Cheated out of a Sex Life......

[MarriedGuyNTennessee]

mbm69, no need for amends. Our exchange was very valuable for me. You pointed out the things I shouldn't to in regards to pulling away from my wife.

 

Wish you only the best!

[LittleTiger]

Thanks, giotto! I am going to have to do something totally out of character for my wife and me. That is to simply set an appointment and get her there no matter how she fights me on it. Too much life left to live for both of us to stay mired down in this current situation.

 

That's a great idea MGNT - from what you've said about your marriage, a brand new strategy is the only way you're going to change the situation. You might also want to consider some MC if you can persuade her because, no matter what the doc says, you still have that issue of trust between you. Good luck.

[giotto]

To make informed decisions, you need to know where you stand. Guessing is not good. I've learned this in my marriage. My wife has always been a very private person and it's taken me years of trying to get her to open up a bit. She is not the woman I married anymore, but 10 years on ADs take their toll. That's why you need to know. I suppose she is probably scared that, if she is diagnosed as not depressed, she will lose her magic pills and if she keeps getting them form her friend, she will lose you.

[mbm69]

Thanks, giotto! I am going to have to do something totally out of character for my wife and me. That is to simply set an appointment and get her there no matter how she fights me on it. Too much life left to live for both of us to stay mired down in this current situation.

 

I thik this is the right thing to do. I so wish someone would of done that for me. It took so much out of me just to make that appointment and then have to go alone. Your wife is really lucky to have you.

[tnttim]

Read your post again TDP, but I want you to notice the common thread in the whole thing.

 

Poor me this, Poor me that, she did this and I'm hurt, she did that I'm betrayed.

 

I am not trying to attack you or call you out, but I think you need to focus on yourself and what your bringing to the M.

 

Do you guys have fun on a daily basis, do you make her laugh everyday?

 

She's searching for a change and an outlet, hence the facebook, and the drugs. Why don't you be that change and outlet.

 

When you wake up tomorrow, just say "F*ck IT" I'm gonna have fun, I', gonna laugh. Then focus the whole day on making her feel good about herself. Tell her she works hard, she makes good decisions, and she's really smart. Make sure you get her to smile and laugh the whole day.

 

Then you will be that drug she wants because like Lexapro you are giving her all these good feelings, and only you can give her these feelings.

[MarriedGuyNTennessee]

Read your post again TDP, but I want you to notice the common thread in the whole thing.

 

Poor me this, Poor me that, she did this and I'm hurt, she did that I'm betrayed.

 

Should I be impressed that you seem to find amusement in the misery of others?

 

I am not trying to attack you or call you out, but I think you need to focus on yourself and what your bringing to the M.

 

Focus on what I am bringing to the marriage? You mean like being the only stable parent for our children? Could you mean being the one who cooks meals so my children's only choices for dinner aren't Cheerios or Rice Krispies? How about hoping and dreaming of our future together, planning, and taking actions that can make those hopes and dreams a reality?

 

Do you guys have fun on a daily basis, do you make her laugh everyday?

 

We both work for a living. Of course we still laugh and have fun. We each have our own friends and friends in common. We still go on date nights regularly. We each know the other's co-workers and that in itself leads to alot of humor and laughs when sharing our days with each other.

 

She's searching for a change and an outlet, hence the facebook, and the drugs. Why don't you be that change and outlet.

 

I am interested in what you mean by her searching for "a change." Care to elaborate on that? Are you suggesting that I do need to fear her facebooking so much? I can find nothing out of the ordinary on her facebook. Yes, we each have the other's passwords. We each play a couple of the games offered there and sometimes need to help each other avoid the game driven deadlines for action. Your theory would discount her self diagnosis of depression and indicate she is looking for something new and exciting for which there are many other drugs for that.

 

When you wake up tomorrow, just say "F*ck IT" I'm gonna have fun, I', gonna laugh. Then focus the whole day on making her feel good about herself. Tell her she works hard, she makes good decisions, and she's really smart. Make sure you get her to smile and laugh the whole day.

 

Are you saying I should reinforce her belief that is ok to lie, keep secrets, not communicate, and do damage to her health and family? Sounds alot like becoming an enabler to behaviors that will finish off our marriage.

 

Then you will be that drug she wants because like Lexapro you are giving her all these good feelings, and only you can give her these feelings.

 

Is a beautiful fantasy, isn't it? But have already been there and it doesn't work. By her own admission, the AD's don't provide a high or feel good feeling. Rather they provide her a numbing feeling so that she doesn't feel so stressed and keyed up. After Lexapro was stopped, we attempted talking a couple of times through the day in an ateempt to give her a place to vent if she needed to. Once leaving that particular job and it's negative atmosphere in favor of a more calm condition at her current job, she said she was doing ok and decided we didn't need the venting calls anymore. She rebounded on all fronts for a few months. History would repeat itself, however, with her once again choosing to self medicate again with a similar drug by a different name in complete secrecy.

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

Do you guys have fun on a daily basis, do you make her laugh everyday?

 

She's searching for a change and an outlet, hence the facebook, and the drugs. Why don't you be that change and outlet.

 

When you wake up tomorrow, just say "F*ck IT" I'm gonna have fun, I', gonna laugh. Then focus the whole day on making her feel good about herself. Tell her she works hard, she makes good decisions, and she's really smart. Make sure you get her to smile and laugh the whole day.

 

Then you will be that drug she wants because like Lexapro you are giving her all these good feelings, and only you can give her these feelings.

 

I assure you that if a person is clinically depressed, all the happy laughing husbands in the world won't make it go away.

 

The drugs he mentioned, as another poster has mentioned, are NOT "feel good" pills. A person does not get high or any kind of a buzz off of them.

 

I do agree that it's wrong for your wife to self medicate, and wrong for her to do it behind your back.

 

On the other hand, do you talk disparagingly about people who take anti depressants, or in any other way indicated to her that you would be against her taking them? Is she afraid you'll see it as a weakness/

 

Also, it comes off badly for you to come at this from the position of you being "cheated out of a sex life." You certainly are missing out on more than one kind of intimacy in your marriage, if your wife cannot talk to you openly about suffering from depression. Sounds like there is a serious disconnect in your marriage, and a good sex life rarely happens with that going on.

 

Please forget about your sexual needs for now and get back in sync with your wife so you can discuss your needs, her depression, and what to do about all of it.

[StoneCold]

 

Do you guys have fun on a daily basis, do you make her laugh everyday?

 

She's searching for a change and an outlet, hence the facebook, and the drugs. Why don't you be that change and outlet.

 

When you wake up tomorrow, just say "F*ck IT" I'm gonna have fun, I', gonna laugh. Then focus the whole day on making her feel good about herself. Tell her she works hard, she makes good decisions, and she's really smart. Make sure you get her to smile and laugh the whole day.

 

Then you will be that drug she wants because like Lexapro you are giving her all these good feelings, and only you can give her these feelings.

 

You dont know a whole lot about depression do you?

[Honorable_Venerable]

You dont know a whole lot about depression do you?

 

The poster's solution to sexual issues surrounding depression can be found on many threads.

[tnttim]

I come from the school of soultions over excuses, sorry if you can't relate. I choose to exhaust all of my solutions before I start with the excuses.

 

Let's break it down: She's taking a drug not prescribed by a Pysch to take the edge off a stressful day. She also spends every waking second on facebook, even waking early to get an extra 15 minutes. She has cut down on having sex with you.

 

Come on dude are you that blind that you can't see what's happening, or is your brain looking for the excuse and not the solution.

[whichwayisup]

She should have told you she was on meds a long time ago and also let you in on the fact she's been suffering from depression too.

 

She's scared and that's why she's thinking meds will solve this and make her feel better. What she doesn't realize is meds combo with counselling (CBT, cognitive behaviour therapy) will help her even more! Maybe she won't need meds forever, it depends on how serious the D is and only a trained Dr can assess her. She knows this too, so I figure she's afraid to do 'talk therapy' and solve her issues, work hard and ... Change! Change is hard and it takes alot of effort and work, also there may be things she doesn't want to face, stuff from her past, painful memories and it's easier for her to take D pills.

 

This isn't going to be easy on you. Read up on depression and also checkout depressionfallout, google it, there's helpful info on there as well as a book to download.

 

As for facebook and her possibly having an EA, or some inappropriate friendship/flirting going on, keep an eye on things. Listen to your gut.

 

talk to her about therapy, it's a MUST, especially if she wants to get better, be there for the family and be your wife again.

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

Let's break it down: She's taking a drug not prescribed by a Pysch to take the edge off a stressful day.

 

The rest of your perspective aside from now, please stop posting advice about the drugs she has been taking, since you clearly do not know about them.

 

These types of drugs do NOT "take the edge off a stressful day." A person has to take them for a period of time until they take effect, and the effect is very subtle. They are NOT the kind of "mother's little helpers" in the way that you are characterizing them.

[MarriedGuyNTennessee]

I will be leaving later this afternoon for a week long work trip. We talked for a long time this morning and it was a bit different than in past conversations. We talked for almost 2 hours about the way things were going here. I showed her a little diary of her schedule I had been keeping for the past few weeks.

 

For the first time, it seems some of what I was saying finally got through to her. None of this was planned at all. We just started talking and the conversation went where it did.

 

While not a total success, she has agreed to go to counseling with me. I will take any step I can get in the right direction right now. I was firm without being threatening about it. I was honest in telling her I did not believe she was suffering depression and could not go on this way without at least a diagnosis and counseling to help both of us deal with whatever the doctors tell us. At the very least, maybe we will get some tools to help both of us make the best of this.

[Macaw]

The rest of your perspective aside from now, please stop posting advice about the drugs she has been taking, since you clearly do not know about them.

 

That's probably because David D'angelos online books and courses don't cover that, which is where he seems to take most of his answers from.

 

I do agree though that the married guy needs to cut back on the self-pity a couple notches. Being a child of depressive parents myself, I know that making anything a bigger issue than it is only adds to stress, makes depression worse and thus makes the problem even worse.

 

MarriedGuy, judging by your own posts I don't believe you would marry a dumb woman, so ask yourself this: "Does she look fully aware of her actions and in control of herself?" Depression tends to slowly shifts your train of thought from logic to instinct, meaning she'll often do things that will make her feel better than the right things to do, such as getting addicted to meds or lying about it because a confrontation would be too stressful. She's not logically choosing the bad choices, she's doing it irrationally, and not fully in control of herself on a conscious level. And if she's really suffering from depression, she cannot stop herself from making more irrational choices, as long as she believes she'll feel better with them. It's like having a gun pointed to your head, except the gun is a deep feeling of dread. (or in some cases, indifference, always choosing the easy way out)

 

I've known someone who took 20 AD pills in one sitting when no one was looking because "he was feeling sad". And depression could still get worse than that. You'll need to play Superman for a while and tough it out while you get your wife to the doctor and sort this out.

 

Do tell "no" to her when she wants to do or does something unreasonable, but other than that, don't add any stress to her, directly or indirectly (guilty trips). Be a hero and try to not complain about life to her, but do make her go get professional help.

[Lorelai]

First, I hope you understand that anti-depressants are not recreational drugs. That's honestly the way that you seem to be describing them in your first post. That she's using them recreationally. And it doesn't sound like that to me. This isn't like a Xanax or a Valium or a pain pill -- these things don't have a street value, for example.

 

Pristiq is not the same thing as Lexapro, actually the drugs are not closely related at all aside from both being anti-depressants. Pristiq is more closely related to Effexor insofar as being a different type of AD -- a serotonin-norepinephrine reputake inhibitor instead of strictly an SSRI like Lexapro. And actually, it's less likely to have those side effects that are unhappy. It sounds like the nurse practitioner listened to your wife's concerns regarding your concerns about sexual side effects, and switched her to a different family of antidepressants.

 

Please also be aware of the difference between a diagnosis of major depressive disorder and an episode of major depression. A nurse practitioner could easily diagnose an episode of major depression. Some episodes do require medication. Now, personally, I do think that long-term use of antidepressants is better to be done under the supervision of a psychiatrist, but many primary care physicians prescribe antidepressants and their patients have successful outcomes. The nurse practitioner is not acting outside of the scope of her practice or abilities. If her condition was bipolar rather than depression, or if she were experiencing suicidal ideation, I would be pushing harder for a psychiatrist to be in charge of her medication maintenance if I were in your shoes.

 

If you think you need couples counseling, then go for it. And I'm definitely not dissing on the help that a person can get from individual therapy, CBT, etc. But antidepressants do have a utility in treating various disorders from a simple episode of major depression, adjustment disorder with depressive features (pretty much means "life stress is making you depressed", it's a diagnosis I carried at one point because life was really sucking right then), as well as more chronic psychological conditions like major depressive disorder or bipolar disorder, or even the (comparatively) milder depression that is normally referred to as dysthymia (or the cyclic variant, cyclothymia). Just because it is comparatively milder than full-on "major depression" doesn't mean that people with it aren't suffering, either, or in less need of treatment. So just because she doesn't have a piece of paper from a shrink saying "depression" doesn't mean that she is being given inappropriate treatment.

