jaymz Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 You did the right thing. Gotta be a real parent and take these knocks even if it is really, really unfair. The truth will always come out. If your the better person from day one, continue to be the parent and do the right things, then it will all work out in the end. Well done mate. How old is your son? Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Gazoo Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 thank you for the support, amigos. 'Closure' is over-rated. What's more valuable is seeking out the new-ness of Life's possibilities, not chasing some half-assed last chapter for the book that is your dying relationship. That IS closure.... Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 WGW, your son is beginning to analyze what happened. You did the right thing not telling him what happened. He will slowly figure it out. How old is he? Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 My son's 11. And thank you for the support, gang. I refuse to put him in a conflicted state of mind, mom-vs-dad thinking; he'll get to it. I *did* concede, obtusely, "This is not what I wanted." And left it at that. Gazoo: you're right. that IS a definition of closure. hadn't thought of it like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 UPDATE, for anyone still aware of my thread - (This forum for LoveShack is like a hospital triage situation, with new incoming, sad situations. Lord, have mercy. I feel everyone of you, seriously.) Got back from my trip to hang with my lady friend. AMAZING time. It was just what the doctor ordered. (trying to convey that respectfully.) Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 WGW, Great to hear your trip went sucessfully. Not so active these days, but always aware mate. Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 UPDATE, for anyone still aware of my thread - (This forum for LoveShack is like a hospital triage situation, with new incoming, sad situations. Lord, have mercy. I feel everyone of you, seriously.) Got back from my trip to hang with my lady friend. AMAZING time. It was just what the doctor ordered. (trying to convey that respectfully.) LOL...now that I have it right and it is you and not Jaymz....so glad for you that you have had happiness come your way!!! I will keep good thoughts that it will continue for you...you deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 Oh wow, great news! As for your son, I am going through something similar at a much younger level. My two year old's sense of security has been violated by the current circumstance. I realize that the only way to restore it and retrieve that bond is to be there and care for her every ounce during each emotional meltdown (which from her comes in simple questions and temper-tantrums. Security and trust is a hard thing to restore but it can be done through consistency. Link to post Share on other sites
updown Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 hey WGW!!! i haven't been on here in a bit, but wanted to check on you and see how things were progressing :-) going back in march and your dad and ex. i'm glad to hear that he's ok!! i'm sorry your ex had the reaction she did. i told you before, that women is NOT right in the head!!! i cannot believe she would tell you to hire a babysitter over keeping HER children for the weekend. especially since it was a family emergency and not just you wanting to go out on the town.......... !!!!!! i cannot even imagine! i'm glad to hear that your trip went well with your 'lady friend.' that's so awesome!! :-) life is good!! :-) keep your head up, keep moving forward!! Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Gazoo Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Got back from my trip to hang with my lady friend. AMAZING time. It was just what the doctor ordered. (trying to convey that respectfully.) Good on you man. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I LOVE the new avatar BTW. Jimmy Stewart describing the suitcase with which he wants to see the world. "Samarkand" etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 16, 2012 Author Share Posted April 16, 2012 BrettLost, Steen719, DOT, Updown, & The Great Gazoo - thanks for checking in, friends, and thanks for the kind support and observations. Divorce proceeds apace. It still grinds my stomach/nerves. But whatchagonnado? Trying to think of MYSELF, resurrecting my life from the ashes, and in doing so, hopefully be stronger for my kids. I don't want them to look back on this period and say, "That's when dad completely lost the thread..." and remember me as a loser. DOT: haha, glad you like the Jimmy avatar! It makes me smile. Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Good to see you are still on track buddy! Glad you had a great time with that gal. Onwards and upwards! Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 16, 2012 Author Share Posted April 16, 2012 thanks, jaymz. I still have a helluva mountain to climb, with more nettles, but at least I'm on some kind of plateau. As an aside - and perhaps others can speak to this - in the aftermath of, ehm, mutual familiarity, I feel like I'm having some ethical pangs. I'm not divorced yet, I do regard myself as a Christian man... and yet my stbx had nothing to do with me from September 2010 to present. That's a long time. I'm just having a slight internal struggle. Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 WGW, When is the divorce final? Maybe part of it is that the divorce is looming and that is where the conflict comes from? I would have a problem dating and I am divorced for 6 months....just my feelings about it right now; it would feel like cheating. That is kind of distressing to me, but I imagine I will get over it eventually..lol It is only about one year since Dday. Maybe it is partly something like that. I think you will know if it is right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 Steen719: divorce should be final sometime this summer or fall. We're just in the thick of it now. What I had with my lady friend is exquisite, and I could see her in my future as a mate, but I think my 'battle wounds' are still fresh from the stbx. My 'trust levels' are low right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Steen719: divorce should be final sometime this summer or fall. We're just in the thick of it now. What I had with my lady friend is exquisite, and I could see her in my future as a mate, but I think my 'battle wounds' are still fresh from the stbx. My 'trust levels' are low right now. I guess, given that you are concerned morally and you are still feeling too beat up, it might be better then to wait until you are not so battle weary and you are divorced and then go forward with the relationship. You have something great to look forward to as long as she understands and is wiling to wait, then you can proceed when you are ready. You are a lucky duck.....you have this to look forward to and it will help you with your feelings as you proceed with the divorce! I think you'll know when it's time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 19, 2012 Author Share Posted April 19, 2012 Steen719: thanks for your beautiful support and guiding thoughts. <3 Disassociated thought to anyone reading: If your wife is a walk-away and you both have children who are old enough to reason/think, then put the burden on your WIFE to break the bad news. This is a haunting thought that has come back to me, since January 2011. When my wife scooted me out the door (and I was stupid enough not to stand my ground), we called the kids to announce our separation, about 'mommy and daddy needing some separate time and working on stuff'. The burden was put on ME to be the calm voice of explanation, even though my stupid wife was the one who instigated all this stuff, but she was tongue-tied by her own stupid decision. If you're put in that position, put it RIGHT BACK on your wife. (Or ladies, put it back on your husband.) So stupid of me, trying to be the good guy and calm the kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 There's lots of stuff that applies toon the split of a relationship. Most of the time a relationship splits though there are some poor boundaries, one person taking too much responsibility and the other one not enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 There's lots of stuff that applies toon the split of a relationship. Most of the time a relationship splits though there are some poor boundaries, one person taking too much responsibility and the other one not enough. I just read something about this and that often times the person who is too responsible will sometimes actually foster that lack of responsibility in their partner so they will be more dependent on them. It is screwed up, but after thinking about some examples, I thought that was really true in a lot of relationships and in mine (oh, no!!) . The therapist that we did not stay with (other issues with her) said when she met us.."So, who is the responsible one and who is the fun one?" Well, we both said he was fun and I was responsible...about the only thing we agree on...lol What a screwed up mess relationships can be! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 25, 2012 Author Share Posted April 25, 2012 no big updates. just came across some family/kid pics taken about 5 or 6 years ago. seeing these just gutted me. I want to crawl under a rock and weep until I'm nothing but dust. To see those pics, not knowing what was on the horizon, God... Link to post Share on other sites
Jstub Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 no big updates. just came across some family/kid pics taken about 5 or 6 years ago. seeing these just gutted me. I want to crawl under a rock and weep until I'm nothing but dust. To see those pics, not knowing what was on the horizon, God... Sorry to hear this WGW. Be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
K Os Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 no big updates. just came across some family/kid pics taken about 5 or 6 years ago. seeing these just gutted me. I want to crawl under a rock and weep until I'm nothing but dust. To see those pics, not knowing what was on the horizon, God... I know, wgw. I'm typing this from my mother's computer, over on my left the wedding photo is facing the wall... Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 no big updates. just came across some family/kid pics taken about 5 or 6 years ago. seeing these just gutted me. I want to crawl under a rock and weep until I'm nothing but dust. To see those pics, not knowing what was on the horizon, God... Mine are all taken down and put in a box. I still have the loft to go through this week and then the computer at some point - that has years and years of photos and videos... Not looking forward to it. Once its done, its done. Just the last triggers keep sneeking up on us eh? Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 no big updates. just came across some family/kid pics taken about 5 or 6 years ago. seeing these just gutted me. I want to crawl under a rock and weep until I'm nothing but dust. To see those pics, not knowing what was on the horizon, God... WGW...one of the absolutely hardest days I had was going through 23 years of pictures. I was devastated and cried all day long going through them. I completely understand why you feel that way. Put them all away and look at them when you are stronger. I wouldn't have looked if I hadn't had to split them up. I would have let him do it, but he would not have done it. Better days ahead....believe it. They will come. {{{HUGS}}} Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts