Author worldgonewrong Posted June 4, 2013 Author Share Posted June 4, 2013 A little philosophical aside. I came across a nice, supportive reply to someone in a different thread/forum, in which the person said, one day your wife will realize just what she threw away...when that day comes, you'll have moved on and she just won't matter anymore Question for you all: how many of you believe the bolded part, re your own wayward (ex) spouses? For me, personally, I don't believe it. And if there was ever any regret on her part, I believe I'd have a better chance of being struck by lightning 3 times in 1 day than to have her ever voice that regret to me. Additionally, I don't want/seek any expression on her part. I am DONE. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 I don't understand why you would consider being so damned selfish? She's had her chance, why not give one or two of the OTHER 3.5 billion women on the planet a chance? You know the one's that are always complaining that all of the good men are either already taken, married, or gay? Per my experiences and observations? Usually if they do come back its because of their needing or wanting something from you or out of you ~ and once they get it? They're gone again! My take on things is this ~ "If it didn't or wasn't working the first time? What's different this go around? What's changed? Has the fundamentals and dynamics of the relationship changed that much?" That along with a whole slew of other questions? The old "First time you screw me? Shame on you! The second time? Shame on ME!" ~ applies in full force in such a situation. The answer I believe would be a long the lines of while it exists within the realm of possibility ~ it doesn't 'hold water' within the realm of probability. Time to move on and quit digging up bones! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 . Additionally, I don't want/seek any expression on her part. I am DONE. so why ask? aM Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 A little philosophical aside. I came across a nice, supportive reply to someone in a different thread/forum, in which the person said, Question for you all: how many of you believe the bolded part, re your own wayward (ex) spouses? For me, personally, I don't believe it. And if there was ever any regret on her part, I believe I'd have a better chance of being struck by lightning 3 times in 1 day than to have her ever voice that regret to me. Additionally, I don't want/seek any expression on her part. I am DONE. I think that many WS float around not realizing why they are unhappy and why this cloud hangs over them. Others just keep with the "boom/bust" cycle, and if they live long enough can't easily find another "boom" and then things really go bust, then they start to realize what others sacrificed for them. But often only philosophically. Other WS realize that you were a person with feelings too and that you've reinvested, and then they feel the pinch. Some realize right away. And some have a life-context that you'll never know, so somehow this works for them. I don't think mine would have looked back as often for sure. Except maybe if I became a very presentable package and that ship had sailed. He would only notice if he picked up our daughter regularly. And I think he would've resented it and started fights over it. Or "found" reasons to loathe it. Otherwise I would just be a written chapter in the past of people he's been through. Perhaps, long after the dust had settled, he might express some regret. so why ask? aM Because we're a motley crew of curious folk. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 I wouldn't want my exH back because of all the selfish damage that he has done, but knowing one day eventually he has regret would give me absolute closure. I suppose after all the poor treatment, its nice to know that once you was worth something to them Who knows... Doubt mine would ever let me know if he did anyway 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 lol that we sure are DOT night all aM 1 Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Haven't been on here for a while...signed my final divorce papers today, almost 3 years after my ex decided our marriage wasn't worth saving. Was in total hell for about 6 months while she was with OM, living in our house, with our kids. Lowest point of my life. Never hurt like that. Now, 2 1/2 years later, I've never been happier. Back in my house, better relationship with my kids than ever, active in all my old hobbies, renewed former friendships, did some dating for a while and, for the last 3 months have been with an incredible woman who I connect with in a scary number of ways. And she's fine with the time I can give her, loves that I'm involved and active in life and with my kids and doesn't make demands of me. I got laid off back in August and got a better job 2 weeks later that I love. My ex and I get along great. Mostly because I bit my tongue a LOT in the beginning for the sake of the kids. Partly because, at some point (after her second boyfriend didn't work out), I think she realized what she had left. She implied, on several occasions, that she thought we might still be able to "make things work" but I had told myself, many times, that I would NEVER put myself or my kids in that situation again. We're friendly (not friends), I had dinner at her house tonight (my new girlfriend is fine with that and thinks it's great that we get along) and then we went and coached my son's soccer team together. Life is an incredible adventure with so many ups and downs, it's hard to conceive. So, anyone reading this that thinks things will never get better, that feel that life is pointless, take my word for it, there are moments in your future that you can't imagine. Happiness you would never predict and surprises waiting. YOU have to go out there and find the opportunities. It's up to YOU to move on, force yourself to try some change and find what's waiting for you. Good luck and blue skies... 9 Link to post Share on other sites
