Disgusted with family

[BklynGuy]

I am the only male, 2 sisters, father's dead & my mother. I worked full time all my life until 27, (worked part-time) decided to really put my energies into my education. Problem is during my working years I supplemented my sisters as they weren't working & each had a child with absentee fathers.

 

I had no problem helping them financially, and to raise their kids. Now the tables have turned & I'm the one out of work. I don't get a penny. My older sister is a doctor & my younger sisters has 2 incomes. They don't help me out at all!!!!! Although they dump their kids on me when they need help or a free babysitter. Due to finances I'm living at home right now, 31 years old. About 6 classes away from graduation.

 

If my niece has a problem or needs help my sister & mother are on me. My nephew comes over every weekend & I go to pick him up & bring him home. They both dumped their kids on me all of last summer while they were out working. I can't stand this arrangement.....Like I need to withdraw from it but I can't leave home right now.

 

It's just a vicious cycle, my niece & nephew aren't guilty of anything but I don't see why the #@*% I should be helping their parents when I get NO support myself....like my sisters think it's MY JOB to help them & do for them...that's their constant expectation. What do I do? As I said, I'm unemployed at the moment, taking an EMT course which I hope leads to work but that's potentially a couple months off. ARRGGGHHH!!! The frustration.

[whichwayisup]

You need to tell them how you feel and why. You've put yourself out for them, so many times and they haven't been there for you. Talk to them all, let them know how it pisses you off / hurts you that they aren't there for YOU during your rough times.

[BklynGuy]

I've tried several times over the years....they don't care. As long as they have theirs, that's all that matters. Talking is not the solution to this problem.

[worlybear]

Just a thought, but as you are obviously so good with kids why don't you charge for child care arrangements -set up a care schedule or play-leader scheme. Then tell your family that if they want their kids looked after, then it's only fair that they pay the going rate,same as your other customers- and believe me you'll get loads! Good luck!

[sally4sara]

Just a thought, but as you are obviously so good with kids why don't you charge for child care arrangements -set up a care schedule or play-leader scheme. Then tell your family that if they want their kids looked after, then it's only fair that they pay the going rate,same as your other customers- and believe me you'll get loads! Good luck!

 

This is brilliant!

 

Sounds like some folks need to get the cold turkey treatment. You helped when they needed it and that is both rare and awesome. Now they don't need it anymore and you continuing to cater to them is keeping them weak; lazy and their characters are suffering from it. Do this one last act of service to them by cutting them off the free ride. They can do without you now and only using your sense of responsibility to your family against you. But it takes an effort out of you too. You're clearly someone who feels a high level of obligation to your family so you will have to step out of what is familiar to you (its going to feel mean after being helpful for so long) and stick to your guns. YOU have nothing to be ashamed of here. You gave years of your life to them and no amount of whining or complaints should have you forgetting that in the crux.

[Lucky_One]

There's also a bit of timing here. From (let's say) 20-27, you worked full-time and helped out an older sister who had a child but was in med school (4 years undergrad, 4 years med school, 3-4 years intern/residency), as well as a younger sister who had a child.

 

Now you are 31 and unemployed, and live at home with your mother, who is paying all of your living expenses. Perhaps your sisters feel that you should be looking harder for a job, as you do have lots of prior years of work experience. Perhaps they feel that your childcare IS your job, and your mother is "paying" you, via living with her.

 

Some people feel that it's one thing to help out someone young and struggling at the beginnings of their careers, and another to help out someone able bodied and established.

 

In most circles, people who work two jobs work those jobs because they NEED the money, not because they love working so much. Your younger sister may be working in order to put as much money as she can into savings for her child's future college expenses. Your older sister probably graduated with a lot of debt (average med student graduated with $139,000 in debt, in 2007) (average starting salary ranges from $68,000 (psychiatrist) - $121,000 (anesthesiologist) plus male med school grads start at $17,000 more than females!), and has been working for about 3-4 years (18 years + 12 years of schooling, 2 years older than you), AND could be carrrying from $10k - $200k in malpractice liability insurance ($10k for a surgeon in Minnesota to $200k for a OB/GYN in Florida).

 

So your indignation at one sister working two jobs and one sister being a doctor doesn't really add up. Neither of them necessarily are rolling in dough and neither of them have an obligation to fund your living expenses while your mother is paying for you.

 

Personally, if you only need 6 classes to graduate, I would be looking into financial aid and doing all I could to make those credits up. JMHO.