Author worldgonewrong Posted April 4, 2011 Author Share Posted April 4, 2011 I know, man. I know. But 20 years is a loooong time between 2 people. Lots of memories, and believe it or not, a lot of love. Whatever this is, now, is beyond comprehension. The plain truth is, I still love her. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I know, man. I know. But 20 years is a loooong time between 2 people. Lots of memories, and believe it or not, a lot of love. Whatever this is, now, is beyond comprehension. The plain truth is, I still love her. yea, I think I still love my wife too.. but I love what she USED TO BE, sure as hell not what she is now. same goes with you.. I was with my ex for 8yrs which is by far the longest relationship I've ever had.. but nothing lasts forever. its time to nut up and move on! Link to post Share on other sites
updown Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 re taxes. is she able to say WHY she won't do that? does she want to file single/ separated or something like that?? let her learn. she needs to try and fail too. we learn best when we mess up. so, let her have that opportunity. and when it happens just let it be. don't hold it over her head or tell her i told you so, etc. you're doing the best thing you can. let her be. give her the space. do not start conversations with her. and if she starts one that is not something that needs discussing or you know will head down a path of contention and fighting, don't respond to it. do not engage if you don't have to. 20 yrs is a very long time. do you love her the way she is now? or who she used to be? that's a pretty big thing to figure out. she might NEVER be that person you love again. this new woman might be who she is for the rest of her life. do you love this new person? and you don't have to give up on her. you just need to let her be. live your life. if she knows you're not done with this yet, she just might come back with some time and space. i can't say she will, but she very well might! Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 4, 2011 Author Share Posted April 4, 2011 yea, I think I still love my wife too.. but I love what she USED TO BE, sure as hell not what she is now. same goes with you.. I was with my ex for 8yrs which is by far the longest relationship I've ever had.. but nothing lasts forever. its time to nut up and move on! Well, at the very least, an internal analysis of the phrase "nut up" should distract me from thinking about her for awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Well, at the very least, an internal analysis of the phrase "nut up" should distract me from thinking about her for awhile. I thought you'd appreciate that Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 4, 2011 Author Share Posted April 4, 2011 thanks, amigo! update: shut ma' fat mouth. Re the tax thing, she is actually being cooperative; just heard back from her. See, I can admit when I'm wrong. And I was wrong. Barely. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Take whatever you can get WGW.... Good things come to those who wait I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Listen, Nutsup, why the heck were you "assskkiinnngggg" HER about taxes to start with? First of all, if somthin' needs discuss'in, dude, let her come to you. Crap, you could have easily filed an extention. You know that, I know that, and SHE knows that. You don't need to be "woooorrrrrkkking toooogettthhher" on taxes (said in my Neil Bortz Voice), much less anything else. This is what your wife needs to say before you work on any projects together: "I Love You. I will do anything necessary to make our marriage survive. I want you to come home." Taxes can be used as a negotiation chip if and when you divorce. It is stupid to file MFS unless there is a specific reason. Due to 180 Nd NC, I'd prefer being ambiguious, i.,e., "perhaps it's best to file an extention until we know which direction we might take." That is a perfect way to shake her a__ up a little. If you wanna back out of some agreement you already made, you can alwayes claim: "after much consideration, you have "reconsidered," or "reevaluated,"or "reassessed," "re-reviewed" the matter and concluded the aformentioned may be a wiser direction at this time." Don't you just love my business style? I guess I am really anti-cooperation on this, because you went to her, and too, I make it a habit to file an extension (cuts your chances of an audit). Maybe I'm wrong. But it felt good to write. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 4, 2011 Author Share Posted April 4, 2011 Yas- in this situation, I respectfully disagree. This is only a business matter, not an affair of the heart. It sends no vibes of love or pining from my mind that I simply want to settle this tax stuff in the best way possible. Unless accounting talk turns her on. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 (edited) WGW, please accept my apologies, for in this case, I was clearly projecting. (Also, I thought I saw an opportunity to be a smart as_, and I jumped on it). "I" myself used to use exxxxcccuuuusssseesss (Steve Martin voice) like taxes just to strike up a chance to have convo with my husband, in all honesty. I'd conveniently leave a mysterious voice mail about "an important business matter we needed to discuss," then I'd have the opportunity to pretend he called me and use my, "Oh, hi, how how you" happy voice, as if I weren't expecting the call. Naturally, I always managed to steer the convo into, "do you miss me?" (Nel Bortz sarcastic voice). Or worse, "I love you." Met with an ever-so-assuring "I appreciate that." WGW, just checking. I guess I'm a little over protective (the "tax discussion" hit a tender nerve for me, gag). Also, I'm hovering and swalking like a mother hen. I don't want you to ever go down that road. Sorry about that. The garage door is going up and down by itself. I've tried every remedy online, and it's worse. Perhaps (there it goes again) I'm also going insane. Edited April 4, 2011 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 Yasuandio- you need not apologize! you've been nothing but supportive to me, so no worries. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 An important footnote in all this: our famed wedding photo is still prominently displayed. She has not moved it. Make of that what you will. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 An important footnote in all this: our famed wedding photo is still prominently displayed. She has not moved it. Make of that what you will. Don't give too much credence to that. My W left all the pics of me up in our bedroom when OM was sleeping over there for about 2 months after I moved out. Of course, the day I got into the house I took down all the pics of her, our wedding patchwork frame, etc. Now it's just pics of me and the kids. Just keep your head on straight. Don't let her rile you up, that's EXACTLY what she's trying to do... Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 Don't give too much credence to that. My W left all the pics of me up in our bedroom when OM was sleeping over there for about 2 months after I moved out. Wait - hold on - OM and W slept in your marital bed?!?! Now only is that weird and disrespectful, it's also sort of unusual. It takes a special kind of woman to willfully disrespect the marital bed like that. Jeezuz. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Wait - hold on - OM and W slept in your marital bed?!?! Now only is that weird and disrespectful, it's also sort of unusual. It takes a special kind of woman to willfully disrespect the marital bed like that. Jeezuz. Yep, I moved out and about 2 weeks later he was sleeping over. About 2 weeks after that my W told me that my daughter had come downstairs early in the morning and crawled into bed with them...no confusion there, eh? Yeah, it's all about good decision making... About the same time he started sleeping over, she invited some of our mutual friends (my friends initially) over for dinner with OM and my friend told me later that it was the strangest thing because it was like she had just switched him for me and she was acting like nothing was different. My friend told me he couldn't go back over there and it was just too weird and he apologized to me for it. I told him I had no problem with anyone remaining friends with her but it seems like she doesn't have anyone except her family and OM at this point. Makes me so crazy, because as angry as I am for how she's treated me through this, part of me still loves her (or who I thought she was) and I still want her to be happy and get a life, but I just don't see that happening. Too bad for her, but I'm really starting to enjoy myself. Went climbing with a girl the other night and had a good time, had some laughs and are planning to go again. Then, Saturday, one of the girls at the drop zone was flirting with me and, when I got home, she had sent me an email about how great it was seeing me again and couldn't wait to go skydiving with me. Tonight, one of my old army buddies (also recently divorced) is driving up to hang out for a few days and we'll have fun partying and reminiscing...none of this would have been possible if I was still married to my W...well, technically, I'm still married, but only on paper... Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 Fistbump to you for the GOOD times you're cultivating, debtman!!! Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Went climbing with a girl the other night and had a good time, had some laughs and are planning to go again. Then, Saturday, one of the girls at the drop zone was flirting with me and, when I got home, she had sent me an email about how great it was seeing me again and couldn't wait to go skydiving with me. Tonight, one of my old army buddies (also recently divorced) is driving up to hang out for a few days and we'll have fun partying and reminiscing...none of this would have been possible if I was still married to my W...well, technically, I'm still married, but only on paper... Damn, I'm jealous!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
starting2wakeup Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 About 2 weeks after that my W told me that my daughter had come downstairs early in the morning and crawled into bed with them...no confusion there, eh? ... I would have f*ck!ng lost my $h!t! Went climbing with a girl the other night and had a good time, had some laughs and are planning to go again. Then, Saturday, one of the girls at the drop zone was flirting with me and, when I got home, she had sent me an email about how great it was seeing me again and couldn't wait to go skydiving with me. Tonight, one of my old army buddies (also recently divorced) is driving up to hang out for a few days and we'll have fun partying and reminiscing...none of this would have been possible if I was still married to my W...well, technically, I'm still married, but only on paper... I'm not the brightest when it come to forum etiquette, but I think you are suppose to use the jumpy rabbit thing for when you are happy for another person and their progress so... :bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 WGW, wouldn't it be a good idea for Debtman to capture these "Halmark Moments" on film? What cha' say Debtman? If you don't already have one, it's time to get a digital camera. and some photo paper. Just think, have you considered you could record and SHARE your special moments? Besides photos of yourself and new friends, you could start a new portrait photo hobby! The girld love to pose for a cute photograph. I can see "nice action shot" of one of the girls steping up, while smiling at you. Get the picture? You can also start a new Facebook page (or keep the old one) that serves to document these special times. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Debtman, once again my heart goes out to you. How could that cold hearted b___h have that ********* in your martial bed and then have your innocent little child inolved? You are one of the most patience men I have ever read about on these forums. Absolutely amazing that you have kept your composure. I know I'd have made plans to have her arms broken.... Kidding of course. You have take the high road in every single sense of that phrase. Good for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 WGW, wouldn't it be a good idea for Debtman to capture these "Halmark Moments" on film? What cha' say Debtman? If you don't already have one, it's time to get a digital camera. and some photo paper. Some sort of man Just think, have you considered you could record and SHARE your special moments? Besides photos of yourself and new friends, you could start a new portrait photo hobby! Maybe go to some Photograph Meet-Up group gatherings to legitimize yourself. The girls love to pose for a camera. Just take about 25 shots at all angles with the camera, and you are bound to get a good portrait shot. Make them wait for the 8x10 glossy! I can see a "nice action shots" of one of the girls steping up, while smiling at you down below. Get the picture? You can also start a new Facebook page (or keep the old one) that serves to document these special times. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Debtman, once again my heart goes out to you. How could that cold hearted b___h have that ********* in your martial bed and then have your innocent little child inolved? You are one of the most patience men I have ever read about on these forums. Absolutely amazing that you have kept your composure. I know I'd have made plans to have her arms broken.... Kidding of course. You have take the high road in every single sense of that phrase. Good for you. Ditto. I am astounded by Debtman's strength and control - it is truly beyond human. Like I'm sure has been said before, this is the makings of a Crime of Passion movie -- minus the crime. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 In the interest of complete disclosure: I did weaken and emailed her a love poem (not written by me, but by a famous poet). I expect zero reply. Yes, everyone can throw brickbats at me. No, I won't tell you the name of the poet, lest she (God forbid) googles the poet and by some freak of nature winds up right here. Yes, I know, I know... but I figured, when you've got nothing to lose, why not? I'm looking back at almost 3 months of separation now. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 Yas, GREAT idea! Maybe not blocking her on FB was the right move. WN, thanks, certainly not the easiest thing to do, but, I keep telling myself that taking the "high road" is the best thing for the kids and, years down the road, I don't want to look back on this and think about how my anger screwed things up worse than they already are. WGW, no worries. I'm guessing the poem didn't "mean" much to her at this point. I find things like that from time to time and I've printed out ones I like and put them in a file folder marked "Later" and save them for the next relationship that comes along. She doesn't get those anymore... Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 WGW. 666 Debtman, So pleased you liked my idea. You know, your social life is exactly what these networks are all about! By all means, keep your friends and family informed of your up to in your new life. It will provide them a great sense of relief seeing actual documentation over time! Do not go anywhere without your digital camera! If you need any tip on photography, let me know, I have an extensive background in the arts. Happy hunting -- I meann shooting! Link to post Share on other sites
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