Richard_87 Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 Hi all SO my ex girlfriend dumped me last year.. it was pretty horrendous for both of us, but she told me she just didnt love me like she used to... Fair enough... We kept on good terms, but after a lot of trying to get back with her, I took the hint that it wasnt going to happen, and Ive currently left her completely.. no talk no nothing... I am actually really happy that I have finally gotten over her... I dont need her any more and it is liberating to be a happy guy once again.. I love her to bits, but I refuse to live a lie for the rest of my life in order to be a "mate".... She isnt my "mate" because I love her dearly... So she dumped me, yet she seems to be insanely emotionally attached to me.. Like a friend but more meaningful, a soul mate i guess... In my opinion, dumping someone should hardly be condusive to having a great relationship. And to be quite honest I know that any relationship I have with this girl will end as soon as she finds someone as nice as me who she also finds attractive. She will not be interested in me..I know she likes someone, and she will be running away so quickly from me if they go out... Im not naive or stupid... So she is trying her best to be with me. Every night I get phone calls, saying how it shouldnt be too much to ask to speak to me.. She always wants to go out on dates (but no extras im positive about that ) Asking me why I keep ignoring her (well what did you expect when you dumped me?) Shes basically giving me a huge guilty conscience because I ran away from the situation... Its sad because i've also lost a whole lot of respect for her.. Call me a bastard if you want, but she did get rid of me... Why should I feel any obligation to be there for her? Id just like a chat about it really because its a very weird situation... Link to post Share on other sites
FreeMe Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 You shouldn't feel any obligation at all. Tell her very firmly to leave you alone and stop calling you. Tell her it absolutely is too much to ask to talk to you - you're not interested. This is apparently my advice of the week but it seems like a bunch of people are dealing with an ex who just will not go away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richard_87 Posted March 23, 2004 Author Share Posted March 23, 2004 Originally posted by FreeMe You shouldn't feel any obligation at all. Tell her very firmly to leave you alone and stop calling you. Tell her it absolutely is too much to ask to talk to you - you're not interested. This is apparently my advice of the week but it seems like a bunch of people are dealing with an ex who just will not go away. That would feel like the best thing to do, but its still a pretty awful thing to have to do to someone who still likes you... What I'm hoping she will do is somehow take the hint and leave herself... i dont know how long its going to take though! Shouldn't I be the one doing the clinging on???? Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 That post-relationship behavior does happen. The dumper, for whatever reasons, wants to keep the dumpee in her emotional orbit. It's as if you're the emotional fall back guy. You're relationship insurance. Plus, many women are loathe to completely end serious relationships with decent guys who, for whatever reason, no longer fit the bill. I understand why you're thinking "What the f*** is she doing?" It does happen. You have to ask yourself whether you want to be her default or fall back relationship. Your ex, your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richard_87 Posted March 23, 2004 Author Share Posted March 23, 2004 Originally posted by zarathustra That post-relationship behavior does happen. The dumper, for whatever reasons, wants to keep the dumpee in her emotional orbit. It's as if you're the emotional fall back guy. You're relationship insurance. Plus, many women are loathe to completely end serious relationships with decent guys who, for whatever reason, no longer fit the bill. I understand why you're thinking "What the f*** is she doing?" It does happen. You have to ask yourself whether you want to be her default or fall back relationship. Your ex, your choice. So I am basically being used I am also really impressed at my ability to filter through all her crap and see the facts for myself... Maybe im overly cynical after being dumped??? Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 So I am basically being used I believe you are but not in a bad way. I bet she likes you and has residual feelings for you. This will only turn bad if you place your emotional/erotic life on an indefinite holding pattern hoping that she'll come back to you. That's not worth it, in my opinion. Right now, she has you in the wings and is playing the field. That's not a bad position to be in. Link to post Share on other sites
FreeMe Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 If you feel like it's too crappy a thing to do right now, then tolerate it for as long as you can. If you do tell her to stop calling you, you don't have to be mean about it. You can just say that you are trying to move on and her phone calls are causing you discomfort. Just remember that you can control what you accept. If it's a nuisance to have her calling you, you don't have to tolerate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richard_87 Posted March 23, 2004 Author Share Posted March 23, 2004 Originally posted by FreeMe If you feel like it's too crappy a thing to do right now, then tolerate it for as long as you can. If you do tell her to stop calling you, you don't have to be mean about it. You can just say that you are trying to move on and her phone calls are causing you discomfort. Just remember that you can control what you accept. If it's a nuisance to have her calling you, you don't have to tolerate it. To be honest, this is a completely new situation for me.. I dont know what I want... Im just really happy that I have gotten over her... (This winter was an awful one for me and Im glad its all over).... And I guess I am feeling a bit bitter towards her at the same time.. Shes phoning me as we speak... repeatedly :s Link to post Share on other sites
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