I feel like a creep, talking to wife about 3some

[specialfx]

First -kudos to you and your wife for having an open discussion about this common fantasy (and believe me, my wife and I have lots of friends with similar fantasies). We've experienced the "Bar Pick-up" thing in Vegas and it was so exciting that we couldn't stop desiring each other for months (and, the fact that my wife looked so awesome in the bar, was very good for her ego). Also, my wife let go and revealed many talents that I didn't know she had, lol. I'd say go-for-it if you both are secure enough to handle it.

[Trimmer]

First -kudos to you and your wife for having an open discussion about this common fantasy (and believe me, my wife and I have lots of friends with similar fantasies). We've experienced the "Bar Pick-up" thing in Vegas and it was so exciting that we couldn't stop desiring each other for months (and, the fact that my wife looked so awesome in the bar, was very good for her ego). Also, my wife let go and revealed many talents that I didn't know she had, lol. I'd say go-for-it if you both are secure enough to handle it.

Have you actually read the entire thread, or at least enough of it to get a sense of his wife's reaction to these ideas?

 

We have talked about it, there was a time when i was a bit aggressive and tried pushing her into it. At the VERY last second she backed out.

 

She told me it does not gross her out, but says she just doesn't understand the whole thing? If i love her, how can i imagine her being with another man? As a straight man, how can i want to see my woman being shared?

 

Women are a different animal altogether, in my experience. I think she may have a hard time separating love and sex .. which might be what the entire issue is, for her.

 

Following a discussion of how the OP's wife would feel if the roles were reversed:

She is the opposite of me, and would be extremely jealous and self-conscious. I would not even dare to put her anywhere near that position.

 

Following a discussion of the wife possibly being with another woman as the outside partner:

I know her well enough to know this will NEVERRRRRR happen. 1. because she is very self-consious and wouldnt want me to be seeing another naked woman in the room, for fear of me showing interest in her.

 

her: are you bored with our sex?

me: absolutely not! We have great sex and you know that

her: i was just asking. I just dont understand, how can we be intimate with someone else, but we are married?

 

...she actually said the massage might be a good idea. But agreed she would have to be drunk enough to be willing to get naked in front of another man...

 

Now while i should be thrilled about this, and i sort of am ... i have some really mixed feelings going on right now that i don't understand.

 

3. Even tho she sort of brought it up, and agreed to it and talked out all of the details, i still don't feel like she is 100% onboard!

 

I would agree with you, but i do know her very well. The drunk comment came from her because we both know how insecure she is with her body.

 

Still think they are both secure enough to handle it?

[What is available]

I think you might be right. Also, I see that as the real risk--rather than finding someone who is bigger, better looking, more skilled....that she will connect with one of these "flings" on an emotional level and want more. We women are easier led away by our hearts than our groins....

 

Oh God, what's that phrase..."no truer words have been spoken?" Trust me from a woman who has been there..literally. Men can separate love and sex. For some it is easier than other men. Some men, over time may get attached, but men dont need feelings to have sex. Women do. Period! I cannot just have sex with any man unless I have some sort of feelings for him. Know him. Respect him. For me (and most but not all women) I need to feel something for him before sex. I swear it will happen...your wife will develop feelings for this third man. There will be an emotional attachment. Men have fragile egos....women have fragile hearts.

[pyroguy]

First -kudos to you and your wife for having an open discussion about this common fantasy (and believe me, my wife and I have lots of friends with similar fantasies). We've experienced the "Bar Pick-up" thing in Vegas and it was so exciting that we couldn't stop desiring each other for months (and, the fact that my wife looked so awesome in the bar, was very good for her ego). Also, my wife let go and revealed many talents that I didn't know she had, lol. I'd say go-for-it if you both are secure enough to handle it.

 

Ummm, she wasn't desiring you, rather the memory of her most likely younger, better looking fling. Why do you think she did things and displayed talents you never knew she had? guys like this are so naive. So, while they're proclaiming us other guys to be insecure and jealous, they seem so naive, witha complete inabilty to put 2 and 2 together, which is usually what happens in these cases.

[pyroguy]

I think you might be right. Also, I see that as the real risk--rather than finding someone who is bigger, better looking, more skilled....that she will connect with one of these "flings" on an emotional level and want more. We women are easier led away by our hearts than our groins....

 

Oh God, what's that phrase..."no truer words have been spoken?" Trust me from a woman who has been there..literally. Men can separate love and sex. For some it is easier than other men. Some men, over time may get attached, but men dont need feelings to have sex. Women do. Period! I cannot just have sex with any man unless I have some sort of feelings for him. Know him. Respect him. For me (and most but not all women) I need to feel something for him before sex. I swear it will happen...your wife will develop feelings for this third man. There will be an emotional attachment. Men have fragile egos....women have fragile hearts.

 

Nope, you're generalizing big time. there are tons of femal swingers who compatmentalize easily, as well as wives who cheat for the thrill and many others who wish they could, and/or flirt and play on the edge .

 

You and maybe the OP's wife are not like this. If so, that's the source of the OP's issue...and I don't think he can accept it.

[worldover98]

Hi Urgie:

 

If it feels good, do it! You're cool and she's cool, go for it. Have you guys ever been to a swing club? That would be a very "open minded" event that many in this forum might find a bit unorthodox in their marriage approach, and these kinds of events may be too remote for some to comprehend.

 

However, in marriage, we still need fantasy and fun. And it seems like your couple has plenty of that! Perhaps that's why your bond is so strong. Just because your wife has sex with another guy, is only a recreational aspect of sex which some find hard to deal with. Cuckold has been around as long as the British!

[pyroguy]

Hi Urgie:

If it feels good, do it! You're cool and she's cool, go for it. Have you guys ever been to a swing club? That would be a very "open minded" event that many in this forum might find a bit unorthodox in their marriage approach, and these kinds of events may be too remote for some to comprehend.

However, in marriage, we still need fantasy and fun. And it seems like your couple has plenty of that! Perhaps that's why your bond is so strong. Just because your wife has sex with another guy, is only a recreational aspect of sex which some find hard to deal with. Cuckold has been around as long as the British!

 

Why is it that guys like you claim us mere mortals cannot comprehend swinging, cuckolds, and similar activities? We get it fully, we just don't like it.

 

Most normally wired men hold sex as an important thing. We are wired tyat way. Too bad if women and swingers don't like it. Giving your wife to some other guy who you may not be able to compete with IS a big deal. It DOES have an effect on the marriage sex, and I don't care what swingers say, or how many years they have been doing it. If it doesn't it's because they are naive and living off the energy of others.

 

Some don't want that. Possibly, the OPs wife is one of those. Why be married if you constantly want someone else? And I'm tired of hearing that "it's just sex". Sorry, but heterosexual relationships have always been about attraction and sex, otherwise you are just good friends.

[tnttim]

Have you considered that your fantasy may be a simple validation to yourself that others want what you have? A competitive ego boost. Not a good situation to put your wife in. If she has any question at all that this is what she wants you need to let it alone.

 

hit the nail on the head!!!!!

[Trimmer]

If it feels good, do it! You're cool and she's cool, go for it. !

Have you actually read through this thread? She is apparently not "cool with it", and she's trying to tell him that, in a tortured way, while seeming very insecure about the stress it is putting on her.

[Urgie]

Big bump, sorry about that.

 

Just to update this post ... she has now had sex with a new guy 7 times, while i watch.

 

The first time was just oral .. she wanted to test the waters, see how she would feel being sexual with someone else. It was awkward, she felt like she cheated, broke our vows, etc.

 

The next time (2 days later) she went for it all .. she really loved it physically, but still the emotions were tearing her apart. About feeling like she cheated, feeling guilty, etc.

 

It has now been 7 times and she is enjoying it fully. He is larger than I am, and can last a lot longer (usually 2 loads & about 3hrs) so she is really enjoying the extra sexual/physical attention. Usually we walk him out, and i rush her back into bed for some of my own action. I have come to LOVE how she feels when she is stretched ... but thats enough of that, i dont know the rules of this forum and how "detailed" i can get.

 

Anyway just wanted to update this thread to let everyone know where i/we were at with this, and that (so far) it hasn't been a terrible experience. In fact quite the opposite, we are all enjoying it very much.

 

If you have more specific questions, feel free to ask.

 

Thanks

 

EDIT, before anyone goes apesh*t on me for pushing her ... it was actually her suggestion when we finally did it. "You know that fantasy of yours? Well here is a suggestion on how we can try it, and here is who i have in mind ..."

Edited August 5, 2011 by Urgie

[Woman In Blue]

Ewww...way too much TMI with the comments about his "loads" and how you like her stretched out. I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth. This isn't Penthouse Forum letters, so you don't need to be so graphic.

 

The only thing I have to say is - you'd better reward your wife GREATLY for indulging you in YOUR fantasy. And I mean GREATLY.

[Trimmer]

Hey, if it's working, it's working. Just be aware that you've sailed out of the harbor into open waters. Stay alert, and I hope you don't have to weather any big storms...

 

As far as your feelings about it, has anything changed for you? Was it what you expected? More? Less? Any jealousy, or not a factor?

[Severely Unamused]

Why is it that guys like you claim us mere mortals cannot comprehend swinging, cuckolds, and similar activities? We get it fully, we just don't like it.

Ego masturbation. A superiority complex.

 

"You just wouldn't understand."

[Urgie]

Hey, if it's working, it's working. Just be aware that you've sailed out of the harbor into open waters. Stay alert, and I hope you don't have to weather any big storms...

 

As far as your feelings about it, has anything changed for you? Was it what you expected? More? Less? Any jealousy, or not a factor?

 

She has been very happy lately, afterall she has received more sexual attention in the last few months than ever in her life! Again, im not sure of the detail i can go into, but the other guy is a very good find. He is larger, thicker, and lasts a long time ... she is really enjoying her experiences with him. The first few times were "iffy", but she began to enjoy it after about the 3rd or 4th time.

 

no jealousy at all, in fact i enjoy watching her climax over and over .. i enjoy hearing the moans, the gasping when he enters, the dirty talk, etc.

 

It is not quite what i expected because i always thought id be involved, but she says she is not ready for that just yet .. she really just wants it 1on1 for now, but doesnt mind if i watch.

 

he and I are also getting close, we both have a few common interests and hang out often .. .was awkward maybe the first time, but we really have a lot in common (including my wife) so its easy to hang and shoot the sh*t

 

I really hope someday she lets me join in so i dont have to wait until 3hrs later .. but i dont push or even ask, when she is ready she will call me over.

 

I am very VERY happy she has tried, and enjoyed this ... she is realizing i am not jealous and it allows her to open up and enjoy it even more.

[Urgie]

OK urgie please be truthful...

 

don't you also post at Love Shack under one of the following screen names--

 

Owl

 

Reboot

 

Tech E

 

Stone Cold

 

Gorilla Theatre

 

?

 

--Pat F

 

Not sure if that is a joke or sarcasm? No this is my only name on here, i guess mods can verify via IP or whatever.

 

In fact i have been detailing my adventures on another site under a different name, but there is no need to mix them right now so ill leave it separate.

 

I only came back to update my post, i havent even really browsed the forums

[Toodamnpragmatic]

She has been very happy lately, afterall she has received more sexual attention in the last few months than ever in her life! Again, im not sure of the detail i can go into, but the other guy is a very good find. He is larger, thicker, and lasts a long time ... she is really enjoying her experiences with him. The first few times were "iffy", but she began to enjoy it after about the 3rd or 4th time.

 

no jealousy at all, in fact i enjoy watching her climax over and over .. i enjoy hearing the moans, the gasping when he enters, the dirty talk, etc.

 

It is not quite what i expected because i always thought id be involved, but she says she is not ready for that just yet .. she really just wants it 1on1 for now, but doesnt mind if i watch.

 

he and I are also getting close, we both have a few common interests and hang out often .. .was awkward maybe the first time, but we really have a lot in common (including my wife) so its easy to hang and shoot the sh*t

 

I really hope someday she lets me join in so i dont have to wait until 3hrs later .. but i dont push or even ask, when she is ready she will call me over.

 

I am very VERY happy she has tried, and enjoyed this ... she is realizing i am not jealous and it allows her to open up and enjoy it even more.

