BenThereDunThat Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 (edited) And talks about her life in this interview with the New York Post. The sentence bolded below especially caught my eye. "We didn’t have sex on the first date — it was on the second. Sex happens faster when you’re having an affair — there’s no three-date rule, because with a married man you don’t see that often, three dates can take a month. And for the guys at least, it’s all about the sex; I knew they weren’t with me for my stellar conversational ability or extensive degrees." ETA: A very interesting article altogether. Having lived it, she has some hard & straight facts about what it's like being an OW. Edited February 4, 2011 by BenThereDunThat Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I can identify with that article I had a similar (isolated) experience when I was young in NYC except I had a full time job and didnt seek to get money from the MM. It is very exciting when you are young and move to NYC and suddenly have this very glamorous exciting life. Sometimes with single men sometimes with married men. That story is very different from the intent and experience of 99% of hte people posting on this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Seems like her story supports some of the thoughts about mistresses and other parts of her story seem pretty unbelievable. Either way it's a sad statement on her actions for so many years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 I can identify with that article I had a similar (isolated) experience when I was young in NYC except I had a full time job and didnt seek to get money from the MM. It is very exciting when you are young and move to NYC and suddenly have this very glamorous exciting life. Sometimes with single men sometimes with married men. That story is very different from the intent and experience of 99% of hte people posting on this forum. I agree, the "lifestyle" she talks about doesn't really seem to fit the average OW poster here. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Now, there's a case for the thread on age differences and young women getting involved with older MM. She retired from her career as a serial OW in her mid-twenties and has no regrets. She felt a bit bad for the wives, but said the excitement of getting what she wanted from MM overshadowed that. So, someone can act selfish when he/she is young and still have a selfish outlook when he/she is older. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 Now, there's a case for the thread on age differences and young women getting involved with older MM. She retired from her career as a serial OW in her mid-twenties and has no regrets. She felt a bit bad for the wives, but said the excitement of getting what she wanted from MM overshadowed that. So, someone can act selfish when he/she is young and still have a selfish outlook when he/she is older. AND make money off of it all by writing a book! Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I agree, the "lifestyle" she talks about doesn't really seem to fit the average OW poster here. But do the profiles of the MM she describes fit any MM of OW posting here? She didn't love any of them, so she didn't look at them through the same eyes as many OW posters would. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 There isn't much difference in this article and the article that was posted yesterday about the MM. Neither one of them has any misgivings about their lifestyle. I'm not sure that either one of them understands how their actions have the power to crush people or is it that they just don't/didn't care? This woman says she didn't care as much as she did about herself and the fun and excitement she got. Basically, her happiness was more important. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 That was mentioned in a previous post, in how it's not representative of most of the OW who post here. Yes, I agree with that post, but it was about the OW themselves in comparison to this OW. I'm wondering about the MM of the OW, not the OW themselves. She describes the common features of her various MM. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I think its largely a big city phenomena. In particular in a city like NY you have a lot of guys who come to Wall Street or did and made more money than even they could ever dream of. She described a very particular lifestyle that is common in NYC. I think it describes a minority of the MMs described on LS regardless of where they live. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 And talks about her life in this interview with the New York Post. The sentence bolded below especially caught my eye. "We didn’t have sex on the first date — it was on the second. Sex happens faster when you’re having an affair — there’s no three-date rule, because with a married man you don’t see that often, three dates can take a month. And for the guys at least, it’s all about the sex; I knew they weren’t with me for my stellar conversational ability or extensive degrees." ETA: A very interesting article altogether. Having lived it, she has some hard & straight fact about what it's like being an OW. Interesting, reminds me of someone's story here on LS-well, similar to some extent. Anyway, btdt, why did you bold that part? why does that resonate with you? or are you trying to convey something to a particular group of readers? Just curious. Link to post Share on other sites
SoMovinOn Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I think its largely a big city phenomena. In particular in a city like NY you have a lot of guys who come to Wall Street or did and made more money than even they could ever dream of. She described a very particular lifestyle that is common in NYC. You last sentence explains why I believe it has nothing to do with the big city... it's just more common in big cities, because there are more people there, and more financially successful people there. People gain money and power together. If one manages to make a lot of money, he/she has likely also gained a similar amount of power. In that situation, one gets used to having things their way. I think infidelity is common, because it is simply another "I get everything I want" thing. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I can identify with that article I had a similar (isolated) experience when I was young in NYC except I had a full time job and didnt seek to get money from the MM. It is very exciting when you are young and move to NYC and suddenly have this very glamorous exciting life. Sometimes with single men sometimes with married men. That story is very different from the intent and experience of 99% of hte people posting on this forum. Oh man, I can relate also...having dated some very high-powered men, it is a high to say the least...it's a whole different ballgame. They don't care how much money they spend on you, and the ones I was with didn't care about sex (or they didn't let on...lol). Like you JJ, who was not into your R's for money or power...there are men that are not just in it for the sex. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I agree with you I dont think As are a big city thing but I think the kind of relationship she described is more usual in places like NYC. She is one of many many people who could have written that book. But I agree with you that the idea that someone who fits the general stereotype she describes could exist anywhere. But I dont think it describes many of the MM talked about on this board. It doesnt fit the details that most of the OW on this board do disclose. Most of the MM described on this board sound like your average person who is not any more successful than most people and is not lavishing the OW with gifts or turning her into his fantasy woman, or treating her to her fantasy life from a material standpoint. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Totally agree with you too Pure. She had a specific type of relationship with these men. She was a thing as she said and she was dressed shown off etc etc etc which is fine if that is what you want. Just like not all men want emotions in an A, not all men of that type are in As for the sex. But this was a mistress not an OW. She was much more arms length than teh vast majority of the people who post here are with their MM. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Totally agree with you too Pure. She had a specific type of relationship with these men. She was a thing as she said and she was dressed shown off etc etc etc which is fine if that is what you want. Just like not all men want emotions in an A, not all men of that type are in As for the sex. But this was a mistress not an OW. She was much more arms length than teh vast majority of the people who post here are with their MM. So true...exMM> exDM> exSO in the beginning didn't spend a lot of money, we both made the same amount, although he insisted on paying for everything (before anyone freaks out about the spouse spending the marital money, they had their finances separate, which also held up in court). His spending was more on a heart to heart level. He took me out to lunch everyday for 12 days in a row, and bought me 1 red rose everyday during the twelve days. He was more thoughtful than anything. Link to post Share on other sites
jenifer1972 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Dress it up however you want, it is sociopathic behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
jenifer1972 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 These behaviors pretty much meet most of the criteria of sociopathy, other than torturing animals as a child. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Dress it up however you want, it is sociopathic behavior. Exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Well to be honest I actually find this kind of OW sort of less distasteful then some other types of OW. Let me say I don't support affairs or infidelity of any kind but for some reason I find the OW who is in it for exactly what it's worth and then ends when it loses it's value somehow more errrr..I don't know what the word is...maybe acceptable? No, that's not it, maybe less pathetic. I mean this woman was young and enjoyed the attention and status that went with having an affair with an older established man. Sounds like she got wined and dined, albeit on a restricted schedule. When the situation became old she moved onto new and better. Okay I don't find this admirable and I don't agree with it. It's selfish and self-centred for sure. But I have to say it doesn't bother me as much as the OW who are desperately holding on to lies and false promises waiting for the MM to leave his family for her. Talking about how he really loves her and it's only those kids, family, mean crazy wife, etc keeping them apart. Waiting and praying and hoping that maybe just maybe their soulmate MM will break up his family, leave his children and be all hers. Crying and carrying on about every little detail of the MM's marriage, constantly comparing herself to his unknowing wife and railing about the injustice of not getting the man when she is so much better and deserving. Sorry but it's these OW that I find the hardest to understand. I mean it's not like I would ever be a prostitute but if a woman is going to be a hooker, for God's sake, make it work for ya. Kind of like the difference between a hooker working in a brothel, saving up her money to get an education or to invest in her future in some way and the hooker on the street corner who gives all her money to her drug addicted pimp who beats her and has several other girls but she thinks he really really loves her and cares for her, just because he says so. Anyone get what I'm sayin... Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Wow I hope I dont cuz if I do it sounds like you insulting 99% of the women who post on this board looking for support and that woudl not be nice. Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Wow I hope I dont cuz if I do it sounds like you insulting 99% of the women who post on this board looking for support and that woudl not be nice. He must be bored over at the infidelity section as it's pretty much his MO over there too. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 And talks about her life in this interview with the New York Post. The sentence bolded below especially caught my eye. "We didn’t have sex on the first date — it was on the second. Sex happens faster when you’re having an affair — there’s no three-date rule, because with a married man you don’t see that often, three dates can take a month. And for the guys at least, it’s all about the sex; I knew they weren’t with me for my stellar conversational ability or extensive degrees." ETA: A very interesting article altogether. Having lived it, she has some hard & straight facts about what it's like being an OW. Hmm.... I disagree that sex happens faster when having an affair - at least in MY case. We didn't have sex until months after the affair started. But I guess her view does emphasize what is stereotyped about affairs -- that it is all about the sex and not true feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 We already know what your MO really is. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 People like this and the men she slept with sometimes make me wish New York would become dirty and dangerous again so they are scared back into the suburbs. Link to post Share on other sites
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