fractures Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Guys, do you think it's fair to ask somebody to wait for you? Like, you can be together farther down the road, when they're over their "dating the *******" stage. But, you're just not what they want RIGHT NOW. They like the idea of you, though Link to post Share on other sites
collegeguy_24 Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Depending on the situation, sure, it can happen and be fair. But you have to explain to the guy why you want him to wait, and to possibly discuss some guidelines. I can better answer your question if your able to provide a hypothetical scenario for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Hules Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 In my books its not ok, It's manipulating someones feelings and stringing them along with false hope. If they don't want you now they don't deserve you in the future and cannot reasonably expect you to sit around waiting for them. In short you cant have your cake and eat it too. Link to post Share on other sites
mo mo Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Depending on the situation, sure, it can happen and be fair. But you have to explain to the guy why you want him to wait, and to possibly discuss some guidelines. I can better answer your question if your able to provide a hypothetical scenario for me. Actually no, you're wrong. It's always wrong. Asking someone to wait for you is absolutely selfish. If the person has feelings for you and feelings for another person he or she is dating, then that person needs to stop dating altogether because they cannot handle it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Not only is it wrong but don't expect the guy to wait like a neutered little elf while you get to date and have fun. Expect them to date someone who wants what they want and who they are. Link to post Share on other sites
collegeguy_24 Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Actually no, you're wrong. It's always wrong. Asking someone to wait for you is absolutely selfish. If the person has feelings for you and feelings for another person he or she is dating, then that person needs to stop dating altogether because they cannot handle it. Thats just your opinion, doesn't make it a universal rule of life. Link to post Share on other sites
Jazzari Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 It sounds from your post that HE is asking YOU to wait. Is that the case? Either way, I agree with most others here. No, it's not right to ask someone to wait. Link to post Share on other sites
start-fresh Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Absolutely not. Only someone with extremely low self esteem would sit around and wait while their love interest messed around with other more exciting prospects with the chance that 'true love' will somehow prevail down the road. If a girl asked me to 'wait for her' I would be out of there so fast her head would spin. Link to post Share on other sites
mo mo Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Thats just your opinion, doesn't make it a universal rule of life. No actually it is a universal rule. It's selfish. The end. Link to post Share on other sites
collegeguy_24 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 No actually it is a universal rule. It's selfish. The end. Different people have different standards they live by, deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Hules Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Different people have different standards they live by, deal with it. If you enjoy been a doormat with no self respect, sure. It is nothing but pure selfishness to ask someone to wait for you. Under what circumstances would be ok to ask someone to wait for you? I'm really quite curious. Link to post Share on other sites
collegeguy_24 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Refer to my first post, were I asked for a more detailed scenario from the OP to see what they had in mind. Link to post Share on other sites
calvinabram Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I feel it is extremely selfish to ask a person or manipulate a person to wait on you or another while they are f'ing or getting themselves together. If the person is telling you, do you and if it's meant to be, that's something different. But it is selfish to ask a person to wait in the current scenario. Link to post Share on other sites
mo mo Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Refer to my first post, were I asked for a more detailed scenario from the OP to see what they had in mind. How about you describe a situation where it's ok to tell someone to wait for you. You can't, can you?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fractures Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 nah, you guys are right. She's totally selfish. She dates all these tools and then complains about why love doesn't work out for her. I think I deserve more than that Link to post Share on other sites
mo mo Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 nah, you guys are right. She's totally selfish. She dates all these tools and then complains about why love doesn't work out for her. I think I deserve more than that Yea forget it. She just wants to have her cake and eat it too. Man up!! Link to post Share on other sites
collegeguy_24 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 How about you describe a situation where it's ok to tell someone to wait for you. You can't, can you?? How about you stop being a dick instead. That would certainly make things better in here. Link to post Share on other sites
