Should i dump this girl? Past experience/jealousy issue

[athurmon]

WOW, your comment really leaves me speechless... specially because i started talking to her again...

 

Did this girl you meet in sweden had a past of being unloyal to her bfs?

Please give me a little bit more details?

 

You started talking with her again? Why the change of heart and change of mind?

 

As to her lack of loyalty, I can only presume, as she never told me outright, but I know she cheated on at least 3 of her past boyfriends, maybe more.

 

Everyone says "the past is the past", but the past shows their true character. From what I have been told, cheating the first time is the hardest. Each successive time gets easier and easier.

[oldguy]

"Your past is your past", Try getting a bank loan with a poor credit score, just tell the loan officer that, "my past is my past". Good luck on that one. But we are so afraid that we will be accused of being judgmental that we will walk face long into a relationship with someone who has made poor relationship choices in the past and has made no, or few recent good choices to show any CHANGE. Be judgmental, defend yourself, OMG

[penchant67]

Please help me,

 

I recently started dating a girl i REALLY liked from day one. Only been with her for a couple months but its been really intense and shes been really nice to me. I met her abroad, she is from another country and we had such a strong connection she even came to visit me to my country. She gave me a lot of butterflies in my stomach. Everything seemed magical until we started talking about past experience.

 

Im a 27 year old guy and had only 1 serious relationship in my life for about 4 years (with a woman who was a virgin when she met me, so i never had any insecurities) and had sex with about total 15 girls. I am from a pretty "machista" country so i kind of expect my woman to have less experience than me or max about the same (im not saying its right, but its what i feel comfortable with).

 

This girl is my same age and turns out she has had sex with about 30 guys or more. She had also 6 boyfriends. Several of them were complete jerks, she has a really dark past that includes a bf who left his ex pregnant while he was with her, a bf that was abusive in a way, even who locked her up in her apartment, a bf who she has been engaged to, another that left her pregnant and she had an abortion, etc. (the list goes on amazingly, i really think of all the things and almost cant believe it).

 

I almost feel like in terms of relationships she is like 40 years old or something, and im 27.

 

All of the experience she told me about, not only in quantity but in quality, Killed the butterflies in my stomach.

 

After knowing the kind of guys she has been with, i feel i dont respect her the same way anymore.

 

Its not only that she has just been with jerk guys, but she is so much more experienced than me, in terms of casual sex also, that i almost feel that nothing i could possibly do with her in bed will be new to her, and not only in bed but out of it. And i like the feeling of experiencing new things together with my partner. I dont want to miss that.

 

Everything doesnt seem so "magical" anymore.

 

This said, she is really nice to me, she says i may be the love of her life, she says she would even marry me (yes i know its crazy being that we knew each other for so little). She is from another country so i know culture can be different also.

 

The problem is that when i met her i felt that she was "crazy for me" which made me feel really special and unique. Now after kowing her past i think she may be just "plain crazy". And it just kills it for me.

 

I am suffering right now because i have so conflicting emotions about her i dont know how to handle it. And she seems really serious about me.

 

Should i dump her now and forget before the problem gets bigger? After all, there must be millions of girls around with less eperience that her. (And i must say with my ex gf i never felt insecure as i do with her).

 

Or, Should i go on and fight this?

 

I dont know what to do.

 

Please advise me!!!

 

 

Sorry guy. If you have this many concerns you need to focus your time and energy on finding a partner, not trying to fix a partner. The only person you can control is you. Your JOB is YOU> Perhaps the bigger question looming large is...why can't you let go. For me, when Ive been sitting squarely where you sit...hmmm. Well, it's a comfort to be with someone...sorta like coming in out of the rain. A comfort to not have to be searching because I want to be a couple instead of alone. I could go on and on. Essentially and in retrospect, every time I've hung on longer than I should have, the end was worse. The pain deeper, the recovery, longer. Then there's the bitterness, which interferes with moving on and taints your feelings about the female gender generally, in your case. You are forming relationships and opinions that will either tint or taint the remainder of your life. Paint your own canvas, dear man.

[WorldIsYours]

I agree.

 

but past behaviors tend to shape future behaviors.

 

i wouldn't be put off because a girl has a "history", like you said, everyone does.

 

Its the "type" of history she had. things that would "kill the butterflies" for me would be:

 

past cheating

having participated in a 3some or orgy

knowingly been the OW or messed around with someone elses boyfriend.

 

Exactly. The fact that she's been basically a tramp most of her life brings up red alarms. Those are the type of people who cheat.

[Boundary Problem]

If you cannot accept her present - your romantic relationship with her is over.

 

Her past really has nothing to do with you. Does it?

 

If you are asking questions - it means you are on the right path. Just keep going with your discovery process. I've found this website to be extraordinarily helpful. Something about common sense advice from others who have had similar difficulties.

 

Hugs,

Boundary Problem

[denise_xo]

This guy solved his problem a long time ago...