creighton0123 Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 " my husband and I have talked and he said he is not sure how it all happened and that I am the love of his life" Honey, he knows exactly how it happened. He didn't black out and wake up with her on his lap sucking on his face... The "it was an accident" line is pure bull****. And yes - if you consider it reasonably cheating, it's cheating. He didn't check out another woman's ass or find another girl beautiful. He didn't only get sexually aroused. He acted in a way that was dishonest to you and most likely wouldn't have told you if you didn't discover the encounter. There are some couples who have a certain level of openness in their relationship. Unless you two both agree that you're one of them, any level of intimate contact with another person is against the rules. As for where to go from here? Either realize that you can't get beyond this and pursue separation or unconditionally forgive him and move on. Make him understand that he has some serious owning up to do and needs to spend the better part of the next few years making it up to you. Give him a punishment that he'll accept and you'll enjoy. If he lives up to everything and you feel he is genuinely sorry, things will be alright. Remember: This is not just about him. It's also not just about you. A series of events cascaded into his indiscretion. Figure out what those events were (might be lacking sexual spontaneity in your marriage) and do some work, the two of you, in correcting them. Should you forgive him? In my opinion, yes. 20 years of marriage indicates that you did something right for 18 of those years. You two are both most likely strong enough of a couple to get beyond this. It'll just take some time. Perhaps time away as a couple will help boost your connection once again. Link to post Share on other sites
annie_gordon_PI Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 yes, yes it is. Link to post Share on other sites
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