she is just mean and vindictive and likes to see you hurt? Probably all of the above.

 

You aren't going to talk to her anymore, therefore it would be pointless to find out the reason why she wants you to stay. Who cares? You are done with her. Keep telling yourself that. Don't let her play these games with you! Ignore her.

 

Good point! Unfortunately I do have to stay here until I can move out. I'm just going to spend time in my room and not speak to her. I'm doing everything I can to get out of here asap, but there will be some crossover.

 

I'm not going to do anything stupid though. She said she doesn't want me, so fine. I'm not going to give her the time of day. If I can't go NC immediately I will do the next best thing.

[Lauriebell82]

Good point! Unfortunately I do have to stay here until I can move out. I'm just going to spend time in my room and not speak to her. I'm doing everything I can to get out of here asap, but there will be some crossover.

 

Do you really think you can do the bolded part? You can't shut yourself in there forever, you'll have to come out to go to the bathroom, eat/drink. I would suggest that whenever she comes home, you just leave. Isn't that technically her room as well?

[bslchump]

Do you really think you can do the bolded part? You can't shut yourself in there forever, you'll have to come out to go to the bathroom, eat/drink. I would suggest that whenever she comes home, you just leave. Isn't that technically her room as well?

 

There is another room with its own door that she is staying in now. Now, I'm not saying I will be able to avoid her FOREVER, but I'm going to do LC as absolute best I can. I used to go talk to her and she to me, but I'm done with that. If I run into her I'm keeping it short and going back to whatever I was doing before. It won't be easy, but that's why I'm leaving.

 

Also yes, I am going to spend as much time as I can out doing other things. Friends, gym, etc.

[D78]

If you purchase some noise-canceling ear buds, you won't even hear her when she talks to you

[Lauriebell82]

There is another room with its own door that she is staying in now. Now, I'm not saying I will be able to avoid her FOREVER, but I'm going to do LC as absolute best I can. I used to go talk to her and she to me, but I'm done with that. If I run into her I'm keeping it short and going back to whatever I was doing before. It won't be easy, but that's why I'm leaving.

 

Also yes, I am going to spend as much time as I can out doing other things. Friends, gym, etc.

 

Okay good. You can do it!

 

 

If you purchase some noise-canceling ear buds, you won't even hear her when she talks to you

 

I love this idea!!!!

[bslchump]

I got a call from her early this morning that I ignored. She left a voicemail saying she was staying a few extra days at her friends house rather than coming back today.

 

I once again feel conflicted. I won't lie, my first feeling was disappointment. I am still upset about it and I don't really know why. Logically though I'm happy she's going to be gone longer. Seeing her face can't possibly lead to good things and it's working well like a mini-NC.

 

She was my best friend for so long that I feel like I have stuff I need to tell her. Stupid stuff. Like "hey I tried this recipe for X and it was a little too blah blah" or "i watched this great movie you would have loved" etc. I have to bite my tongue and remind myself this isn't my old friend anymore. She disrespected me and our relationship and still can't take responsibility for it. She still tells me "I'm sorry. I didn't MEAN to do any of this."

 

She'll realize some day that she messed up and is planning on dating a guy who has no time for her. She's wowed by a new relationship and once that wears off, I'll be long gone, hopefully with someone else who respects me and actually loves me back. Did I ever tell you how she once told me that her feelings were more important than mine? How's that for mutual respect? This girl is emotionally damaged, needy, and is expressing herself sexually to her new man only because that's how she seeks validation from men. She doesn't enjoy sex, she just uses it as a tool until the man is emotionally attached enough to not leave her and then she stops.

 

I should be glad to be gone. Hopefully someday soon...

[sammyd]

Hi:)

I think that's great she'll be gone for a few more days!! Remember NC, go out with friends, go to the gym, do anything that takes your mind off it, even if for a few mins:).

You've pretty much worked out that she's no good for you. Well done!

[bslchump]

Hi:)

I think that's great she'll be gone for a few more days!! Remember NC, go out with friends, go to the gym, do anything that takes your mind off it, even if for a few mins:).

