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I have left my husband n0w w0rried I have made the w0rse mistake 0f my life

kent1985

By kent1985,
in Separation and Divorce

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kent1985

kent1985

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ap0l0gies firstly f0r the use 0f the 0 key its just my lapt0p is damaged.

 

Im 25 and my husband is 31, we met when i was 15 years 0ld and he was 22. We have 3 children t0gether 6, 5 and 2

 

when 0ur y0ungest was b0rn we b0th decided that my husband w0uld give up w0rk as we c0uldnt aff0rd the childcare and my wage was al0t higher. Since then he basically became a recluse and 0ur relati0nship has been r0cky and 0n and 0ff....

 

I th0ught a seperati0n was what I wanted as I have previ0us1y regretted n0t leaving and always th0ught that the 0nly thing we had in c0mm0n was the kids and als0 life was easier staying t0gether.

 

I m0ved 0ut 2 weeks ag0 and the first week was great, s0 I went 0n t0 rent my 0wn place and signed a 6 m0nth lease. I m0ved in saturday and n0w it has all just g0t t0 me and I realise h0w much I actually t00k him f0r granted. Im n0t sure whether t0 tell him h0w I feel as I d0nt want t0 mess him ar0und and am als0 w0rried that I am just gravitating back t0 what I kn0w and am scared 0f being al0ne...

 

There is n0 0ne else inv0lved alth0ugh he suspects there is, He says he wants us t0 get back t0gether h0wever he did n0t even attempt t0 st0p me leaving even packed my stuff. We have s0rted a r0utine f0r the kids s0 we b0th have them 50/50.

 

I feel like such a bitch as I was s0 sure that this is what I wanted and that I didnt l0ve him anym0re and n0w all I want is him.....

 

Im a mess

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willowthewisp

willowthewisp

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Go home.

 

Simple as, go home. You say your H didn't try to stop you leaving, this is because as the one left, we are told constantly to not beg, plead etc, pretty much as the one left you can't win, if you cry, you're seen as pathetic, needy or crazy etc, if you don't, you're seen as you don't care. You're H has told you he loves you and want you back, BELEIVE that.

 

You say you miss him but you are worried you are just afraid of being alone and don't want to mess him about? Then tell him this. My IC told me there is a difference between being responsible for and responsible to someones feelings. If someone is untruthful or keep things from someone then they are responsible FOR that persons feelings, if someone is open and honest then it is the other persons choice as to what they do, this is being responsible TO someones feelings.

 

My advice for what it is worth is to tell your husband how you are feeling, all of it, if he agrees, go home and go to MC to work this out. You two have been together for 10 years and have 3 children, you clearly loved each other, even if for you that was a while ago, you have invested a huge amount of emotion, time and effort into this relationship, don't waste that. You can reconnect, it will take work, but then doesn't anything worth having?

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kent1985

kent1985

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Thanks f0r replying s0 quickly.......... My mind is such a mess at the m0ment....I n0w realise that I cant live with0ut him but am unsure if I g0 straight back If I can live with him....Things need t0 change and mainly 0n my part....He d0es everything f0r me cleaning, c00king, running the kids t0 sch00l 0n my days 0ff. It has been really nice cleaning and spending time with the kids by myself. I never get t0 d0 that as he is at h0me 24/7 and has n0 s0cial life....I l0ve him and he l0ves me Im s0 c0nfused....

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Big Why

Big Why

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If you really feel it go tell your husband. Then, get a marriage counselor. The two of you need to work on the marriage and need help. Having someone on the outside can be invaluable. I also have a feeling that at some point your husband should at least get a part time job.

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sammyd

sammyd

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The good thing is, you both still love each other. Things will have to change, yes, but that is possible. Counselling is defo the way to go. I agree with Big Why about the point of your husband at some point getting a job, even part time. THis will also help him with his social life, instead of being completely reliant on you for finances and social life (I realise he's been a full time stay at home Dad, so obviously he has to depend on you through mutual agreement on that side). But, it sounds like he needs to get a bit of independence on his side, get a bit of a life back:), as do you:)

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kent1985

kent1985

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I was h0ping in a r0und ab0ut way that we w0uld b0th get a bit 0f life back......I was s0 sure that leaving was what I wanted but n0w realise h0w much crap i have put him thr0ugh 0ver the years and miss him. D0 seperati0ns w0rk??? has any0ne exeriance 0f g0ing back t0 basics?

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hopesndreams

hopesndreams

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The longer you leave it the further he will get away from you.

