why am i always in the dark?

[delaney]

my boyfiend of three years never lets me in on anything that he does. he goes to these seminars and never tells me, he takes these classes and never tells me, when something comes up in his family he never tells me. we live together so i feel i have some right to know what he does all day, don't i? if i am wrong then i am wrong, but i feel like i have some right, if not at least out of respect to say, "honey, i'm going to be here or there today if you need me". is that wrong? i tell him everything that i do to share my life with him, i don't want to keep him in the dark and act like everything i do is a big secret. the classes he takes are all job related, but still i wish he'd tell me somethings about his that he does. if i don't have to right to know now, would it be different if we were ingaged or married, or is he life always and forever his business? i'd really like to know, if i'm wrong i'll back off, but i feel like he don't want me to know and i don't know why. i feel left out of his life and told him that and he said he just don't think it is a big deal, he said he would tell me from now on, but he still don't tell me, he just says he forgot. he is a realtor, it's not like he is so busy, he works for his brother mostly at his shop, so he isn't under a great deal of pressure to remember anything, really. is he just a really private person, secretive, personal, or what? he says he just don't think about it. thanks for your help.

[Tony T]

You are absolutely right. As a matter of fact, you have a very major problem here. Relationships are all about sharing and communication. If he is not going to share his life with you and communicate with you, your relationship with him will forever be empty, lonely and desolate.

 

Assuming you have talked to him about this and he just won't change, you need to do some serious thinking. For a lady who likes to share the life of that special person she's with, if you stay with this guy you will have a very sad existence on this planet.

 

I also wouldn't make this a topic of argument. If you tell him this is a requirement, if you let him know how important sharing his life with you is and he will not make this very minor adjustment in his personality, things will not change. At that point, your only choices are to live as if you were living alone or find someone who has a greater sense of relationship, communication and sharing.

 

This just doesn't have to be the subject of daily disharmony. It's time to make a decision one way or the other.

[Help Me]

Very eloquently put Tony.

[chris]

Well I will provide an excuse for some of the stuff that he is doing, maybe it will help clear things up. You didn't mention what type of business he is involved with but since the hot thing right now is technology and the hot thing in technology is information he may be legally bound by NDA style contractual agreements which may prevent him from discussing the nature of his classes, what hes doing at work etc.. Then again it could be what Tony said. :/

[delaney]

the type of work he does is a realtor. i know about client confidence and all that, but this is just everyday stuff. when he comes home he just goes to the t.v. or paper or his book, i sit at the computer cause i don't know what else to do. we chat here and there through the evening but i'd like to know how his day was, what he did and so on. if i ask him too many questions he thinks i am checking up on him out of jealousy cause i use to. i use to be real insecure about his job, spending time with female clients, showing them houses and doing loan aps, etc. i got use to it finally after over a year, and learned to trust him somewhat. the lack of trust is my own issue not something that he did. but all i want is a little insight into his life. he says he'll try harder and he does for a while then he forgets i guess. he says he has always been that way, that he is just a private person. he does keep alot to him self.

Well I will provide an excuse for some of the stuff that he is doing, maybe it will help clear things up. You didn't mention what type of business he is involved with but since the hot thing right now is technology and the hot thing in technology is information he may be legally bound by NDA style contractual agreements which may prevent him from discussing the nature of his classes, what hes doing at work etc.. Then again it could be what Tony said. :/