Fiance wants to wear wedding ring given by her cheating ex when we get married???

[Dug]

My girlfriend was planning to get married about 5 ys ago, but backed out 4 weeks prior to the wedding because her fiancee' was cheating. Her and I have been talking about engagement, but she wants to wear the ring the "old" fiancee' bought for her. I am not very happy with the whole idea, but she says I'm being ridiculous about. She thinks I should just enjoy the freebie and not tell anyone where the ring really came from.

 

Am I being silly to not want her to wear some other guy's diamond and pass it off as mine ?

[Tony T]

You're not being silly at all and this could be a real deal breaker. Once you explain to your lady that her ring is a special symbol of love which is shared by the two of you and therefore should come directly from you to the woman you love...and she still holds her same attitude....dump her. Most rational, sane and romantic women would instantly understand.

 

And this is a ring that came from a guy who was cheating on her....GAWD, gimmee a break!!!

 

It could just be that she's just trying to be practical and save you money. That's a nice thought and you can give her a pinch of credit for that, even though she's not thinking about your feelings or wishes at all. But if she's too dense to understand that you don't want to go through married life with her wearing a wedding ring that some other dude bought for her, she's way too stupid to marry...in my opinion.

 

A wedding right should ALWAYS come from the person you're going to be marrying and nobody else. Sometimes a man will give a woman a ring that had been worn by his deceased mother, grandmother or some other special person...but it is still presented by the man who will be marrying her.

 

This may be a danger sign, I said MAYBE. Find out exactly why she is wanting to wear this ring. Delve a lot deeper than you already have. If you even slightly suspect it's because she still has a connection to her ex fiance and she wants the ring on her finger forever as a symbol of that continuing connection, then you've got problems with hair on them. Can you say "BREAK-UP"?

 

Her attitude about wearing the ring is not normal...and certainly not very romantic.

[SoleMate]

Hey...you can save money and respect your own feelings by recycling the stone into a new setting, which the two of you choose together.

 

If she starts to cry when you talk about recycling the stone and melting down the old ring for cash - well, then, yes, the old ring is symbolic of a love that she is still clinging to.

 

Tony's right. Hey, maybe he IS carbon based after all!

[Arabess]

I agree with my Shacker Buddy Sole!!! I would use the stone, but not the same setting.

[user1]

at least you want to give her a ring.

 

my boyfriend's sister doesn't want him to give me a ring, stating it's the blood diamond thing.

 

I agree, melt the ring, keep the diamond, place in another setting.

 

If she doesn't want to, take a walk with a honey that will appreciate YOUR money.

 

heh.

[Arabess]

Originally posted by loveshock

my boyfriend's sister doesn't want him to give me a ring, stating it's the blood diamond thing.

 

 

The blood what?????

[sportsloving]

Don't understand the blood diamond thing, but hey ok.

 

I agree with getting the stone into a different setting, and if she has a problem with it, I would say she has a few other issues to go along side it.

 

My mom was married and divorced in about a six month time (sorry ma, you get to be in print) and when she got married again, she took the old set and had a really beautiful necklace out of it.

 

I don't know, it seems weird to me to want to wear a ring another guy gave you when you are to be engaged to a different fella.

[befuddled11]

My opinion comes from being the type of person who:

 

a) sold my old wedding rings (I'm divorced)

b) sold my past engagement ring, from being engaged to a different guy.

 

I am personally not one to want to keep "these" kinds of things in my possession. They meant nothing to me, I I was treated poor by each guy and even though they were beautiful expensive rings, I felt I was "worth more" than to wear reminders of them. It was just a "principle" thing to me. I didn't sell them because I needed the money, I sold them merely because why not get rid of them *and* make some cash?!

 

There is no way in the world I'd want to be starting a new life with someone and wanting to have any PART of a ring from someone from my past. Yuck. It would be a constant reminder, no matter if the diamond was in a brand new setting.

 

What could be motivating your g/f to suggest doing this? Is she concerned that you're nto financially able to buy her a ring and she's trying to "make it easy on you"?

 

Like others have suggested, I'd certainly want to have a good clear explanation from her as to why she'd even HAVE this old ring still around (considering the fact that this ex had cheated on her), and why on earth she'd want to wear it, passing it off as one from you. That seems amazingly odd and a "red flag" to me.

 

Have you ever gotten a sense that she never "got over" that ex??

[gaia]

I'm with befuddled on this one. Stuff recycling - I'd give it to charity or do a grand gesture and chuck it in the river. Why would you want a reminder at all?

[Thinkalot]

Originally posted by gaia

I'm with befuddled on this one. Stuff recycling - I'd give it to charity or do a grand gesture and chuck it in the river. Why would you want a reminder at all?

 

My thoughts exactly! It's the last thing I'd want to keep...and if my guy wanted to reuse the wedding band from his ex-wife, I'd be VERY unhappy about it.

 

You need to explain all this to her I feel.

[Dug]

Thanks for the responses.....

 

I guess I hadn't considered a new "setting" for the diamond. I do understand that rings are expensive and I do appreciate saving some money, but this is not like clipping coupons. I believe in a gentler time, men used to pick out and buy the ring with the intention of surprising the bride to be, but on closer analysis, it seems that my beloved was the one who picked out this rock and setting, so she regards it more as her own thing rather than a token presented by an ex- fiance'.

So far....we seem to be in agreement to save the stone and banish the old setting in lieu of one we pick out together. Perhaps diamonds are more forgiving than gold, and the ring will feel like mine and not "his". Thanks again for all the perspectives.

[meagara]

If you where to give her a ring your old fiance gave back, don't you think she would be upset? Tell her no way, and stand up for yourself! that is a stupid idea, she should have pond the damn thing.

The idea makes me feel

[Hope]

Well it wasn't for no reason that Marilyn Monroe sang " Diamonds are a girls best freind ".

 

I agree with the others about resetting the stone and if your girlfreind shows no objection to that then hey, what are you complaining about,obviously it is of no sentimental value to her!

 

Good luck.

[gaia]

obviously it is of no sentimental value to her!

 

I'm not sure it IS obvious, actually. We all have our own opinions, but I wouldn't even consider keeping it and if my husband had wanted to I'd have been very upset.

[Thinkalot]

Originally posted by gaia

I'm not sure it IS obvious, actually. We all have our own opinions, but I wouldn't even consider keeping it and if my husband had wanted to I'd have been very upset.

 

Like I said before, me too.