 

So what you are saying is this other guy is better then you in every way (in bed), your wife doesn't want you joining in and you have to wait three hours 'til it's "your turn"? I think I have it straight.....

 

Absolutely right, not my cup 'o tea......:laugh:

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I think Urgie has found what he wanted and can be now defined as a cuckold.....

[Severely Unamused]

Not sure if that is a joke or sarcasm? No this is my only name on here, i guess mods can verify via IP or whatever.

He's just a troll.

 

I think Urgie has found what he wanted and can be now defined as a cuckold.....

Ayep. He's enjoying the hysterical bonding, and all the other science behind cuckoldry.

 

Different strokes, I guess.

[Woman In Blue]

I'm with SeverelyUnamused - I smell troll.

 

Who would admit how low down the totem pole they've sunk by writing about how the wife is having a ball with another guy who lasts 3 hours, is better endowed than he, makes her climax over and over and over, and gives him 'permission' to watch while she does it - before HE finally gets a turn on his stretched-out wife 3 hours later? Only a fool (or a troll) would write something this utterly pitiful.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I'm with SeverelyUnamused - I smell troll.

 

Who would admit how low down the totem pole they've sunk by writing about how the wife is having a ball with another guy who lasts 3 hours, is better endowed than he, makes her climax over and over and over, and gives him 'permission' to watch while she does it - before HE finally gets a turn on his stretched-out wife 3 hours later? Only a fool (or a troll) would write something this utterly pitiful.

 

I find it hard to imagine a troll.... The fact he disappeared for 3 months only to update us makes me think the OP is nothing more then a sad case of someone who found his prediliction as pathetic and demeaning as being a cuckold and being happy in doing so.

 

Nope I don't get it and admit to finding it somewhat amusing but in the end very sad, but I guess "to each their own".....

[xxoo]

I guess "to each their own".....

 

Exactly. Hope it works out well for them!

 

Still, I wonder....does your wife know that you are posting these details on the internet? It seems like part of your fetish is publicly describing the events. Has your wife consented to that?

[Severely Unamused]

I'm with SeverelyUnamused - I smell troll.

 

Who would admit how low down the totem pole they've sunk by writing about how the wife is having a ball with another guy who lasts 3 hours, is better endowed than he, makes her climax over and over and over, and gives him 'permission' to watch while she does it - before HE finally gets a turn on his stretched-out wife 3 hours later? Only a fool (or a troll) would write something this utterly pitiful.

 

I was referring to PatFinkle.

 

Frankly, I don't find this thread that hard to believe.

[Try]

it was actually her suggestion when we finally did it. "You know that fantasy of yours? Well here is a suggestion on how we can try it, and here is who i have in mind ..."

How did she find the guy? Either he hit on her or she hit on him and she let him know she was available.

 

What if she starts an EA with him and that makes you uncomfortable since under your stated rules it can only be purely physical?

 

What if he starts acting like the Alpha Male in your home and this makes you uncomfortable; since he is bigger and better than you in bed, how will your wife react if you decided that you want her to end the relationship with him?

 

How will you feel if one day she says that although she never wanted this to happen, she has fallen in love with the other man and is leaving you for him?

 

You are fooling only yourself if you say that it is not possible.

[Urgie]

Not saying anything is impossible. He is her ex from 18yrs ago that's partly why she was comfortable moving forward, since he was not a stranger. He is also married.

 

I'm taking offense to how closed minded everyone is actually though. Ill admit this is not normal but I had the urge to give it a try, and we are both now enjoying it

 

Why call me a troll, or pitiful? Or sad? Or insinuate this is made up?

 

I didn't HAVE to return to update. And yes she is well aware I detail each event on the internet, as well as post pics of her getting ready for the big nights (on other site).

 

I'm not a scumbag, I just had a kinky fantasy that I wanted to live out, and it went perfectly.

 

I am extremely happy and so is my wife.

[Urgie]

To the post above, if she started to get an EA, we have both agreed to stop immediately if the other person requests, for any reason at all, no questions asked

 

Obviously I have my eyes open for any signs of anything harmful or risky