Through the Separation Jungle

[marqueemoon4]

Yep.. my trust for other humans is pretty much non existent right now. I see women that are attractive, successful, whatever.. but I am still too messed up over my current situation to even think about dating right now.

 

Unfortunately my man, we didn't heed the red flags and proceeded at our own risk and now are being burned. I wanted to be positive, I loved her and enjoyed her company but everything else that came with her was repellant to me.. her family, friends, background etc. I hold myself to higher standards and really believe you're only as good as the company you keep. What can I do but make the best of the dysfunction that has been forced on me and do everything I can to make sure it doesn't mess up my son.

 

btw-- I've been ignored, treated like nothing, ridiculed and lied to by my ex for the last 11 months.. chick has no conscience.

Edited April 14, 2011 by marqueemoon4

[What_Next]

WGW I completely understand where you are coming from saying that you look at all women as potential heartbreakers and feel like yelling at couples in "young love". Boy do I understand that. I can remember one night very vividly standing in a park that my wife and I used to walk in. I looked at all the couples hand in hand and laughing and it made me almost angry. I took that as a sign. A sign that I needed to deal with what I was going through (and not just climb inside a bottle).

 

I honestly still feel that way a certain extent, but I don't let it crawl inside my head and nest there. I drive it out.

 

If spring is making an appearance like it is around here, I suggest to get outside and soak up some vitamin D and bask in the sunshine. Or do something just for you. Something perhaps that you used to do for pure enjoyment before your wife came along.

 

You are going through a bit of a down period, it's understandable, but it'll pass.

 

Hang in there bud. I wish I could take you out and buy you a cold one.

[worldgonewrong]

W_N: I took your advice yesterday & spent some time in the sunshine (left work an hour early to clear my head). It's good therapy, sometimes just sitting outdoors and 'being in the moment' without anything else interfering.

And a cold one DOES sound good! :-)

[worldgonewrong]

What can I do but make the best of the dysfunction that has been forced on me and do everything I can to make sure it doesn't mess up my son.

 

Damn straight. Keep your eyes on the prize, bro, and so will I.

[What_Next]

WGW, good for you. You have all the freedom in the world to do that now. Sooner or later your world gone wrong, will be world gone right!

 

Hang in there bud.

[worldgonewrong]

todays' update: at the urging of my cousin (female), I did two out-of-the-blue things today -- sent my wife a poem and a bouquet of flowers.

 

Feel free to slap me.

I guess I'm still fighting for our marriage. ~shrug~ I love her, period.

If I'm ignored - as I suspect I will be - then I'll let that sink into my fat head, and then recede again.

[What_Next]

Only YOU know what YOU want to do. There is nothing wrong with loving her.

 

Hell the entire time I was going through hell on earth I knew I loved her, even when I wanted to knock the ___ out of her...

 

It is a nice gesture no matter what.

[Yasuandio]

WGW, yes, I am picturing myself as "Moe" and you as "Curly" right now. But considering all the idiotic things Ive said post 25 abusive years, that I remain frightened to release, some flowers and a poem sound ok. In the end, you are going to want to know for yourself that you did and said EVERY possible thing to save your marriage.

 

I feel so stupid walking after him after he totally dissed me in the Courtroom this past January. He finally turned around and I uttered "I still want you." He angrily said something about the money that just went down the tubes in the courtroom, and walked away from me. Thank goodness I didn't run after him. A few tearful Voicemails, and I put parental blocks on all the phones and it is impossible for me to call him from the house and my cell (and visa versa).

 

I can say I did everything I could possibly do, and then some. You will know when it is time to call it quits. That evening started the first phase of a grieving process for me. Reading JaneDoe35's story really sinched it, and my depression is very deep right now.

 

Again, I see him driving into my neighborhood store/pharmacy as I was driving out last evening. There was no reason for him to be in this area of town. As well, he has the same store/pharmacy next door to his work five miles away. But, yesterway was his day off, so apparently, he made a trip over from his house, which is over ten miles away. This really creeps me out. If I had waited for my scripts to be filled last, I might have run in to him. What's up with this? Sometimes I feel like I am being stalked. But why? He doesn't want me. That's perfectly clear.

 

Anyway, I'll really be interested in your wife's response WGW, or lack thereto. Sometimes you can gleen quite a bit from said. Keep us posted please! Y

Edited April 15, 2011 by Yasuandio

[marqueemoon4]

how'd the flowers and poetry go over?

[worldgonewrong]

Yas- nobody should have to be tormented like that. Jeez. I'm no proselytizer, but I am a praying man and I do pray for you. Take that in the spirit in which it's intended, even if you're a stone-cold atheist, OK? Love to you, my friend.

 

MM4- oh man, the past few days have just been an emotional trough for me. I went against the grain of all the 180/NC/LC philosophy, but I'll bounce back. She ignored the flowers. As for the poem, that was mailed to her and she might have received it today; I dunno. Furthermore (boy, I'm a glutton for punishment), I woke up this morning on this glorious day and just cried. And then I texted her saying how I'd give an arm to go back to how we were on this day last year (which was a great day, from memory). She texted back, "No. Please do not send me messages like this." So then I sat down in the morning and wrote her a 2-page letter, from the heart, and I gave it to her with the bi-weekly check when I saw the kids today. I don't expect a reply. But my best friend says he thinks the words will take root eventually. I just don't know. Oh, and I smoked my 1st cigarette in 2 years+3 months today. So it's been THAT kind of weekend. I think I'm all emotionally tapped out, which is a GOOD thing -- the tank is empty right now, which means I can spend this week recalibrating myself. (p.s. the bummer part of being w/the kids today was that I really had moments of fighting back tears. Luckily, I wore my shades.)

Edited April 17, 2011 by worldgonewrong

[Yasuandio]

Dude, I'm really sorry for you man. I'm praying for you too.

 

It went exactly like the Divorce Buster's Book said it would go. Puts pressure on here while she in in a "life-altering decision mode" rather than a "cuddly mode."Drives her further away, makes everything take longer, or become less possible. Also, makes you appear needy, unattractive to her.

 

Another place you are breaking 180, perhaps, unknowingly, is by communicating with relatives that are in touch with her. You gotta re-read that DB WGW.

 

Also, I think you gotta find Homer McDonald's site that contains 6 or more free exerpts from his book (a bit expensive). Interestingly enough, my guess would be around time of publication, and/or perhaps a sales promotion, a "Son of Homer" appeared on Loveshack offering up his father's advice. Apparently, Dr./Mr. McDonald would provide this insight to his son over the weekends, and the Son-Of-Homer would report back to a few LS members he was advising. Janedoe35 recieved outstanding tailor-made, but could also be easily extrapolated and/or lifted out of the context of her story. I wish I could afford his ebook.

 

It is so very difficult to see the error of this type of behavior because of that monmentum and desire you have to fix things. But it is way too much WGW. I understand, at the moment you are envisioning quite a different outcome, which makes it suck even more.

 

WGW - on top of the separation, I am detecting some big-time DIVATUDE. She will be recieving your truly heartfelt poem by post early next week. What sort of response are you expecting?

 

[Next week, Get a white shoe string, and use a black Sharpie. Next, useSharpie to write the following in caps: WWPMD? Tie shoestring around your wrist, shorten as necessary. This easy craft project reminds you and others of the message everyday. Since you are using a Sharpie, the man-bracelet can be worn 24/7.]

 

Now I'm thinking back to the blue eye shadow. Are there other changes she may have made over the weeks? Sorry, I've always smelled a rat here. The spouse is often the last to know and will not believe that it is even possible. However, I would do you an injustice if I didn't point this out once in a while. OK, I'm gonna shut up and go out for ciggs. Welcome to the "Smok'in Separated Spouse's" Club.

 

 

PS Sorry that I hyjack your thread once in awhile. I'm too chicken to start my own. If everyone saw my story in one place, they would just croak.

Edited April 18, 2011 by Yasuandio

[marqueemoon4]

Yas- nobody should have to be tormented like that. Jeez. I'm no proselytizer, but I am a praying man and I do pray for you. Take that in the spirit in which it's intended, even if you're a stone-cold atheist, OK? Love to you, my friend.

 

MM4- oh man, the past few days have just been an emotional trough for me. I went against the grain of all the 180/NC/LC philosophy, but I'll bounce back. She ignored the flowers. As for the poem, that was mailed to her and she might have received it today; I dunno. Furthermore (boy, I'm a glutton for punishment), I woke up this morning on this glorious day and just cried. And then I texted her saying how I'd give an arm to go back to how we were on this day last year (which was a great day, from memory). She texted back, "No. Please do not send me messages like this." So then I sat down in the morning and wrote her a 2-page letter, from the heart, and I gave it to her with the bi-weekly check when I saw the kids today. I don't expect a reply. But my best friend says he thinks the words will take root eventually. I just don't know. Oh, and I smoked my 1st cigarette in 2 years+3 months today. So it's been THAT kind of weekend. I think I'm all emotionally tapped out, which is a GOOD thing -- the tank is empty right now, which means I can spend this week recalibrating myself. (p.s. the bummer part of being w/the kids today was that I really had moments of fighting back tears. Luckily, I wore my shades.)

 

 

yea man, I feel for you because you're way earlier in the process than I am. I can't reiterate enough that you have to stop throwing all this emotion at her.. as you've seen its done nothing. I know, I did the same thing over and over again. My stupid mind looks at it like this-- I like me, there is no denying I have alot going for me, etc etc now if she could just see this everything would be fine. Well, thats not how it works. I even slipped up yesterday and said (commence the slapping):

 

"even after all thats happened, every time I see you I drive away thinking how stunningly beautiful you are."

 

her response: thats very sweet. thank you.

 

Hahaha.. she probably just laughed and thought what a loser. Oh well.. its how i feel, she just doesn't want to hear it. Plus her ego is super inflated right now.. I think she's learned the more selfish and bitchy she is the better things go for her. Its unfortunate. Keep in mind she was all about me for 8yrs..

Edited April 18, 2011 by marqueemoon4

[worldgonewrong]

Yas, MM4:

 

yeah, my emotional tank is empty regarding thoughts of her now.

I spent it all up these past few days. I don't know where the 'energy' came from, to begin with, considering how I'd been at a distance. But now I'm officially back to square one of 180/nc/lc, with no fight or unease from me because I feel like I can't give to her anymore. I can be supportive in quiet ways, but I can't keep clawing away at the quicksand.

 

Yas, as for the eye-shadow and other man thing: I've upturned every stone. The eye shadow idea was just copped from our close mutual friend, nothing more.

 

As of today, I get my head back together.

[russell1968]

Jack, Don't start smoking again it's the worse thing you could do for yourself!

 

I battled with the cigs for 25 years, there have been times over the last 5 months where i have felt like lighting up, but i haven't.

 

Stay strong

[marqueemoon4]

i've been a chimney the last 11 months... funny thing is when my wife left I had been quit for 3mos. I was definitely grouchy and on edge.. that didn't help.

[worldgonewrong]

I think I'm going to give this pack to my best friend (who smokes, obviously).

I had 1 cig yesterday afternoon, and then one this morning. It made me remember the pain-in-the-ass games of trying to mask the stink of my breath and everything. Plus I can't kill the nicotine/tobacco taste in my mouth right now even though I brushed my teeth when I got to work.

[marqueemoon4]

I think I'm going to give this pack to my best friend (who smokes, obviously).

I had 1 cig yesterday afternoon, and then one this morning. It made me remember the pain-in-the-ass games of trying to mask the stink of my breath and everything. Plus I can't kill the nicotine/tobacco taste in my mouth right now even though I brushed my teeth when I got to work.

 

good idea.. thats good its repellant to you.. in time maybe you'll feel the same way about your ex.

[worldgonewrong]

good idea.. thats good its repellant to you.. in time maybe you'll feel the same way about your ex.

 

this made me smile!

 

The funny thing is, I hadn't smoked in 2+ years, right? So when I lit up yesterday, I was expecting the cig to be really awful -- you know, that "first cigarette" after a long absence ciggie -- and guess what? It was f*ckin' GREAT! hahaha! Therein lies the danger.

 

So yeah, I think I'll try and kick this before it becomes a habit again.

[marqueemoon4]

this made me smile!

 

The funny thing is, I hadn't smoked in 2+ years, right? So when I lit up yesterday, I was expecting the cig to be really awful -- you know, that "first cigarette" after a long absence ciggie -- and guess what? It was f*ckin' GREAT! hahaha! Therein lies the danger.

 

So yeah, I think I'll try and kick this before it becomes a habit again.

 

dude, i love smoking.. i really do. so horrible for you but man, i just dont feel right without them. I even quit for 1.5yrs when my wife was pregnant and started again cause my job was super stressful and all my friends at work smoked. duuuuuuuumb

[russell1968]

dude, i love smoking.. i really do. so horrible for you but man, i just dont feel right without them. I even quit for 1.5yrs when my wife was pregnant and started again cause my job was super stressful and all my friends at work smoked. duuuuuuuumb

 

I smoked for 25 years! At the height of my career i was on two packs a day !! I quit two years ago and this year i'm running the Berlin marathon.

 

I do really miss it, it took me 2 years before i was able to have a beer as i was so scared i would smoke again!

[Yasuandio]

Can't believe no one asked WTF the craft project was about.

[worldgonewrong]

Can't believe no one asked WTF the craft project was about.

 

I'm still trying to crack the identity of "PM" on my own, Yas.

...

OK, I'll bite: Please 'SPLAIN!

[marqueemoon4]

I smoked for 25 years! At the height of my career i was on two packs a day !! I quit two years ago and this year i'm running the Berlin marathon.

 

I do really miss it, it took me 2 years before i was able to have a beer as i was so scared i would smoke again!

 

good for you... i need to quit really bad.. maybe after the divorce is final I'll be able to.

[Yasuandio]

When you get the fall out from the poem, the man-bracelet will remind you:

 

"What Would Paul McCartney Do?"

 

I should have you made wait.

 

Did you think that was pretty funny? I was laughing my ass off last night, not at you, just the whole concept of how screwed over we are. Please forgive me.

[worldgonewrong]

hahaha! oh man, I honestly DID think "Paul McCartney" when I read it the first time!!

Great minds think alike, Yas.

And in answer to the question: Paul McCartney would probably pick himself up and keep movin'. That's what he did after breaking up with Heather Mills.