Can a shy guy be a good Husband/Parent OR should i foget about marriage?

[quietGuy13]

I've heard alot about how Women do'nt like it when the guy just stays home and doesn't like going out to family parties and so on.

 

And also shy guys can't teach their kids to be strong confident so i've been pondering if i could even be good enough to get married?

 

NOTE: I dont have a girlfriend and have never had one. So i'm nowhere near getting married but just thinking about it

[IfiKnewThen]

let me be the first to say...

 

a shy type guy can be very nice. usually non confrontational..low key.. easy.. laid back. doesn't need to be the center of attention. shy can still mean romantic. woman love quiet, soothing settings...(poetry)...nice dinner and talks. its not all about partying and being the jock. in fact its nothing about that when getting married.

 

i think shy type guys make good husbands and fathers. can sometimes seem more devoted to family times at home and can absolutely teach their children to be strong and confident. they usually can be thinkers and strength is an internal thing...how we HANDLE stuff. its not always about brawn. shy guys tend to be more sensitive with their daughters. trust me...shy is no reason not to get married or be a father. if us females only had the choice of loud and brawn partiers...we would be in trouble. (not that the opposite of shy is obnoxious) . but to answer your question...no i dont think you have to worry about marriage and children being shy. but it helps to come out of your shell to meet people and interact.

[impz]

I've heard alot about how Women do'nt like it when the guy just stays home and doesn't like going out to family parties and so on.

 

And also shy guys can't teach their kids to be strong confident so i've been pondering if i could even be good enough to get married?

 

NOTE: I dont have a girlfriend and have never had one. So i'm nowhere near getting married but just thinking about it

 

??? You just described me. I rather stay at home if I could, and I dislike parties because socializing just tires me out (I do go occasionally to keep in contact). I am happily married, I am pretty confident (wife says I am closer to arrogant ), I am chatty (wife says I just love to talk too much, but only to her) and I do play quite a bit of sports when I was young.

 

Being shy (though it sounds like homely with your description) isn't a stumbling block. It's a lack of confidence and love for oneself. You can be outspoken and yet lack real confidence and love for oneself. It will manifest.

[Ross PK]

Personally I get the feeling a shy guy wouldn't really make a good role model to his kids, for them to grow up to be stong and confident.

 

I don't mean any offense. I'm shy myself.

[Eeyore79]

I know a girl who's married to a really outgoing guy. He leaves her at home with the baby while he goes out clubbing with his buddies on a Saturday night. I'd much prefer to be married to a quiet kind of guy who doesn't go out and leave me all the time, who'll spend time with me and help me raise children, instead of a guy who's popular and constantly busy with different people and activities. An outgoing guy also seems like a bigger risk for infidelity; in my experience the quiet guys are more likely to be faithful and not have loads of women making eyes at them. So I would actively prefer to marry a quiet guy.

[Duckduckgoose]

My stbxH was a "shy" guy. He acted okay with people he worked with, or people he knew for a while, but he wasn't outgoing. That in and of itself wasn't bad. I liked that he was laid back, kind of quiet sometimes, etc.

 

The non-confrontational part and stuffing his feelings that also came with him, and comes with other shy people was part of the demise of the marriage. He was also very indecisive, didn't have much interests outside of being on his computer typing, playing a video game, or reading. He would agree to do things weeks in advance then not do them, and would get mad when I confronted him about it.

 

So a shy guy can work, but he needs to guard against things that might sabotage his relationship, especially the non-confrontational. Kind of like a social butterfly would have to guard against making their shy partner feel left out.

[IfiKnewThen]

i am going to have to comment again and agree with Duckduckgoose about the "non confrontational" part of shy guys being a curse as well as a blessing. it is BAD when the shy person keeps things in. when they are or become passive-aggressive in behavior. (meaning keep things in and then get back at you in other ways) healthy relationships need healthy communication and COMPROMISE and sensitivity and understanding. but i still feel a shy guy can make a good family man. he need to be open and honest with his family though, and still be the defender. but there are different and better ways of defending..without being confrontational : )

[Duckduckgoose]

i am going to have to comment again and agree with Duckduckgoose about the "non confrontational" part of shy guys being a curse as well as a blessing. it is BAD when the shy person keeps things in. when they are or become passive-aggressive in behavior. (meaning keep things in and then get back at you in other ways) healthy relationships need healthy communication and COMPROMISE and sensitivity and understanding. but i still feel a shy guy can make a good family man. he need to be open and honest with his family though, and still be the defender. but there are different and better ways of defending..without being confrontational : )

 

It probably didn't help that my stbxH had an Irish woman who isn't afraid to say what she's thinking. Next time I jump the broom I gotta make sure the man can handle an assertive, intelligent, sometimes wild woman.

 

My guess is that he expected me to carry the weight of the relationship, and when I couldn't do it and needed his help things got hairy.

 

Marriage counselling will probably help any shy guy and his wife-to-be with communication and any other issues that might arise in marriage and having a family.

