cant tell what she wants

[ttperi]

well, ive know this girl going on three years now. we are very close she thinks im her best friend and i guess i am. about 4 months ago i started getting crazy feelings about her. feelings ive never had about someone. i always knew she was sexy and all that but we started getting pretty close and she had a bf so i never made a move.

he broke up with her for about 2 months. i saw her everyday after that we got even closer. i could tell her anything. i told her how i felt about her but said i didnt want a relationship i just had to tell her how great i thought she was. i thought id be bad but she said that was the sweetest thing a guys ever said to her. and she feels somthing too but she still getting over her ex. she loved him and all that and was pretty hurt and confused by the break up. i coulda had sex with her but idk i just didnt i just wanted her and i couldnt understand how she made me feel the way i do without doing that. friends made funn of me for it but she was different and didnt want her to be like other girls. i wrote her peoms and notes and a birthday card its was fun because ive never done that for a girl before. i finnaly decided i wanted to be with her but her ex started talking to her again. she said she was too confused and all that. i knew she still loved him but they got back together. i was a little hurt after but i understood.

things didnt go back the way they where we still had somthing. flirtying in the hall still hanging behind her bfs back. all she did was complain about him. she likes the drama i thinkhe found all the stuff i wrote for her(even after i tld her to get rid of it when they got back) but she said she couldnt. so he started stuff with me and people started telling him we where fooling around in the hall in school. so we fought. she wasnt saposse to talk to me at all after that but she still did and people told him.

i stoped talking to her i didnt want drama. she said when he moves to college after spring she wont see him again after that.

so i guess im just waiting. but somtimes i thing she uses me to feel good about herself. she says im a better person than him and cooler. and she gets jelous about other girls. its like where dating but where not. the past weeks i but up a wall like she didnt exist i tryed not talking to her but now i got lunch and she sees me sitting with other chicks and she was hurt so now i sit with her and now i want her bad again. she rubbed her boobs on me in the lunch line a couple days ago. its confusing

i keep telling myself to wait till her boy leaves for college. and she says his going to florida for a week in april and we can be together then

i just dont know what she wants from me she says i mean the world to her but she chose him over me. even tho she risks talking to me and all that. shes the greatest girl ive ever meet i can just let her go

[spiderowl]

It's hard to know what this girl does and doesn't want from you. She clearly wants your friendship and is encouraging you to think there could be more, but she's also pointing out that it will be when her boyfriend's not there. The crucial thing is, she is not talking about getting rid of her boyfriend. She could finish things with him, but she isn't doing that. Until she finishes with him, she is not your girlfriend, even if he had gone away. He will still think they are a couple.

 

I think you need a draw a line with this girl, even if she is hurt. You want her as a girlfriend, not just a friend. If you hang around with her as a friend, waiting in the wings, she won't respect you as the guy who could be more. You need to be definite with her that you can only see her occasionally and as just a friend, unless she completely finishes with this guy. She needs to know you are a strong guy for her. A strong guy wouldn't allow her to mess him about like this and certainly wouldn't be waiting until the boyfriend was out of sight. A strong guy would be defining this relationship as friendship with no possibility of anything else until he is the boyfriend. You can still be gentle but firm. If she seems upset, you can tell her that you still love her and care about her, but you feel too strongly for her to be put on the sidelines. Then stick to that.

 

Don't wait around for her, date other women. She may or may not come round, but don't bank on it. If this girl doesn't realise what a great guy you are, another girl will.

[ttperi]

i know shes got whipped and its bad. even when im with other chicks shes on my mind. still unclear as what i do or tell her. do i need to say anything? everytime i do it turns on me and she sweet talks me and she get sad so i feel bad. should i try not talking to her at all? not eat lunch with her?