So this is what I have to look forward to in the dating world? (female input)

[JasonRules]

I hear ya. But for the record Jason Rules, we have already been on a 2nd date and got along great. It's not like I'm in love with this girl, but I would definitely like to hang again so I didn't want to throw in the towel too soon because I didn't "chase" like a man is supposed to.

 

Not sure what you mean by I'm the girl and she's the guy. Isn't the guy supposed to be the hunter and the girl the prey? Frankly is a girl was always the aggressor asking me out all the time, I would be turned off.

 

And yes, I will be "grabbing my balls and moving along". There isn't much more that I can do. A little disappearing act is exactly what she deserves right now.

 

 

It just sounds like you're a bit overly eager to text her, that's all. For example, when she went to NY you should have not text her at all. Even if she would have text you, you should have not replied. By not replying she'll start to think about you more and more.

 

Do you know why? Because by not replying you prove the following points:

 

1. I don't NEED YOU. I want you

2. I am living my life and don't have to be in constant communication with you

3. I am mysterious

 

By constantly going back and forth via text and keep reminding her of your plans to date the following week she's starting to perceive you as "needy". I know all this crap is head games, but given her age you have no other choice. So either play the game or get out and find someone who is mature.

[suddendumpee]

Me: Sounds exciting! Heading to Chicago all next week...soooo miss "I'm all yours next week" what night are you available for drinks?

 

Her: Ahh chicago my fav place eveeerrr

 

Me: Thats the funniest blow-off ever. So Thursday night? lol.

 

 

So my friend made a point regarding the above text exchange. He said:

 

"She knows you know she loves Chicago. Are you sure she didn't think you were jokingly inviting her to come to Chicago while you were there to get drinks with her?"

 

Of course the answer is no, I'm not sure. My intention in the text was to let her know I would be gone all next week, so lets go get drinks before I leave. Bottom line. Texting sucks. Too much room for misinterpretation. She could very likely be as confused about things as I am.

[GreenPolicy]

When they're into you and want to see you, they don't beat around the bush and dance around the topic. They responded clearly and unequivocally to being asked out. You were never going to get seriously involved with a 22-year-old. You got a nice one-night stand and came out ahead on this. Move on to the next one.

[depplover_1980]

Seriously the next person to TRY AND BELITTLE A 22 YEAR OLD is going to get a can of my whoop ass!!! She is 22 not 12 and a fully developed adult!!

[Graceful]

Seriously the next person to TRY AND BELITTLE A 22 YEAR OLD is going to get a can of my whoop ass!!! She is 22 not 12 and a fully developed adult!!

I feel the same way. I've been on many advice boards and age is just a number, and for my money, some of my 23-year old friends are more mature than some of my 35-year old friends!!

 

She is who she is. IF she's immature, selfish, dramatic, full of herself, not interested, a tease, or whatever, she will be that way when she's 29, 39, or 49 for all we know!!

 

My SIL is 14 years younger than my brother. I have an aunt who is 15 years younger than my uncle. A cousin who is 10 years younger than her husband. A friend who is 14 years younger than her husband. Need I go on???? All successful, happy marriages!!!!

 

We delay adulthood enough in the USA as it is. She is an adult. If she's a jerk, it's not because she is 22!

 

End of rant. Thank you!

[GreenPolicy]

I feel the same way. I've been on many advice boards and age is just a number, and for my money, some of my 23-year old friends are more mature than some of my 35-year old friends!!

 

She is who she is. IF she's immature, selfish, dramatic, full of herself, not interested, a tease, or whatever, she will be that way when she's 29, 39, or 49 for all we know!!

 

My SIL is 14 years younger than my brother. I have an aunt who is 15 years younger than my uncle. A cousin who is 10 years younger than her husband. A friend who is 14 years younger than her husband. Need I go on???? All successful, happy marriages!!!!

 

We delay adulthood enough in the USA as it is. She is an adult. If she's a jerk, it's not because she is 22!

 

End of rant. Thank you!

 

It's not "belittling" her because she's 22. Suddendumpee is a 32-year-old white-collar professional who has experience with and wants the kind of grown-up relationships that he is used to and has had in the past. From the sound of his story, she sounds like a typical 22-year-old college student with the typical makeup and interests of a 22-year-old college student. Their interests are different. Their goals in life and what they want right now appear to be different. Is he going to hang out with her at a kegger party on the weekend? Is she not going to be bored when he takes her to some function for work and she has nothing in common with the other people there that are much older than her?

 

I've known some people that were wise beyond their years and I agree age is ultimately a number. But I know what I was like at 22 (fairly mature and had a pretty good head on my shoulders all things considering), but I still had a LOT of growing up and maturing to do. My only point is that he appears to want something and is pursuing something that she doesn't seem to have any real interest in (a real grown-up relationship, as opposed to the kind of relationships we have when we're in college).

[depplover_1980]

Yeah but there is no proof it's not the type of relationship she isn't seeking, more like she doesn't have much interest in him.

 

It's quite common for men to date women 10 years younger, it's as old as the hills that hook up!

[carhill]

So this is what I have to look forward to in the dating world? (female input)

 

(male input) In some form or fashion, yup. Enjoy

[suddendumpee]

For the record, her last relationship was 2 years long and she reluctantly had to break up with her ex and kick him out of her apartment because he didn't appreciate her, freeloaded off of her, and wouldn't have sex with her. I think she really is looking to settle down. She didnt party at all when they were together. Regardless.....

 

I ended it today. I'm too good to continue to play her push/pull games. This is how it went down.

Yesterdays texts:

 

Me: I'm heading to Chicago for all of next week, so I'm holding you to your words of "I'm all yours next week", so when are you available for drinks?

 

Her: Ahh Chicago my fav place eveeerrr

(seriously...that was all she said. haha)

 

Me: That was the funniest blow-off ever. So Thursday night then? lol.

 

 

She never responded. I was finished at this point, but my friend pointed out that she may have thought I was (jokingly) implying that she should come to Chicago to get drinks with me. So I decided to put things to rest today:

 

Me: So how will I ever visit you in New York and see all these cool places you speak of, when I can't even get you to meet me in out own hometown?

 

Her: Haha im sorrrry I didn't text back! I've been insanely busy. And its because our hometown sucks...so lets just go to the Bahamas instead.

 

Me: So last week was "I'm all yours next week" and this week is "sorry but out hometown sucks" You're a cool girl and I would have enjoyed getting to know you. Best of luck with school and New York. I know you will do great

 

Her: wow ok

 

---------------------------------------------------------

 

So that was it. Now she knows game playing doesn't work with me. I doubt she even cares, but at least I got to be the one to deal out the inevitable rejection. Critiques on how I handled this?

[GreenPolicy]

 

So that was it. Now she knows game playing doesn't work with me. I doubt she even cares, but at least I got to be the one to deal out the inevitable rejection. Critiques on how I handled this?

 

Nobody is too busy to text. You did fine.

[D78]

... I ended it today. I'm too good to continue to play her push/pull games. This is how it went down... So that was it. Now she knows game playing doesn't work with me. I doubt she even cares, but at least I got to be the one to deal out the inevitable rejection. Critiques on how I handled this?

 

suddendumpee,

 

I have no critiques on how you handled this.

 

I'm here to add (female input): I don't think this is what you have to look forward to in the dating world.

 

When you wake up thinking "today's gonna suck," you're always right. And when you expect the least from someone, that's what you get. So, you may as well go out there expecting to find great things in the dating world, and treating everyone like they are potentially awesome. If they let you down, oh well. If finding someone awesome is not in your cards, you can complain about that to your friends in the nursing home when you're 95 years old.

 

I'm not saying everything in life is great. And, if you're a pessimist, I certainly wouldn't argue that you should change your outlook on life. But, the dating scene is not that different than it was when before you met your ex (the one you were getting over when you started this thread).

 

Idiots, players, cheaters, losers, liars, commitment-phobes, scumbags, brats, Snookies, gold diggers, psychos, leaches, soul-sucking jerks, friends, and great people are out there. Try to have fun finding them. Your only other option is to give up.

 

Good luck!

[Tiredguy]

She's 22 years old. There's your answer.

 

Means nothing. Since my ex and I split in May of last year, I've gone on dates with four different girls and every.single.one.of.them. was just like this. These stupid little games and this "cat and mouse" crap that Sudden is dealing with...every single one. These girls have ranged in age from 26 to 38.

 

The real answer is: She's a girl. No offense to the ladies on this site, but every girl I go out with plays these games, and it gets old.

Edited February 17, 2011 by Tiredguy

[StalledGirl]

I hate games and rules so avoid them even if most men and women enjoy the chase.

I'm glad you finally called things off but maybe you ignored the signs because her age made you feel special? I don't know, just a random thought..

[D78]

Means nothing. Since my ex and I split in May of last year, I've gone on dates with four different girls and every.single.one.of.them. was just like this. These stupid little games and this "cat and mouse" crap that Sudden is dealing with...every single one. These girls have ranged in age from 26 to 38.

 

The real answer is: She's a girl. No offense to the ladies on this site, but every girl I go out with plays these games, and it gets old.

 

If.every.single.girl.plays.stupid.games.you.should.probably.quit.dating.them.

 

But, really, there are tons who don't. Believe it or not.

[Tiredguy]

If.every.single.girl.plays.stupid.games.you.should.probably.quit.dating.them.

 

But, really, there are tons who don't. Believe it or not.

 

lol yes, you are right Unfortunately, I have been completely turned off to the dating scene because of my experiences both with my ex and the attempts I've made since then to get back into it. But, I just wanted to point out that her being 22 really has nothing to do with it.

[Rose T]

Means nothing. Since my ex and I split in May of last year, I've gone on dates with four different girls and every.single.one.of.them. was just like this. These stupid little games and this "cat and mouse" crap that Sudden is dealing with...every single one. These girls have ranged in age from 26 to 38.

 

The real answer is: She's a girl. No offense to the ladies on this site, but every girl I go out with plays these games, and it gets old.

 

 

Hey Tiredguy, sorry you're having a tough time in the dating world but I'm sure you know that men can be just as flaky as women! It really just boils down to how much interest there is and communication skills, in my opinion.

 

By the way, I love reading LS for this, there are so many guys on here that believe in love and want to find something good that it helps me keep the faith that I'll find someone interested in a relationship!

 

The girl in suddendumpees thread? IMHO, she just wasn't really interested and didn't have the skills on how to say so. Probably also enjoyed the attention but deep down, she wasn't interested in taking it further, for whatever reason.

 

It might look like game playing from the other side, but it's simply all part of the process of dating... you try people out, there are different levels of expectations and interest and many many people don't know how to say no, because they don't want to lose the attention, or they don't want to be rude, or burn bridges, or maybe they're not even sure if there is potential and they're in the right place to take advantage of it.

 

As we all ease off the break-up boards and into the searching for forum, (ideally!!) let's not forget that looking for love is a wonderful thing! Yes it is! If it was so easy, it wouldn't be so special. All the dead ends make the good ones shine.

[depplover_1980]

Great female input from Rose T and D78. Being flaky and rude in the dating game is not a female nor a male trait, but a HUMAN TRAIT!!! It is clear from regularly reading the threads that both sexes have suffered rejection and at times treacherous behaviour.

 

Obviously a relationship can be a timely and tough thing to recover from, but my attitude in dating is simply 'next' when I am disappointed and I just keep my head up and smile. Don't take anything personal because 90% of the time it's not you, it's them.

[Rose T]

it's not you, it's them.

 

 

LOL why do I keep hearing this line???!!!

[depplover_1980]

LOL why do I keep hearing this line???!!!

 

True though, it's not you whose got a problem with having the relationship, it's them.

[suddendumpee]

So can you believe this girl actually thinks it was me who blew HER off?!?! Haha. After 2 weeks of not contacting her, I decided to try to reconnect on friendly terms and put everything out there:

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Me: Just so you know, I wasn't even close to being finished with getting to know you. Whatever your reasons were for blowing me off in the end, you should re-consider. Lets put the past in the past.

 

Her: (immediately after my text) Actually, I never blew you off. I said let's go somewhere tropical and you made that choice.

 

Me: You know I love traveling, but to suggest a big trip instead of just hanging for a night sure seemed like you were just pushing things off.

 

Her: It was supposed to be a joke

 

Me: About to board a plane so I'll just be straight with you. Would hate to miss out on some fun because of miscommunication. I would like to see you again. Telling me to f**k off is a completely acceptable response

 

Her: Call me when you get back.

 

Me: Flight canceled so I'll be sleeping in O'Hare tonight. I'll call you tomorrow when I get back.

 

Her: Ughhh. Who's watching your dog?

 

Me: My neighbors.

 

Her: Gotcha. Talk to you soon.

----------------------------------------------------------------

 

So I called her Sunday as promised at 6pm. Wouldn't you know? She doesn't answer her phone, and hasn't called or texted as of yet. I gave her the easy out explaining that "f**k off" was a completely acceptable response. What a weird girl.

[Movingthrough]

So can you believe this girl actually thinks it was me who blew HER off?!?! Haha. After 2 weeks of not contacting her, I decided to try to reconnect on friendly terms and put everything out there:

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Me: Just so you know, I wasn't even close to being finished with getting to know you. Whatever your reasons were for blowing me off in the end, you should re-consider. Lets put the past in the past.

 

Her: (immediately after my text) Actually, I never blew you off. I said let's go somewhere tropical and you made that choice.

 

Me: You know I love traveling, but to suggest a big trip instead of just hanging for a night sure seemed like you were just pushing things off.

 

Her: It was supposed to be a joke

 

Me: About to board a plane so I'll just be straight with you. Would hate to miss out on some fun because of miscommunication. I would like to see you again. Telling me to f**k off is a completely acceptable response

 

Her: Call me when you get back.

 

Me: Flight canceled so I'll be sleeping in O'Hare tonight. I'll call you tomorrow when I get back.

 

Her: Ughhh. Who's watching your dog?

 

Me: My neighbors.

 

Her: Gotcha. Talk to you soon.

----------------------------------------------------------------

 

So I called her Sunday as promised at 6pm. Wouldn't you know? She doesn't answer her phone, and hasn't called or texted as of yet. I gave her the easy out explaining that "f**k off" was a completely acceptable response. What a weird girl.

 

Yeah she is young but honsetly this is really common nowadays. Me and sudden already talked about this but i agree with him where even if she is 22, you shouldnt act like that. Come on. Had the same thing happen to me last week, girl makes all the effort, gives me her number, wants to hang out, we set up plans and she never answers. Give her one more shot and she does the same thing. Delete.

 

Point is, i dont understand why its so hard for a girl to say "im not that interested" or "no thanks". I read somewhere that girls are always trying to avoid conflict but really, stop with the games. I realize guys do this too, but it seems common for a girl to string along because she is "afraid" to say "this is going to work".

[suddendumpee]

It really makes no sense to go from hot to cold so fast then accuse ME of blowing HER off, then tell me to call her but not answer? Just bizarre. Any other opinions on the last string of texts?

[GreenPolicy]

It really makes no sense to go from hot to cold so fast then accuse ME of blowing HER off, then tell me to call her but not answer? Just bizarre. Any other opinions on the last string of texts?

 

Yeah, write her off and don't worry about it. She seems flighty and her interest is only lukewarm at best.

[depplover_1980]

Suddendumpee, you are the wierd one here because you were blind to the truth first time round and we all told you what we thought - it was pretty consistent that she wasn't interested. The fact you went back just makes you look a bit desperate and I believe you're a caring person who can do a lot better. I hope you note that for the future.

 

Also I'd like to call those making generalised statements about women being flaky and say it is also common for men to behave this way when they're not interested. I think really you know when someone is interested because they actively pursue, or respond and keep that going; the moment they drop off with communication reflects how they feel. It's amazing how simple it is on paper, yet we all wrestle with it when we like someone more than they like us. Ouch!!

[suddendumpee]

In all honesty, it's not like I'm all broken up about this situation. I'm FAR from being in love with this chick, but I hate to give up pre-maturely. Some girls like the pursuit. She always responds PROMPTLY to my texts. Telling me to call her, when I gave her an open door to tell me to give it up just is just strange. Then you read online that all these dating books for women tell them to NEVER return a guys voicemail etc...You wonder if you are simply part of a game that you CAN win.

 

All in all I HATE losing. haha.