Who exactly do OKCUpid girls answer to. They all say REPLIES SELECTIVLY

[quietGuy13]

Just another thread about how i think FREE Dating sites are useless because girls don't want to respond.

 

If you notice in OKCupid. most girls have their REPLY setting to "REPLIES SELECTIVELY" or something like that.

 

Rarely do they have it on "REPLIES OFTEN"

 

which means, they never answer me.

Possibly cause i'm not good looking or rich.

 

I don't know. that just sad. OKCupid could be a great place to meet people and make friends, but girls never answer so it's not possible.

 

So really, what good is it that it's free?

[Hules]

Um take that with a grain of salt mate. That reply thing isn't as accurate as you may think. Had a girl contact me and said she was surprised that I replied because it said i reply selectively which is not the case at all I've replied to everyone who has contacted me.

 

On that girls on there do answer (hell they contact me half the time) it really depends how you approach them and what you have in your profile. Tell me what a typical message you would send to girl would be?

Edited February 6, 2011 by Hules

[quietGuy13]

This is my typical message

 

"Hello

 

Nice to meet you. I'm **** and i'm ** year old. I'm writing cause i was interested in your profile. you see like a nice person.

 

Do you have any hobbies? My hobby is..... and i have many interests.

 

If you're interested , we could be friends

 

see you"

 

what's wrong with thta???

But anyways, i've never gotten a response.

Of course, also, i just mail girls in my city because the goal is to meet face to face. And there isn't that many girls from my city. Only about 10 that are active. which sucks.

[Anxiety]

If that is an example of emails you send, that's the problem. An email like that doesn't even sound like you even read their profile.

 

I think you should pick out something they said in their profile and ask them about it.

[Hules]

Well if you want to know the answer to your question you need to brush up a bit on your into message I think. Its very generic. Like the girls might think you are spamming that message to everyone

 

Typically I send a message like this and make it personalized. Like the last one i sent she had her name on her profile so i wrote a message like this

 

Hey xxxxx!

 

Hows it going? Awesome name by the way though I might be a bit bias as my name is <insert male equivalent name> (this was actually pretty amusing her and my name are pretty much the same)

 

I notice on your profile you like xyz <insert antidotes about similar situations ive had>

 

<pick out a few things we have in common talk about them>

 

I'm starting to ramble a bit so if you would like to chat let me know.

 

Later!

[fun2bewith]

This is my typical message

 

"Hello

 

Nice to meet you. I'm **** and i'm ** year old. I'm writing cause i was interested in your profile. you see like a nice person.

 

Do you have any hobbies? My hobby is..... and i have many interests.

 

If you're interested , we could be friends

 

see you"

 

what's wrong with thta???

But anyways, i've never gotten a response.

QUOTE]

 

You say too much....no mystery...

What are they going to ask you if you provide them with all the answers?

 

Try: How's it going?

If it works take it from there....

 

And seriously : you are what you believe you are...

IMO and it counts for both sexes...Connection and ambition is more important that wealth and good looks...

[TaurusTerp]

This is my typical message

 

"Hello

 

Nice to meet you. I'm **** and i'm ** year old. I'm writing cause i was interested in your profile. you see like a nice person.

 

Do you have any hobbies? My hobby is..... and i have many interests.

 

If you're interested , we could be friends

 

see you"

 

what's wrong with thta???

But anyways, i've never gotten a response.

Of course, also, i just mail girls in my city because the goal is to meet face to face. And there isn't that many girls from my city. Only about 10 that are active. which sucks.

 

That is an incredibly boring message. Would you answer that if you had 20 other messages?

[quietGuy13]

Oh well that means i already ruined my chances with half the girls in my city(from okcupid).

[Hules]

Forgot to add you need to make the message personal and actually show that you have read their profile offer some information about yourself that you think they will find interesting (common interests is good)

[fun2bewith]

Oh well that means i already ruined my chances with half the girls in my city(from okcupid).

 

 

You make my Laugh!

[Hules]

Still got the other half to try

Practice makes perfect!

[phineas]

Oh well that means i already ruined my chances with half the girls in my city(from okcupid).

 

Nah, I doubt they'd even remember you. LOL!

 

Seriously, just wait a few weeks, change up your profile pictures, change your header then send a short message that sounds like you actually read their profile.

[Leeway Harris]

Here are some messages I've sent:

 

To a high school history teacher:

Hi. History was one of my favorite subjects in High School. Do you teach American or World History? I'm impressed that you've been to Istanbul. I have a long list of must-see places myself. Where to next? Any plans for Summer vacation?

 

To an abstract sculpture artist:

Hey. Abstract sculpture, sounds interesting. I always thought that if I were an artist, I'd probably be some kind of sculptor. Anyway, thought I'd drop you a line because I have a thing for tall girls with green eyes. Hope you're staying warm.

 

To a woman who grew up in Hawaii:

Oh my God, you're from Hawaii? (Or is it Hawai'i?) I worked there for a year and fell so deeply in love with the place. Actually I worked on a cruise ship that drifted from island to island for months at a time. I really want to go back someday. I don't meet too many Hawaiians in New York... probably because nobody in their right mind would move to New York if they lived in Hawaii. ;-) Just kidding. What brings you here anyway?

 

To a woman who loves Summer, has been to Hawaii, and lives in the same part of the city as me:

Hey. I liked your profile. I love Summer, it's my favorite season too, by far. During the Winter I like to fly someplace where it's Summer all the time, just to get a taste of it. I see you've been to Hawaii. I worked there for a while, it was amazing. I'm dying to go back. Where are you going next? I'd love to know more about you. I'm in Queens too, maybe we could meet for a drink sometime.

 

To a woman who's "You should message me if:" section said "If you have a foolproof plan to take over the world":

Hi. As it happens, I do have a foolproof plan to take over the world. But I can't direct the robot army all by myself. Join me, and I'll make you Queen of Australia. Actually, I'm writing you because you're tall and pretty, and you seem nice and sincere. I'd love to take you out sometime. I spend a lot of time in [her neighborhood] but I currently live in [my neighborhood]. Anyway, what do I have to do to get a date with you?

 

And it goes on and on and on. As you can see, I vary my approach with different levels of directness, humor, and personalization, all tailored to the profile of the woman I'm writing. And they VIRTUALLY NEVER write back. And of the vanishingly small number that do, they write back once, rarely twice, then disappear.

 

Am I nuts? I would absolutely love for someone to explain to me why I am practically invisible on OkCupid. Whether it's the male/female ratio of profiles in my area, the relative richness and handsomeness of the competition, or even me actually being an ugly loser and not realizing it. I would accept any of these answers. But not knowing just drives me crazy.

[SmileFace]

If that is an example of emails you send, that's the problem. An email like that doesn't even sound like you even read their profile.

 

I think you should pick out something they said in their profile and ask them about it.

Exactly that message can be sent to every girl on the site and still be relevant.

 

I rather reply to a guy who just sends me "hi" then someone who sends me a mass(boring) message.

[Art_Critic]

In my world.. you get what you pay for.. you join a free site and get that in matches and quality of people..

 

That isn't to say that you should just throw money at it and it will guarantee you a date but free just means you get what you pay for.. nothing spent.. nothing gained..

 

Sometimes it is all about timing.. is she not talking to anybody that is interesting to her right now ?..

Do you make her laugh ?

 

Remember that your emails have to make you want to go out with yourself..

 

Who wants to go out with someone if it looks like the emails aren't fun and exciting.

Any guy who sends fun, exciting emails that portrays himself as fun to be with will get dates.. period.. on any site.

 

Any guy who sends typical emails that are blah, normal and portray himself as just like any other guy out there will not get many dates..

 

You want a girl to say to herself " Damn, he sounds like a fun time.. " in order to get a reply.. only because she has already been on 25 dud dates with the guys with dud emails and dud profiles so she has put it all together.

 

JMO...

[Cee]

I think it's 80 percent the profile (pics and text) and 20 percent whim. Get your profile to the point that it totally captivating & your message return rate will go up. However, what attracts one woman will repel another so experiment. Edit your profile a lot. It's like a resume- the foot in the door.

 

Men have it tough on OKC, but from what I've learned, a subset of guys on OKC get all the attention and the rest get little. Hang in there.

[Eeyore79]

 

If you notice in OKCupid. most girls have their REPLY setting to "REPLIES SELECTIVELY" or something like that.

 

Rarely do they have it on "REPLIES OFTEN"

You don't get to choose this setting, it is set automatically based on how many messages you reply to. So it's a real estimation of how often the person replies to emails. Someone who replies selectively probably isn't replying to most people.

[Star Gazer]

This is my typical message

 

"Hello

 

Nice to meet you. (Um, we haven't "met.") I'm **** and i'm ** year old. (Um, dude, I can see that from your profile.) I'm writing cause i was interested in your profile. you see like a nice person. (Well, obviously, otherwise you wouldn't be writing - you're just stating the obvious.)

 

Do you have any hobbies? (Did you even bother reading my profile? It's likely there, you shouldn't have to ask what I like to do, but rather comment on it.) My hobby is..... and i have many interests. (Oh really, what are those "many interests? Everyone has interests, telling me you have some certainly isn't interesting to me.)

 

If you're interested , we could be friends (Uh, dude, I'm not here to make friends. I'm here to DATE. Why bother being friends with a stranger?)

 

see you

 

(See me? Where? This is a canned email this guy sends to everyone, it's clear he didn't read my profile. I'm not going to bother responding.)

 

what's wrong with thta???

 

As I was reading it, I'd be thinking the bolded parts inserted above. As such, I would never ever ever respond to that message, even if the guy was smoking hot.

 

Also, the "replies selectively" thing is not accurate. When I was on it, I responded to almost every message I received, and it said selectively as well.

[Leeway Harris]

As I was reading it, I'd be thinking the bolded parts inserted above. As such, I would never ever ever respond to that message, even if the guy was smoking hot.

Do you get a lot of messages though? Somebody who rarely gets messages and is just happy to receive one would probably at least look at the profile of the sender before deciding whether to respond. Unless it sounds so generic that it could be spam or something. Is there anything obnoxious about my example messages that you can see? I'm curious.

[zengirl]

Mine almost always said Replies Selectively and occasionally said the even lower one (Replies Rarely or something) even though I responded to each and every guy who really sent me a message that wasn't a proposition for sex, just a few words long ('hi, how r u' gets no response), etc. It also has to do with speed---I often took a few days to respond, because I had too many messages and I always read the guy's profile and everything on the site all the way through before responding---and subsequent messages. If I tell a guy he's not interested, he writes me back, and I just delete his nasty response (happened a lot), that was a message I 'didn't respond' to in the stats. Oh, well. "Replies selectively" is the best anyway. I always preferred guys who had that in their status, because it demonstrated they weren't just talking to anyone. The red one---Replies Rarely----is not so great, though.

[Macaw]

Here are some messages I've sent:

 

To a high school history teacher:

 

 

To an abstract sculpture artist:

 

 

To a woman who grew up in Hawaii:

 

 

To a woman who loves Summer, has been to Hawaii, and lives in the same part of the city as me:

 

 

To a woman who's "You should message me if:" section said "If you have a foolproof plan to take over the world":

 

 

And it goes on and on and on. As you can see, I vary my approach with different levels of directness, humor, and personalization, all tailored to the profile of the woman I'm writing. And they VIRTUALLY NEVER write back. And of the vanishingly small number that do, they write back once, rarely twice, then disappear.

 

Am I nuts? I would absolutely love for someone to explain to me why I am practically invisible on OkCupid. Whether it's the male/female ratio of profiles in my area, the relative richness and handsomeness of the competition, or even me actually being an ugly loser and not realizing it. I would accept any of these answers. But not knowing just drives me crazy.

 

The sad thing is that I have the same experiences as you, except that it's usually the girls who write me first then disappear. Our techniques are even similar.

 

In my case though, I know it's the lack of pictures.(I only have one =) When she's talking with 3-4 other guys at the same time who are probably also interesting and funny... it's always going to boil down on your pictures and profile impression.

[AKO87]

I have the same problem as the OP except I make my messages to their profiles. I always try to mention something about them and try to be humorous.

 

I'm batting just .100 on getting replies from messages I've sent on my new account. It was less than that on my old one that I deleted.

[Titania22]

As for me, I always respond to people who fit my selection criteria (even if it is to say i'm not interested). But if I am looking for someone under 30 and you are 40, I am not going to respond to you.