Yasuandio Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 oh p.s. just to clarify, Yas: I put her words in bold here; she did not put the words in bold in her email. It doesn't matter. My analysis basically remains the same. It was a "got cha' you son of a bitch" moment for her, and totally unnessary per the multiple alternate replies she could have easily drawn upon. Also, I think you already know this now. Do not ever do anything when you get that feeling - no matter what, there is always time and options. Do no ever act on impulse. No rush. Arn't you happy you stopped yourself? You are getting stronger man. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 MM4: thanks, bro! :-) Update: Just emailed her back. Kept it easy, breezy. excerpt - "Y'know, I realize I wasn't thinking clearly when I proposed that. You're right and I agree with you. No worries - He can of course crash with me at my folks' and still have a good time. I look forward to it!! :-)" I actually feel damned GOOD now. aaaah. I'm learning, bit by bit, the sagacity of taking the high road. Just nodding, agreeing, and smiling. It certainly takes the wind out of her sails by reminding me we're not getting back together and I respond in the opposite expected way. This email is THE BOMB! I just had to post again about it! I also love your "easy-breezy" attitude, it's so "Homeresk." Dude, you really cleaned it up nice! Why don't you treat your self tonight? Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 Thanks, Yas! :-) I also learned the value in waiting 12+ hours to respond to an email. See, she knows I'm usually the kind of guy to react, react, react... so this felt good to not react. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 It was a "got cha' you son of a bitch" moment for her, You hit the nail on the head. It sure was. And I dodged her trap! Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 I sure hope you used that damn side-ways smily face. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig2425 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Good job man! Just remember that one of these three things will happen. 1.nothing 2.she will wonder what's going on with you and become Interested 3.she will come running back. But the one thing you can count on that will happen is you will start to feel better either way. Trust me I know exactly how hard it is not to contact or get wrapped up in their little comments. If you can take time before you react(seems like you are), call a friend and vent to them or come on here and blast away. Easiest thing to do late at night is come here(trust me) someone will be on. Goodluck! Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Craig is absolutely right. After some thought, I tend to think she stepped into "item 2" on the above list with that little zinger last night. People that don't care, and have "moved-on" so to speak, don't need the ego boost that comes with scoring a "got cha'." Link to post Share on other sites
change Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Craig is absolutely right. After some thought, I tend to think she stepped into "item 2" on the above list with that little zinger last night. People that don't care, and have "moved-on" so to speak, don't need the ego boost that comes with scoring a "got cha'." I agree with Yas here. You usually don't need to throw out barbs if you don't care anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 Thanks, Craig, Change, and Yas! Interesting perspectives that I had not considered until now. I will say this: ever since I've backed way the hell off, in our brief encounters with each other (kid dropoffs/pickups), she seems more disturbed to be in my presence...like sort of upset, more accurately. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 I will say this: ever since I've backed way the hell off, in our brief encounters with each other (kid dropoffs/pickups), she seems more disturbed to be in my presence...like sort of upset, more accurately. Absolutely. My stbx started acting the same way once she realized she was no longer in "control" of my reactions, emotions and feelings. I think it gave her a sense of powerlessness that she hadn't ever felt with me before since I was always looking to placate her. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig2425 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 I think debtman is right it has a lot to do with power. I was like you and begged, pleaded, letters and you name it. None of that worked. Then I took everyones advice from here and started the 180(for me cause I was sick of being hurt and wanted to feel better). It was the only thing I never tried. I know it's hard at first but you have to stick to it,you'll feel so much better and not look desperate. It's a win win. Stay strong Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 You and I are in similar boats, Craig. Yup. At a certain point, one's self-preservation instincts kick in and you can't keep getting knocked to the ground. You have to crawl away, heal your wounds, and then stand on your own two feet. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig2425 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 It's easier said then done and it goes against what you think you should do but it works. Just stay strong and work on yourself and everything else will fall I to place either way it goes down. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 It's easier said then done and it goes against what you think you should do but it works. Just stay strong and work on yourself and everything else will fall I to place either way it goes down. you two have outside chances of getting your families back together if you keep doing things correctly. i wish I was in your positions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 Just a note for near-future reference: it's gonna be interesting this month when Mother's Day AND her birthday come to pass, and yours truly doesn't bat an eyelash. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 I have a great idea for you! When you have the kids, could you take them to a ceramics art/craft playstore. There they can make something for their Mom. These places provide all the materials, and fire the clay, then, you'll have to get it glazed and fired again. Not much time. However, they may have faster materials by now! Also, she will not bat an eye for your BD or Father's Day. Call the place above to find out turn around time. Kids love it. If not for Mothers Day, her BD from kids. Just shows what a classy Dad you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 As always, good idea, Yas! thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted May 4, 2011 Author Share Posted May 4, 2011 Footnote to this thread: My wife stopped wearing her wedding ring shortly before we separated. I stopped wearing mine about 2 months into the separation. The interesting thing is that - as much as she has taken digs at me - she's not done the 'ultimate' dig by throwing the ring back in my face. Hmm. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Footnote to this thread: My wife stopped wearing her wedding ring shortly before we separated. I stopped wearing mine about 2 months into the separation. The interesting thing is that - as much as she has taken digs at me - she's not done the 'ultimate' dig by throwing the ring back in my face. Hmm. I tried to hand my wedding back to her and she said I should keep it.. like I guess to be a reminder of how she burned my world to the ground. Of course, I'll never get the engagement ring back (almost $10gs). Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted May 4, 2011 Author Share Posted May 4, 2011 (almost $10gs). Whoa! That's some serious scratch. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Whoa! That's some serious scratch. yea.. well I wanted to go big... always said I'd only marry once. i'm sure she's pawned it off by now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 Well, harumph...I just checked my online journal -- of which I've only shared about one-third of everything I've shared here. A person commented (in a detailed comment) that, on the basis of what I've shared there, "she is over you and not coming back." I don't know why - particularly since I've gone down months of misery - but this comment hit me in the gut. Don't know what to say. I will say this: I don't put faith/hope in me or my wife, but I do put faith in God. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Well, harumph...I just checked my online journal -- of which I've only shared about one-third of everything I've shared here. A person commented (in a detailed comment) that, on the basis of what I've shared there, "she is over you and not coming back." I don't know why - particularly since I've gone down months of misery - but this comment hit me in the gut. Don't know what to say. I will say this: I don't put faith/hope in me or my wife, but I do put faith in God. they might be right. they might be dead wrong. bottom line is you have no say in it, so its all about YOU and your kids right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 they might be right. they might be dead wrong. bottom line is you have no say in it, so its all about YOU and your kids right now. MM4: truly, truly - thank you for the balanced and pragmatic perspective on this. You're right, absolutely. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 MM4: truly, truly - thank you for the balanced and pragmatic perspective on this. You're right, absolutely. now if i could follow it Link to post Share on other sites
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