 

But I will say this -- if your wife thinks that you're judging her for taking antidepressants, or if you're coming across to her as though you see them as recreational drugs, she's going to keep more secrets from you and it's going to hurt her ability to get proper treatment. This is not the time to lecture her about "taking chill pills". I hope that you're just venting to us and have not made her think that you think she's some kind of drug head for getting help.

 

If you're going to enter counseling with her at all, you better be prepared to be supportive and allow whatever professional you choose to come up with the best treatment plan... and trust their judgment, or at least give it a chance. If you think that you are the right person to decide what treatment she should get and that's the reason you're wanting to do counseling as a couple, it'd be best to just encourage her to get counseling by herself. You obviously do not trust the nurse practitioner who is currently treating her -- if that's because you think she needs a specialist that's one thing, but the fact that you have demonstrated some serious misconceptions about what you seem to think these pills do concerns me.

[MarriedGuyNTennessee]

Macaw, thanks for the well thought out reply. I agree with you completely about pressuring her and making matters worse. I have said little to nothing about the topics I have posted to this site to her. That is why it builds up on me and I have to vent it somewhere. I do hate that my posts come across as me having a "pity party". Again, I have to let it out somewhere so that I can keep my own sanity.

 

Macaw, a light suddenly came on while reading your post about "my wife making bad decisions she knew weren't good for her but making them anyway because they made her feel better". I am not going to say alot just yet because I want to see what comes out of our meeting with the counselor first. You, Macaw, get the credit for showing me, if the issue I am thinking about turns out to be the root cause of all of this! It sure wasn't and isn't her job!

[Lorelai]

Depression tends to slowly shifts your train of thought from logic to instinct, meaning she'll often do things that will make her feel better than the right things to do, such as getting addicted to meds or lying about it because a confrontation would be too stressful.

 

If she were taking things like Xanax, Valium, Clonopin, Ativan, painkillers, muscle relaxers.... yeah, I'd be worried about becoming addicted to pills. It definitely can happen. And some pills, like two specific muscle relaxers I know of (Flexeril and Soma), not only have some addictive potential but also have severe mood effects.

 

While antidepressants do need to be tapered up and tapered off of because they are adjusting brain chemistry, they do not have addiction potential. Taking 20 of them at a time does not give a person a buzz. That was probably more acting out (and a dangerous way to do it since many antidepressants are NOT good in overdose... tricyclics, for example, which is one reason they are not prescribed as often anymore now that they have newer ones) than for any kind of "high". I'm not going to deny that psychological addiction can happen to even nonaddictive substances, but honestly taking them shouldn't be something she feels she has to keep secret because taking antidepressants is not a bad thing.

 

If she's being influenced either by people who think that any pill at all is bad, or people who think that a person should just "be strong" and deal with depression without getting treatment, or any of the other numerous misconceptions and stereotypes about mental illness that contribute to many people not getting or complying with treatment... that would explain the secretiveness. What is going to help with the secretkeeping is her perception that the people in her life are supportive and not judgmental.

[Lorelai]

Goingstrong, you have it mostly correct. My wife is obtaining the meds legally by prescription. Her best friend is a nurse practitioner and writes the scripts for her. Finally was able to get her off the the Lexapro only to find several months later she was taking Pristiq, which is basically the same thing only made by a different company. Same side effects. Let me add that the meds were not prescribed after a complete diagnosis but were written after a simple conversation about needing something to take the edge off of wanting to jump out of her skin.

 

My wife no longer works with the best friend or the job that supposedly she needed the meds for. Yet is still taking them daily. I question my wife's need for these meds simply because she will not consider seeing an M.D. nor consider a medication such as Welbutrin or similar med that won't contain all the dangerous side effects. My feelings are that a competent physician would be able to treat her entire illness, if there is one, with a well rounded program of counseling, information and additional medications to offset some of the side effects inherent in of most anti-depressants. Her current treatment (self medicating) involves taking a pill and it simply makes everything alright. NOT!

 

While not a total success, she has agreed to go to counseling with me. I will take any step I can get in the right direction right now. I was firm without being threatening about it. I was honest in telling her I did not believe she was suffering depression and could not go on this way without at least a diagnosis and counseling to help both of us deal with whatever the doctors tell us. At the very least, maybe we will get some tools to help both of us make the best of this.

 

Diagnostic criteria for an episode of major depression:

 

Five or more of the following symptoms for at least a two week period:

 

*Depressed mood (only she can say that, by your admission she has said she feels depressed, and she's the only person inside her head)

*Loss of interest in activities she used to find pleasurable (I'd say the fact she doesn't want to have sex is a big checkmark! If she also used to take pride in having a clean house and homecooked meals, the fact she doesn't have interest in doing that is another sign)

*Changes in eating, appetite, or weight (you could observe this, is she eating more or less than usual, or has she gained or lost weight?)

*Disturbances in sleep patterns (check, as you've described.... early morning awakening is a very common phenomenon in depression)

*Psychomotor agitation or retardation (does she seem to move slower around the house than usual? Does she spend much more time sitting still than she used to? Sits slumped in a chair, doesn't speak much, etc?)

*Fatigue (again something she would report -- does she say she's tired a lot? I'd be willing to bet if asked she would say yes, especially with you reporting her going to bed early and not getting stuff done around the house)

*Feelings of low self-worth or guilt (yet another thing she would report herself... but does she talk down on herself? Does she apologize frequently when it seems like you don't think she needs to?)

*Trouble with concentration, memory, focus, and making decisions (self-reported most likely, but you might notice as her husband too)

*Thoughts of death (passive suicidal ideation -- thinking she'd be better off dead or that others would be better off without her without an actual plan -- or more active suicidal ideation... has she expressed those thoughts to you?)

 

I'm just going to say it out right here.... uh, from what you've said, even if you don't believe her problem is depression, she meets 3.5 of the five already from things you've told us (I'm counting the fatigue as a .5).

 

And if these things have been going on most of the time for a long time, I'm willing to bet money that she meets the diagnostic criteria for dysthymia if she hasn't had a defined major depressive episode in the past.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysthymia

 

You judge for yourself.

 

You may not believe that she is depressed. But first... that's a big assumption for you to make not being in her head. Honestly it sounds like she is, and perhaps you are mistaking the symptoms of the depression itself for side effects of the attempted treatment. Wanting her to be seen by a specialist is probably a good idea. But you and her will get a lot more out of any attempted treatment if you don't start out by telling her you completely dismiss what she has said in the past about feeling depressed by saying you don't believe her when she says it. If you put it as that you were worried about her and didn't think the medication was doing enough -- which to be honest is my concern, especially if she is not taking it daily as prescribed -- you'd be a lot more likely to get her to go to the doctor.

 

And in case you're wondering just what I am to say all of this... I have a degree in psychology and have worked in the mental health care field. No, I'm not a psychiatrist or psychologist, nor am I currently working in that field now, but I am a paraprofessional that has had to pass written state licensee exams and have been actively involved in patient care beyond simply giving meds and charting. My job duties also included facilitating group therapy sessions as well as doing individual therapy under supervision from a psychologist, as well as assisting in plan of care meetings for patients staying at our facility. Your state may have a different name for a similar licensee than Arkansas does.

[tnttim]

She wasn't taking them everyday but just when she needed to take the edge off of an extra stressful day.

 

Read his original post, not my words, his words

[MarriedGuyNTennessee]

Lorelai, thanks for a wonderful and informative post.

 

For the record, I have never discussed nor insinuated to my wife I did not believe she was depressed. I am the first to admit I am no drug dealer and have no more knowledge of a drug's street value than I would of how to fly the space shuttle.

 

All I have to go on is what my wife initially told me about the Lexapro. In her words, "I don't take them everyday, just somedays I get so stressed I need something to take the edge off". She is the one who argued they were not being taken daily, or in your words "recreationally".

 

In regards to the side effects, both drugs had an informational insert with the box and both had many similar negative side effects. That is all I could base my opinion that they were similar on. Nurse Practitioners are a fine addition to the medical world and have their function. I have been under the care of one many times for head colds and autumn allergies that lead to sinus infections. But if I am to be placed on a daily drug for an extended period of time, the prescriber is gonna have an M.D behind the name and most likely only after I have gotten a second opinion. Especially for something as serious as depression.

 

You make my argument with your pointing out my wife having 3.5 of the 5 markers of a depressed person. She has those symptoms and is taking the meds!!! A clear sign that self medication is NOT working. Many of the symptoms I mention my wife having were not present BEFORE the meds.

 

To be honest, if my wife is depressed, great! The enemy has a face and we can move forward together. I am not quite sure why my wife would admit recreational drug use and self medicating for a problem,,,,,yet be too ashamed to admit being depressed. The recreational use would be more a display of weakness in my eyes.

