LDR finally over- not in a good way

[blugirl]

I am very sorry reading your post.... must be extremely tough and you must feel like you were loosing ground under your feet at first but as everyone already said, time will help you and you're gonna find someone better. Stay strong! Oh yeah and I also really admire how you handled the convo, I'd probably go all emotional ><

 

*big big hug*

[folieadeux]

Hope you're doing a bit better Madjac.

 

Lovin' the new avy; rock on!

[hoping2heal]

Actually the funny thing about that is she has claimed to do things just to get my reaction. Whether they are true or not I am unsure which should tell me something right away. She has told me she met someone before and my reaction was not to speak to her. That lasted two weeks and then she wished me a happy birthday and we started talking again. She claimed that she didnt feel like I loved her on a recent visit and made it up to see how I responded. And again not too long ago while we were having troubles and the topic of sex had come up for some infantile reason I asked if she had been with anyone and she said yes. Once again she wanted to see my response and quickly said she wouldnt do that when she still had feelings for me. I almost feel like some sort of expirement. Maybe her dissertation she is working on is "How to completely **** with and control a man"

 

 

Wow. That is messed up. Damn, maybe she is making THIS whole thing up to get a reaction, too. This girl is not mature enough for a serious relationship and she needs to be with someone else who is not very mature either. She has yet to learn how to behave in an adult relationship, regardless of her age.

[wild_urge]

I feel for you, it must be really hard, but as everybody told you already, she isn't the one if she can break it up. Hang in there, there's a fine lady coming your way ! Meanwhile we are here for you!

[madjac74]

After almost 2 days of no contact I received a text from her tonight.

 

"I know you arent happy with me(put lightly) and I dont blame you a bit. But I hope at some point we can be friends. I really miss talking to you and knowing what you and the kids are doing. I wont text stalk you or anything but I will be here if or when you would like to talk again"

 

It is taking so much will power not to tell her to **** off or that I miss talking to her too! I know thats kind of a crazy choice of options but I will go with not saying anything. This after I hungout with my bestest friend and she cheered me up. Why doesnt she just go talk to the new guy?

[hoping2heal]

After almost 2 days of no contact I received a text from her tonight.

 

"I know you arent happy with me(put lightly) and I dont blame you a bit. But I hope at some point we can be friends. I really miss talking to you and knowing what you and the kids are doing. I wont text stalk you or anything but I will be here if or when you would like to talk again"

 

It is taking so much will power not to tell her to **** off or that I miss talking to her too! I know thats kind of a crazy choice of options but I will go with not saying anything. This after I hungout with my bestest friend and she cheered me up. Why doesnt she just go talk to the new guy?

 

Madjac, anyone who breaks up ..especially under the pretenses of another person!..and then suggests the friends thing is a thoughtless pig. No one wants to be just friends with someone they are in love with. No one wants to chat on the phone and text with someone they love and listen to how great their new RS..the one they dumped you for..is. Come on. Get a clue, broad.

 

That being said, I am no longer convinced that this isnt all a load of bull. I mean I started to wonder when you mentioned all the effed up BS she would pull to get a reaction out of you. However, after reading this latest post..I mean, she sure acts awfully interested in you for someone who is over you, for another guy.

 

If that is the case, what a pitty she is just too childish and immature to understand the concept of hurting someone and their feelings and that you do not stomp all over someone you claim to love, for your own ego boost.

 

Oh, and btw I bet if you started ignoring her..giving her NOTHING one way or the other, something tells me she is going to panic and try to win you back.

Edited February 11, 2011 by hoping2heal

[madjac74]

h2h, she is much stronger than I am emotionally (she works for the CIA for gosh sakes and those people are emotional robots) which is why the lack of my physical presence became too much for her and why we are at this point. I have understood her desire to move on but the way she handled it is what hurt the most and why a friendship is no longer possible. She obviously thought she could have everything she needed by having a guy there and continuing to have what she had with me here. I respect her finally being honest but less than an hour before she told me she was telling me she loved me and missed me and she had "just requested the song my boo ;)" and this was after I called her out on acting strange and being distant and I actually asked her if there was someone else.

 

Anywho...she isnt the type to chase me if I don't contact her. She can literally have any guy she wants. Her ex husband was a neurosurgeon for gosh sakes and Im nothing like any of the people in her social circle with their fancy jobs and big houses. But we did have a bond that really no one understood and I can imagine she is afraid of losing that as much as I am.

 

I feel bad for taking up so much space on here with my drama but it really has been a great help. Its taking every single ounce of strength to not talk to her and you guys have been a great help focusing my thoughts elsewhere. Most people here just dont understand. They think we are just a fling or fantasy but they dont realize how involved in each others lives we have been even from 800 miles away. I could talk to her and realize two hours had flown by and all we did was laugh and rarely a moment of dead air. Its really a closeness I have never experienced with anyone which is odd considering the distance. I think I was less close to the person I was married to and lived with for almost ten years.

[folieadeux]

Sounds like she just wants to have her cake and eat it too. You deserve better and I hope you're sticking to your NC.

[lonely79]

i am so sorry to read this post...its so sad to hear. I agree with the others though...she sounds very selfish. I think you def need to keep with the NC, esp if you want to get over her. I feel for you, you sound like a great guy that any girl would be lucky to have.

[hoping2heal]

h2h, she is much stronger than I am emotionally (she works for the CIA for gosh sakes and those people are emotional robots) which is why the lack of my physical presence became too much for her and why we are at this point. I have understood her desire to move on but the way she handled it is what hurt the most and why a friendship is no longer possible. She obviously thought she could have everything she needed by having a guy there and continuing to have what she had with me here. I respect her finally being honest but less than an hour before she told me she was telling me she loved me and missed me and she had "just requested the song my boo ;)" and this was after I called her out on acting strange and being distant and I actually asked her if there was someone else.

 

Anywho...she isnt the type to chase me if I don't contact her. She can literally have any guy she wants. Her ex husband was a neurosurgeon for gosh sakes and Im nothing like any of the people in her social circle with their fancy jobs and big houses. But we did have a bond that really no one understood and I can imagine she is afraid of losing that as much as I am.

 

I feel bad for taking up so much space on here with my drama but it really has been a great help. Its taking every single ounce of strength to not talk to her and you guys have been a great help focusing my thoughts elsewhere. Most people here just dont understand. They think we are just a fling or fantasy but they dont realize how involved in each others lives we have been even from 800 miles away. I could talk to her and realize two hours had flown by and all we did was laugh and rarely a moment of dead air. Its really a closeness I have never experienced with anyone which is odd considering the distance. I think I was less close to the person I was married to and lived with for almost ten years.

 

Madjac, I really do not get it. Who gives a rats butt who she works for...the ***** you have described does not echo of someone who is so emotionally strong. In fact, little ploys like the ones you described in other posts that she admitted to doing just to get a reaction from you..would really say anything but.

 

Secondly, just because her ExH was a neurosurgeon or who is in her social circle..or the fact that she works for the CIA..I mean it is all really irrelvent to who SHE is. She did a really messed up and hurtful thing to you and I am sorry but she has a hell of a lot of growing up to do. I thought she was like 22 or something by the way you describe her behavior but now I am thinking she is probably not quite as young as I thought.

 

Who she knows does not mean jack ***** for who she is. If she can have any guy she wants..good! Let THEM deal with her bull**** behavior and juvenille tactics.

[madjac74]

Sounds like she just wants to have her cake and eat it too. You deserve better and I hope you're sticking to your NC.

 

I was thinking of that exact same expression, folieadeux! Although it never made much sense to me so I try not to use it. I mean if you are going to have cake you might as well eat it too right? And yes I am keeping up the no contact although its getting to be like I am having withdrawals. I have thought of a million things to say to her and have even got so far as to get to the point where I just have to push the call button and froze right there. She was that important to me I guess.

 

Madjac, I really do not get it. Who gives a rats butt who she works for...the ***** you have described does not echo of someone who is so emotionally strong. In fact, little ploys like the ones you described in other posts that she admitted to doing just to get a reaction from you..would really say anything but.

 

Secondly, just because her ExH was a neurosurgeon or who is in her social circle..or the fact that she works for the CIA..I mean it is all really irrelvent to who SHE is. She did a really messed up and hurtful thing to you and I am sorry but she has a hell of a lot of growing up to do. I thought she was like 22 or something by the way you describe her behavior but now I am thinking she is probably not quite as young as I thought.

 

Who she knows does not mean jack ***** for who she is. If she can have any guy she wants..good! Let THEM deal with her bull**** behavior and juvenille tactics.

 

She is almost 33 and I will be 37 in less than a month. Which makes a bit harder because I really thought she was the one and she may have been had she not moved away. Now it won't be long before I'm wearing diapers, drooling on myself and forgetting to put on my pants before I leave the house. And what girl is going to want that.

 

H2H I think you are more pissed than I am. It makes me smile. Thank you!

[folieadeux]

I was thinking of that exact same expression, folieadeux! Although it never made much sense to me so I try not to use it. I mean if you are going to have cake you might as well eat it too right? And yes I am keeping up the no contact although its getting to be like I am having withdrawals. I have thought of a million things to say to her and have even got so far as to get to the point where I just have to push the call button and froze right there. She was that important to me I guess.

 

 

 

She is almost 33 and I will be 37 in less than a month. Which makes a bit harder because I really thought she was the one and she may have been had she not moved away. Now it won't be long before I'm wearing diapers, drooling on myself and forgetting to put on my pants before I leave the house. And what girl is going to want that.

 

H2H I think you are more pissed than I am. It makes me smile. Thank you!

 

I love that expression and think it really applies here. When you're talking about actual cake, it's awesome. When it's people involved, not so much. She's 33 and acting with the grace of a 13 year old. I think it's good that she was honest with you, but the way she's flaunting her new guy around is uncalled for and just plain tacky. I'm joining the pissed off club with H2H. You sound like an awesome guy and any girl would be lucky to have you. It doesn't matter what her job is or the kind of people she associates with because in the end, that all means ****. When you were describing her profession and the type of company she keeps, it almost sounds like you were saying you weren't good enough for her. I really hope that wasn't your mindset, but that's the vibe I got. I rather be unemployed and living in a cardboard box and still have my morality in tact than have all the material crap that doesn't matter and treat people the way this girl does.

[LostMyHeart]

Wow...I just went through something similar...going back to read from the beginning. He was the most important part of my life, made himself that and I let him. Now I am learning to take back me....long talk with my uncle on a man's perspective of women and the BS my LDR was spinning.

 

I understand where you are coming from based on what I have read so far....I wasn't strong enough to go through what you are going through, so when I saw the signs, I went full NC. I'll never do a LDR again based on my experience....

[hoping2heal]

I was thinking of that exact same expression, folieadeux! Although it never made much sense to me so I try not to use it. I mean if you are going to have cake you might as well eat it too right? And yes I am keeping up the no contact although its getting to be like I am having withdrawals. I have thought of a million things to say to her and have even got so far as to get to the point where I just have to push the call button and froze right there. She was that important to me I guess.

 

 

 

She is almost 33 and I will be 37 in less than a month. Which makes a bit harder because I really thought she was the one and she may have been had she not moved away. Now it won't be long before I'm wearing diapers, drooling on myself and forgetting to put on my pants before I leave the house. And what girl is going to want that.

 

H2H I think you are more pissed than I am. It makes me smile. Thank you!

 

It totally sucks when that withdrawal stage sets in. I am sorry you are going through this. Yeah, I probably am more pissed about it at the moment LOL. For one, I am not all awestruck that her ExH was Dr. OZ and she goes dress shopping with Mrs. Obama..I can be more objective about her without being blinded by my emotions over her.

 

You said she could have been the one maybe if she had not moved away. I disagree, I think this and other little incidents have shown why she is NOT the one. Here is the thing madjac, the fiber of a person is shown ONLY through tribulation. That applies to any situation and not just relationships. Gold is refined by fire and people are no different. You two had distance between you and on top of pulling childish stunts to get your reaction she was not comitted to you, could not be in a LDR situation.

 

LDRs are not easy but my word there are WAY worse things a RS can endure. Career loss, loss of a child, criminal charges, illness, etc. etc. etc. Not to mention, the longer you are together the easier it is to become complacent in your relationship. I mean having a good relationship is hard work for both sides. If she really could not hack it in a LDR, Heaven forbid you two married and faced something like what I mentioned above..you would not want her to abandon you THEN, I assure you.

 

Also, 37 is NOT old.

[madjac74]

It totally sucks when that withdrawal stage sets in. I am sorry you are going through this. Yeah, I probably am more pissed about it at the moment LOL. For one, I am not all awestruck that her ExH was Dr. OZ and she goes dress shopping with Mrs. Obama..I can be more objective about her without being blinded by my emotions over her.

 

You said she could have been the one maybe if she had not moved away. I disagree, I think this and other little incidents have shown why she is NOT the one. Here is the thing madjac, the fiber of a person is shown ONLY through tribulation. That applies to any situation and not just relationships. Gold is refined by fire and people are no different. You two had distance between you and on top of pulling childish stunts to get your reaction she was not comitted to you, could not be in a LDR situation.

 

LDRs are not easy but my word there are WAY worse things a RS can endure. Career loss, loss of a child, criminal charges, illness, etc. etc. etc. Not to mention, the longer you are together the easier it is to become complacent in your relationship. I mean having a good relationship is hard work for both sides. If she really could not hack it in a LDR, Heaven forbid you two married and faced something like what I mentioned above..you would not want her to abandon you THEN, I assure you.

 

Also, 37 is NOT old.

 

Im actually very glad you responded. I was sitting here listening to music and on the verge of doing something stupid like texting her or sending her an email. This is usually the worst time is mid morning after I get off work and before she goes to work. We have had some great conversations at these times You distracted me enough to do something else. Im going to attempt to make a bloomin onion at 5 am

[Whatshername]

Having their cake and eat it too. Funny, the exbf had a joke (lame) he used to say "Having your cake and Edith too".

 

Sad, very sad. Near cheating and no apology, then not telling me he'd cut contact with her or block her numbers.(he has to have his ego stroked, I realized this, or he's nothing)

 

Having his cake and Sharon too. Well, he only gets Sharon and if she gives great BJs as I "heard", I hope they make his life COMPLETE.

 

The CAKE walked and will get her icing somewhere else!

 

[hoping2heal]

Im actually very glad you responded. I was sitting here listening to music and on the verge of doing something stupid like texting her or sending her an email. This is usually the worst time is mid morning after I get off work and before she goes to work. We have had some great conversations at these times You distracted me enough to do something else. Im going to attempt to make a bloomin onion at 5 am

 

I am glad you did not do that. Also, it is only natural for you to feel pain and be in a stage of mourning but when it comes to music and all that..do yourself a kindness and do NOT have music going that is going to remind you of the two of you, etc.

 

Here is the thing, moving on happens when acceptance is realized. Not just on a logical level, but deep enough to take hold in our emotional self also. Feel sad, feel bad, feel mad. That is all normal and okay but do not do things that will make you feel worse than you already do, know what I mean?

 

There will come a time once you are out of the fog and no longer so blinded by your emotions that you see her actions without so much bias, and it is going to hit you very clearly ..that what she did to you is not okay and it only goes to show WHY it is a good thing you two did not get married and have that future together you once thought you would. That does not mean you have to hate her or think she is the most God awful human being alive. I am sure she is not. I am sure there are many positives about her which is why you felt the way you did about her in the first place.

 

Unfortunately, a person with many positive attributes but who cannot be faithful (and lets make it clear, she was not..it does not matter that she was not physically with him, you open your heart up to another man DURING your relationship..that is unfaithful for certain). and comitted..I mean that is like a piece of chocolate cake with mold in it.

 

I am still just mad about HOW she ended things. You said you were glad she was finally being honest but all she really did was set herself up to have a crashmat before taking a fall. She just waited until the timing was good for HER, no thought about betraying and hurting you. That just irks me. I have seen a lot of friends devestated over having this done to them..totally burns my bread.

 

I know it is really hard to go NC, and there are probably times you bargain with yourself that you can handle being friends, or that what she did was not really that bad..or make excuses for why she did it like oh the distance was hard..but oh boo hoo, This is an LDR, not 3O years away from eachother in the middle of the bermuda triangle. There is no excuse to be unfaithful to your partner.

[IfiKnewThen]

wow. i cant help but do the same things all the others did here and just say...WoW. first of all i am sorry you are hurting and going through this. secondly, did anyone ever tell you, you express? yourself well and are a good writer. i guess pain brings out the creative in us.. (not that youre creative, youre in pain..clearly...and just expressing yourself.)

 

i also have to add that although my situation is different, i related on quite a few levels. i had an ldr for a long time, they became my best friend...shocked me with their decision..etc. i even sent him and posted the link from " break even". i love the script but i like this young girls version too.

 

well didnt mean to digress. i see she just wants to be friends now. i am sure your situation is different but i was asked to be friends (and i wanted to be) but ironically he couldnt muster being friends either. it was just to passive me and make myself feel good temporary. i know for a fact that i could have healed a whole lot faster if he was my friend. but friends meant understanding him and his needs. and even though i was (and still am) ready to do that, in the end..saying we would be friends was just pure lip service...to smooth over the kill. i am not saying this is the case for you. every situation is unique unto themselves too. he married 6 months later after 'saying" he only knew her for 4 months. (met her 2 months after ending it and married her 4 months later...bought a house...) anyway none of it matters anymore. i know i wasn't perfect. i didn't show appreciation for years. i was majorly stressed out and in a bad situation and place. i blame myself, but still cant shake the cold chill of the way he went about it. cold distant stranger with absolutely no heart. its shocking when it is a sudden 360 and like you said they are saying i am in love with you and talking cute baby talk. then BAM..perfect stranger 24 hours later....and thereafter.

 

anyway, maybe you can be friends. its so hard when you identified yourself with this person for so long ..to now have to redefine yourself all over again and part of your soul and you knew it seems missing. but you will likely in some new way..fill the void eventually..and find healing. again i am sorry you are going through this. you seem to have a good spirit though ..so keep that going and you will smile again. leaving you with this rendition of break even. this kid sings it with such heart. maybe it will make you smile.

 

[IfiKnewThen]

ps good hopingtoheal

[IfiKnewThen]

pps. i do understand. 800 miles...or like for me 1500 miles. makes no difference when you were best friends and bonded in ways not equal to other situations you've been in. and that is what is so mind boggling. but you have no choices anymore. (well maybe you do shes not married as yet). but basically you have to act as if she is..if she is really gone from your life emotionally..which it seriously looks like because that is what she is telling you. otherwise try to save it. but honestly..the former , not the latter suggestion sounds like the best thing to prepare your mind body and soul for.

[aerogurl87]

Madjac I'm glad your not reaching out to her. I understand those first few months will be hard (yep I said months) but in the end it will be well worth it. Honestly I wish I would've went NC from the very beginning and stayed that way. Instead I foolishly thought my ex and I could be friends and tried for friendship which turned into him wanting a "second chance" (meaning he wanted me there as his consolation prize since none of his relationships were working out). Had I went NC and stayed that way I would've 1) healed alot faster, 2) not caused myself so much inner torment, and 3) wouldn't have hurt my boyfriend in the long run by almost going back to my ex after him and I broke up.

 

So stay NC, yes it will be hard, but she doesn't even deserve your friendship at this point. Maybe one day when you two can smile at each other without you feeling a twinge of love in either of your hearts, you can be friends. But for now don't contact her even if she begs for you back. She decided her fate when she left the man she supposedly loved for a man who could just bring a smile to her face.

[madjac74]

wow. i cant help but do the same things all the others did here and just say...WoW. first of all i am sorry you are hurting and going through this. secondly, did anyone ever tell you, you express? yourself well and are a good writer. i guess pain brings out the creative in us.. (not that youre creative, youre in pain..clearly...and just expressing yourself.)

 

i also have to add that although my situation is different, i related on quite a few levels. i had an ldr for a long time, they became my best friend...shocked me with their decision..etc. i even sent him and posted the link from " break even". i love the script but i like this young girls version too.

 

well didnt mean to digress. i see she just wants to be friends now. i am sure your situation is different but i was asked to be friends (and i wanted to be) but ironically he couldnt muster being friends either. it was just to passive me and make myself feel good temporary. i know for a fact that i could have healed a whole lot faster if he was my friend. but friends meant understanding him and his needs. and even though i was (and still am) ready to do that, in the end..saying we would be friends was just pure lip service...to smooth over the kill. i am not saying this is the case for you. every situation is unique unto themselves too. he married 6 months later after 'saying" he only knew her for 4 months. (met her 2 months after ending it and married her 4 months later...bought a house...) anyway none of it matters anymore. i know i wasn't perfect. i didn't show appreciation for years. i was majorly stressed out and in a bad situation and place. i blame myself, but still cant shake the cold chill of the way he went about it. cold distant stranger with absolutely no heart. its shocking when it is a sudden 360 and like you said they are saying i am in love with you and talking cute baby talk. then BAM..perfect stranger 24 hours later....and thereafter.

 

anyway, maybe you can be friends. its so hard when you identified yourself with this person for so long ..to now have to redefine yourself all over again and part of your soul and you knew it seems missing. but you will likely in some new way..fill the void eventually..and find healing. again i am sorry you are going through this. you seem to have a good spirit though ..so keep that going and you will smile again. leaving you with this rendition of break even. this kid sings it with such heart. maybe it will make you smile.

 

 

Thanks for the compliment on the writing. Actually I love to spend a great deal of my free time writing, drawing and sometimes painting. I write and illustrate a few online comic books, poetry, short stories. I have wrote several poems for Liz and even started a story that is based on us and our distant relationship. Here is a link to some drawings I have done. The Halloween one was for her because we had always planned to get married on Halloween *sigh*

 

http://dufuscomics.com/Page_2.html

 

* Aerogurl - Thank you for the encouragement. It is very hard. In fact its almost impossible. I fear that I may crumble any moment just to text her I miss her. It may come to the point that I have to slam my thumbs in a door Thats a joke. Maybe

[IfiKnewThen]

wow, i like your style and illustrations and stories (from what i got to read and peruse so far!) very unique style and very cool. how could i tell you could writer? lol. i write poetry also. you would never know it from all the typos i make here and when i am writing in general. you think i would be majorly inspired now too and i am most definitely not. i hate to say it, but my friend was a writer of poetry also..and it was pretty amazing. i used to do poetry readings in my local B&N.

anyway, i dont feel i process any talents now. i am so uninspired. your comic line is really good. do you set up tables at conventions? anyway at least you can pursue THAT dream. thanks for sharing with us.

 

did you like maddi's rendition of break even? sorry about the Halloween dream taking a turn. but its great you can direct your passion for someone into your passion for the arts. anyway..hang in there and maybe think of incorporating a new story and illustration with a better ending, and God willing it will manifest into a real life happy ending for you.

[IfiKnewThen]

ps i like all your drawings on your site, and particularly the bunny and butterfly one

[IfiKnewThen]

more typos