4 Months Since Breakup

[bl22]

Hey everyone

 

Havent posted much round here but I feel the need to share how I'm feeling 4 months on. I have to say I've come a long way but 1 thing I still havent managed to get my head around is how I havent heard a word from her since going NC around 4 months ago.

 

I'm no longer in pain but there is a massive space in my life right now where she used to be. I am not ready to date other people as of yet, the thought scares me. I stil have unanswered questions going around in my head at times which I cannot help...

 

My ex was the sort of person who could never lie, I could always tell what she was thinking and feeling. If she was happy, she'd show it, if she was annoyed, she'd show it...and honestly I only felt the signs of her getting frustrated around 1 week before she ended it. 1 week...after 2 years together...she ends the relationship after 1 weeks thought? The month before that she spend around 300 quid on my birthday, telling me im the love of her life and the best thing thats ever happened to her.

We discused plans to go away for her birthday which was december this year.

She ended it because 'she thinks she may have feelings for someone else, even though hes not her type, and she completely loves me'

 

She never fed me the lines 'im not in love with you' she would say to me 'I love you more than anything but I cant be with you whilst im like this'

 

She jumped straight from being with me for 2 years into a relationship with him as far as i can tell. no gap....who does that?!

 

What kind of person does something like that?????? I hadnt done anything to deserve that kind of treatment, I can count endless fun times with her, loving times, close times, special times. It was thrown away like it was nothing...and heres the thing...SHE was ALWAYS more into me. Dont get me wrong i loved her with all my heart, treated her, complimented her, made her feel special but not to the extent of how much she would do for me 'because i make her so happy'

 

My trust is stil completely shattered in people, I didnt know people were capable of doing this kind of thing, especially to someone whos always nice loving and caring. Throughout our relationship I couldnt say a bad thing about her, she was very humble despite being absolutely drop dead gorgeous. She was always sweet, put others before herself...but she got manipulated by this guy at her work through facebook.

 

It hurts to type that...it does.

It hurts to think she hasnt bothered, not 1nc to contact me after all we shared together. Not 1 weak moment from her....just ...nothing

 

I dont plan on ever contacting her and embaresing myself. Ive changed since the breakup, ive hardened which was not my choice, its to protect myself from getting walked on in this vunerable state im in.

 

it also sickens me that she has basically replaced me. She is probably doing and saying the things she used to say/do with me, to him...almost like the past 2 years I havent even existed and she's subconsciously adding them 2 years to what she has now with him....its ****ED up.

 

Stuff she would normally assosiate with me, like when she would watch films and she can relate (love etc) she would assosiate them with me and tell me how that reminds her of 'us' ....now she'll be doing that with him, even though it should be ME! I feel like he's stolen my life at times...

 

If you've ever watched eternal sunshine, I feel how Joel feels when Patrick has stolen his words and things to seduce Clementine. Hes a Sly little **** that other guy, hes got nothing on me, hes even 3 years younger than her, where as im 6 months older than her...perfect age she used to say. Hes about half a foot smaller than me, looks like a 12 year old, 1 skinny ****er where as I go gym 5 times a week, maintain a very strict eating regime, about to start my own business, a musician, he doesnt even go college! ARGH

 

Just need a rant thats all, im doing well, the pains gone, I am just finding it hard to trust anyone...not until I get a heartfelt apology and a 'I regret what I did to you' ....my hopes for that are becoming slimmer and slimmer...and as that decreases, my hate for her increases...even now.

 

On the other hand, I miss her laugh, her smile, her eyes lighting up when I'd meet her at the train station, her kiss...hmm what a bitch.

 

Thanks for reading

[GreenPolicy]

I'm a week shy of four months. It still hurts a lot, but I do feel better.

[bl22]

Thanks for the reply GreenPolicy. I do feel I'm at the anger stage also towards my ex.

 

Also just to add, the ups and downs are still there but not as frequent and more over longer periods this time.

 

The last 1 was at work, a new girl had started who I was working with and I realised she was wearing the same perfume as my ex. This was a smell I hadnt smelled since I was with her in love, cuddled up with her. The moment I recognized it I could feel my eyes begin to water; I had to fight hard to stop it. I tried to avoid this girl so I didnt smell the perfume again but it kept happening,

 

I was so close to saying to her 'can you wear a different perfume next time please..' haha

[GreenPolicy]

Thanks for the reply GreenPolicy. I do feel I'm at the anger stage also towards my ex.

 

Also just to add, the ups and downs are still there but not as frequent and more over longer periods this time.

 

The last 1 was at work, a new girl had started who I was working with and I realised she was wearing the same perfume as my ex. This was a smell I hadnt smelled since I was with her in love, cuddled up with her. The moment I recognized it I could feel my eyes begin to water; I had to fight hard to stop it. I tried to avoid this girl so I didnt smell the perfume again but it kept happening,

 

I was so close to saying to her 'can you wear a different perfume next time please..' haha

 

Funny you mention anger - thats where I'm at when it comes to how I feel about my ex. I think the progression is sadness -> fear -> anger -> sorrow -> acceptance.

[bl22]

do you think you will ever hear from her again?

[GreenPolicy]

do you think you will ever hear from her again?

 

No idea. Our best bet is to work towards indifference towards our exes.

[CCfooty]

I'm around the same period of time since i've been broken up with. NC is so much better, honestly... my ex was contacting me for 2-2.5 months after my break up, really messing with my head and leading me on, told me she still loved me 2 months ago - when she was already seeing someone else too (no gap as well). Now they're saying I love you already as well which absolutely shatters my heart all over again. We had pretty well NC for about a month and now she's in contact with me again. I think she's just trying to be civil, but is also saying things that i'm (probably?) reading into as well. It really sucks. NC is best... even though I know how much it hurts to feel so insignificant.

[melenkurion]

It's just over four months for me since the breakup.

 

I've been NC for two months now, although I have had occasional bits of contact from him I have ignored them.

 

I'm much less angry now than I was a month or so ago, so I guess that marks progress. My ex was in a long-standing full blown affair with a friend of mine, so I think the anger came pretty quickly. I'm now sort of sad in a not very defined kind of a way.

 

Sometimes it feels like I'm starting to care less, much less about my ex. The lessening of the anger is a sign of that, I think. This weekend I spent the whole time hanging out with friends I have made since the breakup, and I had a great time. I barely thought of the ex and the OG once. The ups and downs are still there: a week ago I was really on edge about it all. I couldn't work out why, but I had a feeling of anxiety that I simply could not shake.