WreckedDan Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Debtman, you are an inspiration. I hope to one day be in as good a place as you are now. I'm really happy for you. I'm bookmarking this page so I can keep rereading it. Thanks, Dan 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 Hey gang- Even though the wreckage of my/our past live is beyond a speck in the rear-view mirror, and I have an amazing girlfriend, I'm just checking in to tell you (the obvious) that things can still eff with your head even after a looooong stretch of time; it's natural. My point is - this past week, my ex-wife has blitzkrieg-ed my dreams. In dream #1, she & I were walking next to each other - not in love, mind you - but it's like we were walking toward God and as we got closer, we could feel the layers of anger/guilt/frustration just fall off. In dream #2, last night, she and I were in a room talking with someone else, and we remarked about the ease with which we could talk even though we would never get back together and have no desire to. I wonder why she's invading my dreams of late. So weird. I have contentment and peace NOW that I never ever had with her, so it's strange that she's making cameos in my subconscious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RonaldS Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Hey gang- Even though the wreckage of my/our past live is beyond a speck in the rear-view mirror, and I have an amazing girlfriend, I'm just checking in to tell you (the obvious) that things can still eff with your head even after a looooong stretch of time; it's natural. My point is - this past week, my ex-wife has blitzkrieg-ed my dreams. In dream #1, she & I were walking next to each other - not in love, mind you - but it's like we were walking toward God and as we got closer, we could feel the layers of anger/guilt/frustration just fall off. In dream #2, last night, she and I were in a room talking with someone else, and we remarked about the ease with which we could talk even though we would never get back together and have no desire to. I wonder why she's invading my dreams of late. So weird. I have contentment and peace NOW that I never ever had with her, so it's strange that she's making cameos in my subconscious. WGW...I've been having the same sort of dreams lately. For a LONG time, she was absent from my dreams. Then she started popping up in a 'supporting cast' role. I have no idea what that's all about. IRL, I don't really talk to her or acknowledge her anymore, even though we still sometimes share the same house. I have asked her to text or email if she has something to talk about, but then every time I'm talking to the kids on the phone, she's always jumping in asking questions. Then, I was back there for an event for my daughter, and she kept looking at me, and was having me hold her jacket for her and introducing me to people. I was just standing there like, 'Um, OK...'. I really didn't want to be standing there hanging out with her. I want to be divorced and have my own life. I don't understand what she wants. Why won't she just leave me alone? Lately, I've had some things go in the wrong direction financially, professionally and academically. I don't tell her about them, but expressed in a text message that I was running into an issue with having the kids on a certain weekend. This kind of thing pops up every so often now, and she keeps asking me if everything is OK, do I need anything, etc. I don't understand where this is coming from. She has been standoffish and COMPLETELY UNSUPPORTIVE over the last few years, now we're on the brink of finalizing our divorce, and she wants to be all buddy-buddy? It's so annoying. I just want her to leave me alone. Focus on her life and her new relationship and quit pretending we're something that we're not. If I say, 'Just email me please', then don't keep trying to start conversations when I'm talking to the kids. Don't keep asking me what's going on in my life. Anyway, sorry about the rant...but I wonder if that stuff is why she keeps popping up in my dreams. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Really man. Same happened to me in real time, real life - Sunday afternoon. When I was waiting on the main road for light to change to make a left into my little street that goes to my sub-division. There he was right across from me, coming from the opposite direction. Convertable Mercedes, top-down, with a chick with him. As I paused to make my left, he drove straight thru, and his head turned like 3/4 around to watch my little red Z3 roadster, which no one can ever miss. I don't know how he kept the wheel straight while turning his head around that far. But it was the most extreme nightmare to see him and his girl right there so close to my house. Mile and miles from his area. Nightmare for me - that I did not ask for, and did not want. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
WreckedDan Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Well.. the first "dream" I had of the ex was a ... uh... good one? Had been a few months since last we... well you get the picture. I don't often remember my dreams so that was a nice change. I rember being a bit melencholy about it, even though it was nice to feel briefly close to her again. About two weeks later I had a similar dream, but she wasn't in it... three other ladies I've never met were! I took that as a sign that once she left the world would open up to new experiences =) Since then, I think I've dreamed of her once? She was just in the picture, meaningless. I tend to be sorta lucid so I was able to just acknowledge her presence and ignore it. I think dreams are just there to let our minds deal with things. Our mind wanders and seeks, and when it can't find what it's looking for it creates situations in our dreams to explore possibilities. Just my 2c Dan 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 Golden moment yesterday: As I emerged from my car carrying a bouquet of flowers for my GF, the ex-W happens to drive around the corner and see me. She had a deer-in-the-headlights look, turned, and kept her eyes aggressively focused ahead. 'Twas a thing of beauty. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
littlejaz Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 Felt good didn't it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 Felt good didn't it? It felt amazing! It was a 2-second look of recognition - like, "Remember how you kicked my teeth in? And then you took up with OM who bedded you, ditched you and never gave you flowers? Yeah, well, these flowers ain't for you, babe." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Misadventure Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 To answer your question about regret..........I wanted my H to regret it:D Karma does eventually come around to kick in their teeth. I think they always regret it.....in the end. You may never know it but privately, I'm sure they do! This is what I want... because I should not be the only one left hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
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