Feeling awful all over again

[bslchump]

Bsl I decided to chime in, I'm in a similar situation. Only she moved out. She stops over often because I'm still taking care of her pets. If she stays over she sleeps in another bedroom. Each visit seems to set me back. She wants to be friends. I hear about her new friend and all the other crap and it hurts. The fact is we are in limboville. We want things back the way they were, but for some reason she changed. Its kind of like allowing a self torture to go on. She perpetuates this by sending me conflicting messages. I know nc is the way to go I just haven't been able to do it. I want to see her yet I don't. When she isn't around that's all I can think about. We have no closure.

 

I think you two should sit down and talk about it. If you do, go into it prepared to break permanently. If she still has feelings for you and you for her, then maybe the problems can be solved. In my case, it didn't matter what I did because A) she said she didn't feel like she loved me anymore, and B) she had an exciting new man that she didn't know as much about. Is it a problem you two can possibly work through?

[tiffin]

Mine doesn't want to talk. Every time I bring it up she says you are making me mad. Who knows what that means. I gave it up. You are lucky your girl said her mind. I would say go nc and she will realize what she lost. Try going out with someone else and just have some fun. Keep an open mind and give her time to realize she made a mistake.

 

My ex doesn't commit but strings me along. I noticed that if I give her room and back off she tries to get closer. Wondering if it is a sick game. Trouble is it is having a big impact on my life and I need to do something. I tried the gym, going out with someone else, it only worked for as long as I was there.

[bslchump]

Mine doesn't want to talk. Every time I bring it up she says you are making me mad. Who knows what that means. I gave it up. You are lucky your girl said her mind. I would say go nc and she will realize what she lost. Try going out with someone else and just have some fun. Keep an open mind and give her time to realize she made a mistake.

 

My ex doesn't commit but strings me along. I noticed that if I give her room and back off she tries to get closer. Wondering if it is a sick game. Trouble is it is having a big impact on my life and I need to do something. I tried the gym, going out with someone else, it only worked for as long as I was there.

 

I'll be honest, your post made me smile a little. Everyone who knew the two of us says to me "Don't worry, she's going to realize what she lost" and it just makes me happy to think that. I don't really know why, it just does.

 

For your situation, if you're resolved to get past it and NEVER date again, then I would do something definitive. I'm moving out and flying 800+ miles home. That's pretty definitive.

 

Did she cheat? Were you two just kind of drifting apart? If it is the latter, I would strongly recommend going to her and not asking her to talk, but telling her you're going to talk. Say that if she doesn't ever want to get back together, fine, but you're not going to associate with her anymore (or move home or whatever it is you would need to do in your case). If she refuses to even talk about it a little bit just say very simply, "If you won't even talk to me about it, then I'm leaving." If she agrees and lets you go, then it wasn't ever going to happen anyway and you're saving yourself a whole lot of heartache. If she asks for some time to think about it, I don't see why not, just make sure you're not showing your emotions to her. Be a rock.

 

It's very tempting to think "well, even if she rejected an ultimatum now, it doesn't necessarily mean that we wouldn't get back together", but it does. I've lingered in this damn place too long because I was secretly hoping that she would want me back. I now realize that she can't possibly miss me if I'm still here, and once I'm gone it's too late anyway. I gave her the chance to say "let's work it out", but she didn't feel like it. Too much effort to save a 6 year relationship, i guess.

 

If you don't want her back period, you can just disregard my advice. I'm not sure how good it is anyway, but it seems to me like the thing to do. Of course, what do I know?

[bslchump]

I'm in bed and I can't sleep. I feel terrible right now. Nights and mornings are the absolute worst. There is just a big empty place where she used to sleep next to me. I miss being able to talk to someone at night. We used to have conversations until we fell asleep. I can't even remember what it's like waking up next to someone anymore, but I know I miss it.

 

Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to remember all the bad things about her, because tonight I just can't.

[tiffin]

I'm in the same place Bsl can't sleep, mornings are worse for me.

I went thru the no intimacy thing too after a squable about money four months later she moved out. I think we drifted apart some but after she moved out is when it hit me. I still love her and want her back. She says she wants to be friends, no relationship now. The part about being friends is that I hear about other guy and it makes me boil. Sure we get to see them and stay in contact but what else do we get out of it. She hasn't been a friend to me. Its all one sided. Yet I still can't let go. I think you should move on, bite the bullet. If its meant to be she will come running. Easier said than done. What helps me some is to take her off that pedestal and write down the bad points. The trouble is I keep thinking about the good times. I have all the memories here and I'm thinking I should move out too. But I know how hard it is to do a definitive thing like that.

[bslchump]

I'm in the same place Bsl can't sleep, mornings are worse for me.

I went thru the no intimacy thing too after a squable about money four months later she moved out. I think we drifted apart some but after she moved out is when it hit me. I still love her and want her back. She says she wants to be friends, no relationship now. The part about being friends is that I hear about other guy and it makes me boil. Sure we get to see them and stay in contact but what else do we get out of it. She hasn't been a friend to me. Its all one sided. Yet I still can't let go. I think you should move on, bite the bullet. If its meant to be she will come running. Easier said than done. What helps me some is to take her off that pedestal and write down the bad points. The trouble is I keep thinking about the good times. I have all the memories here and I'm thinking I should move out too. But I know how hard it is to do a definitive thing like that.

 

You're right, and I have decided to move on and bite the bullet. That means moving 800+ miles away and going NC. That means if she decided (very unlikely) that she wanted to date again that I'd be out of reach. I still don't think I could even date her without making all of my friends very angry. They all know the full story and they now loathe her. Most were mutual friends and they can't believe how she treated me after all I had done for her.

 

I've been hitting the gym regularly for the first time in...ever. Today I'm redoubling my efforts and am going to train really hard. Few things are more satisfying to me than feeling exhausted from a workout and then coming back to relax with a movie or some games. Plus, looking better will improve my chances of attracting someone else A little ego boost never hurt and I could sure use it now.

[is2008]

You're right, and I have decided to move on and bite the bullet. That means moving 800+ miles away and going NC. That means if she decided (very unlikely) that she wanted to date again that I'd be out of reach. I still don't think I could even date her without making all of my friends very angry. They all know the full story and they now loathe her. Most were mutual friends and they can't believe how she treated me after all I had done for her.

 

I've been hitting the gym regularly for the first time in...ever. Today I'm redoubling my efforts and am going to train really hard. Few things are more satisfying to me than feeling exhausted from a workout and then coming back to relax with a movie or some games. Plus, looking better will improve my chances of attracting someone else A little ego boost never hurt and I could sure use it now.

 

Presumably you're moving home? I think it's a wise move, go back to your family and friends, a familiar environment, back to your roots. If she wants to be with you, you're only 800 miles away. In today's age, that's nothing. Besides, if she did come, at least you'd know she was committed. In the meantime, stick at the gym and find someone new!!

[bslchump]

Presumably you're moving home? I think it's a wise move, go back to your family and friends, a familiar environment, back to your roots. If she wants to be with you, you're only 800 miles away. In today's age, that's nothing. Besides, if she did come, at least you'd know she was committed. In the meantime, stick at the gym and find someone new!!

 

More good advice. Yes, I am moving home. All of my friends are so excited that I've had at least 4 offers to move in with various people for as long as I wish. It's really nice to know I have a good support system back there. Since moving with her I've missed having much "guy" time and I suspect that would be just what the doctor ordered.

 

She is originally from the same town as I am. So I suppose you're right, if she did decide she wanted to be with me (still at this point in time I would say "no") she could move back too. I suppose I shouldn't be thinking of such things though, instead turning my focus to feeling better and meeting someone who will reciprocate my love rather than use it and give nothing in return.

[is2008]

Sounds perfect actually. It's like when you were a kid, you fall over, first thing you want to do is cry and tell your mother... it's the comfort of a familiar environment.

