Leeway Harris Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Hi, I'm Leeway. Nice to meet you. I'm new here, obviously, and there's no "Introduce Yourself" forum, so I'll just do it here: I'm a 35 year old single man and I live alone in New York, although I'm not from here. I moved here two years ago for work. Now I'm gainfully employed, but lonely. One reason I was excited to come to the big city was that I thought it would be easier to date. I mean with all the millions of people here, the odds have to be better than in some little town in New Jersey, right? Well, no. It turns out that it's very hard. Nobody talks to each other here, they just keep their eyes to themselves and their smartphones. Fine, I'm not the type to "strike up a conversation" with a stranger anyway. I've gotten involved in some activities since last year, learned some things, had a good time, but I haven't made any lasting friendships and I certainly haven't met any dateable women. I've tried online dating. Several times, actually. Now, I know every guy says this, but NOBODY writes back. I didn't expect to hear back from every woman I wrote to, but I guess I expected a better response ratio than one in twenty! It takes time to find someone you want to write to, and it takes time to come up with something thoughtful and interesting to say, and eventually I had to ask myself why I was expending all that time and effort for such little reward. So I don't think online dating works for me. I suffer from depression. The symptoms are mostly seasonal, and I'm starting to feel much better as the days get longer, but for the last three months, it has made everything SO difficult. All I've had the energy to do was go to work, come home and go right to bed, with maybe a crossword puzzle. That's it. I get so overwhelmed by feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness I wish I could just dissolve into thin air. I'm working on the depression problem, doing all the things I'm supposed to do: therapy, medication, I even got one of those artificial sunlight lamps. But sometimes I think, how could I ever ask someone into my life with all these complications? I'd be asking her to adjust to so much! Who's going to want to do that? These are the questions that keep me from even allowing myself to feel attracted to women, for fear of getting crushed. I'm afraid, because I don't want to become bitter and cynical, and I can feel it happening. I'm also afraid because I'm getting older and the possibilities grow fewer every day. So, that's where I'm at. Thanks for reading this, and I look forward to getting to know this community. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leeway Harris Posted February 5, 2011 Author Share Posted February 5, 2011 It's not the kind of depression that's about something. It's about the way I grew up, it's about the neurotransmitters in my brain not always doing their job, it's about a lot of different pieces failing to fit together. And it affects the way I see the world and interact with it. But no one particular thing happened to make me depressed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leeway Harris Posted February 5, 2011 Author Share Posted February 5, 2011 Sorry, I thought you were referring to one specific trauma, like abuse or something. That didn't happen to me. But I think the patchwork of issues that manifest themselves in my life as depression are a little too complicated to go into in this forum. Especially since I literally just got here. Like I said, I'm working with a therapist and making progress. This seems like a place where people can discuss relationships of all kinds without fear of judgement (hopefully), so I'm looking forward to participating more. Link to post Share on other sites
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