Through the Separation Jungle

[worldgonewrong]

Needless to say drama queen ex wives only care for themselves, so there is no point in trying to reason with them. They know no matter how psychopathic and ridiculous they're acting they can always get sympathy from cops. You should've just quietly left.

 

and on that note, an update on the saga:

 

this past weekend, saturday morning, I got served with a temporary restraining order for the duration of the weekend til we went to court on monday.

 

ironically, 2 hours after being served by 2 cops, wife texts me and asks if I'm ready to pick up the kids. WTF?! I had to communicate via my friend to her that, um, she had put this thing into place that prevented me from doing so. She was apparently 'shocked' by what she had done, not realizing too (even though it's in her handwriting) that she had blocked the kids too from communicating/seeing me. She suggested that she could write a letter of permission, and even asked the cops & her lawyer if it was OK. I conveyed my reply that this could not happen til court on monday as *I would be in violation if I go against this court order*. Anything short of a judge issuing a decree would not make me bend; I could be arrested/entrapped by her for violating this.

 

anyway, long story short:

miserable lonely weekend.

Went to court on monday, and her lawyer immediately pulls me aside - he directly ACKNOWLEDGES that I have been a "good guy" through out this separation (as bills-payer, father) and this was an "isolated incident". So he wanted to broker a deal, ostensibly so that he and my wife wouldn't be reamed by the judge for this stupidity.

So I consented to a protective order that prevents me from going in the house (fine, I don't anyway) and the agreement to limit our conversations to email and text (fine again, as we don't talk on the phone anyway).

But the BEAUTIFUL thing here was I made it clear - and got it in writing - that the protective order can be issued "without any finding of abuse".

So it's on the record: I am not an abuser. And she can't play that record when the divorce rolls around.

 

HA!

[worldgonewrong]

p.s. her lawyer was scared that I would tell the judge about my wife texting me 2 hours after being served. THAT would have been hilarious.

The only reason why I didn't press the issue (to have it ALL thrown out) was because I did not want the court to extend the order til I had a lawyer -- thus preventing me from seeing my kids even longer.

As it was, I got to have dinner with my kids as usual on monday night. :)

 

I say this with all love and compassion, but my wife has some serious mental issues. This is the root cause of everything, not me - I've come to realize & accept that. When her own lawyer calls me a "good guy" (indicating that I have the record to back it up), you KNOW she's not playing with a full deck.

[jstobo]

Worldgonewrong: are you handling all this without a lawyer?

[worldgonewrong]

Worldgonewrong: are you handling all this without a lawyer?

 

I had no time to get a lawyer for this nonsense.

Served on a saturday and court on monday morning.

 

But yes, NOW I'm reaching my hope-to-be lawyer this afternoon.

[marqueemoon4]

sigh. the ugliness begins. put on a helmet man, its gonna get worse.. just don't let her ridiculous actions get to you and DO NOT REACT.

[worldgonewrong]

sigh. the ugliness begins. put on a helmet man, its gonna get worse.. just don't let her ridiculous actions get to you and DO NOT REACT.

 

I have nothing left within me TO react.

 

Anything coming from me, communication-wise, will be dry, declarative, business-like sentences.

 

She shook me dry mentally, and I've got nothing left to give - not even my frustration/upset/disappointment because she has zero empathy for anyone except herself.

[robf1971]

I have nothing left within me TO react.

 

Anything coming from me, communication-wise, will be dry, declarative, business-like sentences.

 

She shook me dry mentally, and I've got nothing left to give - not even my frustration/upset/disappointment because she has zero empathy for anyone except herself.

 

Cops and lawyers have seen it all before. They all threaten the police. My wife did, in fact for no reason, so I handed her the phone and told her to dial, she backed down pretty quickly.

 

First time, you got a restraining order, second time? they won't believe her anymore, third time she'll get arrested for wasting police time.

[robf1971]

but my wife has some serious mental issues.

 

Yep, in another year she will be a miserable old spinster. You will be happy, carefree and enjoying being a single father. The tables will turn..

[worldgonewrong]

robf1971: re your 1st post - that's what my folks said too! that she could be nailed for abusing the system, if I chose to debate the matter.

And re your 2nd post - YES. you're right.

 

Sidebar to this:

 

I had a dream last night, which is a semi-recurring one.

It involves being in the company of a 'dream woman' - an ideal - someone who makes me feel in love and loved and likes being with me. The woman does not physically resemble my wife. (I hasten to add, it's not a sexual dream. It just involves the closeness/coziness/fun/connective nature of BEING IN alignment with someone in heart and soul.)

What's interesting is that, in the past when I had this recurring dream, I'd awaken VERY DEPRESSED about my situation, pondering how I thought my wife had been that character and how it all went to sh_t, etc.

But this morning, after awakening, I did not feel that. I felt like the 'dream woman' was a completely independent character, someone calming and hopeful, and with NO connection to my situation or to my wife at all. It was LIBERATING!!!

 

wow - I think I'm actually really healing.

[debtman]

wgw, Good job, keep it up! Reserve your emotions for yourself, don't give her any, you'll need them when a real relationship comes along.

 

Good luck and keep posting...

[BrettLost]

WGW,

 

I think the shift in nature of this dream you have could be quite a significant sign of deep inner positive mentality.

 

I'm no "dream master", but i believe what we dream is our sub-concious sorting, filtering and processing our every thought into what is needed and what is not.

 

The fact it was'nt sexual, but a connection type thing is indeed quite symbolic to a "what could be needed" type scenario.

 

When we realise that someone new can indeed posess the potential to surpass any love and respect our ex's gave us, finding "her" becomes a serious possibility as opposed to a distant dream.

[worldgonewrong]

debtman: thank you! your support is always a rock to me (and others).

 

BrettLost: great interpretation of the dream! I'm just so glad I realized - like huge epiphany - it was disassociated from her completely. Sweet liberation.

 

Upon further reflection of my recent posts, three random thoughts come to mind:

1. I really stupidly played into her hands, but meh...I didn't lose anything in the process really. Except for not being able to see our dog in the house - and that dog adores me. *sigh*

2. I just re-read jaymz's thread from top to bottom today, and it really puts my own sh*t into perspective. As other threads by my friends here (mm4, for example). You guys have been put through layers of Hell that [knock on wood] I've not been through, so tip of my hat to you for emerging so well and with your dignity. An ex-spouse can take a helluvalot away, but only you can give your dignity away.

3. also, truth be told, my take about her pushing to have me barred from the house (for which I pay rent and gas-electric) is because she probably wants to f_ck another guy there on the nights that I have the kids. Sounds coarse and paranoid, but so be it. I see a pattern of sneaky deceptive behavior, laid out in the guise of ME being distrustful when really it's her. As to how I feel? I don't care anymore. She could sleep with farm animals and I wouldn't care. She's sold her soul.

 

Be well, gang. Don't get too down in the doldrums this weekend. You've got good souls, good hearts. And if you have kids, they LOVE you. And even if you don't have kids, there are other good people out there who LOVE you too, unconditionally.

Edited December 9, 2011 by worldgonewrong

[andyg99]

I had a dream last night, which is a semi-recurring one.

It involves being in the company of a 'dream woman' - an ideal - someone who makes me feel in love and loved and likes being with me..

 

hey, if that dream woman has a skull and rose tattoo on her right calf - run! run as fast as you can!!!

[worldgonewrong]

hey, if that dream woman has a skull and rose tattoo on her right calf - run! run as fast as you can!!!

 

hahahha!

[jaymz]

I felt like the 'dream woman' was a completely independent character, someone calming and hopeful, and with NO connection to my situation or to my wife at all. It was LIBERATING!!!

 

wow - I think I'm actually really healing.

 

I hope you find her as soon as your ready.

[jaymz]

1. I really stupidly played into her hands, but meh...I didn't lose anything in the process really. Except for not being able to see our dog in the house - and that dog adores me. *sigh*

 

I still do that, lol, old habits die hard. I think you may have missed a trick judging by her and her lawyers behaviour but you have to live with your decisions so if it was the best for you then go for it

 

2. I just re-read jaymz's thread from top to bottom today, and it really puts my own sh*t into perspective. As other threads by my friends here (mm4, for example). You guys have been put through layers of Hell that [knock on wood] I've not been through, so tip of my hat to you for emerging so well and with your dignity. An ex-spouse can take a helluvalot away, but only you can give your dignity away.

 

We are all in the same boat where our families and everything we knew is effectively gone forever. The pain is the same for all those left behind, no answers, just questions. While I have been through a different route, we are all going to the same place and in a strange way, I will probably be grateful for how she has been, it has opened my eyes.

 

3. also, truth be told, my take about her pushing to have me barred from the house (for which I pay rent and gas-electric) is because she probably wants to f_ck another guy there on the nights that I have the kids. Sounds coarse and paranoid, but so be it. I see a pattern of sneaky deceptive behavior, laid out in the guise of ME being distrustful when really it's her. As to how I feel? I don't care anymore. She could sleep with farm animals and I wouldn't care. She's sold her soul.

 

The house could well be just a simple control and possession thing. Its now HER house and not yours etc, so you need to jump through hoops to get in. The fact you pay is going to be irrelevant to her, she is getting what "she deserves"...

 

Be well, gang. Don't get too down in the doldrums this weekend. You've got good souls, good hearts. And if you have kids, they LOVE you. And even if you don't have kids, there are other good people out there who LOVE you too, unconditionally.

 

Cheers dude.

[Diogenes]

Dreams are funny things, I've had prophetic dreams on and off for years, I tend to forget them, then they flash back into my mind like deja vu when the event occurs. Just recently one flashed back about the visual identity of my wife's OM, I'd had it over 4 years ago, but laughed it off at the time because the guy was fat and homely. When I saw his picture last week I had an " OMG" moment.

 

The "Dream Woman" thing is very interesting, I had the same sort of dream, only my impression it appeared to be couple of years down the line. I was standing in a high end kitchen with my kids, now appearing about two years older. We were all very well dressed, this woman who I felt the impression was my new SO comes in and I had a feeling of deep love for this person. She affectionately gave me a little hug, gave my butt a tweak and asks "what we want to do about dinner?"

 

Unlike other dreams where I soon forget details, her image was burned into my memory. The feel of the hug, smell of her perfume and pat on the butt was so real I immediately woke up. I hope this one comes true, it would make the sh@tstorm I've gone through worthwhile to feel that way again.

[updown]

i love when we get dreams that show us glimpses of our potential future.

 

i had one last weekend that was just beautiful. there was snow falling every where. the streets were covered and it was deep. we were just happily walking, hand in hand, through these empty, snow covered streets and paths. everything sparkled. it was amazing.

 

so, i know that my future holds someone good! someone that made me feel loved and safe in my dream.

 

your wife sounds absolutely INSANE. i hate to say it. but, really!!! i had REAL cause to file a restringing order against my STBX. and as much as i wanted to do it, i wasn't crazy about keeping him from his kids for two weeks ( which is what it would have been based on what he had done to me). not that i felt he deserved to see them, but more that they would be crushed if they had to be kept from him. i was terrified of what would happen to me if i had filed one.

 

women who file them like your wife did, have no real fear of their partner. and if you were an abuser she'd be afraid of you. so, yeah. she's NUTS!!!!

[worldgonewrong]

jaymz: you wrote,

I think you may have missed a trick judging by her and her lawyers behaviour but you have to live with your decisions so if it was the best for you then go for it

 

how do you mean? by not seizing on the moment to have the whole thing dropped?

well, I didn't full comfortable attempting that without a lawyer. and I didn't want to prolong the time without seeing/communicating w/my kids.

 

Diogenes wrote,

The feel of the hug, smell of her perfume and pat on the butt was so real I immediately woke up. I hope this one comes true, it would make the sh@tstorm I've gone through worthwhile to feel that way again.

 

HEY! Hands off my dream girl, bub! hahaha!

 

updown: everything you write is spot-on. And I'm glad for you too that you're having these reassurring dreams that gives you hope for the future. that's how it should be.

and yep, she's insane. she doesn't realize that what SHE's doing is abusive in its own right.

[marqueemoon4]

and yep, she's insane. she doesn't realize that what SHE's doing is abusive in its own right.

 

So ridiculous.. this is exactly what I deal with. She says all I do is hurt her and I'll never change. HELLO.. I'm point out FACTS you don't want to here.. so in response to that you do the most hurtful thing a woman can do to a man? Abandon him, blame everything on him, try to take his son away and then move in with another dude? And I'M hurting YOU? Ignorance, lack of self esteem and poor parenting are to blame.

[worldgonewrong]

YES!

 

Also it's the consequence-free attitude that such women have.

They expect YOU to suffer consequences for every smallest thing, but God FORBID they should be held accountable for one iota of their own actions. Drives me up the walls.

[debtman]

Yep, it's bizarre to hear my stbx talk about our M now (since OM left her) and she's singing a completely different tune than she was a year ago. Suddenly, many of our problems were "her fault" and not mine. Suddenly she's "changed" because of all the books she's been reading and everything she's gone through. I have a feeling she's just looking for the next relationship and, whenever she's not in a relationship, she'll come back to "poke around" to see if there's any chance of getting back together...which there certainly isn't because I can see that she hasn't really changed...and, if we did get back together, it would only be a matter of time before she was unhappy again...

 

What was that Einstein said about insanity??

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

 

Good luck and keep posting...

[worldgonewrong]

debtman: well, at least there's like something there when your stbx starts accepting blame; that's, conceivably, something to work with. But yeah, I totally get where you're coming from.

 

***

 

switching gears:

 

Stbx & I have mapped out our holiday schedule times with the kids.

 

Christmas (important to me) is looking like this: she will have the kids in the morning and then I'll have them from afternoon through evening.

The truth, though? I am almost physically ill at the thought of not seeing my kids awaken on Christmas morning. It will be the first Christmas morning that I will not see them in their jammies opening presents. It guts me. Makes me want to throw up, worse than feeling like you're gonna cry.

I can't believe she's done this to me, pushed things down this road. It all makes me nauseous and feel like I'm in free-fall sometimes.

 

~sigh~

But to conclude this post on an up note: I'll have the kids on New Year's Eve and get to wake up with them and wish them a happy new year. Definitely NOT the same thing to me, but there you go.

 

So weird how these feelings come in cycles. I've been keeping a pretty firm grip, still am, but then I contemplate Christmas coming up, and my guts are twisted.

[jaymz]

Will you have them for xmas morning next year?

[worldgonewrong]

Will you have them for xmas morning next year?

 

I hope so.

I can't even begin to fathom my life in exactly 1 year from now, ya know?