You've pretty much worked out that she's no good for you. Well done!

 

Yeah, I know it logically, now I just need to feel it

[sammyd]

Yeah, i know:( It's going to take a while for those feelings to go, and that's perfectly natural. But, hey, look, that's a couple more mins wasted!! 2 mins closer to freedom!!

[timchambo]

Going through the same thing bro. Your not alone. Over 7 years for us. She "needed to be single", etc. Then I find out she's talking to a guy from work. A couple weeks later (I broke NC) her email says she dating him. We were also best friends. I supported her through so much emotionally and financially. Apparently this new guy can help advance the career and is a new challenge. He may even be as self centered as her so we will see how that works out.

 

Been about a month since the split. My emotions are still a roller coaster. Working out helped a lot. A few trips to the club with a bit of attention from girls helped too. Just remember what she lost. 6 years is a long time. It lasted that long for a reason. You treated her right. You've identified some values in her that would allow her to leave. Selfish-ness seems to be a common factor in our breakups. Did you ever see hotter girls? I sure did, but never acted. I have values. I'm sure you do too. Eventually you will find the will to pursue these new opportunites with these girls. Difference between us and them is we get to do it guilt free.

 

I watched my boy do what our girls did when we were younger. To this day he regrets leaving his girl. She was by no means a great girl, but the love of his life. She had self inflicted debt out the ass. But he still regrets not being with her. Shes now married. It took him a while. When his new relationship ended he was drowned in guilt. It may not hit them now, or it may, but this was their choice.

 

Unfortunately I keep breaking NC though through less traditional methods. She has no idea I am checking up on her, so its only hurting me. Keep your head up dude, it gets better.

Edited February 4, 2011 by timchambo

[bslchump]

Going through the same thing bro. Your not alone. Over 7 years for us. She "needed to be single", etc. Then I find out she's talking to a guy from work. A couple weeks later (I broke NC) her email says she dating him. We were also best friends. I supported her through so much emotionally and financially. Apparently this new guy can help advance the career and is a new challenge. He may even be as self centered as her so we will see how that works out.

 

Been about a month since the split. My emotions are still a roller coaster. Working out helped a lot. A few trips to the club with a bit of attention from girls helped too. Just remember what she lost. 6 years is a long time. It lasted that long for a reason. You treated her right. You've identified some values in her that would allow her to leave. Selfish-ness seems to be a common factor in our breakups. Did you ever see hotter girls? I sure did, but never acted. I have values. I'm sure you do too.

 

Unfortunately I keep breaking NC though through less traditional methods. She has no idea I am checking up on her, so its only hurting me. Keep your head up dude, it gets better.

 

Actually yes, I saw plenty of better looking women. I knew a girl who had no connection to my ex who was smoking hot. She wound up throwing herself at me basically telling me "no strings attached" and nobody has to know and I turned her down without a second thought. Sure, she was gorgeous, but I'm not the type who cheats. I couldn't live with myself without telling my girlfriend and that would have hurt her immensely.

 

I keep breaking NC too. I'll admit until recently I had looked at her facebook page 5-10 times per day. I realized that I had to stop when I felt ridiculous burning jealousy even when a female friend posted something on her wall.

 

That's awful about your situation. I first got the whole "I don't think I want to be in a relationship" nonsense (after 6 years and several leases later!) and then found out she had been lining up this other guy she had sworn she had no interest in. When I confronted her about it she told me they had flirted a bit, sure, but really just because she felt bad about herself. She DEFINITELY didn't want to be tied down. Now she and he are "unofficially" dating but she told me she has had days where she tells him she just wants to be friends. I don't know what to believe anymore. I WANT to believe they are just friends, or at the very least she ruins their relationship because she leapt into another one SECONDS after us splitting.

 

Tim, please post more in this thread. It helps for you to get it out, im sure, and it helps for me to hear your stuff. Some days I think "my god, nobody understands this feeling and its so frustrating", but then I see that I'm not alone and it gives me strength.

[timchambo]

Actually yes, I saw plenty of better looking women. I knew a girl who had no connection to my ex who was smoking hot. She wound up throwing herself at me basically telling me "no strings attached" and nobody has to know and I turned her down without a second thought. Sure, she was gorgeous, but I'm not the type who cheats. I couldn't live with myself without telling my girlfriend and that would have hurt her immensely.

 

I keep breaking NC too. I'll admit until recently I had looked at her facebook page 5-10 times per day. I realized that I had to stop when I felt ridiculous burning jealousy even when a female friend posted something on her wall.

 

That's awful about your situation. I first got the whole "I don't think I want to be in a relationship" nonsense (after 6 years and several leases later!) and then found out she had been lining up this other guy she had sworn she had no interest in. When I confronted her about it she told me they had flirted a bit, sure, but really just because she felt bad about herself. She DEFINITELY didn't want to be tied down. Now she and he are "unofficially" dating but she told me she has had days where she tells him she just wants to be friends. I don't know what to believe anymore. I WANT to believe they are just friends, or at the very least she ruins their relationship because she leapt into another one SECONDS after us splitting.

 

Tim, please post more in this thread. It helps for you to get it out, im sure, and it helps for me to hear your stuff. Some days I think "my god, nobody understands this feeling and its so frustrating", but then I see that I'm not alone and it gives me strength.

 

bsl,

 

I know exactly what you mean. I read yours and it was like therapy. I know my friends are tired of hearing the same thoughts and feelings I share. Oh well, their good friends and they do their best.

 

My story...We were engaged. She bounced from job to job for the first 6 years. I gave her opportunity after opportunity to chase her dream job. She landed her first in the field about a year ago. Because of the competitive nature of the field, she didn't get another chance until this year. Shes great at networking and looks to be establishing herself pretty well now. All of a sudden she gets home from this one just before the holidays and says she needs to be single. I was stunned. We were just planning a f'n wedding the previous month.

 

Turns out she met this new guy on the job. She moved out that night. I seen she had been talking to him through out the night both nights. She said at the time "I still love you, we will be together eventually!". A week later shes "not in love" anymore, and it has "nothing" to do with this guy. Well another week goes by and shes "dating" him. So we go from planning a wedding, to her dating Mr right in just over a month. Less than 2 weeks after we had been split. There was also physical interaction (no ****ing supposedly) that occured just 2 days after the split.

 

I see now who she really is. Starving for affection (cock) from other men. Easily impressionable, and influenced by some bad people. She also had a friend that recently got out of a long term relationship too. No doubt this girl didn't stop her from doing something stupid. I gave her all I had. Our families loved each other. I was closer to her parents than my own. She was also very close with several of my family members. This was so out of the blue.

 

What women say in these situations is strictly to ease guilt and leave a good impression. Thank god I am fairly intelligent and also had some sources with the inside scoop to tell me what was really happening. I would still be chasing her today if I didn't know any better. I have learned quite a bit about relationships in the last few weeks now. The next girl I date will need to have dated around a bit.

 

I never would have thought she was capable of this. I'm a good guy and took care of my girl. I think she wanted to be single and have me waiting around in case this guy didn't work out. I think she regretted the decision when I told her I knew what was up. I think she looks at it like there is no going back now, so she's full speed ahead now with the new guy. My only hope is one day she can see what she did. I doubt it will happen as she always comes up with excuses for things she does/wants. I will have to live knowing that anyone that knew us and our relationship knows what happened.

 

In your situation I wouldn't listen to a word she says. Let her actions do all the talking. The only thing that will come out of her mouth is propaganda.

[bslchump]

Tim - That really is shockingly similar to my story. She claimed the break-up had nothing to do with the other guy at all, but for 6 years everything is fine until he comes in. Yeah right.

 

The thing that I'm having a hard time dealing with (and I assume you are too) is her having a sexual relationship with someone else. Towards the end of our relationship, she had completely withdrawn sexually and refused to do anything. That made me feel awful, because I didn't understand that she had already made up her mind that she didn't want to be with me, and by association did not want to have sex with me. Then immediately the first thing that happens is her relationship with the new guy turns sexual. Way to make me feel just awful about myself.

 

I now realize that she feels that's all she has to offer. She hates herself (and always has) and told one of our mutual friends (now solely my friend) that she doesn't like anything about herself and tries to make men attached to her by satisfying them sexually. She said she derives little enjoyment from it, but thrives on them fawning over her because of it. I suppose this is pretty irrelevant, but it makes me feel better to think that I wasn't rejected for any sexual inadequacies, but rather her own insecurities.

 

I feel attraction and repulsion at the same time. I'm also finding it difficult to stop myself from checking her facebook/texting her/etc. I haven't yet, but the temptation is building. I hope I don't...

[timchambo]

ya I wont allow myself to think of the sexual stuff. My girl was a freak too. I know whats going on, but I stop myself as soon as that **** pops in my head. I have now gone over 24 hours without a checkup on her! lol, ok well its a start and I think I'm done now with that. Never makes me feel good anyways. We can do this man. Just need to concentrate on ourselves and that next girl.

[Lauriebell82]

I feel attraction and repulsion at the same time. I'm also finding it difficult to stop myself from checking her facebook/texting her/etc. I haven't yet, but the temptation is building. I hope I don't...

 

Can you stay off facebook for awhile? I know it's hard to do, but if you are feeling like you can't go on there without looking at her bad then don't do it at all. I had to stay off facebook for a little bit when I broke up with my ex, I couldn't resist looking at his page, even when I deleted him. I would still search for him and look at his profile (this was before you had the option to make it private).

 

It will get easier for you, you are doing great so far though. You have made some huge steps. When you are feeling upset or tempted to talk to her come on here and talk to us. We'll be here.

[bslchump]

Can you stay off facebook for awhile? I know it's hard to do, but if you are feeling like you can't go on there without looking at her bad then don't do it at all. I had to stay off facebook for a little bit when I broke up with my ex, I couldn't resist looking at his page, even when I deleted him. I would still search for him and look at his profile (this was before you had the option to make it private).

 

It will get easier for you, you are doing great so far though. You have made some huge steps. When you are feeling upset or tempted to talk to her come on here and talk to us. We'll be here.

 

I probably could stay off Facebook for a while, but since we split I have had very little to do with my time : /. Facebook has at least offered me a few minutes of entertainment in any given day. It's not a huge deal to me either way, but if I did delete myself from facebook or anything, I still have a million ways to see her/hear about her/find stuff out that I need to hold strong on.

 

So far I have done exactly what you suggest; come here when I'm tempted to talk to her/about her. Even my good friends who have been really great through this whole thing have kind of stopped replying in helpful ways. I can't really blame them though, I would get sick of hearing "I'm better off this way, right?" and "I hate her! No, wait! I LOVE her! No, hang on, she's a @#$%!".

 

It may be common (please let me know if it is), but I feel like I have a few things left to say to her. If I left today and started my strict NC, I would feel...unsatisfied. Now, maybe I would feel that way because I generally feel rejected, replaced, and unwanted, but I just feel like we have unfinished business. I have no idea what it is or what she could possibly do to make me feel better, but I think I might say something stupid to her like "I'll miss you" or something. I just want to scream at her that this is all one big mistake and to take it back. Is it just because I'm in such a bad state? Should I really leave with things this bad/awkward?

 

For the record, I have removed her from many friends and contacts lists. It was brutally difficult to right click her name and hit "remove", but it's for the best. Seeing her online on one of the various games/sites we both frequent only serves to make me feel terrible. Even though it is better to do this, I still feel like I've lost a really great friend in the process.

[timchambo]

bsl,

 

I felt the same way. I needed closure and had some final words I wanted to say. I didn't want to hear her voice, and a text or email wasn't going to seem as personal. I ended up sending a hand written letter. A hand written letter is also not as easy to just type a quick reply to and hit send. It contained a mix of I love you, what we had was very special, and some how could yous. I sent this within the first week of the split, so it didn't sound as desperate as it would now.

 

It got what I wanted at the time, a response, but I quickly realized that wasn't going to heal me as I wasn't hearing what I wanted. I think her only reason for responding was to get rid of some guilt. It eventually led to a bitter exchange between the two of us and thats pretty much how we ended it.

 

If you choose this route, choose your words carefully. I don't regret anything I wrote in the letter honestly. I just wish she was mature enough to read it and instead of responding so defensively, it smacked some sense into her. Maybe in time she will look back and read that letter again realize what I said was very true.

[bslchump]

bsl,

 

I felt the same way. I needed closure and had some final words I wanted to say. I didn't want to hear her voice, and a text or email wasn't going to seem as personal. I ended up sending a hand written letter. A hand written letter is also not as easy to just type a quick reply to and hit send. It contained a mix of I love you, what we had was very special, and some how could yous. I sent this within the first week of the split, so it didn't sound as desperate as it would now.

 

It got what I wanted at the time, a response, but I quickly realized that wasn't going to heal me as I wasn't hearing what I wanted. I think her only reason for responding was to get rid of some guilt. It eventually led to a bitter exchange between the two of us and thats pretty much how we ended it.

 

If you choose this route, choose your words carefully. I don't regret anything I wrote in the letter honestly. I just wish she was mature enough to read it and instead of responding so defensively, it smacked some sense into her. Maybe in time she will look back and read that letter again realize what I said was very true.

 

Yeah, I WANT to tell her a lot of things, but I think it will make me come off as desperate and still in love with her. It's weird because I KNOW that the thing that would hurt her most is me not speaking to her, but I want to. She even tried to get me to keep living here. She kept claiming that her and her new guy aren't "official" and that daily she tells him she just wants to be friends and then they go back to being couple-y. I think she's scared to live alone and is scared to lose me as a friend. I know for an absolute 100% FACT that when I leave she will text me things. Probably not rapid-fire texts every day like she used to, but she will probably say things like "I watched this movie and thought you might like it. You should check it out :)" or some other nonsense to keep me talking to her.

 

Now that I'm being fully honest with myself, I don't know if she's entirely over me. She's almost assuredly more over it than I am, but I think she's really confused (not that it's in any way an excuse). When I last talked to her, she started crying and said she was so frustrated that she didn't feel as strongly about me as she used to. She said she "wishes" that she felt that way again because everything would be easier. Now she has a fabulous distraction in the form of a new man who will tell her how pretty she is and how interesting the things she has to say are and how much he cares about her. Soon though, the newness will wear off and I hope she'll see that she made a downgrade.

 

I'm not going to bother going back and reading my old posts because I'll cringe at how much like a broken record I sound like . Just know that even if I type out the same things over and over again ("she'll be sorry!"), it DOES help to say them every time.

 

Tim, what were some things you said in your letter?

[Renard99]

Hi bslchump

 

I've been reading your posts and like many on here I can truely empathise with you.

 

It's been just over a week since my ex told me "I'm sorry but I don't think is working anymore, I see you more as a friend". I, just like you have had so many conflicting emotions and thoughts go through my head that I feel totally drained. I also just want her to hurry up and move out (she has plans but but they're progressing slower than hoped) so I can move on but at the same time would really like her to stay so we can be together. I've felt awful to the extent that I took time off work just to lie in bed all day, knowing that I couldn't find the energy for anything else. I've also gone right off my food, the large knot in my stomach seeing to that quite nicely.

 

I've also been looking on Facebook regularily to see what she's been saying. She's been posting loads of song lyrics lately and if I don't know it i've been looking up the full lyrics to see what the meaning of the song is. Sad, I know, but as people have said, your heart over rules the all the logic and advice that your head is providing. It's also been hard because on those days where I've been strong and not checked out what she's doing, she does of course still live here, so I find out even when I don't want to!

 

However, like you, I've already started to notice some approvement in my thoughts and feelings. Don't get me wrong, I'm still devastated. I still have far more questions than I have answers.... but... I have noticed that I've gone from crying multiple times each day, often at totally random times (like whilst reading an article on Formula 1 car aerodynamics for example!), to now only feeling a little bit weepy and even then only every few days. I've also started to conjure up some of the more negative aspects of the relationship to balance out my feelings a little bit. I've also found being on here really helps too, because, like you I think my mates are sick on hearing my ramblings about the break up!

 

I know this doesn't contain any advice but I've written this to hopefully show that there are other people in the exact same boat.

 

We're all survivors of a sinking ship, cast adrift in the same lifeboat, and I'm sure if we look around there are hundreds and hundreds of other life boats just like this one (LoveShack). I feel stronger for knowing this.

[bslchump]

Hi bslchump

 

I've been reading your posts and like many on here I can truely empathise with you.

 

It's been just over a week since my ex told me "I'm sorry but I don't think is working anymore, I see you more as a friend". I, just like you have had so many conflicting emotions and thoughts go through my head that I feel totally drained. I also just want her to hurry up and move out (she has plans but but they're progressing slower than hoped) so I can move on but at the same time would really like her to stay so we can be together. I've felt awful to the extent that I took time off work just to lie in bed all day, knowing that I couldn't find the energy for anything else. I've also gone right off my food, the large knot in my stomach seeing to that quite nicely.

 

I've also been looking on Facebook regularily to see what she's been saying. She's been posting loads of song lyrics lately and if I don't know it i've been looking up the full lyrics to see what the meaning of the song is. Sad, I know, but as people have said, your heart over rules the all the logic and advice that your head is providing. It's also been hard because on those days where I've been strong and not checked out what she's doing, she does of course still live here, so I find out even when I don't want to!

 

However, like you, I've already started to notice some approvement in my thoughts and feelings. Don't get me wrong, I'm still devastated. I still have far more questions than I have answers.... but... I have noticed that I've gone from crying multiple times each day, often at totally random times (like whilst reading an article on Formula 1 car aerodynamics for example!), to now only feeling a little bit weepy and even then only every few days. I've also started to conjure up some of the more negative aspects of the relationship to balance out my feelings a little bit. I've also found being on here really helps too, because, like you I think my mates are sick on hearing my ramblings about the break up!

 

I know this doesn't contain any advice but I've written this to hopefully show that there are other people in the exact same boat.

 

We're all survivors of a sinking ship, cast adrift in the same lifeboat, and I'm sure if we look around there are hundreds and hundreds of other life boats just like this one (LoveShack). I feel stronger for knowing this.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you have so many similar problems. Wanting her to leave so you can get on with things and wanting her to stay so you can be together is the exact feeling I have. It's completely illogical, but I feel like if I leave I can really fall back on the comfort of my friends at home, but when I'm gone she'll have a much easier time moving on. For some reason I don't want that.

 

Reading into lyrics too much can be brutal, I know. My ex posts lyrics on facebook, on her AIM profile, on freakin' everything. It's really hard not to analyze these for more than they're worth. I once asked her what the one meant and she said "That? Oh I just happened to be listening to that song and I liked it", so try not to think too much about it.

 

My days fluctuate like yours. The other day she came by to pick up a few things and I felt nothing but relief when she left. The following day I walked past a few DVDs and saw one we watched together and it nearly crippled me for almost an hour. I don't even know how to put my grief into words at those times. I remember when she was here and I felt that bad, I tried to tell her how I felt and I wound up just looking at her with my mouth open, nothing coming out. I couldn't even form words to express it.

 

I've been pretty down lately so it's a tad hypocritical, but keep your head up. Know that even if she initiated the break-up, there is no WAY she feels nothing from it. So you aren't the only one thinking of how great things used to be between you two, but you HAVE to be the one to keep quiet about it.

 

Please feel absolutely free to keep posting in this thread. It always helps to talk.

[tiffin]

Bsl I decided to chime in, I'm in a similar situation. Only she moved out. She stops over often because I'm still taking care of her pets. If she stays over she sleeps in another bedroom. Each visit seems to set me back. She wants to be friends. I hear about her new friend and all the other crap and it hurts. The fact is we are in limboville. We want things back the way they were, but for some reason she changed. Its kind of like allowing a self torture to go on. She perpetuates this by sending me conflicting messages. I know nc is the way to go I just haven't been able to do it. I want to see her yet I don't. When she isn't around that's all I can think about. We have no closure.