For OW/OM who made it to a legitimate relationship with MM...

[polksaladannie]

Is there anyone out there who actually had a happy ending with their MM/MW...is other words, you ended up in a legitimate relationship?

I have been with MM for nearly 4 years and I love him. I want a life, a real life with him. My question to those of you who have gone down this road is this...how did you get to this point? Did it happen naturally? Did you force it? Did you give an ultimatum? Did MM/MW finally fall in love with you? Is there hope?

[whichwayisup]

Sorry I can't answer alot of what you're asking, but I'm sure the OW who are now married to their MM will answer. I know of two on here who married their MM, one thing did stand out, the A wasn't an A for long. Yours has been four years..Has he ever given you any indication or told you he's going to leave his wife, divorce her and be with you?

 

Or is he just happy to have you in his life as the OW, just as an affair. There are some who feel that those in affairs and MM isn't planning on leaving should be happy with what they do have and accept things as they are.

 

Though something tells me you want more, a family of your own with him, a life and staying the A might not be enough for you.

[jwi71]

Did MM/MW finally fall in love with you?

 

Wow...this really jumped out at me.

 

Why would he leave his life, his W and kids (should he have any) for a woman he DOESN'T love?

 

If you are doubting his feelings for you then this A is far worse off than most.

[bentnotbroken]

Wow...this really jumped out at me.

 

Why would he leave his life, his W and kids (should he have any) for a woman he DOESN'T love?

 

If you are doubting his feelings for you then this A is far worse off than most.

 

 

I saw that too.

[dreamingoftigers]

The odds are approximately 1.25% chance of an affair turning into a marriage.

So there is a chance by I wouldn't be booking that plane ticket to Vegas just yet, unless you are going there to gamble where the odds are much better.

[Ellin]

The odds are approximately 1.25% chance of an affair turning into a marriage.

So there is a chance by I wouldn't be booking that plane ticket to Vegas just yet, unless you are going there to gamble where the odds are much better.

 

Wow, is that so? How did you calculate it to come up with this result? 1.25%?

[woinlove]

Is there anyone out there who actually had a happy ending with their MM/MW...is other words, you ended up in a legitimate relationship?

I have been with MM for nearly 4 years and I love him. I want a life, a real life with him. My question to those of you who have gone down this road is this...how did you get to this point? Did it happen naturally? Did you force it? Did you give an ultimatum? Did MM/MW finally fall in love with you? Is there hope?

 

Four years is a long time. Probably the most realistic assumption is that things will continue on as they are after all that time. Unless the W finds out, in which case either she or he might decide to call it quits, but often that isn't the case either, particularly when they have dependent children.

 

My own experience - I had a MM separate and live apart from his wife after a few months, although the divorce took a couple years to be final. I had never wanted him to leave his W. I attribute his leaving partly to people wanting what they can't have, but maybe he was just ready to leave in any case. Other stories I have read on LS suggest that if a MM is going to leave his M, he makes a serious move sooner, rather than later. Once things have been going along for a year or more, usually he has the situation, with W and OW (in some cases with OOW as well) that he wants.

[Mino]

Hi there, Mine did.... after 6 years. It was a long, painful 6 YEARS.. We have been together now 6 months, officially.. looking back... I would say run! I had met a sm during NC. I broke that off for mm. My mm did get a D and now he lives with me. The first month was exciting, we finally were together. After that has been a rollercoaster ride. We now had daily life to play with. The adjustment was very hard. I was set in my ways, and he in his. I noticed things about him that I had never seen in the 6 year A. He was moody, he was controlling...and there were times I actually threatened to throw his butt out. After 6 months, things are just now falling into place. Its getting easier. Was 6 years worth the wait??? No Im not feeling that anymore... I kinda envy the wife today...lol,, She has her bills paid for by him, she lives still in her huge ass home, works part time, and has him babysit when ever she wants. What did I get? I got him! I got the side of him I never got to know until he was free. I got his laundry, I got his mood swings, I get to cook dinner, Yup I got the whole shabang. You know the saying..... be carful what you wish for , you just might get it! Lol Good luck sweetie....

[pureinheart]

Wow, is that so? How did you calculate it to come up with this result? 1.25%?

 

Interesting, because where I come from this percentage is a great deal higher. Approx 80% of the A's ended up in M.

[bentnotbroken]

Interesting, because where I come from this percentage is a great deal higher. Approx 80% of the A's ended up in M.

 

ten characters

[awkward]

Wow 80%. What is the sample size?

 

Also, are they still married after 5 years. Even without an affair and just blending families, second marriages have a lot of hurdles to get through.

[Spark1111]

Hi there, Mine did.... after 6 years. It was a long, painful 6 YEARS.. We have been together now 6 months, officially.. looking back... I would say run! I had met a sm during NC. I broke that off for mm. My mm did get a D and now he lives with me. The first month was exciting, we finally were together. After that has been a rollercoaster ride. We now had daily life to play with. The adjustment was very hard. I was set in my ways, and he in his. I noticed things about him that I had never seen in the 6 year A. He was moody, he was controlling...and there were times I actually threatened to throw his butt out. After 6 months, things are just now falling into place. Its getting easier. Was 6 years worth the wait??? No Im not feeling that anymore... I kinda envy the wife today...lol,, She has her bills paid for by him, she lives still in her huge ass home, works part time, and has him babysit when ever she wants. What did I get? I got him! I got the side of him I never got to know until he was free. I got his laundry, I got his mood swings, I get to cook dinner, Yup I got the whole shabang. You know the saying..... be carful what you wish for , you just might get it! Lol Good luck sweetie....

 

Mino, I think you should start your own thread on this, truly I do! I think many, myself included, always wondered what the reality of ending up with the Ap would be like.

 

So few posters have this perspective. And the ones who do paint such a rosy, cozy scenario.

 

I admire your honesty here.

[Mino]

hi Sparks! I may do that soon. Planning to go on a trip in two days. take care

[OWoman]

Sorry I can't answer alot of what you're asking, but I'm sure the OW who are now married to their MM will answer. I know of two on here who married their MM, one thing did stand out, the A wasn't an A for long. Yours has been four years..Has he ever given you any indication or told you he's going to leave his wife, divorce her and be with you?

 

There was a thread on LS some time back asking fOWs whose MMs had left their Ms, who were now together with them, how long the A had lasted before the MM left the M. IIRC the average was about three years.

 

Is there anyone out there who actually had a happy ending with their MM/MW...is other words, you ended up in a legitimate relationship?

 

Yes, there are a few of us, but only a couple still active here.

 

I have been with MM for nearly 4 years and I love him. I want a life, a real life with him. My question to those of you who have gone down this road is this...how did you get to this point? Did it happen naturally? Did you force it? Did you give an ultimatum? Did MM/MW finally fall in love with you? Is there hope?

 

It happened naturally. A couple of years in, we realised we were in love and decided we wanted to be together. We both needed to get certain things in place in order for that to be possible - his D was only one such thing - but we made a plan and acted on it. About 3 years into the A he left his M. A year later his D was final and we got M. We've been together for more than 6 years, lived together full-time almost three, and been M for two. There were no ultimata - we both had options, and we both chose to exercise the option to be together.

 

If you are wondering whether there is hope - what does your MM say? Have you discussed the future, and what you both want?

[woinlove]

Mino, I think you should start your own thread on this, truly I do! I think many, myself included, always wondered what the reality of ending up with the Ap would be like.

 

So few posters have this perspective. And the ones who do paint such a rosy, cozy scenario.

 

I admire your honesty here.

 

I agree.

 

The feelings you mention, Mino, would be very difficult for most people to admit, although I know one person who has told me about similar feelings.

 

Enjoy your trip, and do think about starting a thread when you get back.

[tami-chan]

Is there anyone out there who actually had a happy ending with their MM/MW...is other words, you ended up in a legitimate relationship?

I have been with MM for nearly 4 years and I love him. I want a life, a real life with him. My question to those of you who have gone down this road is this...how did you get to this point? Did it happen naturally? Did you force it? Did you give an ultimatum? Did MM/MW finally fall in love with you? Is there hope?

 

My MM got divorced and is with me. Of course, I was also an MW, I got divorced, too. We are together .

 

My story is long and is somewhere here in the archives of LS. I did not have much affair drama than most. From the onset my MM always knew he wanted me in his life permanently-he asked me to marry him, but I am marriage shy. I can't imagine not having him in my life ever, but I do not know if I want to be married. I don't do ultimatums well. If I am even considering giving an ultimatum to someone, then, it is time to cut loose.

 

Yes, there is always hope BUT even if you are not in an affair, why would you stay in a relationship where you are waiting for the person you are with to fall in love with you?

[Ellin]

I agree.

 

The feelings you mention, Mino, would be very difficult for most people to admit, although I know one person who has told me about similar feelings.

.

This can be avoided if one is realistic and doesn't look at their AP with rose-colored glasses, and is aware of the fact that every day life is different from exciting stolen moments, and every R, no matter how it started, loses the initial spark when things settle into a routine.

[BeachBetty]

This can be avoided if one is realistic and doesn't look at their AP with rose-colored glasses, and is aware of the fact that every day life is different from exciting stolen moments, and every R, no matter how it started, loses the initial spark when things settle into a routine.

 

I don't think things lose their spark necessarily. Marriage is marriage, no matter when you meet someone. If you nurture your M, it grows. If you neglect it, it dies away.

 

If someone thinks they should kick their partner to the curb and are jealous of an X, well I think that warrants some definite soul searching.

 

And I'm not surprised that the only M stories that posters on this forum want to hear are ones where the AP's are unhappy in the M and cheat on each other or leave. No BS WANTS to hear that it did turn out happily ever after for AP's. That hits just a little too close to home.

[bentnotbroken]

I don't think things lose their spark necessarily. Marriage is marriage, no matter when you meet someone. If you nurture your M, it grows. If you neglect it, it dies away.

 

If someone thinks they should kick their partner to the curb and are jealous of an X, well I think that warrants some definite soul searching.

 

And I'm not surprised that the only M stories that posters on this forum want to hear are ones where the AP's are unhappy in the M and cheat on each other or leave. No BS WANTS to hear that it did turn out happily ever after for AP's. That hits just a little too close to home.

 

 

Mistake. No or some?

[woinlove]

This can be avoided if one is realistic and doesn't look at their AP with rose-colored glasses, and is aware of the fact that every day life is different from exciting stolen moments, and every R, no matter how it started, loses the initial spark when things settle into a routine.

 

I agree those things would help, but I was specifically picking up on the guilt feelings and feeling one has to stick it out because he left his marriage. It is those specific feelings that someone else confided to me, that I thought might be interesting to discuss - if Mimo wants (since I only know them second-hand).)

 

I think guilt is not that uncommon (although some posters make it clear they have never felt guilt in their role as AP or MM/MW) and how a couple deals with that guilt probably has a notable impact on their future happiness together. One can imagine different possibilities, including the MM/MW encouraging guilt in the former AP, possibly to "share" their burden of guilt or make them feel like they have done them a big favor by leaving their M. Just to be clear, I'm not implying this applies to Mimo's case.

[BeachBetty]

Mistake. No or some?

 

No mistake.

 

BS want to hear about M's between AP's being miserable and don't want to hear when they turn out well.

[BeachBetty]

I agree those things would help, but I was specifically picking up on the guilt feelings and feeling one has to stick it out because he left his marriage. It is those specific feelings that someone else confided to me, that I thought might be interesting to discuss - if Mimo wants (since I only know them second-hand).)

 

I think guilt is not that uncommon (although some posters make it clear they have never felt guilt in their role as AP or MM/MW) and how a couple deals with that guilt probably has a notable impact on their future happiness together. One can imagine different possibilities, including the MM/MW encouraging guilt in the former AP, possibly to "share" their burden of guilt or make them feel like they have done them a big favor by leaving their M. Just to be clear, I'm not implying this applies to Mimo's case.

 

That's why counseling is a good idea. And not everyone feels guilt for an extended period of time.

 

I would wonder whether the transition itself form single to a couple living together has more to do with tone of the R. If someone is set in their ways, having lived single and then becoming a couple with all the issues couples face, that in and of itself may be more of a stressor than one would think.

[bentnotbroken]

No mistake.

 

BS want to hear about M's between AP's being miserable and don't want to hear when they turn out well.

 

 

Okay. How did you measure that? What was your sample size? Was it a cross sectional or longitudinal study? Where can I find your results?

[Summer Breeze]

Is there anyone out there who actually had a happy ending with their MM/MW...is other words, you ended up in a legitimate relationship?

I have been with MM for nearly 4 years and I love him. I want a life, a real life with him. My question to those of you who have gone down this road is this...how did you get to this point? Did it happen naturally? Did you force it? Did you give an ultimatum? Did MM/MW finally fall in love with you? Is there hope?

 

Oh Doll. It's been 4 years. I'm with the other poster. Would you have stayed with a single man that long? I never looked at my R with xMM any differently than with a single man. We'd said our I Love Yous within a few months so that was completely natural. I never gave an ultimatum because I knew where he stood and he never put demands on me because he knew where I stood. The day I said goodbye I told him he knew how to get in touch when and if he was ready. I wished him good luck and said goodbye. I would never give a man an ultimatum about a job or moving house so why about leaving a M? I can only control me and you can only control you.

 

If he were single would you still be there. That's really the only question you need to answer and it's within you not us.

 

Pure I'm with you. I'm in my late 40s and I know many As that turned to Ms. I'd probably say of the ones I know about the percent would be 60ish. As far as how long they lasted and blended families who knows. I'd say that of the 60ish percent I know of most have been together for a min of 6 or 7 years and have survived blended families and growing older and illnesses.

[pureinheart]

Wow 80%. What is the sample size?

 

Also, are they still married after 5 years. Even without an affair and just blending families, second marriages have a lot of hurdles to get through.

 

This was mainly in the mid 80's ...sample size being about 50+ A, which is conservative. I don't know what happened to all of them because of lay offs, but most remained after 5 yrs and then some