im lost i need to see some light

[Change2]

Almost a year ago my husband and i had our stillborn son.

Of course this changed me very much. I had so many issues with my family, so I decided that I was going to quit brushing my feelings under the rug.

I decided to write an email to my mother, her responses stunned me. For example, my grandmother was coming in town for my sisters wedding. My mother let me know none of this. I told her that it hurt that she didnt tell me grandma was in town. I missed out on all of her visit. She said that it isnt her responsibility to let me know when she comes because i have a phone and can call. we have a huge family and she always lets us know what is going on. I am convinced she left me out on purpose because since our son died i no longer go to the parents house for sunday dinners because i refuse to be around a few sibilings who didn't come to the funeral or call me, they texted. and when i told them they hurt me they didn't give a darn.

So i also told her in that letter that we need to arrange other days to get together because of those sibilings i dont want to come over on sundays. so i said fridays or saturdays work good. her response, you will suffer the consequences of not coming over on sundays. that is when we are available, we are busy the rest of the week. wow. ok. so much more was in that letter that tore my heart out.

so 7 months go by with very little communication and no visits. Holidays were coming up and so i thought i should try. i went and made arrangements with my mom to come to our house the sunday after thanksgiving for our time together. they never showed up. i cooked another turkey dinner all day. she tried to say that she thought i was coming there. lier. lier. never got together. christmas, nothing. sent an invite in january for kids bday. they came. she asked if i wanted to get together the next day at her house to celebrate christmas. i said sure. she said she would call the next day with a time. i thought it was weird that she wanted to call the next day but whatever.

she then texted me early afternoon to try and make arrangements. I had alot going on and responded for her to call when she could because i didn't want to text so much. she didn't even try to call till 430pm and asked if i could be there around 630pm. well, i was furious that she blew me off all darn day and waited to call.she tried to say her phone doesn't work in stores. found out why i was blown off on facebook. another sister wrote she went to a store 2 hours away and didn't get home until 630pm loved spending the whole day with mom. go figure it was one sister i dont speak with. she responded and said i have my sources wrong that she doesn't have to account for her whole day to me. and she only went to babies r us with her. oookay, one of them isn't telling the truth. why couldn't she just say im have plans so ill call later that day? im so furious with my mother, i don't feel like she is a mother. so i texted and said im out of the family, im tired of being blown off by my own mother. she called and left a voicemail saying that she may blow me off but i don't understand as a mother what it is like to have a child remind you of sibilings not getting along. That still brings me to tears just typing. I can't believe she ignores me and to me is saying im also taking sides. She doesn't agree with me not speaking to my sisters. she says well one was pregnant and that it was just to weird for her to come to the funeral. okay i get that but you couldn't even call me either? the other sister said she couldn't take off work because she took off too much for her wedding. okay you don't want to use breifment fine, but you couldn't call either. my mom says what i am doing is the death of you and your sisters. i said no mom what they did was the death of us. I see no one in my family not one out of ten. talk to no one. if you don't do what they think you should then the whole family rejects you. how nice huh. i feel so alone. i feel like i shouldn't have opened my mouth and kept living in pain because now i am in hell if i think about them. how is it possible to tell people how they hurt you and you end up in more pain?

Thank God for my own husband and children!! But, is it ok to not speak to your parents. is it ok to drop of the face of the earth? i mean i have and they don't seem to mind. it just eats at me that no one cares for me out of that family. i never felt like i belonged. oh yeah i said that i don't think she defended me enough when my own siblings picked on me. it ruined my brain, it damaged me big time. she said i did enough your an adult thats on you. im not sure if i am making sense. but if i do what would you do. there is so much i had to try and leave out to make it short. thanks for any adivice, help, it means the world. i just want to be at peace!

[whichwayisup]

First, I am sooooo sorry for your loss. My condolences to you. Did you go and do grief counselling? If not, consider it.

 

As for your mom, and other siblings who weren't there for you during one of the worst times in your life, they should be ashamed of themselves! It's not you, it's them. They are selfish and wrapped up in their own lives and your mom, well, she has huge issues that only a shrink can figure out. No offense! (I know it's one thing to say stuff about your mom, but another when someone else does). I don't understand how someone could treat their own daughter the way she's treated you.

 

Please keep posting here, you'll get alot of support.

[Change2]

Thank you very much. No I haven't gone to counceling. But, I have been doing a bible study on losing a child and lots of reading. Thank you for helping me feel not so crazy for ignoring them. And thank you for such a belly laugh. It didn't bother me at all! I am very stunned on how my mother is treating me. I would NEVER disreguard my kids feelings, even if it was me who caused them pain.