kel Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 i have recently stumbled into a situation that i am so confused about. I dated a guy for 4 years in high school and he was my first love and first everything. I am about to complete my third year of college and i have been dating another gut for almost three years. my ex and i have kept in touch off and on through the years, however i have not spoken to him in about a year. last weekend i found out that he is engaged. Out of nowhere this has totally bothered me bad. the whole ordeal runs through my mind 24/7. I love my current boyfriend but i think i may also still love my ex. I fell like I am at the time in my life where i should be getting ready to settle down because my current boyfriend is 26. I am only 21 but i don't want him to be 40 having children. i want to know what to do. Am i just being selfish or could it really still be love? I need advice Please!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 I'm not sure that it would matter how you feel about him at this point. 1. He hasn't contacted you in a year and is engaged to marry someone else. 2. You have a boyfriend you have been with for 3 years. Perhaps you are just feeling a little twinge of jealousy because....as you said....you too are ready to settle down and get married. Jealousy CAN feel like love. Before you rock the boat.....give it a long hard thought. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 I am with Arabess on this one... think long and hard before you do or say anything ... it could be just one of those kick-in-the-gut-knee-jerk-reactions. I would feel safe to say that it just surprised you and over time you will realize that you two are not together for a reason (whatever that reason was). Wish you lots of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
shellen Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 hmm...probably because he is your first love thats why you are feeling this way. And there must have been a good reason why you guys broke up in the first place. Well....I guess not everyone is fortunate enough to settle down with their first true love or greatest love. The person you end up with eventually may not be the one you had loved the most and vice versa. Link to post Share on other sites
dolphinsunshyn Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 I still think about my first love at least once a day. I still love him. But I'm no longer "in love" with him. There is a huge difference. You are always going to love him and he will always hold a special place in your heart. But, if you were meant to be together you would still be. Try to remember why it didn't work out in the first place. You are probably even asking yourself "what does she have that I haven't got"; "does he love her more than he ever loved me" or something similar. That is completely natural. Hearing the news just sparked some old memories and feelings. They will diminish with time. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 Well... you could go to the church during the wedding go up on the balcony and scream out his name then run downstairs, grab his hand and run from the church. Oh and don't forget to jam a cross in the door on the way out to block off the pursuit of the angry family members. .. settle down when you are ready. There is no schedule And these days, 21 is very young you have 14 years before he is 40 don't panic yet Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 Lost put me in mind of other classic movie moments. Kel - have you seen the scene in 'When Harry meets Sally' when Sally hears her ex is engaged? She's wailing, weeping, you know 'the ugly cry' (as opposed to the 'dignified solitary tear tracing its way down the cheek' cry...) anyway, Harry asks her if she could have him (her ex) back would she. She looks at him, waits half a beat and wails 'No.. but why didn't he want ME!!??' That's part of the problem, when we hear an ex is engaged we don't like it, not necessarily because we want them back (although it might feel that way) but because it shows that they were capable of commitment and chose not to commit to us. It also shows up the fact that whereas they are getting married, we're not. Sally whips herself into a frenzy of self pity and cries to Harry 'What about me?! Who's going to marry MEEE!!!!'. Eventually she finds someone that loves (and likes) her enough to commit to her but in the movie it took YEARS. You're 21. The 'ex getting married' thing will pass. The twinges of jealousy will pass. And the panic that you're getting on in years ( at 21 jeeez!!?) and should settle down will pass too... Don't do anything (including the monumentally stupid attempt to rock his marital boat ) until they have. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 I think the pang you get when an ex takes up with someone else is related to rejection. Whether or not you give any lingering thoughts to your ex, there can be that little niggling 'why her and not me?' left over which will come back to bite you in these situations. Link to post Share on other sites
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