 

As of right now, he loves you and wants you home. A couple months from now he may have a re-think and not want you back.

 

I applaud your H! He did everything right for getting a WS back. If he cried and kissed you goodbye, you wouldn't be posting now.

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robf1971

robf1971

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The longer you leave it the further he will get away from you.

 

As of right now, he loves you and wants you home. A couple months from now he may have a re-think and not want you back.

 

I applaud your H! He did everything right for getting a WS back. If he cried and kissed you goodbye, you wouldn't be posting now.

 

Seconded, now move your as$ and get back there. Remember when you get back it's just the beginning, you have to keep working at things even when things seem good.

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robf1971

robf1971

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..He d0es everything f0r me cleaning, c00king, running the kids t0 sch00l 0n my days 0ff. It has been really nice cleaning and spending time with the kids by myself. I never get t0 d0 that as he is at h0me 24/7 and has n0 s0cial life....I l0ve him and he l0ves me Im s0 c0nfused....

 

This is KEY to your problems IMO. NO woman can respect a man who is too much of a pleaser. Get him back to work, seriously both me and my wife work/study full time but are still able to look after the kids 50/50, keep the house clean(ish) and have a social life. Time management!!!

 

Ohh and I guaruntee you at some point your husband resents you for him being in this situation. he just hasn't communicated this to you and is acting passive aggresive, and you hate this. This is why you need counselling, it could so easily be resolved.

 

I know all this stuff because I've been in the same situation.

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kent1985

kent1985

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thanks f0r all the replies, he is g0ing t0 c0me r0und f0r a meal t0night s0 that we can talk.

 

I have spent al0t 0f time thinking ab0ut where and when it went wr0ng, I als0 kn0w that the happiest we were as a c0uple was when we were b0th w0rking, him during the day full time and me part time.

 

I just feel at times s0 pushed 0ut with the kids as Im always at w0rk, as bad a it s0unds these last few days I have learnt things that my tw0 year 0ld can say and d0 that I never even realised as I didnt spend quality time with the kids al0ne.

 

My tw0 eldest were sitting drawing earlier and I heard my s0n asking my daughter wh0 she l0ved the m0st she said she l0ves us b0th the same, s0n then said I l0ve daddy and d0nt like mummy. It br0ke my heart.

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robf1971

robf1971

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My tw0 eldest were sitting drawing earlier and I heard my s0n asking my daughter wh0 she l0ved the m0st she said she l0ves us b0th the same, s0n then said I l0ve daddy and d0nt like mummy. It br0ke my heart.

 

Don't take that too much to heart, that's kids for ya

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kent1985

kent1985

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well hubby came r0und last night and we had a heart t0 heart ab0ut h0w we b0th feel.

 

We have decided t0 stay seperated but spend tw0 days a week with each 0ther building 0n 0ur relati0nship. We are als0 g0ing t0 try marriage c0unselling.

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willowthewisp

willowthewisp

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Really pleased to hear that! :D Remember as you go throught this, that you were once very happy with your H and that it takes two to make a relationship work and only one to break it. What I mean is, you need to work together and remember each of you has a right to your point of view, it is how you compromise and solve the issues that will ultimately bring you both happiness.

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Goldenspoon

Goldenspoon

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well hubby came r0und last night and we had a heart t0 heart ab0ut h0w we b0th feel.

 

We have decided t0 stay seperated but spend tw0 days a week with each 0ther building 0n 0ur relati0nship. We are als0 g0ing t0 try marriage c0unselling.

 

You abandonned the marriage and you left him. Don't be surprised if he starts seeking comfort from other women.

Edited by Goldenspoon
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kent1985

kent1985

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Hiya, bit 0f an update hubby has t0day b00ked us in f0r c0unselling 0ur first app0intment is next tuesday

 

I have als0 spent time self reflecting and realise that i d0 take him f0r granted being at h0me all 0f the time, but 0n the 0ther side I feel pushed 0ut al0t when it c0mes t0 the kids and h0me.

 

I have sp0ken t0 my line manager at w0rk t0day and have put a transfer in back t0 my previ0us establishment as where im w0rking n0w d0esnt acc0m0date family friendly h0urs as much.

 

Im g0ing t0 c0ncentrate less 0n w0rk and c0ncentrate m0re 0n building my relati0nships back up with b0th hubby and the kids.

 

Hubby als0 called me t0day t0 say he has applied f0r a j0b!!! (this has rather sh0cked me as f0r the last c0uple 0f years whenever i br0ached the subject 0f him w0rking he w0uld just dissmiss it)

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