Is winning her Back HOPELESS??

[ConfusedFL]

Hey Everyone,

 

Here is my story. I met someone younger than me 4 months ago. I study medicine and she's in undergrad finishing her degree. From the beginning of the relationship, I told her that I wouldn't be able to see her during the week. She agreed to come see me. After, a month I told her I was kind of anti-Girlfriend and kept pushing her away because of my studies.

 

I was doing this because, I was afraid that she was in her low 20's and I was 32 with my focus to finishing my last year. I was afraid of getting hurt but never told her, so i acted like I didn't care as much. She was a trooper, she kept staying out of my way and letting me go study or go out with friends when I needed too ( no fooling around)and would feel bad if i got upset.

 

I kept Telling myself and others that I wasn't crazy about the relationship, but I always ssaid how good she was to me and gave 120%. Then, on Val. Day she wrote on a card that she "loved our relationship and wants me never to forget that", and she wants me to "Always be happy" and "that she Cares alot about me" After a week or so I spent time with my good friend and told her I would either hang out w/ him that day and the next w/ her.

I called her back and said I would come and get her.. she told me that she was having Sushi with her male friend that lived in her complex and goes to school w/ her and dropped off her lost cell phone. I didn't speak to her the whole next day. Finally I met with her at night and she tried to mend things but I remained upset.

 

The next day, I dropped her off, and we got into a conversation about something, and i said again that I can't be serious because of my commitment to school. After, she was depressed on the phone and didn't want to see me. We are both sarcastic, so I said is it someone else and she gets mad when I tease her about things like that because she takes that serious.

 

But after, saying let's meet if you want to break things off, she started crying andso she came and we started fighting about how she gives and she needs more of an effort, but when I agreed she kept saying " I can't do this anymore".

 

She Said she was crazy about me, Then I asked are you in love with me? She said yes, when I asked again to confirm she said NO. But she said it to convince her self to stick to her guns. She cried and we went our seperate ways. I tried to be tough, then I called and went to her place to see if she wanted to go to lunch, but at the end I told her why I was hiding behind school and being afraid of getting hurt.

 

I asked if it was someone else, she responded that her friend and her that (she went to have Sushi with) "we have alot in common, etc but maybe she just wants to be alone or maybe this guy might break her heart". Then I said, if its someone else then I can't stop you but if its me I'll come and see you more instead of you driving to see me, and that she was very special and important to me.

 

She said we would go to a movie next week and "take care yourself" and that she would call, NO call. The next day I called and she disconnected her phone 2 days after, I told her I was crazy about her, sent her Flowers and Chocolate. I thought this is our first true fight that i knew she was finally going to get fed up w/ all the driving and effort, but I opened up a week later after surprising her on a Sunday, we went to Lunch (7 hours) we had some laughs but she was sarcastic and brought up comments about commitment, etc. I explained to her why I was afraid of getting hurt and was tough on her, etc. She said "well it was fun" and when I walked her back to the car, I Told her what I wanted to tell her..when I was crazy about, when the time was right, and that us guys are embarrsed how we sound or when we are put on the spot. What I wanted to say finally it came out "I LOVE YOU", Then she asked me what did I say? I said it again and she hugged me for 5-10 minutes, I kissed her neck her hands and she seemed to be happier, we cried and she said, she would stay in touch and we'll see what happens, the again no call...

 

All I do is e-mail every other day, once she told me not to feel bad your a great guy and you know that and she also mention unfortunately, we didn't work out, but that was before that sunday of the I Love You.

 

Since then she has responded to me IM (twice) and a few e-mails. I'm trying to stay away, then I think what if I give her time to see if this other guy maybe is the one..I have not confirmed this but I think this is what made her be strong and change the way she felt within 1 to 2 weeks.... I am always good at giving advice, but I realize that my fears have come true that she is the one for me and now I probably lost her.....I could only e-mail her or IM if she on at the same time.... Is it hopeless, I never cheated, etc I was just being busy and tough so I wouldn't lose focus....

 

It has been three weeks going on the fourth... I IM with her today, because I told her via e-mail that I had an important thing to tell her, she didn't want to call so she preferred to IM, but I postponed the conversation. I wanted to tell her I was trying to be strong, etc and give her time, but the other day I found her Card about how she loved our relatioship...I broke down and needed to talk to her, I want her to move in etc, then I read some of the posted responses here about giving her time and I didn't respond to what was important... instead i asked how she was, etc.

 

She then asked me what is important to tell her during IM, she said it must not be that important, I told her yes it is but not over instant Message. I said can we meet for coffee? She said, " not today" we chatted shortly, then she responded " I have to go, good luck with studying and bye. I sent her a e-mail stating that it is important but I rather not speak to her via IM, Then I told her on another e-mail, that it not important and thank you anyway...Thinking not to scare her away!!!!

 

I'm confused about this I want to get her back because she is a wonderful person that has showed me that I could love again.... But she said she would call me in months when it appropriate, then I said weeks and she agreed when we first IM each other... still no call just a e-mail here and there......

 

Is there any advice that she may still want to be crazy and in love with me or am i just too late??? I know some of you have had longer relationships but, I do want to be with this person for a long time after just being with her for 4 months.....

[Eugenie57]

She is seriously giving you the run around. But its not like you didn't deserve it. Why were you so afraid of getting hurt? Love is all about being vulnerable and taking chances. Why do you love her now only when she had a natural reaction to you treating her like she's on the sidelines? You created this situation for yourself and now you want her to respond positively despite of your past actions? Maybe you have a little soul searching to do. What would you do if you were her? Would you take you back?

It doesn't look like this relationship is going anywhere. You created a situation where you did get hurt, made your fear real for you. What you need to do is change your thinking and start thinking of love in a positive light, not only something to be mourned after it is realized and lost. If you are open with yourself and examine why you feel so fearful in this area, then next time you will not create your own reality. Rather your perception will be changed and the oytcome will work in your favor. You said yourself you weren't ready for a relationship and you still aren't till you deal with your fears.

[ConfusedFL]

Thanks Eugine57,

 

It was the first time I reacted this way. Usually I run in and if love fails there is no regret. I was bitter after my last relationship, when she ran back to her ex.

 

This happened when I was taking my board exams, and I thought I would fail. So, I promised I would not get to close, so I wouldn't get hurt during medical school.

 

I did know she was great, and if I fell, it would have been tough to recover. Look at me now..

 

I really screwed up, but I am fighting with all my heart to never be someone I'm not.

 

I usually never act that way...

 

Man it hurts, I'm better but she is what is going to make me breathe again..

[ConfusedFL]

I got some bad news. Go to the topic Sleepless in Miami to see.