SithLord Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I think NOT sending a card shows you in a worse light than sending one. Thats so untrue...................Fear is what drives you guys...Stop fearing and start having brass balls. My ex bday is on sunday ask me if im going to contact her? I heard from the graphvine she thinking about and having conversations about me. Skee - Prepare to live with any decision to make, if u want to do it go for it, sometimes the best times to contact someone is the worst times! Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Thats so untrue...................Fear is what drives you guys...Stop fearing and start having brass balls. My ex bday is on sunday ask me if im going to contact her? I heard from the graphvine she thinking about and having conversations about me. Skee - Prepare to live with any decision to make, if u want to do it go for it, sometimes the best times to contact someone is the worst times! Fear is what drives us, says the sith... bahahaha. Anyways, sorry my Star Wars nerd came out for a second. In my opinion, don't overanalyze it, and simply trust your gut not your head on this one. There is no right answer to this question. You need to do what you feel is right, not what you think. It may or may not hurt either way, no one really knows both sides make very valid points. Now what about a dumper texting a dumpee, lol my birthday is a month from now I wonder if she'll text me? Lol, just go with your gut -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Your such a Gator...Lmao....Use the force. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 If you are a dumpee, there is absolutely no reason to contact your ex and wish them a happy birthday unless you are content with nothing more than a friendship. If you harbor any hopes of reconciliation, don't contact them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skee Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 (edited) In my opinion, don't overanalyze it, and simply trust your gut not your head on this one. There is no right answer to this question. You need to do what you feel is right, not what you think. It may or may not hurt either way, no one really knows both sides make very valid points. thanks man that's what makes this topic so interesting, it's the variety of opinions and the fact that I also feel there is no "right" or "wrong" answer to this question...I think there's a ton of valid points from both sides throughout this thread...it's true, no one really knows what effect either decision would have, myself included which is why I'm confused by posts like this... If you are a dumpee, there is absolutely no reason to contact your ex and wish them a happy birthday unless you are content with nothing more than a friendship. If you harbor any hopes of reconciliation, don't contact them. a simple birthday card will crush all my hopes of reconciliation? can you at least explain why you feel that way? other than by saying "by doing nothing, at least you can't mess up" I'm just curious, why do some on the "ignore her birthday" side keep preaching that as if it's infallible advice? like it's been proven 100% of the time that anyone who wishes their ex a happy birthday will NEVER get them back, regardless of the circumstances surrounding the breakup...I respect your opinion, but to paint every single breakup with the same broad stroke is short-sighted in my opinion a previous ex of mine (dumpee) harbored hopes of reconciliation with me (dumper) years ago...she got in touch with me first (a birthday card) after 3 months NC, and that was the starting point to us eventually getting back together I'm just saying, there's a uniqueness to every single relationship/breakup/potential reconciliation that comes with its own emotions, complexities and nuances if the answer was that simple, I don't think we'd have such an assortment of viewpoints in this thread Edited February 10, 2011 by Skee Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 a simple birthday card will crush all my hopes of reconciliation? can you at least explain why you feel that way? other than by saying "by doing nothing, at least you can't mess up" Every time you contact your ex before they contact you, it lowers your value. I didn't say it will crush your hopes of reconciliation, but it's not conducive to either giving them the space to miss you, or moving on if reconciliation is not possible. What happens if you send your ex a birthday greeting? It confirms to her that she still has you wrapped around her finger and she can have you back if she wants. Only when she realizes that getting you back is not an automatic thing is there going to be any hope of reconciling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skee Posted February 11, 2011 Author Share Posted February 11, 2011 (edited) Every time you contact your ex before they contact you, it lowers your value. I didn't say it will crush your hopes of reconciliation, but it's not conducive to either giving them the space to miss you, or moving on if reconciliation is not possible. What happens if you send your ex a birthday greeting? It confirms to her that she still has you wrapped around her finger and she can have you back if she wants. Only when she realizes that getting you back is not an automatic thing is there going to be any hope of reconciling. that's fair, I respect that viewpoint...two things though: 1. I agree, my ex had to be thinking