a foolish girl

[fong_li]

i know i'm a foolish girl.

i loved this one man for about 10 years, with no words of love from him.

 

it starts when i broke up with my first boyfriend, about 10 years ago. he was my best friend and always ready to listen to me. and when i got raped, he's the one whom i confided my secret. i cannot tell anyone. so this feeling's just grow more and more. until finally he found out and he kissed me... and we did it. it's my first time ever to get laid (except for the rape) and so it really stains my brain. and we did it till now, with no words of love... i'm not even his girlfriend.

everytime he got upset, or break up with his girlfriend (or so he said), he'll come and seduced me.. and then leave me. it happens for more than 4 years now. he really made me break my former boyfriends, cos deep in my hea:(rt, i want to believe that he loves me. but he's not.

 

and so... just about 4 months ago, he kissed me, we make out.. and he told me he had someone. and just after a week after that, i met him at a wedding. i worked as cameramen at the wedding. i was not pretty at all at that time, for i worked from about 5 am and it's such a hectic wedding in indonesia. and i met him... with a girl.

 

i still feel lucky i still alive now, bcoz i nearly crash my own car that very nite. but it didn't really stops. just now, he text me and want to have some more. i couldn't stop this foolishness. help me

[Eddie Edirol]

Cant help you unless you want to help yourself. You need to be an adult and stop blaming him for your actions, this is YOUR fault. YOU are letting him use you for this long. If you are too lazy to try to find a good boyfriend, just say so. Theres plenty of people here that can help you with that. if you need to share your dark secrets with someone other than this guy so that you can move on from him, you can do it in this forum.

 

But only YOU can take the initiative to STOP taking his calls/texts. You actually have to look at other men so that you can see that he isnt the only one in the world. Just because he was nice to you after you were raped doesnt mean that is a reason to keep this attachment going. You need to start bieng realistic, and stop being emotional. Its been 10 years, youre not getting any younger.

[fong_li]

i've been trying to see someone else. i had boyfriends. but it always ended badly, made me think that it's me that's not worth enough. one of my bf beaten me. and the other is cheating on me. another one.. just use me for my money and really made embarrassed in front of my coworkers.

i've tried to say stop. and he said that he wanted to stop it too. he said he likes me, but i'm older than him... just 2 years older. but for my culture, maybe it can be strong enough to reject someone.

 

thanks for the harsh answers. i need that. but i never blame him. i just blame myself. anyway... thanks

[Eddie Edirol]

i've been trying to see someone else. i had boyfriends. but it always ended badly, made me think that it's me that's not worth enough. one of my bf beaten me. and the other is cheating on me. another one.. just use me for my money and really made embarrassed in front of my coworkers.

i've tried to say stop. and he said that he wanted to stop it too. he said he likes me, but i'm older than him... just 2 years older. but for my culture, maybe it can be strong enough to reject someone.

 

thanks for the harsh answers. i need that. but i never blame him. i just blame myself. anyway... thanks

 

You dont have to SAY stop, you just have to avoid his calls and texts. Thats it. You also have to adjust your criteria of the men you date. I dont know what the mentality is of men where you are, but they cant all be abusive.