 

Besides with all your guy friends around, the healing process will be a LOT quicker... who knows, you may meet a childhood friend (female) who never got the opportunity to tell you how she felt about you.

 

Think of this as an opportunity to start afresh!!

 

We cling onto the past because we fear the uncertainty of the future, go for it, you only live once!

[tiffin]

Bsl, I think you are making the right move. If thats what she wants say goodbye, you deserve better.

Its tough to say it, but thats what I have to do also.

[bslchump]

I hope you guys are right. I can only imagine her being really happy right now with her new man as a distraction while I'm stupidly pining over her. How is it that I KNOW she's a terrible girlfriend and yet I miss her? Oh yeah, I should really miss doing all of the cooking, cleaning, bills, work, driving, errands, and not be appreciated for any of it.

 

I remember a few times where I wanted to have a nice romantic dinner with her because she had been having a stressful day/week. I cooked an entire dinner (one of her favorites) from scratch and cleaned up before serving so everything would look nice. I set the table and made her a plate and everything. She got up from the couch and took her plate back in front of the tv and didn't even thank me. I didn't really know what to say and she asked if something was wrong. I told her I wanted to sit down and eat with her for a nice meal together. She said she'd rather watch tv. Ugh.

[tiffin]

Bsl she sounds like my ex, maybe they are twins. She sounds as disordered as mine. Check out bpdfamily.com, I found some answers to her behavior there. Mine would do the same thing at dinner, she was very selfish. Had no empathy. I did the same things for mine helped her out with everything she needed help with and no appreciation. These types of women are the hardest to get over some reason. Mine also showed narcissist tendencies. They care about no one but themselves. I know what your going thru as I am going thru it myself.

[bslchump]

Tiffin, she had been diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder) but I hadn't really thought of it being a big issue. After reading on those forums for over an hour, I was clearly wrong. Many (if not all) of the people posting on there are in the same situation I am in. The problem is I don't know if I feel better or worse after reading it.

 

I want to shake her and go "I didn't do anything wrong! Why didn't you pick me?!" but of course, that would be crazy. She'll be coming back from her friends house soon and I suppose I'll have to avoid her and be silent unless I have to speak to her. It's going to be really difficult not being mean and nasty or flirty and lovey with her. This conflicting sense of getting her poison out of me and wanting to keep what should be mine is still here. I realize now that I was (am?) always seeking her approval.

 

She seems a little tired? Don't worry, I'll make us some dinner. She'll have to appreciate that and show me some affection for it.

 

She really wants X food/movie/etc? Well, I need to run an errand anyway at.....9 at night.....I can just go get that for her. She'll probably want to tell me she loves me, right?

 

I suppose I could go on, but what's the point?

[tiffin]

Bsl I wasn't sure I should mention it. I don't know if it helped me or not at least it gives me a little more understanding of where she is coming from. There is still no forgiveness from me for her acting that way. They know what they are doing. I think you have the right idea. We need to set boundaries. Be assertive and don't let her get away with anything. The old adage "give em an inch and they take a mile" is true.

[bslchump]

Today wasn't terrible actually. I distracted myself with a whole bunch of activities after she left a voicemail saying she was staying longer at her friends place. I felt better about it today. Mild annoyance that I keep expecting her back at a certain point and she keeps changing it, but she's never been reliable. It's probably better for her to stay away too.

 

I'm just going to ignore her when she comes back. I've said this countless times to myself, but I gotta fake it 'till I make it. I'm through trying to guilt her or make her see that she really loves ME and not someone else. I gave her so many more chances than she deserved. Her answer seems pretty clear, so if she has a problem with it in the future, tough ****.

 

Yeah. Let's hope THAT'S what I say.

 

Edit: Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that every. single. night. I have had dreams of her. It's always the same. She snottily rejects me and tells me I'm not good enough for her and that's why she's dating the other guy (don't want to post his name). I'm not religious and I don't believe in any spiritual meaning being derived from a dream, but wow, is there a worse way to start the morning?

Edited February 8, 2011 by bslchump

[bslchump]

She came over today to collect a few things and inform me that she'll be staying at her friends until I leave. The whole encounter was really difficult for me. I was so angry and so sad that I didn't know what to say. I couldn't think of ANYTHING that wouldn't sound like an attack or something. I half-expected her to apologize or say that she didn't want to do it but she thinks its best for me or some other bs, but I didn't get anything. Just a few awkward nods, her attempt at light-hearted banter and then she left again.

 

I want to text her or call her and get SOME sort of answer about SOMETHING from her. I feel so unsatisfied and empty after all that.

 

I'm just kind of sitting here not knowing what to type. All my words seem to fall flat. I hate this so much.

[Lauriebell82]

She came over today to collect a few things and inform me that she'll be staying at her friends until I leave. The whole encounter was really difficult for me. I was so angry and so sad that I didn't know what to say. I couldn't think of ANYTHING that wouldn't sound like an attack or something. I half-expected her to apologize or say that she didn't want to do it but she thinks its best for me or some other bs, but I didn't get anything. Just a few awkward nods, her attempt at light-hearted banter and then she left again.

 

I want to text her or call her and get SOME sort of answer about SOMETHING from her. I feel so unsatisfied and empty after all that.

 

I'm just kind of sitting here not knowing what to type. All my words seem to fall flat. I hate this so much.

 

It sounds like you are struggling with closure here. Like you want her to apologize and feel bad about hurting you. She hasn't done so, therefore most likely she doesn't feel all that bad about it. Plus she started sleeping with another guy right away! That shows you what type of person she really is.

 

So perhaps you can get a different kind of closure. That she is not the right person for you because of how she has treated you, and that you can do better then her. It's more like "finalization."

[bslchump]

It sounds like you are struggling with closure here. Like you want her to apologize and feel bad about hurting you. She hasn't done so, therefore most likely she doesn't feel all that bad about it. Plus she started sleeping with another guy right away! That shows you what type of person she really is.

 

So perhaps you can get a different kind of closure. That she is not the right person for you because of how she has treated you, and that you can do better then her. It's more like "finalization."

 

She hasn't slept with him. For the most part it was an emotional affair that led to sexual things via internet/phone. That's as far as things have gone "sexually".

 

She has apologized before, but they're always small, half-assed apologies that make me more angry and frustrated than satisfied. Like, she would say "I'm sorry that you're hurting", and I said "You're sorry that I'm in pain but not sorry that you did it." And she didn't know what to say. That was some time ago though.

 

I don't know, she's clearly done with me, but she leaves every time we talk and she's either crying or about to cry. It's so ****ing stupid that this girl who I used to share everything with I can't even ask to tell me what she's thinking.

 

Is texting her the wrong thing to do? I really really really want to.

[Lauriebell82]

She hasn't slept with him. For the most part it was an emotional affair that led to sexual things via internet/phone. That's as far as things have gone "sexually".

 

She has apologized before, but they're always small, half-assed apologies that make me more angry and frustrated than satisfied. Like, she would say "I'm sorry that you're hurting", and I said "You're sorry that I'm in pain but not sorry that you did it." And she didn't know what to say. That was some time ago though.

 

I don't know, she's clearly done with me, but she leaves every time we talk and she's either crying or about to cry. It's so ****ing stupid that this girl who I used to share everything with I can't even ask to tell me what she's thinking.

 

Is texting her the wrong thing to do? I really really really want to.

 

Phone/internet sex is still sex IMO. Texting her is most definately the wrong thing to, please stay strong!!!

 

I would agree that she isn't sorry she did it, otherwise she would have gotten back with. She doesn't want to be with you, you have accepted that, which is good, you just have to basically learn to live with it. That takes time. It's great that she has decided to move in with her friend, that will make it easier on you. The pain won't immediately go away, but you won't have to keep seeing her, which will help. Hang in there, you're doing great!

[timchambo]

She came over today to collect a few things and inform me that she'll be staying at her friends until I leave. The whole encounter was really difficult for me. I was so angry and so sad that I didn't know what to say. I couldn't think of ANYTHING that wouldn't sound like an attack or something. I half-expected her to apologize or say that she didn't want to do it but she thinks its best for me or some other bs, but I didn't get anything. Just a few awkward nods, her attempt at light-hearted banter and then she left again.

 

I want to text her or call her and get SOME sort of answer about SOMETHING from her. I feel so unsatisfied and empty after all that.

 

I'm just kind of sitting here not knowing what to type. All my words seem to fall flat. I hate this so much.

 

Oh man BSL, we gonna get through this. When do you leave? That will be when the healing really starts. **** man, hurts to see someone falling back down again. I did the same today. Maybe I am addicted to the pain or something. Its like I know I shouldnt check up and I know what will happen when I do, but I like to have a feeling besides numb sometimes. Yesterday I felt great, today after a random check up on her I find more info I didn't want to see. Oh well, its real I know it. Time for us to move on and find some strange.

 

oh and definitely do NOT text her. In not too long you will want her to feel like shes not important to you. That is when you will regret sending that text. Nothing you say now will change the short term. Anything she says now will be well calculated with some sort of agenda.

Edited February 10, 2011 by timchambo

[bslchump]

I'm sad to hear your news as well, Tim. Sometimes that tug of curiosity becomes too much and you have to see. That's what happened with me. I looked at her email after weeks of telling myself I wouldn't. I finally couldn't take it and found pictures and...graphic conversations they had been having. It shattered me. I haven't looked at anything since and never intend to again. Let's hope so, anyway.

 

And yes, I would agree that what she did is still sex/cheating. It was awful and the fact that she is clearly only sorry for getting caught makes me despise her. But when someone is forced to go from love to hate so quickly, feelings intermingle. Just a few hours ago I wanted to tell her how much everything we had meant to me, and then I snapped out of it and thought, "she doesn't deserve my glance, let alone kind words."

 

I am going to be moving out as soon as I can (I know, I keep saying that), but I have some complications that will delay it. Please believe that I am trying my best to get out though. If nothing else, tonight convinced me I cannot live with her or keep having her "drop by". I went from doing fairly well to being completely upset by the time she left.

 

I can now imagine going full NC once I get home. She and I have some ties left to cut and business to finish. Once I am away, I will NOT contact her. If she is happy with her new man, I do not want to be a part of her life. If she realizes she made a mistake and wants me back, I do not want to be a part of her life. She has lost my respect, dedication, and one day (hopefully soon) love. She deserves the bad fortune she is already having with him.

[timchambo]

Oh yes karma has it's way eventually. Maybe it will catch up quick with your ex. I am still amazed at how quick we can lose so much respect for these girls. I feel the same way. I'm seeing so much clearer now. I still don't think I could ever have predicted what my ex did, but the fact she was capable of this makes it even more satisfying. Had I believed her lies it would have hurt more. She may find someone that makes her happier, but nevr will she find someone that gives her what I did. Including the love. I've seen enough to know what I had was indeed what people strive for. One day it will hit her. Your case sounds no different.

 

One thing I find funny is how my ex is telling everyone including some of my family how happy she is. How often do you call someone to tell them you are so happy? I don't think I've ever done that. Just goes to show you in my case she so conflicted that she is forcing herself to believe certain things. I wonder if I'll ever get to the point of forgiveness. I read that you need to do that to heal. But how can someone forgive a cheater who takes you for all you got and leaves you ot of the blue. I don't plan on ever speaking to her again. I'm am more than satisfied in knowing that her and I both know I was literally her only true friend in the world and now I get to take that from her.

[bslchump]

Oh yes karma has it's way eventually. Maybe it will catch up quick with your ex. I am still amazed at how quick we can lose so much respect for these girls. I feel the same way. I'm seeing so much clearer now. I still don't think I could ever have predicted what my ex did, but the fact she was capable of this makes it even more satisfying. Had I believed her lies it would have hurt more. She may find someone that makes her happier, but nevr will she find someone that gives her what I did. Including the love. I've seen enough to know what I had was indeed what people strive for. One day it will hit her. Your case sounds no different.

 

One thing I find funny is how my ex is telling everyone including some of my family how happy she is. How often do you call someone to tell them you are so happy? I don't think I've ever done that. Just goes to show you in my case she so conflicted that she is forcing herself to believe certain things. I wonder if I'll ever get to the point of forgiveness. I read that you need to do that to heal. But how can someone forgive a cheater who takes you for all you got and leaves you ot of the blue. I don't plan on ever speaking to her again. I'm am more than satisfied in knowing that her and I both know I was literally her only true friend in the world and now I get to take that from her.

 

What is happening to your ex that's bad?

 

For a quick update, I don't feel particularly sad tonight. I don't feel particularly...anything tonight. It's kind of odd and frustrating at the same time. Everything just kind of feels empty right now. Me, the apartment, my enjoyment of activities.

 

I wish I didn't have so many things to deal with before I leave. I know that the day I leave is going to be incredibly difficult, though. I'm going to want to tell her things good or bad. I won't feel satisfied though. I just need to accept the fact that I will never feel "balanced" with this situation and I need to move past it. Once I get back to my friends I hope that will help.

[timchambo]

What is happening to your ex that's bad?

 

For a quick update, I don't feel particularly sad tonight. I don't feel particularly...anything tonight. It's kind of odd and frustrating at the same time. Everything just kind of feels empty right now. Me, the apartment, my enjoyment of activities.

 

I wish I didn't have so many things to deal with before I leave. I know that the day I leave is going to be incredibly difficult, though. I'm going to want to tell her things good or bad. I won't feel satisfied though. I just need to accept the fact that I will never feel "balanced" with this situation and I need to move past it. Once I get back to my friends I hope that will help.

 

Nothing bad happened to her that I know of. I am just a firm believer in karma. She rolls the dice with too much crap in her life. I've watched it blow up in her face on occasion. She rolled the dice with our relationship now. If she don't tie the knot with this new guy I have a feeling life gonna eat her up a bit. And if she does end up with him, who knows, but I suspect it wont be as comfortable as what we had.

 

So are you running into your ex on occasion now? Or is she out completely? If you have a bunch of things you want to tell her it might be a bit therapeutic to get them down on paper. And in the mean time you can decide if its something you want to give to her.

 

You asked about what I wrote my ex. Well the way our relationship ended and knowing her personality, it didn't end the way she wanted it to. She got caught and was too prideful to admit a mistake. New guy also happens to be decently established in her career field. So she ran with it. I know she has regrets, and with time if it don't work out with new guy I imagine those regrets may get worse. So I basically told her what I think she will realize in time. Explained how special what we had was and how people spend their lives finding a relationship like we had. Detailed some of the more romantic moments. Followed that up with a bit about how quick and cold she pulled this ****. Finished it with explaining how she will always have a place in my heart and an "I love you".

 

Looking back its too bad that wasn't the last contact. But the more I thought about it the more I realized just how bad what she did was. I had to tell her to quit calling which turned into an argument. Nobody I know can really believe what she did. I wish I could give all the details, but it would blow my cover. I'm sure there are worse stories though especially if kids were involved.

 

I was just thinking... I wonder if because we treated our ex's so well that they assume the new guy would do the same. My ex was totally spoiled. So when she didn't get something she wanted she must have been bitching about it to her new "friends". I get the feeling she got so used to us and what we had and what I would do for her that she was almost blind to it. The only notice she would take is when she wouldn't get her way.

[bslchump]

Nothing bad happened to her that I know of. I am just a firm believer in karma. She rolls the dice with too much crap in her life. I've watched it blow up in her face on occasion. She rolled the dice with our relationship now. If she don't tie the knot with this new guy I have a feeling life gonna eat her up a bit. And if she does end up with him, who knows, but I suspect it wont be as comfortable as what we had.

 

So are you running into your ex on occasion now? Or is she out completely? If you have a bunch of things you want to tell her it might be a bit therapeutic to get them down on paper. And in the mean time you can decide if its something you want to give to her.

 

You asked about what I wrote my ex. Well the way our relationship ended and knowing her personality, it didn't end the way she wanted it to. She got caught and was too prideful to admit a mistake. New guy also happens to be decently established in her career field. So she ran with it. I know she has regrets, and with time if it don't work out with new guy I imagine those regrets may get worse. So I basically told her what I think she will realize in time. Explained how special what we had was and how people spend their lives finding a relationship like we had. Detailed some of the more romantic moments. Followed that up with a bit about how quick and cold she pulled this ****. Finished it with explaining how she will always have a place in my heart and an "I love you".

 

Looking back its too bad that wasn't the last contact. But the more I thought about it the more I realized just how bad what she did was. I had to tell her to quit calling which turned into an argument. Nobody I know can really believe what she did. I wish I could give all the details, but it would blow my cover. I'm sure there are worse stories though especially if kids were involved.

 

I was just thinking... I wonder if because we treated our ex's so well that they assume the new guy would do the same. My ex was totally spoiled. So when she didn't get something she wanted she must have been bitching about it to her new "friends". I get the feeling she got so used to us and what we had and what I would do for her that she was almost blind to it. The only notice she would take is when she wouldn't get her way.

 

My ex still comes by every few days it seems to pick up a few more things. It's great and terrible at the same time because I'm excited to see her, then devastated when I do. Somehow she always looks more attractive whenever I see her.

 

I don't know about how they feel towards us vs their new guys. I'd like to think that they're in their honeymoon phase so most bad things have gone unnoticed, but that soon she'll realize "oh wow. He (me) actually did a lot for me...".

 

Tell me what to make of this though; a while ago when things were still shaky I had looked through her emails (big mistake on my part, I know) and found a sort of "self-diary". She went on to say that because of the new guy's prior obligations/schooling, he rarely had time for her. Now, as a quick sidenote, she has ALWAYS been super attention-driven. I couldn't stay with a friend for more than a few hours without being bombarded with texts about what I was doing and if I could see her instead. Anyway, she's complaining in about 10 emails to herself about how she needs more attention but she hasn't complained to him because they aren't really "official" and of course, it's a new thing. This whole thing simultaneously helped and hurt me. It helped because, wow, not even dating yet and already she feels ignored? His future profession/schooling will be nothing but time-consuming. It hurt me because of how she wrote about him. That she always "cares more about them then they do about her". She did add "Except xxxx (me). Xxxx always gave me all the attention and love I needed, but I can't feel love for him any more than I can make (the new guy) give me the attention I need." The thing that really drives into my mind is that she will throw herself at him sexually so he fawns over her and gives her the attention she craves. It makes the pit of my stomach feel like a rock thinking that sex had been such a touchy subject for the last year of our relationship, and then this new guy strolls in and she'll probably waste no time getting her panties off. She did the same with me. It's clear she lost feelings of love for me, and that hurts a lot, but she had been having problems with our relationship for a while (apparently) and just hid all the signs until it was too late. The issues she was having were SO easily solvable, but she never told me. Sometimes it's hard imagining them together as anything but blissful, but maybe that's just my own mind torturing myself. Maybe she realizes that I really was prepared to devote myself to her for life.

 

As far as friends go, I assure you that we had many mutual friends together. She has never been one who is able to keep long-term friendships because they always seem to fight, she takes it personally, and never speaks to them again. Since our split and learning what she did to me and how she handled it, she has literally lost ALL of our mutual friends. I have had half a dozen people contact me asking to send her nasty phone calls or texts telling her what a rotten person she is for doing what she did to someone so undeserving. I of course tell them that now would probably be inappropriate. Even the female friends of hers refused to speak to her after hearing both of our stories. All of her friends now are ones who have ONLY heard her side of things (she always tells people in a way that makes me look awful and her like a martyr) and did not know me personally. I'm amazed that this hasn't really come to her attention. Maybe she's too wrapped up in her new relationship?