that getting me back would be automatic while we were still friends after the breakup...until I was the one who ended our friendship. I've been total NC since. If NC is having my desired effects (making her miss me, making her have doubts about the breakup, wondering what I'm doing, etc.) there's no way she can still think anything is automatic...NC takes away their "automatic" safety net 2. You're saying a birthday card will lower my value to this girl...you're a guy right? Outside of D-Lish, who made a lot of great points, the strongest objectors here on LS to acknowledging her birthday have been guys, for a lot of the same reasons: you'll lower your value, you'll look weak, etc. ...but yet, an overwhelming majority of females have told me to acknowledge her birthday. Some of them know my ex (in my personal life), some (here on LS) don't know her, and none of them truly know how she'll react (neither do I)...they can only give me advice based on their own personal experiences and emotions... so when they hear/read my story and I ask this question, they project this situation onto themselves...and they say "acknowledge her birthday", because they know it would make THEM feel good and would have a positive effect on them on some level if they were in my ex's shoes if that's the case, how can something have a positive effect, yet still lower my value? can that even make sense? Edited February 11, 2011 by Skee Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Maybe those girls (the ones on LS) are taking it from the point of view of a dumpee? I mean, most of us here were in the receiving end of the break up, right? Just saying... Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Every time you contact your ex before they contact you, it lowers your value. I didn't say it will crush your hopes of reconciliation, but it's not conducive to either giving them the space to miss you, or moving on if reconciliation is not possible. What happens if you send your ex a birthday greeting? It confirms to her that she still has you wrapped around her finger and she can have you back if she wants. Only when she realizes that getting you back is not an automatic thing is there going to be any hope of reconciling. Then there's the other side of if you don't message her she thinks you're a complete tool and never wants to hear from you again. And then there's the other side of that which says it will bruise her ego and make her want to pursue you even more... This is too complex of a question, I definitly wouldn't send a card for this because that convery too much effort. While a text is more of a courtesy thing, it's like if you walk past an ex and she says good mroning or whatnot, even if you're doing nc a simple good morning isn't really breaking it. I mean there is NC to the point of being a complete a**. Idk, I don't have a right answer to this question, in the end it's up to the person. Me I don't know what I'll do when that day comes around, maybe if I'm lucky I'll just forget it lol. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 If you are a dumpee, there is absolutely no reason to contact your ex and wish them a happy birthday unless you are content with nothing more than a friendship. If you harbor any hopes of reconciliation, don't contact them. Thankyou Green Policy........ I have done this many times over with past Ex girlfriends and it has never failed especially if your the one who got dump. But like all things in life one has to learn the hard way. The problem is, stop focusing on her feelings on focus on yours!!!!!!! to much energy being waste on her emotions, when u can be working on yours kid. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Thankyou Green Policy........ I have done this many times over with past Ex girlfriends and it has never failed especially if your the one who got dump. But like all things in life one has to learn the hard way. My ex's birthday was three weeks after she dumped me. I agonized over it, but in the end I decided that if she wanted to celebrate her birthday with me, she wouldn't have dumped me. As far as she is concerned, you get 100 percent of me or you get nothing. She wasn't too concerned with what I thought when she dumped me. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 if that's the case, how can something have a positive effect, yet still lower my value? can that even make sense? So she's going to get a Happy Birthday text and change her mind about dumping you? The Happy Birthday text to me is a nice guy doormat gesture. There need to be consequences to dumping you, and one of those is that you have to stand your ground and not accept being an option for somebody who no longer sees you as a priority. I do agree it works well in reverse - I had a girl text me Happy Birthday after I dumped her and I rekindled things. But that was different, she was graduating from grad school and the only reason I dumped her was because she was leaving Texas and I didn't want to get involved with somebody that wasn't going to be living in the same city as me for much longer. It ended up being a LDR. But male dumpee reaching out to female dumper for the Happy Birthday text - don't expect it to change anything. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Then there's the other side of if you don't message her she thinks you're a complete tool and never wants to hear from you again. And then there's the other side of that which says it will bruise her ego and make her want to pursue you even more... This is too complex of a question, I definitly wouldn't send a card for this because that convery too much effort. While a text is more of a courtesy thing, it's like if you walk past an ex and she says good mroning or whatnot, even if you're doing nc a simple good morning isn't really breaking it. I mean there is NC to the point of being a complete a**. Idk, I don't have a right answer to this question, in the end it's up to the person. Me I don't know what I'll do when that day comes around, maybe if I'm lucky I'll just forget it lol. -Gator The way I see it, if you got dumped, it was for a reason. A Happy Birthday text is not going to ameliorate that reason. It's a waste of time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skee Posted February 11, 2011 Author Share Posted February 11, 2011 (edited) So she's going to get a Happy Birthday text and change her mind about dumping you? nah I've never said it will make her change her mind...it all comes back this this, which I've posted a few times in this thread: Because of my NC, if she's having doubts now and really misses me, and if she's having thoughts of reconciliation, I don't want her to think she can't make a move because I'll reject it or think that I've already moved on. and I've already explained why I feel this way (we stayed friends for 2 months post-breakup, I went NC on good terms, she's a shy girl, I don't want to regret not doing everything I could, etc.) in my mind, acknowledging her birthday is the simplest way for me to do that combined with the least amount of vulnerability for myself I do agree it works well in reverse - I had a girl text me Happy Birthday after I dumped her and I rekindled things. But that was different, she was graduating from grad school and the only reason I dumped her was because she was leaving Texas and I didn't want to get involved with somebody that wasn't going to be living in the same city as me for much longer. It ended up being a LDR. But male dumpee reaching out to female dumper for the Happy Birthday text - don't expect it to change anything. bro did you read what you just wrote? after all the "excuses" ("it was different, she was leaving Texas, it won't work for a male dumpee, yada yada yada") it comes down to this... you dumped an ex, she sent you a "Happy Birthday" text, and you rekindled things and... I dumped a previous ex, she sent me a birthday card after 3 months NC, and eventually we got back together two real life examples of dumpees acknowledging a birthday (after a period of NC) eventually leading to reconciliation I'm not saying the birthday acknowledgment alone was the reason for reconciliation, there has to be something inside the dumper that truly wants reconciliation, but it was the first step for both of us in getting back together with our dumpee exes in each scenario I don't have all the answers, that's why I'm here, and I'm not even saying you're giving bad advice...I'm just saying that every relationship/breakup is completely unique, which is why I feel repeating the same advice ("ignore her birthday no matter what") regardless of all the circumstances surrounding each breakup is short-sighted Edited February 11, 2011 by Skee Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 anyways i changed my mind my ex bday was yesterday i sent a ecard. I got a text today first time she has spoken to me in about a month telling me thanks and I should have called. i just called her spoke for a few minutes, just asked her what she got for her birthday and how things are going and that was that. No heartbreak no high racing heart just short and sweet and cordial, as long as imo you don't bring u the past just keep it short and sweet nothing is wrong with it. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Because of my NC, if she's having doubts now and really misses me, and if she's having thoughts of reconciliation, I don't want her to think she can't make a move because I'll reject it or think that I've already moved on. They don't come back because of NC. They come back because they think that they made a mistake. NC just allows you to heal and prevents you from digging yourself a deeper hole. If you ex wants to get back together with you, she will let you know, birthday card or no birthday card. Link to post Share on other sites
Nkognito Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Well of course I did the retarded thing. The ex's birthday was on 01/23 and I let it pass. I did nothing until recently I keep getting these "signs" that keep her in my head. Right now I have no real emotional attachment that I feel but for some reason she haunts me. Because the way she broke it off, I can't seen to kill what keeps her alive in me. So I text her just out of curosity. "Happy belated birthday "name". Hating this weather, hoping summer comes soon. - "My name". I figured she would not reply but about 40 minutes later I was taking a friend home and I get a text "Thank you, it was a good birthday." I was surprised but knew it meant nothing so I text back "Everything okay on your part of the world"? And she went silent. I was recently out country dancing and ran into her friends. It was exremely awkward. I never ask her friends about her or bring up relationships but I made sure that saw me dancing with at least 5 different girls before they left. I have moved on and I got the answer I needed even if it was not the answer. I was curious to know she was okay. The terms she left on was that her mom was barely escaping death and had a bad medical condition. If that was a lie then so be it but if it was not then at least I know she is okay and getting by. I got what I needed out of it and I feel detached. As of lately I have been more outgoing because of this and dancing my feet sore. I spent last night twirling this 19 year old around and I have to say dancing with younger beautiful girls does revitalize a mans soul. I dont plan on anything with them as they are WAY too young but getting out and dancing with random girls at a country bar is pretty much chicken soup for the single mans soul and I highly recommend it. Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 nah I've never said it will make her change her mind...it all comes back this this, which I've posted a few times in this thread: Because of my NC, if she's having doubts now and really misses me, and if she's having thoughts of reconciliation, I don't want her to think she can't make a move because I'll reject it or think that I've already moved on. and I've already explained why I feel this way (we stayed friends for 2 months post-breakup, I went NC on good terms, she's a shy girl, I don't want to regret not doing everything I could, etc.) in my mind, acknowledging her birthday is the simplest way for me to do that combined with the least amount of vulnerability for myself bro did you read what you just wrote? after all the "excuses" ("it was different, she was leaving Texas, it won't work for a male dumpee, yada yada yada") it comes down to this... you dumped an ex, she sent you a "Happy Birthday" text, and you rekindled things and... I dumped a previous ex, she sent me a birthday card after 3 months NC, and eventually we got back together two real life examples of dumpees acknowledging a birthday (after a period of NC) eventually leading to reconciliation I'm not saying the birthday acknowledgment alone was the reason for reconciliation, there has to be something inside the dumper that truly wants reconciliation, but it was the first step for both of us in getting back together with our dumpee exes in each scenario I don't have all the answers, that's why I'm here, and I'm not even saying you're giving bad advice...I'm just saying that every relationship/breakup is completely unique, which is why I feel repeating the same advice ("ignore her birthday no matter what") regardless of all the circumstances surrounding each breakup is short-sighted Key word you dump her and look what was her relationship, and now look, your the one wanting to send her birthday wishes? whats the difference. Your ex was working to get you back and its easier for a man to return back to an ex than a women. Why are you so afraid about her wondering if you moved on or not, it shouldnt matter! Stop hopping and work on yourself, build your value up again. Women value men like "SHARES" once the stock is low, no longer interested, u wanna sell yourself "High" let other women create more worth for you, women only getting interested when other women want you. If she wanted to return, she will on her own terms. U keep focusing on "HER" feelings.. She's not thinking about your moves, how u feeling, then why should u care about hers. If you want to acknowledge her birthday go ahead, but at the end when it makes you feel 30 times worse and nothing comes out of it, you'll be singing the same song we sharing. Sometimes the best time to contact is the worse. No need to boost her EGO. Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 @Green Policy - Your basically covering everything I would like to express and feel. , Highly agree with everything you have mention thus far. Link to post Share on other sites
SDA Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Hey Skee, I just texted her, got a nice response. All i said was Happy Birthday saw you got into college...etc.. I think it depends on your ex and how she will react. For me it has made me miss her more than I have been. But I'll be fine. Hope everything works out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 So, how did it go, dude? Link to post Share on other sites
justletgox51 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Yeap, curious as to what happened.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skee Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 Hey Skee, I just texted her, got a nice response. All i said was Happy Birthday saw you got into college...etc.. I think it depends on your ex and how she will react. For me it has made me miss her more than I have been. But I'll be fine. Hope everything works out for you. thank you...and I'm glad to hear that you got a nice response sorry everyone, being that this was her birthday weekend I got caught up in everything and didn't get a chance to update, but I didn't forget about this thread I went with my heart/gut and sent the birthday card...obviously there's a lot more to the story (and what happened afterward), so I promise I will do a full update with the whole story sometime early this week Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Still wanting to know what happened in the end... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skee Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 updated with a new thread... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t272005/ Link to post Share on other sites
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