How old is too old to have kids?

[trinity1]

It is more and more common now for older women to become mothers for the first time. I know several women who were around 40, and all went well. The doctors check on you and the baby a little more than if you are younger.

 

When I got my third child, the woman in the same room was 45 and getting her first. All went well.

[smile95]

It is more and more common now for older women to become mothers for the first time. I know several women who were around 40, and all went well. The doctors check on you and the baby a little more than if you are younger.

 

When I got my third child, the woman in the same room was 45 and getting her first. All went well.

 

All good things for me to hear! Thank you!!!!

[Tayla]

One is never too old to raise children , personally if folks would wait til they are 70 or 80, they'd have a lot more to relate to with the little bundle, both are either growing hair or losing it, both are getting teeth or losing them , both are re-learning things, both have a wonderful imagination! Most elders Imagine things that arent there the same as kids! *wink*

and more then anything neither generation is really given the regard they deserve in some society upbringings. Shell Silverstein often mentioned this in his children books...

 

Biological wise- Up until menopause for Ladies, Men get a longer time to play in the fields and sow the wild oats....

[4Reel]

I think it is selfish for women to have children when they are old. It embarrasses the children if their playmates think their parents are their grandparents. They also place greater strain on the medical system. Children born to older parents have a bigger carbon footprint than those born to younger parents.

[smile95]

Thanks everyone...I am glad I posted. Although my Dr says I will be fine until about 40, I wanted some real life answers. I am staying healthy and in shape so that when that day comes, I have my body in good shape! Talked to a lady today that had her 1st at 40 and she made my day.

[smile95]

I think it is selfish for women to have children when they are old. It embarrasses the children if their playmates think their parents are their grandparents. They also place greater strain on the medical system. Children born to older parents have a bigger carbon footprint than those born to younger parents.

 

How is it selfish? And who the hell cared about a carbon footprint when I was born? No one...I could say the same about teens getting pregnant treating their kids like crap! At least older people are doing it from a place of love. I would not look like a grandparent until I am 60, so I have some time.

[Gala]

My mother had me at 46; I was her first and last. She was in good health, and there were no complications. Those questions aside, there are pluses and minuses to taking this route.

 

Pluses:

- In my case, my parents were mature adults -- and weren't going to have their buttons pushed by a child.

- I think that having a young child kept my parents young. Most of the time, no one figured out my mother's age.

- They were able to give me a view of the world that came from having been around longer.

 

Minuses:

- Their friends' kids were all grown by the time I was around. I learned a lot about being around adults, but it was a really good thing that there were some other kids in our neighborhood.

- My father died when I was in my 20's, due to some heart-lung issues. This was difficult for me.

- Though my mother aged really well, eventually she did have to go into assisted living...and I managed all of her affairs. This obligation took every ounce of maturity that I possessed. She died last year.

 

Those points made, I would LOVE to see the data on exactly how older parents = a higher carbon footprint. Not in my house, honey. Uphill, in the snow, both ways.

[allina]

 

I live in a country that has an absolutely horrifying rate of child abuse.

See link

 

 

OMG that site! So tragic. Why is the rate high in NZ? That surprises me.

 

the age limit usually is 35 years

 

I didn't realize there was an "age limit" Who sets this limit?

[smile95]

the age limit usually is 35 years, but it depend of your body and how do you feel!

 

My dr told me today that 40 to 42 is usually the limit. Not sure where you got 35? My sister just had her 3rd at age 38.

[sb129]

OMG that site! So tragic. Why is the rate high in NZ? That surprises me.

 

 

Yup, not so great here in 'paradise'

 

The child abuse stats are appalling, and make me feel physically ill.

 

They tend to be higher amongst maori and pacific island familes, and some of the problem is that families can close rank, and don't co-operate with authorities. There is a reasonable amount of support out there for parents, but people slip through the cracks and you can't force them to utilise the support networks.

 

There is a very nasty underworld in this country, and many people have no idea how bad it is. Visitors to the country definitely wouldn't see it, and even I don't see much of it in my nice little suburban life. Friends who are cops, teachers and doctors see much more and it sounds terrible.

[threebyfate]

I had my first at 35 and had placenta previa in the final trimester which forced me to bed rest and much real life and LS grumping!

 

But the rest of it was pretty easy, well, labour and birth weren't easy but it was pretty quick compared to the average.

 

So, next year, we're going to try for our second with fingers crossed that the previa won't remanifest. If it does, at least we know what to do and expect which is more boring and confining best rest and grumpiness.

[alphamale]

I am 34 yrs old and love children.However, I have not found that special someone yet that I would marry and settle down with...

 

I know that risks go up with older Moms, but does anyone know if it is still possible to have healthy children at age 35-40?

 

I certainly do not want to settle with the wrong person just to have kids, but I admit I am a little stressed about the clock ticking...

yes you can have kids into your late 40s if your healthy and still fertile...there are more risks and it takes much longer to get pregnant but it can be done

[worlybear]

Yeah, I agree with you, but at the most of the times it is dangerous to have a baby at that age...

 

Nope.

Can't agree with that.

Depends on the individual and their health- not chronological age!

[smile95]

So we went out Sat night and had fun! He was so kind and thoughtful...I certainly did not think, "Wow I want to marry him", but I did think, "I would like to do this again". So that is good right?

[smile95]

So we went out Sat night and had fun! He was so kind and thoughtful...I certainly did not think, "Wow I want to marry him", but I did think, "I would like to do this again". So that is good right?

 

OOPS-Wrong thread-sorry

[Tres]

I am 34 yrs old and love children.However, I have not found that special someone yet that I would marry and settle down with...

 

I know that risks go up with older Moms, but does anyone know if it is still possible to have healthy children at age 35-40?

 

I certainly do not want to settle with the wrong person just to have kids, but I admit I am a little stressed about the clock ticking...

 

It depends on your genetics. How healthy is your relatives? How long is their life span? Any history of giving birth after 39 in your family? How did it turn out? You do not have genes of all your relatives but you have genes of some of them.

[lavidaloca]

I had my last in my mid-40's. A few complications, but nothing serious. Placenta previa that corrected on its' own before delivery. He's 10 now, and as normal as it gets. The only thing I notice is that he seems more mature than his peers. That probably comes from having a bunch of adults around, more than kids.

 

The risk for Downs is increased, of course. But they do amnio at 16 (or 20) weeks, depending on where you are I guess. What you do from there is up to you. I elected to not know. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, so I didn't want to know. It was only my last month that I started stressing it.

 

In no way is he embarassed by me. I had severe health issues before he was born, and the way I am is always what he has known. He's grown to be an empathetic, caring child. He's never had to take care of me, but he's been understanding of everything. I'm still at every school function, sports event, etc.

 

He has the benefit of my "advanced maternal age" (as they called it). I just don't sweat the small stuff. I'm way more patient than I was when my other kids were small. (he was born 11 years after my last child had come along) I've also had the "benefit" of a lot of trial and error, and while I still make mistakes and am far from a perfect parent, I'm a BETTER parent than I was when I was younger.

 

The biggest benefit he's had is of incredible love. His siblings loved and adored him. They still do. Probably the downside of that is that he'll always be the "baby". I can see him at 50, and still the "baby". It's been harder to get the older kids to not baby him than anything else. They're catching on, though.

 

I see nothing wrong with a loving, caring person having a child on their own if that's what they choose to do. A conscientious mother will make sure there are suitable "substitutes" in a child's life. Uncles, grandfathers, close family friends can all make a big impact on a child's life.

 

So I say..if you want to go for it...go for it! You will be absolutely FINE.

[smile95]

I had my last in my mid-40's. A few complications, but nothing serious. Placenta previa that corrected on its' own before delivery. He's 10 now, and as normal as it gets. The only thing I notice is that he seems more mature than his peers. That probably comes from having a bunch of adults around, more than kids.

