annisha Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Hey there, very new to the board but did read alot of threads last night. I hvent found anything similar to mine at the moment. I have been with my gf for about 6 months now and did meet in an online community. We get along brilliantly and havent had any arguments, have always kept in touch via text, phone, skype, webcam ect. Im meant to be meeting her in March. Shes in the uk and im in australia. Anyway when we first met she told me her mother has Parkinsons Disease and recently it has got alot worse. Shes very lucky because she lives next door to her Mom and can go and help her. However its gotten alot worse because her Mother is now hallucinating due to her meds and she cant leave her Mothers side. While this has all been going on i have received 1 text a day and thts fine, i do know she has got her hands full atm. However the last 3 days i have not recieved anything from her at all. I have kept my distance slightly, i have sent a couple of text msgs saying im thinking of her and there for her. I havent asked why she hasnt msged me bc i dont want to hassle the poor thing. Here is my dillemma. The last text msg said she feels like she is cracking up and cant handle anything in her life. So the last one i sent to her was im here for you , if you need to call ill keep my phone on at all times. Never heard from her again. So im really confused. This is going to sound incredibly selfish on my part. However it only takes a second to text someone to say there alright but yet she hasnt done that. She would know im absolutely worried about her, i dont need to tell her that. Im just finding it really difficult going from everyday contact (4 hours each time online together) to nothing. Ive decided to just give her some space for couple of days and not text her, but im so scared. Ive got all the "what if" thinking. Such as "what if her love has faded for me" "what if shes gong to dump me bc she feels she cant give any of herself for me anymore" Id willingly wait for her because what shes going through is not her fault. Its an uncontrollable circumstance. I just miss her so much and feel so helpless stuck here in Aus and not be able to hold her and be with her to help her through this tough time. Dammmit i hate this, and feel so bloody terrible for her to. Please someone help me out on this one coz sometimes i dont feel im coping too well. I do have depression myself but my anti depressants are keeping me afloat. However i can feel the edge of the anxiety and depression coming through somtimes. Thanks Anni Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I don't blame you for feeling the way you feel, no matter what's occurring its important to let your SO in on your life and whats going on. She may be going through a hard time but it's no reason to "forget" about you, Not saying she has but my guess is that's totally how you feel. If you can get hold of her at any moment make sure to tell her this is important while she may not come to you for support now, she can't forget that you still need her too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author annisha Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Thanks for your reply. Im very confused. I knw her mind must be full with worry about her mom. I completely understand that. Thats why i dont want to bring it up asking her to at least keep me updated and that im really really worried. I dont want to push her away bc she obviously has so much stress already. However if i was in the same situation as her i would text her if she texted me. It does really hurt. I dont know how long to be there for her, how long i should wait before i send her a text asking why i havent heard from her yet. It puts my tummy into knots wondering what the hell is going on. Has she had a breakdown? Has her mom gone into hospital? I think its wrong that she cant send me a text, it hardly takes anytime. However writing all this i think im being extremely selfish to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author annisha Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 OH forgot to add. I have her on Facebook and she hasnt been online there either. She hasnt been on any of the websites that we frequent. Her friends havent heard from her either. Im actually the last one who she contacted when she said she was cracking up. Then thats it, nada, zilch. Ill jsut send her a text today saying "thinkiing of you" and if i dont hear bck by saturday i will bring it up then. I just feel if i say something now she will let me go because she knows how difficult it is for me..and i dont want that to happen. The thing with this is its not predictable. I dont know how long her mothers illness will go on. So there is no real time frame to go by either. Sighs....i love her so very much but really dont know where to go with this but just keep offering support. However when i dont get anything back its bloody hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author annisha Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Anyone else?? I just need different POV on how i should handle this situation the best. Thnks Anni Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Can you call her? Or can you talk to any of her friends or family to find out if she is ok? She's going through a very rough time but it's not fair on you to not let you know what's happening, unless she's unable to let you know (if she's having a breakdown for example). I was so busy with work years ago I remember not even having time to text friends, so it possible she is just so tied up with caring for her mother there's literally no time for anything else at all. But, communication and staying in touch as much as possible is crucial in an LDR, without it there's nothing keeping things together. I feel for you and hope you hear from her soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author annisha Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Hey there, whenever i try to call her she doesnt answer bc her phone is on silent, she doesnt want to disturb her mother. She also runs her own engineering firm and sometimes she can work 13 hours a day. I just wish i knew what was going on, and her friends havent even her from her. I have some of her friends on my contact list on FB and they all find it odd that she hsnt made contact. I figured i may wait untill saturday and text her then. I just cant beleive she cant find one minute just to text me and it does scare me alot. And the fact the last thing she said to me in a text was shes cracking up and shes not coping too well atm worries me. Her father died a few years ago so she doesnt really have anyone else to share duties with looking after her Mother, so she has to do it all by herself. ATM she doesnt seem to have much of a life, caring for her Mother and then working incredibly long hours. However i dont think she work bc of having to care for her Mother. But yes i do need communication from her coz i worry about her terribly and i dont know how long this rship will last if we dont have that. I wish i could just go over and help her out. I hve her home address but i dont want to push it. Not sure if she needs space, she hasnt told me she does. However im still not sure what to do, send a msg telling her im thinking about her and hope shes doing well or leave it till the w'end. Give her time to text me if she can. Aggggg so confusing and i miss the crap out of her lol Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 If you've sent a text today saying 'thinking of you' I would leave it until Saturday before texting again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author annisha Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 I havent sent a text today, i sent my last text to her yesterday saying im here for her if she needs to talk.Obviously im not that important coz she hasnt contacted me. I will wait untill Saturday. If she hasnt contacted me by then im not sure what i will write. Maybe something along the lines of "i know you have your hands full atm and i really do empathise with you. However ive been extremely worried because i havent heard from you since you said you were cracking up. So please send me a text just to let me know how your going" Hows that? Not too needy or clingy or deperate lol. This is doin my head in grrrrr. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 That sounds ok I havent sent a text today, i sent my last text to her yesterday saying im here for her if she needs to talk.Obviously im not that important coz she hasnt contacted me. I will wait untill Saturday. If she hasnt contacted me by then im not sure what i will write. Maybe something along the lines of "i know you have your hands full atm and i really do empathise with you. However ive been extremely worried because i havent heard from you since you said you were cracking up. So please send me a text just to let me know how your going" Hows that? Not too needy or clingy or deperate lol. This is doin my head in grrrrr. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 What a tough situation. I think you're handling it very well, though. Come here to vent and give her the space she needs right now. From what you've described, it sounds like she hasn't had much contact with anyone so, even though I know it's incredibly hard, I wouldn't take it personally. Once things settle down, I'm sure you'll hear from her again like you normally did, especially with your upcoming visit. Unfortunately, I don't think there's much advice to be given here because there's nothing anyone can do until things calm down a bit for her. Sending her a quick text to say you're thinking of her never hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author annisha Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 I still havent heard anything. Whats amazing to me is in the past if someone did something like this i would really panic, think they dont love me anymore and send millions of texts saying how much i need them ect ect. So im shocked by my own behaviour to be honest. Im surprised i have been able to keep it together. However it is hard. Each morning i wake up and look at my phone to see if she has left me a text and each morning there is nothing there. Ive decided to send her a text along these lines today " Hey there, i havent heard from you for awhile so i am hoping your alright. I know you have your hands full at the moment so contact me when you feel up to it.Ill always love you and im not going anywhere' I think that lets her know that ill be here for her when shes ready to come back and there is no pressure. I hope thats what it comes out like anyway. In the meantime ill come on here and rant and rave and vent lol. God its hard though. She still hasnt checked her facebook ect. ****ty thing is i dont know how long this will continue with her Mother and maybe this could be the end of us. Pity because we were brilliant together, made plans together ect Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Seaofclouds Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Just out of curiosity, could you ask one of her friends to go check on her in person? I mean, if you are really worried she could be having a breakdown and since she hasn't even talked to any of her friends in several days, getting someone to check on her in person may be a good idea. I know it's a worst case scenario, but it's best to know that everything is ok and since the last thing you heard was her in distress, I think it would be good for someone to check on her. You could always send her a message saying "Just so you know, so and so is planning to come check on you since none of us have heard from you and we are worried about you." Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Sometimes during times of incredible stress, or trauma, people can develop a sense of apathy towards life in general. If all of her energy is focused on her mother's illness, she has little energy to give to anything else. LDR's are difficult in general, but your situation is compounded by a serious illness in her family on top of the distance between the two of you. You're being as understanding as you can be given the circumstances, but the relationship is obviously going to suffer becuase all of her free time is spent caring for her ailing parent. You have little choice but to be patient, unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author annisha Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 Thankyou for all of your replies Im so glad i have people to talk to, my friends dont understand why i feel like this because they havent experienced an LDR. I did contact one of her friends again but she hasnt anwered as of yet. All i cn do now is just keep myself busy and look after me for the time being. Theres just this underlying fear that is buried beneath the surface knowing this could possibly be the end of us Shes an amazing person and my heart aches for what she must be going through, and all i can do is text her every couple of days so she knows i havent given up. Im thinking of sending a little bracelet of mine to her so she has something personal of mine to hang on to. The other week i sent her flowers and a teddy bear so i hope she still takes the teddy bear with her to bed lol. Anyway as i said i sent her a text saying that i am here for her, and there is no pressure for her to reply bc i understand shes gong through alot. I called her "pomface" and signed off as "skipface" Just our affectionate terms we have for each other, hopefully something to bring a little smile to her face. Ok thanks, ill continue to rant and rave and thankyou for listening to me and replying. It really does mean alot Link to post Share on other sites
Author annisha Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 oh god im starting to miss her sooooo much, i miss the fun we have together, the romance, the words of love, i miss everything. Im close to crying atm and about to crack and send her a text asking why she is ignoring me . ... i want to know if she still wants me. Im so close to crying but im scared to cry just in case i cant stop.;..i just wish things were the way they used to be. I wish she would just let me know whats going on. I just wish i knew weather to move on or not...soooooo hard!!!! Sorry i needed this rant so i didnt send her that text. Link to post Share on other sites
Author annisha Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 Ok i thik i have stuffed up. I sent her a text asking her to please text me so i know shes alright because im crying with worry here.Grrrrr but i couldnt help it. I just broke down and cried and sent that msg. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts