mullaney Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 Hello Is it a double threat when the person you are "dating" is on the rebound just as you are? We were both "burned" by our exes. I more recently than she. When we met, an amazing connection happened. Neither one of us knew the other was just getting out of a relationship so I would consider it a genuine introduction. We've been seeing each other for a month now and I have to say, things are confusing. She is very hot and cold. She says she does not want a relationship but her actions speak very differently. I am trying to take this day by day and think of our dating, perhaps, as a sexual outlet but on the other hand, my heart is beginning to feel something big for her. We haven't uttered the "L" word but it is obviously there between us and has been said so by both parties. Now what? How does one wait this out or SHOULD one even wait it out? Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 I'd be careful about a situation like this. It sounds like you are heading in the direction of wanting things to progress and she may want them to stay like they are. Even if her actions are saying that she's crazy about you, she is saying she doesn't want a relationship. It could be the whole notion of wanting to have your cake and eat it too. She wants you and likes you, but doesn't like the idea of being tied to you. However, the only way you're going to find out things like this is to sit down and communicate. It's a risk, but I think it's better to express how you're feeling and see where she is at or if anything has changed. Good luck in whatever you decide!! Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 Only the two of you know if you should wait it out... But sometimes the strangest things happen from rebounds. Best of luck to you both and hope it clears itself up! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mullaney Posted March 25, 2004 Author Share Posted March 25, 2004 Originally posted by Girlie Even if her actions are saying that she's crazy about you, she is saying she doesn't want a relationship. Interestingly enough, Girlie, I just ended a relationship with the same notion: cake and eat it too. The woman knew she loved me but wasn't IN love with me...hence, the divide between gut and heart. (she loved me and wanted to keep me but she wasn't IN love with me and didn't want to keep me.) Still, if someone is not in love with you, they just aren't. Nothing you can do about that. I've never thought about it in this light before; someone showing complete interest in you but saying something completely different. way foreign to me! i guess because i felt my relationship was over long ago and she was "in love" but the person cheated on her, there are completely 2 different situations going on here...not to mention two really different personalities. I had a long "talk" with myself today and decided that this is a total rebound ... on HER part. In order to protect my heart, I must dismantle it from the rest of everything going on. i.e. enjoy the passion and the sex but forget about the romance and long term. It's the only way i can stay in this particluar situation and truthfully, save face...and heart. I feel so damaged from the rejection of the past and the percieved rejection from the present but I am a strong person and have been through so much worse. I am in my 30's. Do thing's ever get better? Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 I am in my 30's. Do thing's ever get better? I heard once you die, things are pretty cut and dry... then they started discussing heaven vs hell in the forums and it gets murky You are going to have beautiful, good, bad and ugly days... being in your 30s, hmm I would say you have about sixty years worth left. There are only three things that should remain constant... taxes (gotta love to hate 'em), the feel of sunshine on a perfect spring day that makes you want to call in sick to work, and the knowledge that there is no one in the world that is exactly like you. Maybe she is just a rebound, and perhaps you can make yourself "enjoy the passion and the sex but forget about the romance and long term. It's the only way i can stay in this particluar situation and truthfully, save face...and heart." In truth, that sounds like way to much work for you to have to do. Why not just end things with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 It sounds like you've come to terms with the fact that things are the way they are. If you really are going to stick around, just make sure that you are positive you can handle it. Keeping your heart under wraps is definitely easier said than done. Have another talk with yourself and make sure you're not sticking around in hopes of something more in the future....honestly. Good luck! I understand your predicament and deciding exactly what to do can be a difficult thing. Just remember, it's not a race and you can take your time and decide what's best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mullaney Posted March 25, 2004 Author Share Posted March 25, 2004 Thank you for all of your advice. We are supposed to talk today and I have decided to just let this go. I will leave the door open (well, more like cracked) for her if she decides she is ready for a relationship down the road. Otherwise, the situation just isn't healthy....no matter how much I would like it to be. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 Awwww, I realize this must be very difficult for you and wish you nothing but the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts