Through the Separation Jungle

[worldgonewrong]

thanks for the support, friends.

I know it's all part of the cycle, but jeez, soooo hard to deal with sometimes.

These past 2 weeks have been emotional hell (internally).

[worldgonewrong]

mini-rant apropos of nothing:

 

I think some women and some men need to re-define leaving an 'abusive relationship'.

It pisses me off because 9 times out of 10, the 'abuse' is really just stupid arguments and/or the aggrieved party didn't 'win' the arguments and shot the down-n-dirty arguing to the moon.

Some therapists who shill the idea of 'perfection' to a confused aggrieved person automatically convince that person of OHMYGOD-ABUSE!RUN!

I'm fed up with relationships being treated as impermanent, disposable things - where if you don't get your way 100% of the time, then you run for the hills, convinced that you're a martyr.

FED. UP.

 

This is no way diminishes women, whom I've known personally, who have been through some REAL abusive sh*t. they KNOW from abuse.

[livingstrong]

world -

 

I've been reading your thread...not quite all 51 pages, but close. I relate to a lot of what you say and the feelings you share. Was going to send you a pm but it doesn't seem like this site allows for that. You are a lot further into this than I am but I feel the storm brewing.

[worldgonewrong]

world -

 

I've been reading your thread...not quite all 51 pages, but close. I relate to a lot of what you say and the feelings you share. Was going to send you a pm but it doesn't seem like this site allows for that. You are a lot further into this than I am but I feel the storm brewing.

 

livingstrong- as you're a new member, I think you have to have a certain minimum number of posts/replies for the private-message feature to kick in.

((Somebody back me up on this - I seem to remember that's right.))

I'm sorry there's a storm brewing, and I'll try n' jump on your threads and offer what I can. We gotta stick together, us hurt people.

[jaymz]

I think its like 30 posts in 30 days get access to the PM feature - stops spammers.

[worldgonewrong]

Venting-

 

Yesterday she sent me an email and said that the kids will be out of school, and could I mind the kids on Monday and Wednesday while she works her part-time job. Well...I've burned up time in April for springbreak to watch the kids, and I will be using time in July and August to take the kids on vacations. And I've used up time for lawyer visits as well.

She has no grasp of the fact that my full-time job is what keeps everything afloat and that I can't cavalierly drop a couple days here & there when she asks. Sometimes I can, but often I have to be very aware of not upsetting my work situation.

 

I wrote back to her a simple one word answer: No.

 

No longer can I keep explaining myself to her when she offers NOTHING to me.

 

I've been informed that the kids start camp the week after next. Except she doesn't tell me where. Or anything. I always have to pull details out of her. If I don't ask, she gives me nothing. And it's painful and awful because we're supposed to be CO-PARENTS.

 

Gaaaaah! rant-mode off.

[worldgonewrong]

Mini-rant:

Compare the divorce rates from the Depression Era/WWII Era to present day.

Couple stuck together through truly hard times, challenging times.

Nowadays, so many men & women are just soft and too effing fragile.

"I'm unhappy" - well, dammit, sometimes you're going to BE unhappy in life. Life and relationships are not like an iPad that's on the fritz - "oh, it's not working, I'm unhappy, in the trash you go".

Have we become so insular and self-absorbed in our culture (one that, for example, allows us to converse here, thankfully) that we've lost connection with the idea that our actions AFFECT other people? That our decisions are not simply flicks of a button or log-on/log-off/mute? We have the power to destroy each other with careless self-absorption, and likewise we have the power to build each other up with just the TINIEST bit of attention, communication, and LISTENING.

 

You know why marriages held together longer in the old days? Because people sat around the dinner table, they played cards with other couples, and they TALKED long into the night. None of this Facebook crap, none of this texting old flames, none of this sneaking downstairs to look at online p0rn while the wife is asleep. People back then had to confront the truth of shared, physical, temporal existence. We shared our own mortality, faced it by being with each other. But now? On-line, everyone is given the illusion that they're 18 years old again and 'on the scene' because they're connected in some ethereal, nonsensical way. We put our best superficial selves forward on the new permutation of TV, this box, this window that we're all staring at. It doesn't breath back, it doesn't hold your hand, and it doesn't whisper in your ear though -- despite how many photos you post of yourself.

And so we ditch each other - death avoidance. Treating each other like used-up, burnt-out products that have ceased to be useful, while avoiding the fact that we're all headed down the same mortal road.

True love is being able to stop and block all that other useless stuff out. It's simple, the way it starts, always: two people in a room together. And then somehow, it tends to go off-course. If you're among the lucky couples, you always remember how it starts and you want it like that forever, death be damned.

[worldgonewrong]

General question for anyone who's been through this divorce mill, suffered at the hands of a walk-away:

 

At one point, if ever, do these walk-aways ever 'wake up' to the reality of what they've done, to the devastation that they've left behind them????

 

I'm beginning to feel there's no justice - that such people can just burn through relationships, families, and NEVER feel the impact of their actions or feel remorseful one tiny bit.

 

all thoughts welcome.

[Shaun1967]

General question for anyone who's been through this divorce mill, suffered at the hands of a walk-away:

 

At one point, if ever, do these walk-aways ever 'wake up' to the reality of what they've done, to the devastation that they've left behind them????

 

I'm beginning to feel there's no justice - that such people can just burn through relationships, families, and NEVER feel the impact of their actions or feel remorseful one tiny bit.

 

all thoughts welcome.

 

I have just gone through the whole thread that you started well over a year ago..... it sure has been crappy time for you..

 

I am nearly 2 months into the same scenario as you were / are, and I now know that my gut-wrenching pain with ups and downs are going to part on my life for a time to come. Luckily, we have no children - that does sadden me sometimes though as I now feel like its been a wasted 25 years - there have been good times for sure but her /our choice was not to have any, and now I haven´t got the woman I wanted either!

 

My wife, like yours had a very complex upbringing - whilst mine was stable, and she decided to leave after the rows etc... and no one else involved!

 

To your question, its difficult to for these walk-aways to realise what they are doing as it seems to have been built into them from an early age..... I wonder if they have been kidding themselves all these years that they are leading a normal life (whatever that may be) they then get to the "mid life crisis" and it all goes t**s up!

 

I look at these things with a level head - so its difficult for me to understand what she is thinking, I strongly believe that there are some mental issues / depression which has taken over her life - and she hasn´t made sensible choices.... she is supressing her feelings of the guilt, and won´t show any remorse until she gets better - She will probably need some form of therapy / guidance for, but until she realizes that for herself unfortunately it will never happen.

 

Thanks for the thread - it has given me a great insight on what to expect, from all angles...

[Headhigh]

I too have just read pretty much all of this thread. Really enlightening. Thankyou.

 

My journey into separation hell started last Halloween when i caught my husband of 27 yrs at the OW s house, not 30 mins after he'd lied to me about plans to be elsewhere. This on top of months of his skulking around with her and deceitful lying denials when i asked for some truth. He wasnt prepared to stop seeing her, so he had to go. We'd had a long history of issues pre marriage, only married five years before his affair. Seems she isnt going to be leaving her own husband any time soon.

 

Oh yes, there are six children involved. I have just tried to keep my head high in a small community and keep on with my children, my friends, my job and my garden. At times i thought i would die with the pain, was even in emergency room before i uncovered the full truth with a suspected heart attack. Broken heart, thats what it was.

 

But you know what? I am getting to like the new single me. No drama, no lies, no sneaky porn use (his), no being caged or blamed, no him. Sad, when you have loved someone so deeply to acknowledge that the last few years were a torture. Probably mutual, and yet no excuse for the ****ty disrespectful way he behaved which has destroyed his integrity and hurt me so deeply. Now what? Limbo, with kids doing ok but not wanting further change...where do you go from separation onto the big D...not sure I am ready. This is so tough, isnt it?

[worldgonewrong]

Shaun1967 and Headhigh- thank you for reading my loooong thread & moreso thank you for sharing your experiences with me. It helps give me perspective. There's a lot of pain we're all working through, of various stripes. So I am enlightened in turn by your stories.

The common link in most of our stories is that a torturous degree of complexity has been thrust upon us, when at root we're really not complex people -- meaning, we just want basic happiness, love, trust, etc. It's really Hell on earth, this stuff.

So...keep sharing, keep talking, and just air it out as you feel you need to.

This place has saved me a small fortune on therapy bills.

[Shaun1967]

Worldgonewrong your welcome, like many others I never thought I would be reading this type of forum - complacent or what. Its very easy to take things for granted - until now!

 

You have for sure, had loads of advice.... and not all constructive advice. Sometimes the one closet to you are the worst - I guess they are thinking of my needs other than the needs of my wife.

 

The thing that I am struggle to come to terms with is that my estranged wife tries to convince me that she is doing the right thing - when all I see this this woman who is shadow of her former self, no confidence, nervous (except for when she has had a drink), and she has been described to me by others as though she is a rabbit staring in the cars headlights..... so its not just me seeing her like that!

 

She moved into her flat today and admitted that it should give herself a chance to sort her life out.... I helped her sort out the electrical stuff, TV etc.... and she actually called me by my name! Thats a first for a while :-)

 

It should be very easy to walk away and find another woman etc.... but when I look at her now I feel she needs more help than she ever has. People say that´s not my problem - and maybe it shoulden´t be, but for better or worse and all that. Plus, I have never described myself as a quitter! - maybe I am being stooooopid!

 

For sure there have been some issues there for a while, in hindsight I should have addressed these issues - but again I think its natural for people to have a mid life crisis or to re-evaluate what they want out of life. Dosen´t mean it cant be resloved, and improved on - does it?

 

Is it normal to be together, blissfully happy for 50+ years?.... not without a lot of give and take!

 

Her mother keeps telling me that I will soon meet someone - but she has never realised her daughters needs.... and can´t see the obvious! and her best mate has always suffered from some issue or another. She makes my wife look normal - and the wife is probably taking guidance / advice from these people....

 

Sure I am looking after myself, booked a foreign holiday got myself some contact lenses etc..... but without that special someone in your life it seems a bit of a waste as sharing is sometimes the best part....

 

There we are - got to keep smiling!!

[Steen719]

General question for anyone who's been through this divorce mill, suffered at the hands of a walk-away:

 

At one point, if ever, do these walk-aways ever 'wake up' to the reality of what they've done, to the devastation that they've left behind them????

 

I'm beginning to feel there's no justice - that such people can just burn through relationships, families, and NEVER feel the impact of their actions or feel remorseful one tiny bit.

all thoughts welcome.

 

WGW,

I don't think there is one answer for that question. I mean, if a person who can do this to you finds their moral compass, maybe they realize how much they hurt you. Idk, I know this might get some flaming, but I sort of think there are those that care and are faithful and those that are not. If they aren't, I don't think you can make them be, We would tell graduate students in social work that no one can make you care about other people; you do or you don't. Just because you do won't make you a good social worker, but if you don't care, you probably won't be a good one. I know some people say that given the right circumstances, anyone will cheat, but I don't believe it. I haven't ever and I know I would not, and I have been in crappy circumstances.

 

So, anyway, all of that to say this..lol. I think they may "wake up" as in I think it is possible, but I think it is more likely that they wake up when they are not as blissful as they thought and it has affected THEM negatively, not necessarily how it affected you.

 

Now, I would be lying if I said I haven't wished for that, sometimes intensely and it has even helped me go to sleep thinking that. But, I don't need that anymore to sleep and I don't care as much as I did about whether he will feel regret or remorse. I really believe that when I no longer care about that, it will be one of the happiest days of my life, so I look forward to that day and I will relish it. I work towards it daily. We will get there WGW.

[tojaz]

mini-rant apropos of nothing:

 

I think some women and some men need to re-define leaving an 'abusive relationship'.

It pisses me off because 9 times out of 10, the 'abuse' is really just stupid arguments and/or the aggrieved party didn't 'win' the arguments and shot the down-n-dirty arguing to the moon.

Some therapists who shill the idea of 'perfection' to a confused aggrieved person automatically convince that person of OHMYGOD-ABUSE!RUN!

I'm fed up with relationships being treated as impermanent, disposable things - where if you don't get your way 100% of the time, then you run for the hills, convinced that you're a martyr.

FED. UP.

 

This is no way diminishes women, whom I've known personally, who have been through some REAL abusive sh*t. they KNOW from abuse.

 

Emotional abuse has been the walk away spouses get out of jail free card for quite some time.

 

I had to hear it, and its a killer to have to live with hearing that and even worse to know that others are hearing it. It took a lot of time and a well paid professional in order to convince myself that i wasn't some monster who came out when the moon was full to reek havoc on my poor defenseless wife only to awake with no recollection of my evil deeds.

 

I picked up a book on abuse a couple years ago and its amazing how many quotes you find repeated verbatim in the standard WAS story. To read this book you are basically abusing everyone and anyone you come in to contact with on a day to day basis. They just have the good sense to know that the world isn't always peaches and cream and problems are going to develop.

 

Have you ever been angry? ABUSER! Disagreed with someone? ABUSER Had a strong opinion? yep you guessed it.

 

Its not a fault of the books or their writers but of the vague definitions and willingness for people to see themselves as a victim.

 

Think about it, what will get you further..

"I don't want to be married anymore, so I'm leaving my spouse."

 

'I'm being emotionally abused and I need to get out"

 

Its convenient, its easy, and they come out looking like a hero.

 

Worst part, each WAS "abuse" tale takes important credibility from those who truly are suffering in honestly abusive relationships.

 

General question for anyone who's been through this divorce mill, suffered at the hands of a walk-away:

 

At one point, if ever, do these walk-aways ever 'wake up' to the reality of what they've done, to the devastation that they've left behind them????

 

I'm beginning to feel there's no justice - that such people can just burn through relationships, families, and NEVER feel the impact of their actions or feel remorseful one tiny bit.

 

all thoughts welcome.

 

If they do ever "wake up" and see the damage they have done, pride will most likely make sure that you never see it.

 

See above, "waking up" for all to see would mean clearing the other parties good name and admitting ones own selfish reasons for walking out and damaging someone in the process.

 

I'm sure it happens but it has to be extremely rare.

 

Sorry for the rant, been a long day

 

TOJAZ

[worldgonewrong]

hey, gang - thanks for your kind words & further insights into all this stuff. I'm always truly grateful.

 

This Saturday, the boom came down on me -- but I'm reasonably OK.

10 minutes after I picked up my kids, my wife was seen being picked up by a guy and kissing him.

 

Ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom.

 

I shared this info with my lawyer and he is apparently ALL over this sh*t. We meet today. Everyone around me says it's "a game changer" - perhaps in terms of child custody, me getting the rental house back, etc. I dunno. We'll wait and see. I have been shafted for a year & a half so far.

[standtall]

 

This Saturday, the boom came down on me -- but I'm reasonably OK.

10 minutes after I picked up my kids, my wife was seen being picked up by a guy and kissing him.

 

Ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom.

 

.

 

Sorry to hear it dude..after reading this thread over the months I feel for you. She will regret it.

[updown]

hey, gang - thanks for your kind words & further insights into all this stuff. I'm always truly grateful.

 

This Saturday, the boom came down on me -- but I'm reasonably OK.

10 minutes after I picked up my kids, my wife was seen being picked up by a guy and kissing him.

 

Ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom.

 

I shared this info with my lawyer and he is apparently ALL over this sh*t. We meet today. Everyone around me says it's "a game changer" - perhaps in terms of child custody, me getting the rental house back, etc. I dunno. We'll wait and see. I have been shafted for a year & a half so far.

 

 

i came in today to check on you and see if you were still posting and how things were going.

 

i'm sorry to hear that this has happened, but honestly i would be surprised if it's a game changer....... i think you said you're in MD, i don't know MD law, but you have been separated a long time. her having a boyfriend probably won't' change anything.

 

my ex was convinced that if could prove i was having relationships after we separated that he would be fine and get his way. what the judge told him, was that even if he could prove it. even if i had had relationships after our separation, they didn't lead to our divorce...... and therefore didn't change anything.

 

for the record. i did NOT have relationships. i did hug one guy in public once, but that was it. my ex had me followed by a PI, who took pics of course. that was their "proof" that i was having theses relationships. but, like i said, the judge told him that NONE of that lead to our separation or impending divorce.........

 

and as for the emotional abuse...... i don't know you or her or your situation. emotional abuse sucks. it's incredibly damaging. it tears you down to the point where you honestly believe you are nothing. that you have no worth and there is no point to your even living. you believe that NO ONE ELSE will ever want you. you fear doing anything or saying anything because of what might happen.

 

i can't say if you were emotionally abusive or not. but, i know what it's like to be in that kind of relationship and i know that had i not gotten out i wouldn't have lasted much longer. and things got much much worse after the separation!!! he's the one that moved out too!!! but the cut downs, name calling, stalking, spying, doing anything he could to make my life rough. and even now, 3 yrs later, officially divorced and he still does and says stuff.......

 

WGW, (((HUGS))). i'm still thinking about you and your situation!!!!

[worldgonewrong]

updown: thank you for checking in with me. (((hugs))) back at you.

 

Re emotional abuse: let me put it this way - I know of people who are TRULY emotionally abused. But I think the term has become an escape-hatch for a lot of people who just can't go the distance in a marriage.

Marriage, friendships - the true ones that stick - also walk through fire. If you argue and emerge from it with love and understanding, then you're proving that you're fighting for something, for each other, otherwise life is all automatic-pilot and you're just on cruise-control til the next good time. Marital fights (not necessarily down n' dirty) indicate that you both CARE, and they humanly reveal ourselves as ALL having a petty side. We just do. We're human. We're going to get exaggeratedly annoyed with the other person; we know how to push each other's buttons; we know the word or phrase or idea that most quickly attacks each other's Achilles' heel. It's part of the human experience. And the love that's forged from walking through fire and still being able to laugh/cry/hug is the best love there is, because it's TRUE - it doesn't ignore or sidestep the bad bits; it doesn't cringe everytime there's a crisis; doesn't run away when the other person has a strong difference opinion with you.

And that's what most people don't get: if you enter into ANY kind of relationship (friendship, marriage) and you want it to stick, then you have to accept the moments where you walk through fire. Otherwise, you're only half-existing, you're only half-engaged in what commitment means.

 

So, one person's 'walking through fire' and emerging refreshed and more strongly committed, is another person's escape hatch to which he or she will color it as emotional abuse. In some cases, not all, mind you.

 

(off my soapbox, and no doubt stating stuff that most people know already.)

[worldgonewrong]

Isolated thought -

you wanna know what the toughest part of all this is?

Not seeing my babies every single day, from the moment I wake up til when they fall asleep.

I remember seeing them being born, and bringing them home.

It's sheer torture.

[worldgonewrong]

Helluva week so far-

 

My grandmother had a mini-stroke, my great-aunt (her sister) died, and it's also my wedding anniversary this week.

 

PLEASE, God, give me a huge break.

[dreamingoftigers]

I know about missing your babies

 

I don't envy you.

 

Sorry I have no other words of comfort.

[worldgonewrong]

Just some random notes for myself and for others, as I try to make sense of the past and how the signs were there (that she was unstable)...

 

As had been said before on other, wiser threads: when choosing a mate, look at the level of dysfunction that they've come from. That's a huge indicator in many cases.

 

My wife did not come from a loving home, re her nuclear family.

1. Her parents split when she was 4 or 5. Her mother was completely blindsided by her dad waking up one day and wanting a divorce. (Wonder if wife sees her following her wayward father's trail?)

2. Her father was a falling-down drunk. When he had my wife along as a child on weekends, he would frequently pull over to the side of the road to throw up.

3. Her mother re-married an alcoholic, pot-addicted angry guy with a temper like Bluto. (He LOOKS like Bluto, but bald.) This stepfather was very abusive -- tales of him (a) walking around with his dick outside his boxers, (b) throwing my wife across the room, © watching p0rn in close range of her as a child, and (d) sometimes she would wake up in the middle of the night and he'd be standing over her bed silently, creepily breathing.

4. ironically, he cleaned up his act a couple years ago and is now a platitude-spewing 'I've seen the light' a_hole who STILL doesn't regard his stepdaughter as 'his problem'.

5. Ironically, when he was admitted to a dry-out clinic, his wife (my m-in-law) visited us and used me as a shoulder to cry on, which I did gladly. And when this marital stuff hit the fan w/wife and me, my m-in-law vanished. does not and would not reciprocate.

6. But to back up - my wife tells tales of when she was a child, and her mom and stepdad would be in their bedroom, door locked, getting high as kites. One night, wife went to their door in total agony from a migraine, and they refused to come out.

7. In freshman year of college, when she came 'home' for Christmas, they announced that they'd gotten her a tiny apartment -- the message being: your home is not with us. She was shelled by this move.

8. Wife was extremely promiscuous before we met, and it was a vicious cycle - low self-esteem numbed by promiscuity and back to low self-esteem again.

9. Her mom lives a couple states away, an easy drive, but she sees her daughter and grandkids AT BEST about 3 times a year. Tops.

10. Her mom never dirties her hands with the ugliness/toughness of her daughter's life, but will be the first person there to knock back a glass of wine when the dust settles. She's selfish as hell. She has NEVER put her daughter first. M-in-law's personal comfort always comes first. And then she has the audacity to act like nobody ever helped her, which is baloney.

 

So this is the exciting cocktail from which my wife sprung.

 

So what does this add up to?

She finally met someone - me - who loved her unconditionally, as flawed as I am,

and she did not know how to deal with it. In the end, I am paying for the sins of the fathers (step and biological), my m-in-law is vicariously relishing that AT LAST some perverse 'justice' is being meted out even though I was never the enemy (her two husbands were), and my wife gets to dump me before I would (and I wouldn't, but that's her abandonment issues at the raw surface).

And now...she's in her early 40's, apparently promiscuous again, and mentally walled-off to genuine love/emotion/truth, just like she was when she was in her freshman year of college. Except there's our two children involved now, and we're not getting any younger.

The one credo she lives by, by action, is that you're either for her or against her. Complete black-and-white thinking. Any criticism, no matter how constructive, has ALWAYS been wounding to her.

According to everyone close to the situation, they firmly believe that she is going to 'hit a wall'. That nobody is there to keep her in check with reality, that her actions cause other people harm, and her lies hurt others as well. Without any sort of moral barometers in her life, she's like a train going over a cliff now. And we can all see it happening, but she can't.

 

It's taken me a year and a half (plus) to come 'round to the idea that she has to hit rock bottom for herself. I've done everything I can, but it's out of my hands. The best I can do is protect my kids and support them and encourage them. But she's learning, by degrees, that when you eschew unconditional, real love, you're opting for superficiality which won't be there to support you when the nitty-gritty goes down.

Edited July 27, 2012 by worldgonewrong

[worldgonewrong]

My wife's grass-is-greener thinking is starting to catch up with her, bit by bit.

 

As I've noted previously, she's just been working maximum part-time hours and this past week she apparently hasn't worked at all -- she juggled the finances with the kids' camp situation poorly, and now she's at home with them this week.

 

So I get an email that her part-time workplace has asked if she can come in next week, like 4 days.

Annnnd here's the thing -

1. I took off a week in July with the kids for vacation

2. I just took off last week with the kids for vacation

3. My boss returns next week.

And I'm in the position to have to say 'no' which sucks, because...I like being helpful and such, but I don't like being put in the position of being her safety net for her life. She's navigated things poorly, continues to do so, and she always thinks of me as a text-message away from swooping in and saying, "Fine, I'll help."

Mind you, I've said "no" numerous times -- gotten a lot better at it -- and I've had to do so out of self-preservation, not spite.

But...gah.

I always hate these waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-fall emails or texts that come from her. Hate 'em. She's not mature or sane enough to deal with The Big Picture (say, our marriage and family), won't initiate any conversation on that end, but boy, when she needs something from me, she appears in a heartbeat.

[dreamingoftigers]

I have former friend like that. Always waiting for the rescuer to come, and when it can't happen she rages on everyone.

 

She likes to say "no one ever returns the favor!" I don't know what favor she's talking about, or who she did a favor for. She's rarely done anything for anyone. Period.

 

She contacts me now usually once a month to ask for something or just to spring something on me. Last week, she asked me to serve her husband divorce papers. Um, no.

 

She wailed to me that she "was there for me" when my husband took off a year ago or so ago leaving me singularly with our baby, our business and rent due. I remember her "being there" alright. She came over two days later and asked to borrow $20. Then I didn't see her for another four or so months.

 

I don't think she will ever get it. Her kids hate her, and the oldest is only 5.

 

My wife's grass-is-greener thinking is starting to catch up with her, bit by bit.

 

As I've noted previously, she's just been working maximum part-time hours and this past week she apparently hasn't worked at all -- she juggled the finances with the kids' camp situation poorly, and now she's at home with them this week.

 

So I get an email that her part-time workplace has asked if she can come in next week, like 4 days.

Annnnd here's the thing -

1. I took off a week in July with the kids for vacation

2. I just took off last week with the kids for vacation

3. My boss returns next week.

And I'm in the position to have to say 'no' which sucks, because...I like being helpful and such, but I don't like being put in the position of being her safety net for her life. She's navigated things poorly, continues to do so, and she always thinks of me as a text-message away from swooping in and saying, "Fine, I'll help."

Mind you, I've said "no" numerous times -- gotten a lot better at it -- and I've had to do so out of self-preservation, not spite.

But...gah.

I always hate these waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-fall emails or texts that come from her. Hate 'em. She's not mature or sane enough to deal with The Big Picture (say, our marriage and family), won't initiate any conversation on that end, but boy, when she needs something from me, she appears in a heartbeat.

[worldgonewrong]

D.O.T. - ha, exactly! People like this never reciprocate and they can't understand why others around them eventually burn out on good will.