mo mo Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 How about you stop being a dick instead. That would certainly make things better in here. There's no need to get defensive. You made a claim and I challenged you. If you know of a particular situation where it is ok to tell a partner to wait for you while you date someone else, then I want to hear because I haven't thought of any. There is one (and only one) way I think it isn't selfish, but it doesn't really apply to the OP. for instance, if you're already married and you have to go away to war or some kind of business trip. In that case though, the relationship is already serious so it is understandable. There are no other lovers involved. There is no non-selfish way to tell someone to wait for them with what the OP described. If you still think there is then explain it. If you can't back up your claim, then you need to stop making claims like that. It would make things a lot better in here. Think about it: you were about to tell someone it is ok to be someone else's doormat. That is not what he needed to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fractures Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 There's no need to get defensive. You made a claim and I challenged you. If you know of a particular situation where it is ok to tell a partner to wait for you while you date someone else, then I want to hear because I haven't thought of any. There is one (and only one) way I think it isn't selfish, but it doesn't really apply to the OP. for instance, if you're already married and you have to go away to war or some kind of business trip. In that case though, the relationship is already serious so it is understandable. There are no other lovers involved. There is no non-selfish way to tell someone to wait for them with what the OP described. If you still think there is then explain it. If you can't back up your claim, then you need to stop making claims like that. It would make things a lot better in here. Think about it: you were about to tell someone it is ok to be someone else's doormat. That is not what he needed to hear. I mean...I agree. It was just something I wanted to believe in my brain for some reason cause I really care about her, but he's right. There's no circumstance where I could see somebody asking that being fair or unselfish. Link to post Share on other sites
mo mo Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I mean...I agree. It was just something I wanted to believe in my brain for some reason cause I really care about her, but he's right. There's no circumstance where I could see somebody asking that being fair or unselfish. ok good. I know it can be tough to think rationally when you really like someone, but you did the right thing by coming here to ask for an opinion. Now man up!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 nah, you guys are right. She's totally selfish. She dates all these tools and then complains about why love doesn't work out for her. I think I deserve more than that Yes you do deserve more than that. Let me warn you though... as soon as you are dating someone else she'll come rolling around. Why...because women like her only want what other people have. Pay her no mind. Link to post Share on other sites
philhatesyourlove Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Collegeguy 24, more like CollegeFAILguy 24. AM I RITE OR AM I RITE?!? Link to post Share on other sites
collegeguy_24 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 There's no need to get defensive. You made a claim and I challenged you. If you know of a particular situation where it is ok to tell a partner to wait for you while you date someone else, then I want to hear because I haven't thought of any. There is one (and only one) way I think it isn't selfish, but it doesn't really apply to the OP. for instance, if you're already married and you have to go away to war or some kind of business trip. In that case though, the relationship is already serious so it is understandable. There are no other lovers involved. There is no non-selfish way to tell someone to wait for them with what the OP described. If you still think there is then explain it. If you can't back up your claim, then you need to stop making claims like that. It would make things a lot better in here. Think about it: you were about to tell someone it is ok to be someone else's doormat. That is not what he needed to hear. Now that, is an explanation. Reason I was insulting is because looking at your previous comments in replies to mine, they look more then a little insulting. Now here is a scenario one is likely to find in my own social circle: These two people are dating, the woman has a bit of history in regards to her family and upbringing that makes it really hard to open up completely to someone. However she also doesn't want to let the guy she has feelings for go and break his heart. So she asks him to wait for her, let her straighten her life out, give her time to find herself, and to keep open the possibility of getting back together. It can be either one of those, or all of them. My own situation in regards to the person I am currently dating mirrors something like that as well. I like her, I really do, but at the same time I still have very strong feelings for my ex. So I ask if she would wait while I get closure and to get my head straight. She did, and now her and I are together and things are going very well for us. Thats why I defend the possibility of waiting for someone. Because it worked for me. Link to post Share on other sites
collegeguy_24 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Collegeguy 24, more like CollegeFAILguy 24. AM I RITE OR AM I RITE?!? Contribute, of GTFO. Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I agree with those who say that in the OP's scenario (and others in which there's someone else actively in the picture), asking someone to wait for you is extremely selfish. Props to the OP for deciding not to. Link to post Share on other sites
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