About last night... Old friend/sex last night. Can we do it once more and be okay?

[Nola]

Hello all,

 

I've known my best friend for almost 20 years. I had a hard-core high school crush on him that lasted through college and never went anywhere because he was busy sowing wild oats and I was interested in 'forever'. Typical... we were young, but thankfully we remained friends over the years, and now that I'm firmly into adulthood, I no longer have that yearning to be with him. It is clear to me since I moved back home to be close to family that we are in very different places, have different paths, different things to learn in life. For instance, I've gotten out of our home town and have explored the world a bit, had a great job, great experiences and have matured, while he is just now starting to see that there is more and better things outside this dinky town we grew up in.

He's a wonderful friend, very dear to me, and will always be.

And on to the more recent past: About four months ago when I first moved back we had sex for the first time and pretty much pretended it didn’t happen after. I did hope to do it again a couple nights later thinking it would be fun to try with less alcohol, lol but he gently said no. No big deal. Two days later he went on a trip out of town for a couple weeks and when he returned, we went right back into our old patterns of dear friends without benefits. Hanging out regularly, with and without other friends, totally platonic, lots of laughs, good times and absolutely no expectations other than continuing our friendship.

The last two months, up until two weeks ago, he was casually (her choice) seeing a woman who he really liked. Unfortunately she recently broke it off, not without drama, and went back to her ex. So, he's been pretty bummed and thinking that there's something wrong with him which is not at all the case. He's a terrific guy.

And NOW on to last night. We went out, as usual, to have a few drinks and a laugh. When we got back to his house he asked me, not at all in a cocky way, if I would be willing to let him know if he's “lost his touch”. Since I know him well, I knew pretty quickly that this was his drunk, lame, but kindof way to ask me to sleep with him. My initial response was, “I'm not drunk enough for that.” laughed and blew it off. Lol About an hour later, I said my goodbye's, got in my car to leave and decided, “Why the hell not?!” So I got out of my car, knocked on his door, walked in, looked him in the eye and said, “I think I'm drunk enough for that.” And the next thing I know were having great, super intense sex. As a matter of fact, he made a move on me that I will forever more request from future lovers. It. Was. Hot. A little while after the very fun deed was done I thought it best to leave to avoid any weirdness and unnecessary cuddling. Good call I think.

Well, here (finally!) is my conundrum. I'm craving more. Just once more and then that’s it. But I'm wondering if it's a totally bad idea to suggest it. And if I do, how? I'm also thinking this weekend might be a good window of opportunity if it's going to happen. We'll be hanging out together watching the super bowl tomorrow. Hopefully his team wins or he'll be devastated. Lol And starting Monday morning, he is quitting smoking, drinking, partying etc. I'm very happy for him that he is wanting to take better care of himself, and get healthy, BUT I'm thinking that Sunday night might be an opportunity for us to get it on while he's still fully enjoying his 'bad boy' vices.

 

 

 

Ideas on wether I should suggest another night with him, and what I should say, would be appreciated.

 

 

 

NoLa

Edited February 6, 2011 by Nola

[spackle]

has either of you mentioned what happened?

[Nola]

We spent a good 12 hours together yesterday hanging out with our group of friends watching the game, having a blast, but nothing happened. My brother was our groups responsible (and much needed! ) designated driver, so a repeat of the other night was not an option since we were surrounded by friends and family for the duration.

 

I have no complaints. It was a great day and I had a ton of fun!

 

But, it's still floating out there in the ether...

[elastica]

Can we do it once more and be okay?

 

In my opinion and experience: no.

 

You either do it as ONS, or, you do it more than once, and you will always want more and more...

[carhill]

Since alcohol seems to be a parameter of the dynamic, and he's now been sober for three days and will continue to be, I would discount future occurrences. His value has been validated and the friendship apparently remains. I'd let sleeping dogs lie. Welcome to LS

[Nola]

Thanks for responding. *While I bet the 'zipper' technique would work wonders . I think I may hold off now that I've cooled off. * * *I truly value this friendship and would hate to lose it. *So I guess it's for the best.

 

I'm glad we had what we did though and have no regrets. *As a matter of fact, I had an epiphany because of it. *Ive been wondering what exactly made the sex so amazing for me as opposed to previous lovers and I've come to the conclusion that I have trust issues with men. This makes it very difficult for me to let go of control and enjoy. *With my friend, who I trust implicitly, I was able to completely toss those trust issues out the window and hand over the control to him which I never do, and which made things super, super hot. . So, does this*mean that in my next relationship (wish me luck! Lol) I need to wait until I trust them enough? No easy task... The waiting or the trust. *

 

God I hate dating. Lol *It's too bad I can't have my best friend as my man. *We laugh constantly, talk openly and often, an the sex is surprisingly awesome.**If he came up with the idea first I'd definitely consider it, but that's unlikely. *C'est la vie.

[Nola]

Ug! He invaded my dreams last night. Not good at all! *

 

While I know I will be fine and that I will move on, (I must!) at present it's difficult. These trust issues of mine are big, and sleeping with someone, even if only for a night, who I trust to this extent is tough to shake. The more I think about past relationships, the more I realize he is the only one on a long list of men that I have had any faith in... To be there for me, to not hurt me, etc.

 

Haven't spoken to him since the super bowl. Figure it's best to lay low while I work out these issues and pray for a man who can be my best friend And my lover.

 

Ya know the sad part? *I'm trying so hard now to not lose this dear friendship when in reality, if one of us meets someone special the friendship will eventually fade away anyway. Sure, we'll talk, keep in touch occasionally, maybe meet up for holidays, but it can't be what it is now (even if we didn't have sex) out of respect for our future SO's. So no matter what, what it is now will eventually no longer be. *So, why am I trying so hard to 'be cool', again? Lol

[Nola]

He's sitting here laughing with my brother before the two of us head out... Wish me luck all goes smoothly. Say a little prayer for me.

[Nola]

That was highly anti-climactic. Lol While I was a little nervous at first, I got over it quick. A couple minutes in the batting cages killed any anxiety I had. And a little bit of talking reminded me why we'd not work out and that I'm going to have to suck it up and learn to trust another man like I trust him.

 

A bonus tonight: when he asked why I was all dressed up for the batting cages, I was able to truthfully say it was because I had a date this afternoon. Small victory, but still a victory. . Did the date go well, you ask? It was good. Good conversation, smart guy, but Way to young for me. So, onward and upward. Time to go check my personal ad for a man worthy of my faith in him. Fingers crossed.