 

Lorelai, rest assured I am excited and going into counseling with her with absolutely no agenda but to help my wife get better. I have loved this Lady for over half my life. If I didn't love and want to help, I would have already left.

 

Please know that I so appreciate you taking the time to give my problem your input. Sometimes heartfelt emotions get lost in the typing and posting. So please accept my thanks!

[Lorelai]

There is a lot of stigma attached to mental illness. Remember, a glass of wine at the end of a stressful day is considered socially acceptable. For many, even if their current partner isn't a person who sees mental illness as a highly stigmatizing thing, they may remember familial attitudes toward mental illness and think that it sounds better that they were "just stressed out". If mental illness runs in her family, as you indicated with mentioning that relatives of hers have been diagnosed with depression in the past, any reasons she had for being ashamed of feeling depressed and not wanting to admit to it until you found the pills would be far more likely to be related to attitudes toward mental illness she learned as she was growing up. A supportive partner can only do so much to overcome upbringing.

 

As far as NPs vs GPs, the classwork to attain prescription privileges without actually having gone to medical school is more intensive than many might think. The actual time an MD spends on learning what different types of drugs do is very similar (my ex-husband started his Ob/Gyn residency while we were married). You'll find that a certified nurse practitioner has attended school longer than most doctors even if you count their residency as schooling.

 

Even among specialists, in psychology some states have licensed a similar type of program where clinical psychologists take post-doctoral coursework that allows them to prescribe for their patients (and they, too, generally have had both more time in school and more time actually participating in patient care than a psychiatrist, which is an MD that took a 4-year psychology residency). So depending on your state, the person prescribing for your wife may not actually have an MD even when you go into more specialized treatment. Honestly, IMHO having the person who is actually conducting the therapy sessions also being the one who is able to adjust medication dosage is preferable... most psychiatrists see their patients for an hour for the initial visit, then have 15 minute medication maintenance appointments once a month. The therapist spends far more time with the patient and is able to get a better idea of how the medication is working than the psychiatrist can get in a 15 minute followup.

 

The reason I am glad that she will be seeing a specialist, and why my biggest concern has been more about everyone around her being supportive for her getting treatment, is that from what you have posted it sounds like she is depressed and the medication she is taking is not doing enough -- not that the medication is what is causing the problem.

 

Because you do not know exactly when she started treatment to the week and the symptoms have been going on so long, it's possible she had the symptoms before she actually started the medication. A stressful job could definitely exacerbate issues with concentration, making her feel that the job was the problem... and not being able to concentrate on things is extremely frustrating. If she had anxiety issues as well (quite common, anxiety and depression are often concomitant and fortunately both are often best treated first with antidepressants) the first complaint of "feeling like she's going to come out of her skin at work" is not an uncommon one. It's quite possible that without the medication she would be much worse. And if her first complaint was anxiety and she'd went straight to a primary care physician, she had a risk of being prescribed stronger stuff first for anxiety... which would be a worse problem for you to have found IMHO. Those DO have dependency/addiction potential and getting someone treated appropriately after they have benzodiazepine dependence is a much harder job. So in a way, the fact it's been an NP treating her might be a good thing...

 

Also, you mentioned Wellbutrin as an option you had thought might be more appropriate. One reason many are hesitant to prescribe Wellbutrin is that drugs like Lexapro and Pristiq are as effective but without a few other nasty side effects outside of sexual ones -- like decreasing the seizure threshold. Women and men experience sexual dysfunction from antidepressants differently. It's actually more common in men, and the anorgasmia is far more common in men. With women, the increased interest in sex from relieving the depression usually overcomes any decreased sex drive from the drugs. Some men may request Wellbutrin because of performance issues on SSRIs and are willing to accept the increased risk of seizures -- they have had an increase in their desire from the drug relieving the depression, but it's preventing them from doing anything about it (or the anorgasmia side, which I'm sure you can imagine would be incredibly frustrating!) If your wife had low blood pressure, both Pristiq and Effexor would have been safer for her insofar as direct serious medical effects as an alternative to the SSRI Lexapro than Wellbutrin.

Edited February 15, 2011 by Lorelai

[mbm69]

Lorelai,

 

This is so much great information in your posts. I know it wasn't your intention at all, but it has helped me. Just so you know that all that work you put into your posts was useful to someone else.