[IfiKnewThen]

quote duckduckgoose: "It probably didn't help that my stbxH had an Irish woman who isn't afraid to say what she's thinking. Next time I jump the broom I gotta make sure the man can handle an assertive, intelligent, sometimes wild woman.My guess is that he expected me to carry the weight of the relationship, and when I couldn't do it and needed his help things got hairy."

 

 

lol.well i can relate to that. am part irish too. but i went too far

 

but anyway...i am not going to click on those links . whats with all the ad spams on here?

[Duckduckgoose]

I think that last one was for Viagra...I hate to break it to them but maybe they should be spamming viagra in the Erectile Dysfunction thread

[chrissylee]

I've heard alot about how Women do'nt like it when the guy just stays home and doesn't like going out to family parties and so on.

 

And also shy guys can't teach their kids to be strong confident so i've been pondering if i could even be good enough to get married?

 

NOTE: I dont have a girlfriend and have never had one. So i'm nowhere near getting married but just thinking about it

 

 

I would much rather have a guy that likes to stay home instead of someone who likes to go out to partys all the time. Not all women want a guy who is an outgoing partier. Some do actually prefer a quiet guy who will be at home with her most of the time.

[Duckduckgoose]

I would much rather have a guy that likes to stay home instead of someone who likes to go out to partys all the time. Not all women want a guy who is an outgoing partier. Some do actually prefer a quiet guy who will be at home with her most of the time.

 

 

Outgoing party guy doesn't always mean cheater, but women who have been really burned by a man get very insecure if they have someone like that. I know I would be.

[Derekcolns]

When you know everything, don't you want to change yourself positively. Have some confidence in you, make up your mind today to be a confident guy any how. I know you can do it.

[chrissylee]

Outgoing party guy doesn't always mean cheater, but women who have been really burned by a man get very insecure if they have someone like that. I know I would be.

 

 

 

I don't think it always means cheater. I just don't like to party anymore so I would rather be with someone who feels the same way I do about it.

[fooled once]

I've heard alot about how Women do'nt like it when the guy just stays home and doesn't like going out to family parties and so on.

 

And also shy guys can't teach their kids to be strong confident so i've been pondering if i could even be good enough to get married?

 

NOTE: I dont have a girlfriend and have never had one. So i'm nowhere near getting married but just thinking about it

 

Anyone can be a good father/husband and anyone can be a bad father/husband - well, not ANYONE. Each relationship is what you put into it.

[hopefully]

As a shy girl myself, I'd say that shy people are not very good at communication, which is essential for a relationship. I'm working on improving myself.

[Spices]

This is silly. It's ok to be shy. Opposites attract, or so they say & extroverts often get along better with introverts. If a woman cares about you, she will respect your ways. Hell, she could even help you get over your social phobias and break you out of your shell.

 

 

I'm quite shy myself, but my bf is a total extrovert & outgoing in every way possible. Because I care about him I will still make an effort to go out with him & have fun, even though it's not my typical scene. He loves the reserved and "classy" aspects of my personality & says he could never be with an outgoing party girl who's more like himself. I'm sure there are girls out there who feel the same way he does about their partners.

[Spices]

Oh, and another thing... stop thinking so negatively! If you have such a low opinion of yourself do you really expect another person to feel any differently about you? It's time to stop sulking & feeling sorry for yourself. You should really work on having a better self image before you even start worrying about finding a partner. If you cant love & appreciate yourself for who you are then you honesty can't expect another to.

[ConfusedCarolina]

As a shy person, I've gotta say that kids can actually bring a normally shy out of their shell. When my neice was an infant & I babysat her, shyness wasn't an option when it came to changing her diaper or singing her back to sleep. I just had to having to take care of her. When she got older, I either had to tell her no about trying to climb on things or putting things in her mouth or she'd get hurt.

 

As far as relationship wise, I think shyness of being with a peticular person goes away slowly as you slowly become more use to having that person around. And having someone around you most of the time is how most married couples live. I actually think shy guys might make better husbands cuz most un-shy guys have to get over being out with friends & hitting the scene before considering marriage. Those are the guys that have a mid-life crisis cuz they think they might have missed out on a few more years of partying before settling down. Then they stay married but act like college kids again or become resentful of their wives & get divorced.

[zakfar]

quietGuy13 You don't need to be worried about that. There are females out there who like Shy guys. Few things I would like to mention though, which will help you a lot to find out the right partner, and build the kind of relationship you desire.

 

. Are you just shy? Or you want your wife to actually have 'Strong Mentality'. Do you want a type of wife who makes the 'Final Decisions'?

. Do you want to work the house-chores while she works out for money? Do you want to have the relationship in which you are a 'Stay-at-home Husband'?

. Do you want her to be the rule maker? Do you want her to be strict with you? Do you want her to have the power to punish you too?

 

Ask all these questions to yourself and try to find out your true desires. Once you know what do you want, then try to choose the partner based on that. You don't need to worry about anything. There are guys like you in the society with such feelings (all that I mentioned above), and they indeed get the females who are dominant enough to fulfill their desires.

 

I hope it helps.

 

Zakfar.