 

The risk for Downs is increased, of course. But they do amnio at 16 (or 20) weeks, depending on where you are I guess. What you do from there is up to you. I elected to not know. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, so I didn't want to know. It was only my last month that I started stressing it.

 

In no way is he embarassed by me. I had severe health issues before he was born, and the way I am is always what he has known. He's grown to be an empathetic, caring child. He's never had to take care of me, but he's been understanding of everything. I'm still at every school function, sports event, etc.

 

He has the benefit of my "advanced maternal age" (as they called it). I just don't sweat the small stuff. I'm way more patient than I was when my other kids were small. (he was born 11 years after my last child had come along) I've also had the "benefit" of a lot of trial and error, and while I still make mistakes and am far from a perfect parent, I'm a BETTER parent than I was when I was younger.

 

The biggest benefit he's had is of incredible love. His siblings loved and adored him. They still do. Probably the downside of that is that he'll always be the "baby". I can see him at 50, and still the "baby". It's been harder to get the older kids to not baby him than anything else. They're catching on, though.

 

I see nothing wrong with a loving, caring person having a child on their own if that's what they choose to do. A conscientious mother will make sure there are suitable "substitutes" in a child's life. Uncles, grandfathers, close family friends can all make a big impact on a child's life.

 

So I say..if you want to go for it...go for it! You will be absolutely FINE.

 

This story is great-thank you for sharing. It really does ease my mind to read things like this!

[SummersEve]

Smile, you are smart to ask now. I think that many women do not realize how sharply fertility begins to drop after just thirty years old. Also, as you mentioned, birth defects go up too:

 

 

 

http://women.webmd.com/pregnancy-after-35

 

I don't know much about it, but I believe a lot of the problems can be circumvented with the use of younger eggs. So maybe you would want to have some of your eggs frozen now, just in case, if you think your first choice would be to have a baby that is biologically yours. Good luck with it.

[smile95]

Thanks...not sure how I feel about freezing eggs though. If God put this dream in my heart to have children and to love them so much, I think he will take care of it. I am just a little scared since I have not been able to find the man. I have been thinking lately about adoption too if I run out of time. Thanks for the links. My Dr told me another reason that the defects go up is bcz the tests they do on older women have higher percentages bcz there were less births at the time of the studies. If 50% of women had issues over 40 and they only had 100 ppl to test, of course the chances are higher. These days she told me they need to adjust their studies since there are many many more births over 40. In her 20 yrs of delivering babies she has had one issue and the women was 42 and he had down Syndrome.

[J200]

If I was a teenager or kid I again I would be extremely embarrassed and "angry" at my parents for having me so old. 40 isn't that old but like 45, that means that when the kid is then years old the parent will be 55. That would be so embarrassing to have a parent that is the age of their peer's grandmothers or grandfathers... and when you're fifteen the parents would be 60.

 

Personally I think it would be embarrassing and humiliating. I would rather not be born at at all... lol

 

The kid will endure a lot of teasing and bullying for having old parents. The kid/teen will be humiliated having to go in public with such old parents (when you're sixties), others will assume that you are their grandparents. I would feel different from the rest of kid and probably bullied and teased mercilessly which would affect me and traumatize for the rest of my life.

 

My dad is like 65 now but he had a kid with his gf who is like 28... Can you imagine when the kid is 10 he will be 75? Sorry, I don't consider her my sister since she is only a "half-sister". I've never seen her and don't plan to. But if it were me, I would be humiliated to have an old dad like that when all my friends would have younger dads.

Edited March 27, 2011 by J200

[smile95]

I do not plan on having kids at 45! But possibly 37-38. And that is just your opinion. If I am healthy and able over 40, I will do it. I waited intil I found the right person and could afford it. I could say the same about teens having babies. I would rather not be born than have a teen mom who was broke and single.