feet wet

[fab]

A week ago I wrote about dating a man who was the best friend to my deceased husband and how he wanted to be friends but was more romantic than what I thought friends should be and that he became full of questions about money, grown kids, and intimacy. Well I did send him a card and letter answering all of his concerns and gave him my feelings these matters. He called me this week and we are to see one another tonight. I'm wondering how much of this letter that I wrote and his questions that he presented should be discussed when we meet? Do I expect our relationship to pick-up where it left off? Will picking-up where we left off make the evening more comfortable or tense? What I mean is, be friends or close. Hugs or kisses? ...Have a talk or pretend nothing happened? Any advice?

[Tony T]

You have to communicate and get things out in the air. He may ask you for a credit report and urine specimen tonight so be prepared.

 

Play everything by ear. But be prepared to answer further questions he may ask and resume your discussion about various issues he's concerned about. We are talking about an incredibly romantic guy here. Who could ask for more???

[fab]

You have to communicate and get things out in the air. He may ask you for a credit report and urine specimen tonight so be prepared. Play everything by ear. But be prepared to answer further questions he may ask and resume your discussion about various issues he's concerned about. We are talking about an incredibly romantic guy here. Who could ask for more???

[Tony T]

I have always been in favor of moving forward with my life. If somebody wants to come forward and state intentions, fine...if they can catch up with me. Otherwise, my life never goes on hold.

 

The best strategy is just to keep on moving as if he didn't even exist. Do you understand you are a free human being? Do you realize how crazy it is to wait around for somebody to state their intentions? Blah!!! A man is more likely to be highly interested in a woman who keeps moving and appears not to be concerned than one who has to ask him what his intentions are. How romantic could things possibly be if you have to ask the guy, anyway??? YUK!!!

 

This guy was NOT on and off with you. YOU allowed him to be on and off with you. If you would have caught on to his act and governed yourself accordingly, you would have been busy most of the times he was on...and his interest would have been that much greater. Don't let men run your life...you run the men!!! Make them accomodate you. If a man seems to be off and on, just live your life forward. It is so counter to the freedom nature gave us as human beings to let someone manipulate our feelings and our time. Do you have any idea how much more desireable you will be to the men of the world if you develop a new attitude about this stuff???

 

I know I'm probably not making much sense to you because you are very used to taking all this seriously and really getting into the mind stuff...but you need to start being yourself more and letting men fit into YOUR life, not you into theirs.

 

Closure...you need closure for what??? There's nothing to get closure from. Just be nice to him at work. Smile, joke with him, say hello, and never let on that you were bothered by his behavior. Your best closure in not letting him know exactly what's on your mind. It will drive him crazy. If you talk to him for closure, you just set yourself up for more of his ups and downs. But please, do yourself a favor and don't cave in to stuff like this anymore. You are in charge of your life from here on out and NO MAN is going to ever suck up your time, energy and emotions again unless he is willing to do it the right way and put just as much into it as you are.

 

How does that sound? I hope others will give you their opinions.