Borderline personality disorder

[evil hank]

I see there was a thread about NPS, has anyone have had any experiences with being dumped by a BPD person. In a nutshell our relationship was terrible, i was going insane. I would feel like everything was my fault while she went around doing what ever she pleased. Now im at 11 days NC, im sure she is out sleeping around, but im having a HELL of a time getting over this how i felt she was everything and yet i was nothing. This is by far my worst break up ever, it feels like a drug withdraw.

 

Any experience or point of view would be great

 

TIA

[PegNosePete]

Is this BPD diagnosed by a doctor? Or is it just something you feel she has symptoms of?

 

BPD has been flavour of the month for a little while now. People don't just "do crazy sh#t" any more, it's all got to be down to some sort of brain chemical imbalance. A form of blame-shifting I guess. It's not her fault, it's her disorder.

[DustySaltus]

I see there was a thread about NPS, has anyone have had any experiences with being dumped by a BPD person. In a nutshell our relationship was terrible, i was going insane. I would feel like everything was my fault while she went around doing what ever she pleased. Now im at 11 days NC, im sure she is out sleeping around, but im having a HELL of a time getting over this how i felt she was everything and yet i was nothing. This is by far my worst break up ever, it feels like a drug withdraw.

 

Any experience or point of view would be great

 

TIA

 

The most important thing to understand about bpd is that although we alll screw up at some point or another, the breakup really had nothing to do with you. I've been there man, was engaged to one. But as peg asked, was she diagnosed or did you research it yourself? Here's a great support site for you: bpdfamily.com

[evil hank]

well, i have been dating her for 2 years, been engaged for 3months when she finally left. She is not officially BPD, but her uncle has bipolar so we know it runs in the family. I understand the flavor of hte month, but ive been seeing a therapist and she thinks she has it, the more research i have done on it all falls in place. She started out needed to be rescued, then clingy and how many fights she hates me, and I started tobelive i was a terrible person. Always would fight and yet i would try to save her us, i should of walked away after 6 months. My mother (who i dont talk to) is most likely BPD, hense my attraction. Most people didnt see the real her, just me. Around friend and family she was uber cool, but behind doors, would always hurt me. I NEVER hit her or anything but she would attack me punch me, kick me. I found out that she cheated once and she couldnt even admit it was her fault. She found a way to make it seem like it was my fualt. As time goes on i start dissecting the relationship more and start too see patterns. THe worst part is coming to the conclusion that she never did love me.

 

 

Day 12 nc, and im having a hard time.

[evil hank]

one day i got her to admit she needs help, but getting her ot go was impossible, not to mention i would fear that she would blame the therapist.

 

FML, i feel so empty.

[PegNosePete]

It doesn't matter whether she is BPD or not. She is a cheater. That is what to focus on. Her mental state is her own problem now. She cheated on you and that is that, whether she tries to blame-shift it onto you or anyone else, or whether you are trying to blame-shift it onto BPD as a denial or pedestal tactic, doesn't matter.

 

Sucks dude but you're better off with out her.

[evil hank]

Well, yes i know a cheater is a cheater is a cheater. The problem as i start to figure out the entire relationship, she destroyed me and now im a mess. Im more or less trying to figure it out better so if I by chance meet antoher one I know when to run in begining instead of hoping for change. IF that makes any sense.

 

I know its easy to blame the BDP, thats not what im trying to do, but at the smae time triyng to figure she has put me in this box, im pathetic right now, and this isnt me. I have managed to be NC, but im scared if she called i wouldnt be able to ignore it.

[PegNosePete]

Dude you need to work on yourself and get out of that box. Hit the gym. Take up new hobbies. Go skydiving, bungee jumping, skiing. Whatever takes your fancy.

 

Believe me when you meet someone with no mental problems, you can tell instantly! Been there done that. So no worries about getting into the same situation again.

[Feelin Frisky]

..BPD has been flavour of the month for a little while now. People don't just "do crazy sh#t" any more, it's all got to be down to some sort of brain chemical imbalance. A form of blame-shifting I guess. It's not her fault, it's her disorder.

 

There's "blame-shifting" and then there's legitimately trying to understand exactly what was at issue. If there was a "disorder" at work, it's paramount for the person who is unafflicted with it but a victim of it to see it and to recognize it so that he or she does not blunder into the same kind of relationship again or continue to recriminate themselves for what went wrong. What's the alternative? Choosing blindness?

 

 

To the OP, I had the worst break up of my life over this. But I was ultimately the dumper thank god. I'd feel like a total dish rag if I had to suffer both the utter disappointment of an unworkable relationship at the time when I most wanted a marriage and children and being the one cast off. I know that she could just flip a switch and replace me with someone else but I didn't think to focus on her. I instead sought help for me. I didn't understand all along that I was in a hopeless situation with someone with a real complex that I could never resolve. It made me a mess. I needed real medication to help me see what was at issue and resolve it rather than the self-medication I was prescribing for myself to soften the symptoms. I don't know if I had "depression" before that relationship but I qualified for anti-depressants after. And they made a world of difference.

[YellowShark]

If you are in a relationship with someone with BPD you are in a no-win situation. They will drive you INSANE and HURT you. In the end you will be a shattered shell who will question your every move. There is no end to what they will do to you; lying, cheating, violence, substance abuse, gaslighting, blamescaping, un-controlled spending, wildly-changing moods, and zero remorse.

 

If your partner is BPD, or has been diagnosed with BPD, you either have to bail on the relationship or become an expert in BPD so that you are not destroyed by their toxic behaviours. I know it sounds harsh, but trust me, when you date someone with a mental illness you are walking into a minefield of pain.

 

Go read here as DustySaltus suggested. It's the Loveshack for folks dating people with BPD. http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/

[evil hank]

ITs good to hear all of this, the worst part is dealing iwth the fact that you (me) were jsut a toy, a game, a source of entertainment. Im sure she is seeing someone else now, she couldnt be alone this long, im only scared of her contacting me later and will I be strong enough to ignore it?

 

How do these people with BPD turn your life in to a mess so easily. I mean wow, i should of run FAR FAR away, and here i am, secretly wishing for her return.

[YellowShark]

ITs good to hear all of this, the worst part is dealing iwth the fact that you (me) were jsut a toy, a game, a source of entertainment. Im sure she is seeing someone else now, she couldnt be alone this long, im only scared of her contacting me later and will I be strong enough to ignore it?

 

How do these people with BPD turn your life in to a mess so easily. I mean wow, i should of run FAR FAR away, and here i am, secretly wishing for her return.

 

Please go read the board at: http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/

 

It will open your eyes. Dating someone with BPD is fraught with sadness and pain. Hell, dating anyone with a serious mental illness is really really tough.